Mafia - Reality Island

la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
A mafia game is called for. And since I have of late developed an annoying habit of getting murdered in the first round, I shall moderate. And live.

For those unfamiliar with this game, you’ll find quite a few of the previous ones Limboed on ye Olde Shippe and Wikipedia has a description here. Basically this is a role-playing game where some of you will engage in deceit and murder most foul, and the rest will attempt to find the dastardly liars and murderers. (TBH I've always found it more complicated to explain than to play.) I’ll leave registrations open for at least a week or maybe a bit longer depending on how it goes. This is going to be a fairly classic rule set.

So, off we go…


  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    <Theme music>
    <Intro credits>
    <And we’re live!>

    Good evening everyone and welcome to the brand new season of Reality Island ! <applause>

    I’m your host, Scarlett Katz, and we have been counting down the days until we got back on the air. Have you missed us? We’ve missed you, darling viewers. We were just pining away. <Scarlett adjusts her hair and smooches at the camera>

    Well, you know how it goes. As usual, we are going to be marooning our contestants on a desert island equipped with no more than a sleeping bag, a bathing suit and a packet of rice, and watching them trying to survive for our voyeuristic entertainment! And of course we have some special treats and surprises lined up for the new season.

    So without further ado, let’s meet this year’s contestants!
  • Hi, I'm Andy Kipper
    I'm a data quality analyst for a computer firm. I got here thanks to winning a competition for entrants on a local radio station
    (Goodness knows they didn't pick me deliberately for my looks, my Survival Capabilities, or pre-established controversial beliefs which promise to spark debate and give "good TV")

    I just want to prove that nice, ordinary guys can succeed. I promise not to make too much of a fuss
  • Hi, I'm Mr. Steve Huang, unassuming middle school English teacher who made national headlines after subduing a would-be school shooter with a surprisingly expert use of a stapler and chalkboard erasers as impromptu weapons. If I seem to be avoiding the camera it's just because I'm shy and has nothing to do with being in a witness protection program or anything like that. My name is definitely Mr. Steve Huang and I have always been a middle school English teacher.
  • Dai Onstage has just come off his sell-out Festival show (Lavatory Humour, held in an actual lavatory stall, every seat sold out every night except two), and is looking for a change and a new challenge. He has no intention of advancing his career at all (please call his agent if you're interested in booking).
  • Nem the cat is poking around the island looking for some treasure (aka Dreamies). Already rubbing against Andy’s leg and giving Steve suspicious stare.
  • edited September 2019
    I am Mario Huana Hirnlos. Just out of jail last month for selling my narcotic prescription drugs to an under cover police officer.

    I found Jesus on the inside and also yoga. I stretch for Jesus twice a day, getting all mindful, flexible, centred and saved. I hope there's a blender on the island, I like smoothies for breakfast. I'm a vegetarian otherwise, except for ham on pizza, ham and vegetarian eggs, ham and soya cheese sandwiches. Basically vegetarian with a ham exception. I'm also looking for a special someone to love, settle down with, share Jesus and yoga with.

    Just call me Mario.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Dame Fifi McNulty here. Well, of course I don't really have to introduce myself, do I! I dare say the more grown-up among you remember my days with the Royal Shakespeare - dear Larry! And you young ones will have seen my quite madly successful TV series Lady Arbuthnot Investigates - quite knocked Poirot off the ratings I believe! Of course one is still wildly busy - they simply won't do anything period unless I promise a cameo, you know. But I thought I could just squeeze in a few weeks on this delightful island!
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Hello contestants, Scarlett here.

    We’re still waiting for the second canoe to arrive with the other contestants, but please do feel free to start exploring the island and building your shelters in the meanwhile. We’ve hidden a few useful items like matches and fishing rods around the place if you want to have a look for them.

    (Six players so far. Who else wants to join? I think we need at least ten.)
  • Never played before. To join, would I assign myself a role or does that get assigned by the game moderator? The links to the old board in the opening post aren't clear. Any time I try to go to another link saying the thread does not exist.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Welcome! At this stage you just need to create a character for yourself (name and brief backstory). As for assigning in-game roles (mafioso, citizen, policeman and the like) I will be in charge of that once we properly get going. Apart from anything else the exact roles that I dispatch will depend on how many players we have.
  • Dai notices that one of his fellow contestants is some minor actor who once fronted some Tv show whom nobody has ever seen, and no wonder when the writing in episode three was atrocious and the direction in episode five was worse, and the way they ended the final series, really somebody should reshoot the whole thing.
    As an up and coming comedian he decides he will adopt a friendly tone towards the poor thing. You should never step on people on the way up.

