In the US, is Cider synonymous with "Apple Juice?" (or pear or whatever fruit) ?
According to my understanding of the applicable food labeling laws, "Apple Juice" is obtained by heating the fruit, and "Apple Cider" is obtained by pressing it.
When we had apple trees we tried both, but mostly made juice as we didn't have regular access to a cider press.
In practice, I suspect that pressing was more traditional, as it was easier (once one had a suitable press). We have specialized pots for heating fruit while catching the juice.
As others have noted, at least since Prohibition the alcoholic version has been known as "hard cider" to distinguish it from the non-alcoholic variety.
@Gramps49 I can't speak for Germany. European countries differ markedly on what is good manners. In the UK the normal, well mannered, practice, is to hold the knife in the right hand, the fork in the left and to use them together. I believe that is regarded as uncouth in the US.
It is convenient to stick the fork into food items (using the left hand) so as to hold the items steady while cutting them with the knife (using the right hand). One uses the fork for transferring the food from the plate to the mouth. One does not - unless one is very uncouth - use the knife for this purpose.
In the best circles, when using both items of cutlery simultaneously, the fork should only be used with the back of the fork upwards and the prongs pointing downwards.
It is also acceptable to use the fork, this time with the front side and prongs upwards, in the right hand, more like a spoon, for food such as shepherds' pie that does not need a knife to cut it. However, if so, it is not acceptable to use one's knife at all. It should remain by the side of the plate, and as clean after the course as it was before it.
What one can't do, which I think in the US is the best manners, is cut up ones food first with one's knife, then put the knife down, pick up one's fork with the same hand and use it to transfer the food into the mouth.
As I've said, what is good manners differs quite markedly between countries. In the UK, a well mannered person when eating at table keeps their hands in their lap when not using them to eat food. He or she does not wave them around, putting those around them at risk of having their food knocked out of their mouths or their wine knocked over. Nor do they band their fists on the table to make their point. In France, a well mannered person has their hands on the table, one on each side of the plate. The joke was always alleged to be if men and women were seated alternately down the table, no Frenchman could be trusted to keep his hands to himself unless they were visible at all times.
It's also much more important in many other countries that people are seated in order of precedence. Here, the best hostess aspires to seat people so that they will be next to others they will find interesting to meet.
On cider and apple juice, here cider is fermented and the juice is extracted by pressing. Apple juice is a soft drink only. There is a separate beverage, apple wine, which is made by some home wine makers but as far as I know is not available commercially, where apple juice extracted by any means is fermented with a wine yeast and handled as a home made wine. I've drunk it. It can be excellent, but it's quite a lot different from cider. It's usually made from cooking apples, not specifically cider apples.
Use of cutlery owes quite a bit to what food is being eaten. For example, before forks people would cut up food (knife in RH on the whole) and a small peace of bread in the left to steady the food being sliced/cut. When spoons became more common the piece of bread was used in the left hand to guide food onto the spoon; thus when forks came to replace the bread they took the bread (left) hand to hold the food.
But the variations in cutlery usage are endless. For example, some people in the UK have used (some still do) special knives and forks for fish while others stick to the old method of eating fish with two forks - it can be a class thing, a bit like whether one eats dessert with a spoon or a fork.
The most important thing is that people should eat neatly, chewing with a closed mouth, not speaking with a mouth full of food, not littering the table-cloth with food and so forth. Above all, when using rimmed plates never ever pile the food beyond the central flat area of the plate - the rim is where one places salt, pepper and accompaniments such as horseradish, mustard, etc.
Above all, when using rimmed plates never ever pile the food beyond the central flat area of the plate - the rim is where one places salt, pepper and accompaniments such as horseradish, mustard, etc.
I have never heard of this. Are you in earnest or taking the piss?
Deadly serious. Its the rule as followed by all my family, at school, etc. If a 12 inch dinner plate has a 1/1½ inch rim you have ample room for food. Maybe its something that started at a time of shortage - WWI? Of course, it could explain why some of us come from families where excess weight is not an issue ...
