Chasing the black dog

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  • Brilliant news NEQ - such a positive story
  • Indeed it is - and it goes to show that the Black Beast is NOT undefeatable!
    :sweat_smile:
  • And yet... LES (Leaky Eye Syndrome) today!

    FFS, why?

    Possibly due to (a) medication, (b) painful legs/difficulty walking, (c) general fed-up-ness with Ch**ch....
    :grimace:

    {{for all suffering from BB or LES}}, who are, AFAIK, related.
  • DooneDoone Shipmate
    Oh BF, it’s a sneaky beast! Praying for you.
  • F8cking hell. This morning I was meant to clean the church with a lovely lady who's on meds and (I think) has to get on a bus to get to church to do it. And I f8cking forgot to go. Just totally forgot. My mind is not great at the moment, but this is f8cking ridiculous. I have no phone number for her. And I'm right back in the shit, cancelling things and shouting at myself and shaking and drinking all day. Black dog, repressed anger, shit childhood. F8ck.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited November 2018
    {{{BF and M-in-M}}}

    It's so easy to just completely forget about something like that. I'm reminded of a party a few years ago when I'd offered to bring some home-made bread, and totally forgot.

    The hostess was very nice about it, but there was someone else there who I now suspect (with 20-20 hindsight) was mentally chalking it up against my name (and possibly getting the hostess to do the same), and I felt really bad about it.

    We all have brain-farts; next time you see the lady why not bring her some chocolates (or similar) as a peace-offering?
  • Thanks for posting, Piglet. I'm sorry to have posted while drinking and I'll be more sorry tomorrow. I was going to run scared from the service tomorrow morning, but your suggestion (which, like the best suggestions, didn't occur to me all day, yet having seen it seems like the most normal thing imaginable) is a much better idea. There's a late night Tesco at the end of our street; I won't need to drive :smile:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Good on you! :)
  • oh. I'm much too late to point out that I'm the key holder so she couldn't even get in, and will have been sat outside like a lemon. It wasn't raining. Is it still OK to give her a box of chocolates?
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Yes. If she's a reasonable person she'll accept it was an honest mistake.

    (And if she's not a reasonable person that's not your fault, is it? :wink:)
  • Right, red life lady. I have the poshest chocolates Tesco has to offer, and some wrapping paper. A card / inspirational verse by Helen Steiner Rice was not available, which might be for the best :smile:

  • That sounds wonderful, Mark. I'm sure you'll laugh about it tomorrow and it will be a story to tell, with smiles, into the future...

    {{BF}} -- may today be a better day. And if it is a tough one, let the eyes leak and be kind to yourself. You're a wonderful person.
  • Thanks Piglet, lver, Climacus. It went very well, we are on good terms; I'm so grateful for your help. I think it's called 'catastrophizing', although such a neologism might suggest something which has always been known, about which someone has recently decided to publish.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    I am an expert at catastrophizing. When I get caught up in doing it my behaviour always seems like a perfectly rational reaction to whatever is going on. If I am lucky a friend will point out that I am blowing things out of proportion, and I am also getting better at realising when I am doing it, which is such a relief as it drains away energy that could be used for enjoying life.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Glad to hear things are sorted, M-in-M.

    If it's any comfort, I can catastrophise with the best of you - I'm a terrible one for assuming that if something goes wrong it must be my fault (even if I know it isn't), and often assume that the consequences will be much worse than they actually will.
  • I think I have inherited the ability; I really want to find humility, to be free from my own and my parent's damaged pride. For me I think it comes from a 'oh shit, I wasn't perfect' response, passed down by one who was feeling the same and therefore needed to see perfection in their offspring. I haven't found understanding the root of a psychological trait, to be as effective in disarming that trait as one might have hoped. And, of course, the internet is awash with self-help materials - where does one start. Well, thanks for the practical help of the Ship!
  • The book I found really helpful in stepping away from a not great family background was Families and How to Survive Them by Robyn Skinner and John Cleese.
  • Thanks CK. Someone (I don't remember) gave me that a long time ago. I even know where it is - I'll read it again :smile:
  • It’s so cliche but Christmas and the dog are not great.
  • Oh, that black dog does get around. Just trying to be on auto-pilot here until the calendar days turn over into something with fewer expectations for joyfulness.
  • ({{{{{{{All of us, and anyone else who struggles or suffers.}}}}}}}
  • Amen.

    Know you are thought of, and loved, across the world, thanks to this fine Ship.
  • Yea and Amen.

    May your Black Beasts (of whatever breed) slither Hellwards forthwith.
    :wink:
  • Woke up this morning -- first day back at work -- and felt utterly and completely an abject failure. Felt I was useless. Felt everything was meaningless. Walked in and held back tears. Sat down and felt sick to my stomach.