    In the meantime Dai gathers there are some matches and fishing rods around. Why doesn't someone with the talent for such things - which, sadly, he is lacking - get off their backside and find them? He lies back on the patch of soft grass.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    What a sweet little pussy cat! Animals love me, you know - Lady Arbuthnot had a devoted border collie who would sometimes leap out and bark at the Guilty Party (when the writers couldn't think of any other way of ending the episode. Bless them.)

    The gentlemen on the island seem a mixed bunch. Mr Huang seems rather quiet, and there's a Welsh comedian(!) who, I'm afraid, is not a patch on dear Dickie Burton! But Senor Hirnlos seems rather charming! I've always been rather drawn to the Latin type - there's been no one to rival Valentino has there?
  • LC dropping in--i'd love to play but have never seen one of these shows ever and would have no idea what's going on, will probably have to sit this one out. Sorry for my ignorance!
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    LC dropping in--i'd love to play but have never seen one of these shows ever and would have no idea what's going on, will probably have to sit this one out. Sorry for my ignorance!

    I've never seen one either. But my assumption is that it is a collection of would-be or has-been celebrities confined to a house/jungle/island (with cameras) where they preen, squabble, shag (the producers hope) and eat kangaroo anus. Hence the description 'reality'.

  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Oh please do play. Just imagine a group of attention-hungry people marooned on a desert island, and I’m sure you’ll be fine. The rules are going to be vanilla.

    (I don't watch those show either)
  • Welcome! At this stage you just need to create a character for yourself (name and brief backstory). As for assigning in-game roles (mafioso, citizen, policeman and the like) I will be in charge of that once we properly get going. Apart from anything else the exact roles that I dispatch will depend on how many players we have.


    In that case, may I introduce myself as Patrick Royce. I was the Liberal Democrat MP for Rothside & Cairnshire, up until the 2015 election, when I lost my seat to a former refuse collector who actually grew up in the constituency. During the coalition, I served as a junior minister in the Department for Domestic Development & Infrastructure. Known for my fondness for chinchillas, I have since been working part time as a consultant for several large banks in London and I categorically deny any suggestion that I am aiming to forge a new career in media.
  • I got my laptop out earlier.
    There are no publicly available Wi-Fi signals, thought there does seem to be a very local, closed group, password protected network called RI-CREW only.
  • All right.

    I'm Lambie LaCosta, the (somewhat) famed author of cheap and lurid romances found in your supermarket checkout lanes, right next to the tabloids--a different one every month. (Rumor has it I've invented a somewhat faulty algorithm that does most of the writing for me--I was a coder in a previous, poorer life--and occasionally it's not the bosoms that are heaving, but other parts.) I will be watching you all closely and taking mental notes for my upcoming novel, A Scream of Delight.
  • I didn't realize I needed to be a celebrity. Mario is feeling like he's the odd one out. Anyone want to do yoga on the beach? while singing Shine Jesus Shine? That's where Mario is headed.
  • My kitty self loves the idea of yoga on the beach. I’m not convinced I’m a celebrity but I certainly am superior to most, if not all, creatures and would like to keep my physical and mental frames in such position.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited September 2019
    I shall rest in the shade of this palm tree. It reminds of my Cleopatra. Rather fine I thought, even though Elizabeth Taylor got all the attention - but my dears, she coarsened the role dreadfully.
  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    edited September 2019
    Mario, my dear! You said you were looking for love, I believe? Perhaps we could do a little research--a discussion, darling, with an eye to what men really want? (Takes arm and strolls toward beach)
  • Don't worry Mario. I'm just an average guy.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    I see Ms LaCosta has appropriated Señor Hirnlos! She is American, so I suppose one must make allowances. Rather a showy dresser: indeed there's not a lot she doesn't show.
  • Some of us can afford to, darling.
  • *shuffles quietly into a mass of ferns and stays there*
  • "Let's sing now I think", says nervous Mario. A workout song I think. Mario is definitely not used to others expressing friendship, having been more talk than action about looking for love. Can we please talk in song? Mario tries not to make eye contact, enjoying the attention from Ms Lambie LaCosta, expression of interest from Dame Fifi McNulty and the cat. But rather nervous about it at the same time. He didn't get much positive attention in jail.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited September 2019
    Dame Fifi contents herself with murmuring If only to go warm were gorgeous,
    Why, nature needs not what thou gorgeous wear’st,
    Which scarcely keeps thee warm.
  • EliabEliab Shipmate, Purgatory Host
    Ethan Eliab steps out of the helicopter wearing a neon-green pullover and an imbecile grin. He replaces his signature traffic cone on his head and waves with idiot glee to the camera.