@mousethief I agree with @TheOrganist on this. The rim is to keep food on the plate, stop it falling off and a convenient place to put salt, mustard etc. And salt should be placed in a little heap on the rim where one can conveniently dip food in it, and not sprinkled over the food randomly. That's why it's better served in a little cellar with a spoon, like mustard, and not a salt-pot with a nozzle.
The nasty weird shaped plates that poncy restaurants go in for and which don't have proper rims mean that the salt gets washed into your gravy.
When I went away to Uni at the age if 18, I had only ever had non alcoholic sparkling apple juice which however my parents always called cider. I arrived in the big city where my older brother was a medical student. My 'evil' brother invited me to a med students' party on a particularly hot Summer night. Unfortunately the only drinks available were beer and alcoholic cider(which I thought was apple juice) You can guess what happened. I ended up drinking an entire bottle of cider and sitting crying on the sofa. My brother thought this was hilarious, but at least he eventually took me back to my student hostel. I haven't been game to drink cider since (nor have I been to another party organized by my brother).
@Gramps49 I can't speak for Germany. European countries differ markedly on what is good manners. In the UK the normal, well mannered, practice, is to hold the knife in the right hand, the fork in the left and to use them together. I believe that is regarded as uncouth in the US.
It’s not considered uncouth, at least not in my experience. It’s considered European, which may mean eccentric, but not uncouth.
As for rims on plates, I’ll agree that food goes inside the rim, not on the rim (with the exception of bread if there’s not a separate plate for it). But I’ve never heard of putting mustard, horseradish, salt or pepper on the rim. That would get Strange Looks here. Butter yes, but not anything else, except your knife when you’re not using it.
And I’m fascinated at the image of a heap of salt (or pepper) on the rim of the plate. That sounds remarkably unwieldy.
...What one can't do, which I think in the US is the best manners, is cut up ones food first with one's knife, then put the knife down, pick up one's fork with the same hand and use it to transfer the food into the mouth. ...
No, that is incorrect: The rule is to cut one piece at a time.
I use my left hand for the fork and my right for the knife, generally speaking, because I find it easier and more efficient. (I also like to eat asparagus with my fingers, which would have horrified the Mater.) But it's not how I was brought up.
Finally, food should indeed stay on the plate and off the rim, with the exception of bread and butter when no bread plate is provided.
...What one can't do, which I think in the US is the best manners, is cut up ones food first with one's knife, then put the knife down, pick up one's fork with the same hand and use it to transfer the food into the mouth. ...
No, that is incorrect: The rule is to cut one piece at a time.
Yes, I somehow missed this earlier. Cutting up multiple pieces at one time is only acceptable when one is helping young children.
(I also like to eat asparagus with my fingers, which would have horrified the Mater.) But it's not how I was brought up.
My mother-in-law, who is quite the stickler for What Is and Isn’t Done (as was my own mother), says such otherwise deviations from What Is Done are quite acceptable, at least at home with family or close friends, “as long as you know better.”
1. If you have to put down one's fork, pick up one's knife, cut each item once and separately, then put down the knife, pick up the fork, transfer the food to one's mouth and then repeat the process, where does the dirty cutlery go while you're not handling it? Do you have the little rests for knives and forks that one sometimes encounters in France?
2. If mustard, horseradish, salt etc don't go on the rim, where do you put them?
I agree that it's difficult to eat asparagus 'naicely' rather than the obvious way. The same applies to drumsticks and bananas.
I also like to eat asparagus with my fingers, which would have horrified the Mater.
G.K. Chesterton wrote an essay on eating asparagus in buttery sauce. Apparently the done thing was to eat buttered asparagus in one's fingers; Chesterton puts this forward as an example of the rules having no purpose except to exclude those who don't know them, since the butter sauce made them slippery and one's fingers needed washing after.