    Begone foul beast!
  • Prayers ascending, Climacus!!!
  • Hugs and prayers to you, Climacus
  • Thank you both. Sorry for sounding so dramatic... sometimes I find it helps to get it out. Almost lunch time and I am feeling a bit better. Thank you again.
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited January 2019
    I find with my bipolar that beginning anything is difficult, including starting back after a break. Anticipation fills me with fears which far outweigh the actuality.
  • ClimacusClimacus Shipmate
    edited January 2019
    Interesting...my diagnosis is bipolar too. I can identify with the anticipation creating fear: a constant for me from going to a meeting at work to meeting a friend to heading to church.

    Day 1 of 2019's working calendar down. Small steps. 🙂
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    {{{Climacus}}}

    Changing jobs and moving house are supposed to be some of the most stressful things you can do; no wonder your resistance to the Black Beast is a bit low.

    Wishing you better days as you get used to your new job and new surroundings.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Moving countries too. I think there are possibly more differences in the cultures than most of us realise - I know my nephew discovered that when he moved the other way.

    It may sound silly, but I hope you had a good lunch - sometimes I find a small treat helps too - Whittakers Dark Chocolate (if dark chocolate appeals).

    Hope the lying black beast leaves, and tomorrow goes better.
  • Climacus wrote: »
    Interesting...my diagnosis is bipolar too. I can identify with the anticipation creating fear: a constant for me from going to a meeting at work to meeting a friend to heading to church.

    Day 1 of 2019's working calendar down. Small steps. 🙂
    Definitely, small measurable goals are the way forward.
    I tend towards mania rather than depression, hypomania is practically my norm and with it comes anxiety. I manage it by keeping a strict schedule (easier for me, I know, as I teach within a distance learning university). As I know that anticipatory fear is an issue, the first thing I do every day is check my email and forums (my main communication with my colleagues and students) and plan my day so that I know what is coming and I make achievable lists and tick them off; I also make weekly/monthly plans. I limit social engagements as too much interaction triggers my mania.
    I give myself pep talks throughout the day :). I have a constant stream of conversations in my head anyway so I may as well make them positive.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited January 2019
    A Grey, Dour Day here in SE Ukland.

    <votives> for all whose Black Beast actually seems to like Grey, and therefore emerges round about now. Mine is chuntering to itself under the Episcopal Bed at the moment, but I can feel It ready to emerge....maybe it's the thought of Lent a couple of months away (!)....

    Roll on half-past April......
  • 🕯️BF. Hope the beastie keeps at bay.

    Thank you all. For sharing and the wise advice.
  • {{Climacus}}
  • Thank you.
    Huia wrote: »
    It may sound silly, but I hope you had a good lunch - sometimes I find a small treat helps too - Whittakers Dark Chocolate (if dark chocolate appeals).
    Not silly at all. A wrap for lunch and a walk which was pleasant.

    That Whittaker's dark chocolate is yum. Grabbed a bar. I'm addicted. 😀

  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    edited January 2019
    Be careful - you risk becoming enculturated :wink: .

    ( There's an Orange and Cardamom one that looks interesting too, but I haven't tried it yet).

  • Glad to hear you are holding in there Climacus & treating yourself. First day back is always a bit overwhelming.

    BF - yesterday was a bit brighter but we are now back to grey in the NW of England. The sort of days where is never really gets light and even in the middle of the day you need to turn the lights on. It just feels bleak.
  • Yes, it's been a bit like that today in Kent. Apparently, sn*w is forecast in week or two.....
    :grimace:

    The Episcopal Coal Stack is ready.
    :smile:
  • Hello anxiety old friend.

    Thank you so much for the feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel as if I want to vomit. Thank you for making me afraid of things I should not be. And thank you for reminding me I think I'm a failure.

    Interesting start to the new working week.

    I hope all are doing okay.
  • (thank you Ship for letting me vent...I hope it strips anxiety of its powers somewhat)
  • Sorry to hear this. I recognise that feeling in the stomach. New job, move, new country, finding place to live, meeting new people,Christmas, lots of triggers there. Prayers.
  • me too Climacus. May the bout be brief.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    {{{Climacus and Simon}}}
  • Thank you. Meeting went well...as they usually do...feeling better. Until the next one...ha ha.
  • NenyaNenya Shipmate
    My sympathies, Climacus. I'm awake early with similar feelings today. Glad your meeting went well.
  • There's almost a yellow thing out there. Perhaps I should go out and attack the garden rather than listen to the Beast chuntering (thanks, Bishop's Finger, haven't heard that word in aeons)
  • Sorry to read of the struggles Nenya and Fredegund. I hope today is a better day.

    Not sure if I misread your "me too" Mr Toad (echoing Loth or echoing my struggles...) I hope all is well.
  • I would truly appreciate Shipmates' prayer - I am going through it a bit at the moment, with the black fog (it rises, it swirls, it envelopes...), tiredness and the b*stard cousin Anxiety.
  • { Bene }

    May the black fog depart to reveal a sunny day.
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