    It says something for Ethan's still-youthful good looks that he manages this with something approaching style. His heydey as 'the cute one' in the line-up of 90s boy band "Keep Left!" may be far behind him, but a not-shabby run of solo releases, and a stint as sympathetic judge on a string of reality and talent shows has been enough to keep him from entirely sinking from the public's gaze.

    Ethan groans behind the smile. He can dimly remember the stoned conversation in which he agreed that it would be a good idea to appear in one as a contestant for a change, but can't quite be sure which of his 'friends' or advisers he should be blaming for landing him in this shit.
  • Looking forward to when all my adoring Instagram followers send me presents!

    Side note: before I departed I got sucked into The Circle and Bey should win. I don’t know why people seem to focus on the food providing purring pillow in the photos but at least they seem to rightly rate the feline highly. Obviously I will continue to be the superior cat.
  • Penny Drago arrives rowing a boat. She is the star of several DVDs/YouTube videos and Insta channels about weight loss where questions have been asked about the veracity of the before pictures and the methods she promotes as they photoshopped her from beanpole to blob, and she's been dabbling in dodgy pseudoscience.
  • Naomi Spinner, Apostle(TM), lands via sea plane. She had thought hard on what was the best bathing suit and chosen a one piece reminiscent of the 1920s, black with a gold cross on the front; her figure is, praise the Lord, still good (all that swimming). Her steward/photographer should have gotten a good photo of her standing on the beach by the plane and facing her new mission. A mission to be followed by her devoted but sometimes weak followers who might have read the sinful press and twitter feeds and seen that photo of her with the pool boy; she felt her homily on Mark 14:51–52 and the Spiritual connection to it had not gone as well as it should. A good conversion or possibly two should bring prosperity (in all senses of the word) to both parties.

    She falls to her knees in prayer (another photo for twitter) though actually checking the beach for signs of clams or other food. Eating the cat would not go over well with her followers.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    So pleasant to see some more ladies arrive, since Miss LaCosta seems to have such a preference for male company.

    That's a rather stylish bathing suit - it just shows one can be smart without being indecent. Do you know, I think I might change into my shantung tea dress. After all, one must consider one's public - never let it be said that Fifi McNulty disappoints her admirers!
  • Dame Fifi, I am so please that God has brought you into my path. I've long felt you are one of the shining stars of film and it is pity that modern directors so often overlook your God given glorious talents.

    However I thought we were only permitted a bathing suit on this island?
  • If they've banned suncream there'll be a lawsuit coming their way for skin damage, and we reality stars know some very good lawyers! Mine is a sensible tankini with rash vest job-covers the fair shoulders and more room for sponsor's logos.
  • Naomi eyes the tankini wearing young woman. She has potential.

    I need no sponsor but the Holy Spirit though free will gifts are always welcome and will repay the giver fifty-fold.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Well, thank you Ms Spinner, but I have not been quite overlooked - you can't have missed me as the Dowager Duchess in Upton Cloister surely?
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Hello everyone. Scarlett here.

    First of all, a big thank you to everyone who’s turned out to audition this year. It’s our contestants that make Reality Island and we’d be nothing without you! We’re always amazed at the talents we discover. You’re all such darlings.

    Now the last canoe is going to be leaving quite shortly, so if anyone still wants to audition, this is the moment!


    I’m going to be closing registrations on Wednesday. If you still want to play, you’ll need to sign up by then.