1. If you have to put down one's fork, pick up one's knife, cut each item once and separately, then put down the knife, pick up the fork, transfer the food to one's mouth and then repeat the process, where does the dirty cutlery go while you're not handling it? Do you have the little rests for knives and forks that one sometimes encounters in France?
The knife is laid at an angle across the upper right rim of the plate when not being used. The fork is in the left hand when the knife is in the right hand.
2. If mustard, horseradish, salt etc don't go on the rim, where do you put them?
Condiments like mustard or horseradish go next to (or in some cases, usually informal, on) the food they’re meant to be eaten with.
Occasionally, one might still encounter small dishes for salt placed just above the plate, but that is rare these days. Salt and pepper are generally in shakers or small mills that are placed on the table and passed and used as needed.
@Gramps49 I can't speak for Germany. European countries differ markedly on what is good manners. In the UK the normal, well mannered, practice, is to hold the knife in the right hand, the fork in the left and to use them together. I believe that is regarded as uncouth in the US.
It’s not considered uncouth, at least not in my experience. It’s considered European, which may mean eccentric, but not uncouth.
I'm relieved to read Nick's comment -- I was beginning to worry about what people on the west side of the Atlantic might have thought about my table manners.
You don't put down your fork unless you're taking a sip of water or getting up to use the head. You shovel the food into your mouth with the fork in your right hand. Then say you want to cut off and eat a piece of your steak. You transfer the fork to your left hand, pick up the knife with your right hand, cut off a piece of steak (still sticking to the fork). Set down the knife. Transfer the fork to your right hand. Eat the bite. It's designed to slow you down and not just shovel food into your mouth. Gives you a chance to have a conversation, or something. It's how I grew up. It feels comfortable.
And I must say it would never occur to me to create a pile of salt on the rim of my plate. If the left half of my steak needs salt, so does the right half, so shaking salt onto it works just fine, and ensures the amount of salt I get with each bite is much more consistent, I should think.
Believe it or not, I learned proper placement of cutlery and plates and condiments while at a residential Boy Scout Camp. They did teach us the "British" system at the time (1960ish). Relearned it in the military as "an officer and a gentleman."
I had forgotten about keeping the fork tangs pointed down when eating with the fork on the left, but you are right, when Americans move the fork to their right hand, the tangs will get rotated to up before placing the food in the mouth.
On a slight tangent, I had a Chinese friend point out that we Americans tend to put our right hand too close to the narrow tips than Asians do. It is rather uncouth to use chopsticks with your left hand. End of tangent.
I have very fond memories of having a meal at babybear and the gremlin's lovely home. After a blessing, we four 'Muricans dug in and babybear's family sat and watched. She explained that they were hoping we would eat in the American style. We did not disappoint her!
I visited Europe briefly when I was a kid. Strange and fascinating manners: the knife/fork thing, as mentioned; eating *everything* with knife and fork (pizza, apples, even peeling a banana with knife and fork); etc.
I always use a knife and fork to eat. I certainly wouldn't eat pizza in any other way. It has always seemed uncouth and bad manners not to eat properly with a knife and fork unless the person is a very young child.
I remember many years ago my parents invited some American grad students for an impromptu supper. There was cake. We passed slices around on plates and then realised that our guests were not eating and were giving us strange looks. Much later, when they had become good friends of the family, they admitted they had been expecting forks, and thought us uncouth,
And talking of forks, @Gramps49 called the pointy bits “tangs”. We would say “tines”.
So cakes are eaten by hand there? Even heavily frosted/decorated ones, or anything with chocolate frosting?
Normally, IME in the US, cake is eaten with a fork. Sometimes, it can be informally eaten by hand; but mostly if you're home alone, or improvising because you don't have forks. (Like buying a slice of cake at a deli, and they're out of forks. Or someone brings cake to school or work for an informal party, and there aren't enough forks.)