    Thus far we have 11 players:

    Andy Kipper (Wet Kipper)
    Mr Steve Huang (SirPalomides)
    Dai Onstage (Dafyd)
    Nem the cat (not entirely me)
    Mario Huana Hirnlos (Noprophet_NOprofit)
    Dame Fifi McNulty (Firenze)
    Patrick Royce (Sipech)
    Lambie LaCosta (Lamb Chopped)
    Ethan Eliab (Eliab)
    Penny Drago (Pendragon)
    Naomi Spinner, Apostle™ (Net Spinster)
  • GwaiGwai Epiphanies Host
    edited September 2019
    Thank you all for waiting for me! Not that you really had a choice! I'm Karen White though I'm sure you know that since my husband is probably your boss anyway! *giggle*

    Anyway, I'm ready to go to my cabin, so the staff can go get it ready for me and turn on the air conditioning now. I like my pillows particularly fluffy and the bed fluffy but medium firm so that it doesn't aggravate my poor back. Lots of towels for sure.
  • Firenze wrote: »
    Well, thank you Ms Spinner, but I have not been quite overlooked - you can't have missed me as the Dowager Duchess in Upton Cloister surely?

    Dame Fifi, I certainly did not miss the performance; I even mentioned it in a twitter to my followers encouraging them to watch and appreciate true God given artistry.[1] However I think you would have made a better Victoria than Rudi Jench in that recent movie and all those other roles she has taken from you.

    [1] Sent a week ago upon learning Dame Fifi would be on the island
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Last call for auditions.

    Karen’s arrival takes us up to twelve players; anyone who still wants to play needs to register by tomorrow midday CEST.
  • Firenze wrote: »
    So pleasant to see some more ladies arrive, since Miss LaCosta seems to have such a preference for male company.

    Dear, dear Fifi--how lovely of you to take an interest. Yes, darling Mario has been all that is helpful in advising me on my upcoming novel. In particular, he suggested some changes to the character of my heroine's rival, who comes to a Dreadful End. He even suggested I might, er, observe how certain people behave... Oh! to copy the elegant manners, of course!

  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    So glad to hear you are receiving help with your little novel. It is so difficult to write what one doesn't know isn't it? Like the manners of polite society, say.

    Ah, I see Mr Royce has emerged from seclusion. He was asking my advice on how to project oneself in public. I must go and speak to him.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    The last canoe has sailed.

    Registrations closed, roles to be distributed shortly.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Right, we’re almost ready for the off.

    Please read the following carefully. Sorry it’s a bit long but hopefully it makes everything clear for everyone. Remember you can always PM me if you’re confused about anything and think it would be compromising to ask on the thread.


    Your roles are waiting for you in your PM boxes. Let me know if any problems. Roles have been distributed at random by Mr. Gates’ patent software so there’s no point psychoanalysing Scarlett.

    Any of the following roles *may* be in play:

    The mafia are our murderous assassins who have been secretly hired by the TV station to murder their fellow contestants in the hopes of getting the ratings up. They (alone) are allowed to communicate freely in secret. They may kill one other player overnight.
    Night action: PM me with the identity of the person they wish to bump off.

    The masons can be assured of each other’s innocence. However they may not communicate with each other except on the thread (i.e. no PMs).
    Night action: none.

    The doctor may protect one player from assassination overnight. A doctor may protect him/herself, but not for more than one night in succession. They may protect any other player for as many successive nights as they like, however, and may also go back to self-protecting on alternate nights as long as they choose someone else in between.
    Night action: PM me with the identity of their patient.

    The detective may investigate one other player each night.
    Night action: PM me with the identity of their suspect. I reply to tell them if the person is innocent, guilty or unreadable (see below).

    The vigilante may (but is not obliged to) kill one person overnight on the days on which no one is lynched (and those days only). The vigilante is a member of the citizen party and considered to be innocent in investigations. For clarity, the vigilante may take a pop at whoever they like – it doesn’t have to be a player who was nominated for lynching.
    Night action: if no one has been lynched, PM me to tell me who, if anyone, they want to attack.

    If the veteran is attacked, they kill their assailant (i.e. they both die). If one more than one mafia agent is in circulation, the assailant is considered to be whoever sent me the PM to order the hit.
    Night action: none.

    The unreadable is a player about whom the detective cannot obtain any information; may be a citizen or a mafia agent.
    Night action: none.

    Citizens are everyone else.
    Night action: none.


    Now for The Rules.

    When I announce nightfall, everyone with a night action PMs me as described in the character roles above.

    To keep the game moving, please try to get your night actions to me within about 48 hours of the announcement of nightfall. Also if you need to go offline at any point because of an interfering real life, please let us know so the game doesn’t grind to a halt. If you know you are going to be offline temporarily, I may be able to proxy for certain actions, such as votes. PM me if you need any help on this front.

    When all night actions are complete, I announce who, if anyone, has died along with their role. I will not reveal the role of the killer(s). The deceased post(s) a death scene (be as creative as you like in describing the manner of your own demise).

    Once the death scene is up, you may nominate for lynching any player you want to accuse of being a mafia agent. Nominations are limited to one per player per round, and they may not be withdrawn once made. In the unlikely event that anyone wants to nominate him or herself, this is allowed.

    The accused are invited to make a speech in their defence, to run concurrently with the accusation/debate phase. Defending yourself is not obligatory but probably a good idea :wink:

    After what I judge arbitrarily and at my entire and thoroughly undemocratic discretion to be a suitable length of time, we move to a vote. Votes, like nominations, are irrevocable. Voting is compulsory, by which I mean there always will be a no lynching option available to vote for, but you may not abstain from voting altogether. For example, if a majority has already been reached, the remaining players must still cast a vote. Any player who gets an absolute majority of votes (50% +1) is lynched and posts a death scene. I will not be giving notice of “lynch or lose” moments.

    After this night falls again and we start over. The mafia win when they are an absolute majority of surviving players. The citizens win when all the mafia are lynched.

    A couple of extra rules: the dead stay dead and whatever you know goes with you to the grave. A bit of haunting for entertainment purposes is ok, but don’t reveal anything that can help the living. This includes the revelation of information in death scenes. Séances and the like are not allowed.

    On the other hand, you are at liberty to reveal – directly or indirectly – information about your role while you are still alive; it’s up to you to assess the risks of so doing. (You can also tell whopping great fibs about your role, and again – it’s up to you to assess the risks.)

    Apart from the mafia, no behind the scenes communications, PMs etc. Obviously I have no way of policing this, but it’s not really in the spirit of the game. In any case, you can’t know that any information you get over PM is true.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    edited October 2019
    <theme music>
    <and we’re live!>

    Hi everyone, and thanks for tuning in! We’re so grateful to our audience.

    Well, I can hardly believe it. We’ve barely started our season and there are already big happenings on the island! Look at this!

    <The camera cuts away from the studio to show the remains of the canoes smouldering on the water’s edge>

    That’s right. Someone’s set fire to the canoes! Our contestants are trapped on the island!

    <Scarlett does her best shocked face>

    Who could have done such a thing? Do we have a traitor in our midst? Isn’t that thrilling ?

    Now as you know, Reality Island is a very serious psycho-social experiment, and so we obviously can’t call in the police to upset the delicate social balance we’ve worked so hard to create. So the producers have decided that the contestants are going to have to find the guilty party among themselves. Don’t worry, we’ve run it past the lawyers, and it’s all above board.

    So, over to you contestants. Who looks like they’ve found the matches?

    (We’re starting with a daybreak / nomination phase. I always think it’s a bit rubbish for someone to get murdered before they’ve had any chance to play.)
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    Righty-ho! Jolly good to be here. Thanks for organising it all. I must say, Naomi, that is a most fetching outfit you have on. Were you aiming for Madonna-meets-Miss World look?

    Does anyone around here have any hair gel? The salt has done horrors to my quiff.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Sorry, in the World’s Longest Post™ I forgot to mention that it would help me if all formal nominations could be made in bold type.

    Have at it.
  • Oh dear, says Mario. This seems just like prison again. I am in a dangerous place from where I cannot leave. At least no-one seems to want to hit me or take my things. I am really worried about people who are nice who may be hiding malicious intent. More yoga and stretching for Jesus. Got to remember to breathe slow and relaxed like.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Dame Fifi views the smouldering canoes.

    This would never have happened at Henley.
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