So you eat Chinese food with a knife and fork, because eating with chopsticks would be uncouth and bad manners?
Personally, I think chopsticks are a brilliant invention. I'm not sure which culture first made them; but I've figured it was China. Anyway, AIUI, there's often been a great deal of poverty there. But, if you can get two sticks of a food-safe wood, you have instant utensils--and you can carry them around with you!
I would say it rather depends on the consistency and size of the piece of cake. If the cake is firm like a fruit cake, or at least not too soft, or too covered in buttercream or soft icing then it will quite often be eaten by hand.
If it is too soft, moist, or messy to eat because of cream, jam, icing etc., or if the slices are too large to be decently held in the hand then forks are called for.
We inherited a set of cake forks - a sort of miniature combined fork and knife. I've not seen another set for years, though they were quite often seen in my younger days. We do use them occasionally for eating particularly crumbly or creamy cakes.
I visited Europe briefly when I was a kid. Strange and fascinating manners: the knife/fork thing, as mentioned; eating *everything* with knife and fork (pizza, apples, even peeling a banana with knife and fork); etc.
I have never seen anyone eat a banana with a knife and fork. Some people might use a knife to peel and cut an apple or peel an orange, but by hand would be normal.
Pizza it depends. If it's from a takeaway in a cardboard box, then by hand. If in an Italian restaurant, utensils. If in a pizzeria, depends on what everyone else is doing, which will depend how much it resembles a takeaway versus a restaurants.
My grandmother taught me how to eat all sorts of fruits with a knife and fork - she was that sort of person. Quite fascinating in an engineering sort of way. I sometimes use a small fruit knife to eat apples and pears.
American friends are usually intrigued by the knife and fork thing generally finding that eating from the back of the fork really fancy.
I perhaps should have said I'm both left-handed and Australian. Meaning that there at least 2 reasons why this conversation is an utterly confusing combination of things I've never heard of and things I vaguely recognise but have trouble mentally translating when people talk about doing things with their left or right hand.
Though I happen to know of one Australian culinary habit that's likely to bamboozle you all: serving alternating plates at a sit-down meal such as a wedding reception or conference dinner. Two dishes, every second person gets served the same dish.
And talking of forks, @Gramps49 called the pointy bits “tangs”. We would say “tines”.
They’re called “tines” here, at least in my experience. I’ve never heard “tangs.”
As for cake, my experience is more like that of @BroJames. There are some kinds of cake and some occasions where eating with the hands can be appropriate. But layer cake always needs a fork.
I never say frosting either. My family never used or owned cake forks for any kind of cake. Uncouth, just as our American friends thought!
john holdingEcclesiantics Host, Mystery Worshipper Host
A much regretted former host on the old ship used to speak from time to time of his set of ice cream forks, de riguer in the old south of the US as I understand, among persons of a certain social class. Rumour has it that he had donated them to the Hosts' Lounge, but, alas, I've never been able to find them.
I’ll admit—we have ice cream forks, inherited as part of Ms. Tamen’s grandmother’s silver. I’m trying to think whether we’ve ever used them. If we did, it would have a been with tongue slightly in cheek.
On the other hand, we use that truly important Southern serving dish—a deviled egg plate—with regularity.
A much regretted former host on the old ship used to speak from time to time of his set of ice cream forks, de riguer in the old south of the US as I understand, among persons of a certain social class. Rumour has it that he had donated them to the Hosts' Lounge, but, alas, I've never been able to find them.
A much regretted former host on the old ship used to speak from time to time of his set of ice cream forks, de riguer in the old south of the US as I understand, among persons of a certain social class. Rumour has it that he had donated them to the Hosts' Lounge, but, alas, I've never been able to find them.
I do miss him.
A fine lad. Member of the Nashville Mafia, a trio of fine shipmates from that fair city.
I figure that eating from the convex side of the fork is why Brits make their peas mushy. How else could you convey them to your mouth with an upside-down fork?
Single-layer cakes can be eaten by hand, just barely. Multi-layer cakes, never, at least while Mom is looking.
Pizza only if it's too gooey to pick up. Chicago-style stuffed pizza is impossible to eat by hand, at least at first. Once you get down closer to the outer edge you cross a point at which it is feasible to pick it up.
A much regretted former host on the old ship used to speak from time to time of his set of ice cream forks, de riguer in the old south of the US as I understand, among persons of a certain social class. Rumour has it that he had donated them to the Hosts' Lounge, but, alas, I've never been able to find them.
I do miss him.
A fine lad. Member of the Nashville Mafia, a trio of fine shipmates from that fair city.
Though I happen to know of one Australian culinary habit that's likely to bamboozle you all: serving alternating plates at a sit-down meal such as a wedding reception or conference dinner. Two dishes, every second person gets served the same dish.
Consider me bamboozled. Would you expect to seat men and women alternating round the table at such a meal, and serve different meals to men and women? 'cause I could, I suppose, see that arising form a desire to serve women delicate little meals, and men large manly hunks of meat or something.
Aside from the aforementioned Chicago-style stuffed pizza (food of the gods!), I fail to see why one would attempt to consume pizza with a knife and fork. For thin-crust pizzas, it would be very difficult. I can see it for regular think-crust, but New York-style would be hard, and for St. Louis-style - which closely resembles a saltine with ketchup and hot glue atop it - there would be even less point than there usually is.
Consider me bamboozled. Would you expect to seat men and women alternating round the table at such a meal, and serve different meals to men and women? 'cause I could, I suppose, see that arising form a desire to serve women delicate little meals, and men large manly hunks of meat or something.
How did this custom originate?
It's not a male/female thing, no. Usually more a beef/chicken thing... but I'm not conscious of any gender association.
I've honestly no idea how it originated. Maybe so that you don't force everyone to have exactly the same menu?
I had no idea it was Australia-specific until my boss was responsible for organising a conference in Edinburgh (because he was, at the time, head of an international organisation), and arranged it and then found out from the caterers it was basically unheard of.
So he explained to the delegates how the conference dinner was going to work on the afternoon before. It was hilarious. You had every other nationality grabbing the nearest Australian and saying "Seriously, is this real? He's not joking? Does this mean if I don't like my meal I might have to talk to the person next to me about a swap?!!".
Whereas every Australian was grabbing the nearest New Zealander and saying "Seriously, even you haven't heard of this?"
In Australia, I would be surprised if I went to either a wedding reception or a conference dinner and this DIDN'T happen.
We inherited a set of cake forks - a sort of miniature combined fork and knife. I've not seen another set for years, though they were quite often seen in my younger days. We do use them occasionally for eating particularly crumbly or creamy cakes.
Comments
According to my understanding of the applicable food labeling laws, "Apple Juice" is obtained by heating the fruit, and "Apple Cider" is obtained by pressing it.
When we had apple trees we tried both, but mostly made juice as we didn't have regular access to a cider press.
In practice, I suspect that pressing was more traditional, as it was easier (once one had a suitable press). We have specialized pots for heating fruit while catching the juice.
As others have noted, at least since Prohibition the alcoholic version has been known as "hard cider" to distinguish it from the non-alcoholic variety.
It is convenient to stick the fork into food items (using the left hand) so as to hold the items steady while cutting them with the knife (using the right hand). One uses the fork for transferring the food from the plate to the mouth. One does not - unless one is very uncouth - use the knife for this purpose.
In the best circles, when using both items of cutlery simultaneously, the fork should only be used with the back of the fork upwards and the prongs pointing downwards.
It is also acceptable to use the fork, this time with the front side and prongs upwards, in the right hand, more like a spoon, for food such as shepherds' pie that does not need a knife to cut it. However, if so, it is not acceptable to use one's knife at all. It should remain by the side of the plate, and as clean after the course as it was before it.
What one can't do, which I think in the US is the best manners, is cut up ones food first with one's knife, then put the knife down, pick up one's fork with the same hand and use it to transfer the food into the mouth.
As I've said, what is good manners differs quite markedly between countries. In the UK, a well mannered person when eating at table keeps their hands in their lap when not using them to eat food. He or she does not wave them around, putting those around them at risk of having their food knocked out of their mouths or their wine knocked over. Nor do they band their fists on the table to make their point. In France, a well mannered person has their hands on the table, one on each side of the plate. The joke was always alleged to be if men and women were seated alternately down the table, no Frenchman could be trusted to keep his hands to himself unless they were visible at all times.
It's also much more important in many other countries that people are seated in order of precedence. Here, the best hostess aspires to seat people so that they will be next to others they will find interesting to meet.
On cider and apple juice, here cider is fermented and the juice is extracted by pressing. Apple juice is a soft drink only. There is a separate beverage, apple wine, which is made by some home wine makers but as far as I know is not available commercially, where apple juice extracted by any means is fermented with a wine yeast and handled as a home made wine. I've drunk it. It can be excellent, but it's quite a lot different from cider. It's usually made from cooking apples, not specifically cider apples.
But the variations in cutlery usage are endless. For example, some people in the UK have used (some still do) special knives and forks for fish while others stick to the old method of eating fish with two forks - it can be a class thing, a bit like whether one eats dessert with a spoon or a fork.
The most important thing is that people should eat neatly, chewing with a closed mouth, not speaking with a mouth full of food, not littering the table-cloth with food and so forth. Above all, when using rimmed plates never ever pile the food beyond the central flat area of the plate - the rim is where one places salt, pepper and accompaniments such as horseradish, mustard, etc.
I have never heard of this. Are you in earnest or taking the piss?
The nasty weird shaped plates that poncy restaurants go in for and which don't have proper rims mean that the salt gets washed into your gravy.
As for rims on plates, I’ll agree that food goes inside the rim, not on the rim (with the exception of bread if there’s not a separate plate for it). But I’ve never heard of putting mustard, horseradish, salt or pepper on the rim. That would get Strange Looks here. Butter yes, but not anything else, except your knife when you’re not using it.
And I’m fascinated at the image of a heap of salt (or pepper) on the rim of the plate. That sounds remarkably unwieldy.
I use my left hand for the fork and my right for the knife, generally speaking, because I find it easier and more efficient. (I also like to eat asparagus with my fingers, which would have horrified the Mater.) But it's not how I was brought up.
Finally, food should indeed stay on the plate and off the rim, with the exception of bread and butter when no bread plate is provided.
My mother-in-law, who is quite the stickler for What Is and Isn’t Done (as was my own mother), says such otherwise deviations from What Is Done are quite acceptable, at least at home with family or close friends, “as long as you know better.”
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife
(Anon, Trad)
1. If you have to put down one's fork, pick up one's knife, cut each item once and separately, then put down the knife, pick up the fork, transfer the food to one's mouth and then repeat the process, where does the dirty cutlery go while you're not handling it? Do you have the little rests for knives and forks that one sometimes encounters in France?
2. If mustard, horseradish, salt etc don't go on the rim, where do you put them?
I agree that it's difficult to eat asparagus 'naicely' rather than the obvious way. The same applies to drumsticks and bananas.
Condiments like mustard or horseradish go next to (or in some cases, usually informal, on) the food they’re meant to be eaten with.
Occasionally, one might still encounter small dishes for salt placed just above the plate, but that is rare these days. Salt and pepper are generally in shakers or small mills that are placed on the table and passed and used as needed.
I'm relieved to read Nick's comment -- I was beginning to worry about what people on the west side of the Atlantic might have thought about my table manners.
I had forgotten about keeping the fork tangs pointed down when eating with the fork on the left, but you are right, when Americans move the fork to their right hand, the tangs will get rotated to up before placing the food in the mouth.
On a slight tangent, I had a Chinese friend point out that we Americans tend to put our right hand too close to the narrow tips than Asians do. It is rather uncouth to use chopsticks with your left hand. End of tangent.
I visited Europe briefly when I was a kid. Strange and fascinating manners: the knife/fork thing, as mentioned; eating *everything* with knife and fork (pizza, apples, even peeling a banana with knife and fork); etc.
And talking of forks, @Gramps49 called the pointy bits “tangs”. We would say “tines”.
So cakes are eaten by hand there? Even heavily frosted/decorated ones, or anything with chocolate frosting?
Normally, IME in the US, cake is eaten with a fork. Sometimes, it can be informally eaten by hand; but mostly if you're home alone, or improvising because you don't have forks. (Like buying a slice of cake at a deli, and they're out of forks. Or someone brings cake to school or work for an informal party, and there aren't enough forks.)
Thx.
If it is too soft, moist, or messy to eat because of cream, jam, icing etc., or if the slices are too large to be decently held in the hand then forks are called for.
I have never seen anyone eat a banana with a knife and fork. Some people might use a knife to peel and cut an apple or peel an orange, but by hand would be normal.
Pizza it depends. If it's from a takeaway in a cardboard box, then by hand. If in an Italian restaurant, utensils. If in a pizzeria, depends on what everyone else is doing, which will depend how much it resembles a takeaway versus a restaurants.
American friends are usually intrigued by the knife and fork thing generally finding that eating from the back of the fork really fancy.
Though I happen to know of one Australian culinary habit that's likely to bamboozle you all: serving alternating plates at a sit-down meal such as a wedding reception or conference dinner. Two dishes, every second person gets served the same dish.
As for cake, my experience is more like that of @BroJames. There are some kinds of cake and some occasions where eating with the hands can be appropriate. But layer cake always needs a fork.
And here, cakes have icing, not frosting.
On the other hand, we use that truly important Southern serving dish—a deviled egg plate—with regularity.
I do miss him.
A fine lad. Member of the Nashville Mafia, a trio of fine shipmates from that fair city.
I figure that eating from the convex side of the fork is why Brits make their peas mushy. How else could you convey them to your mouth with an upside-down fork?
Single-layer cakes can be eaten by hand, just barely. Multi-layer cakes, never, at least while Mom is looking.
Pizza only if it's too gooey to pick up. Chicago-style stuffed pizza is impossible to eat by hand, at least at first. Once you get down closer to the outer edge you cross a point at which it is feasible to pick it up.
Here cakes have frosting. That may be regional.
I seem to remember there being a quartet...
Consider me bamboozled. Would you expect to seat men and women alternating round the table at such a meal, and serve different meals to men and women? 'cause I could, I suppose, see that arising form a desire to serve women delicate little meals, and men large manly hunks of meat or something.
How did this custom originate?
Negotiating swaps is standard behaviour, yes. If you're part of a couple, best to do with that with your other half though it's also okay with others.
It's not a male/female thing, no. Usually more a beef/chicken thing... but I'm not conscious of any gender association.
I've honestly no idea how it originated. Maybe so that you don't force everyone to have exactly the same menu?
I had no idea it was Australia-specific until my boss was responsible for organising a conference in Edinburgh (because he was, at the time, head of an international organisation), and arranged it and then found out from the caterers it was basically unheard of.
So he explained to the delegates how the conference dinner was going to work on the afternoon before. It was hilarious. You had every other nationality grabbing the nearest Australian and saying "Seriously, is this real? He's not joking? Does this mean if I don't like my meal I might have to talk to the person next to me about a swap?!!".
Whereas every Australian was grabbing the nearest New Zealander and saying "Seriously, even you haven't heard of this?"
In Australia, I would be surprised if I went to either a wedding reception or a conference dinner and this DIDN'T happen.
Used be pretty common as wedding presents here.