Facebook - what do I tell my wife?

AndrasAndras Shipmate
Our church is shortly to establish a social media presence, courtesy of Mrs. Andras and a few others who think this will be a good thing, and they have met together and got an 'expert' to come one day next week to show what can be done in Facebook.

Consequently, and rather against my better judgement, I finally yielded to persuasion and decided to sign up to the wretched thing, as the expert wants us all to have our own accounts set up before the meeting.

And so today at my own desktop computer that no-one else uses I duly went to sign up, giving my name, date of birth and email address as requested; at which point the half-witted program told me that I was Mrs. Andras (all of whose details are differerent) and showed me all her postings etc.

Obviously the programming has been done by incompetent half-wits making errors of the sort that a five-year-old would regard as risible, and I'm now a convinced non-user of the stupid thing.

So exactly how do I now tell her that I want nothing more to do with it ever without making it look as if I'm just trying to get out of a planned session with this expert?
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Comments

  • You need to send her a Tweet.
  • BoogieBoogie Shipmate
    Our Church has a facebook page - it gets very few visitors from Church or eslsewhere.

    The best use I put FB to is advertising - it works very well for that.

    Just tell her not to bother wasting her time.
  • Ah..... honesty is best, especially with spouses! And perhaps offers a good laugh.

    I must admit that I prefer parish websites to a Facebook presence, and would not spend the time on a Facebook training. Facebook makes it too easy to see how out of date the page is, and doesn't appear to offer those nicely built in pages for "what to expect", "what we believe", education coming up, etc. The parish in which I currently fill-in has a Facebook page, showing they welcomed people for Christmas Eve 2014, Palm Sunday 2015, and Christmas Eve 2016. My old parish with a vigrous website has all those nice little links and tabs that let the church shopper, or member, easily access information that may be helpful.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited September 17
    If you have one or two people who are good at keeping things up-to-date, a good website with a Facebook link is very useful. Ours is linked to both a local community page and a Churches Together page, so this gives us good exposure for upcoming events. And we have had some useful requests (eg for hiring our hall) which have come in via Facebook.

    The FB page was useful for telling people that we were open when it snowed as - unlike a website - notifications got sent to quite a few folk (and, again, the community site flagged it up). And, although we haven't used it much for this, it can be used for offering comment on current events in the locality - one local Vicar made a good comment on his page when a Terrorist was found to have been living in the area.
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    You simply close and delete your account. Then tell your wife (or whoever else asks) that you want nothing to do with Facebook, that you don't trust it, that you cherish your privacy, that you don't (along with Emily Dickinson) feel the need "to tell your name the livelong June to an admiring bog."

    Should anyone counter, you simply say "I have spoken" and let that be the end of it.
  • Sound advice from Miss Amanda (as one would expect), but ISTM that, as Baptist Trainfan has found, a church FB page (along with an up-to-date, informative, but user-friendly website) can be a handy way of getting out information quickly.

    Our Place is having an FB page/group/whatyoumaycallit set up, by our churchwarden, but in the meantime a member of the congregation, who uses FB a great deal, is very good at sending out details of our special services, events etc. to literally hundreds of contacts.

    It's hard to tell what effect this has, but I do know that we have had people turn up for services or events, having heard thereof via the Volume of Visage.

    I agree, however, that Andras should (if he really is uneasy about the whole thing) tell Mrs. Andras that He Washes His Hands Of The Matter.

    IJ
  • Re OP. Is it possible that the computer and web browser used to access Facebook is the same one your wife used to do so? The FB likes to track everyone and everything and auto login to itself. Thus perhaps it logged you in as her. There might be user error involved as well.

    FB is ubiquitous and even if you're not using it, have no connection with it, like Google tracking people who use none of its services, it tracks you anyway.
  • RuthRuth Admin Emeritus
    Re OP. Is it possible that the computer and web browser used to access Facebook is the same one your wife used to do so?

    From the OP:
    And so today at my own desktop computer that no-one else uses ...
  • Ha! Well, since IMHO the internet, VisageVolume, Birdsong etc. are all akin to necromancy, I'm not surprised that the computers chez Andras are seemingly affected by Daemons.....
    :grimace:

    IJ
  • a haiku response:

    Is it possible
    is the question, even with
    that assertion of?

  • finelinefineline Purgatory Host
    Sorry if this is a daft question, but are you sure that it told you that you were Mrs Andras, and not simply that you might know her? Not suggesting you're daft, by any means, but Facebook can be confusing with all its suggestions and things to click, especially if you're not used to it. My dad joined Facebook fairly recently, and he is always thinking Facebook has done things without his permission, because he accidentally clicks things. He thought Facebook had added lots of friends he didn't know, but it was just because FB was suggesting he might know them, and he thought he was clicking to get rid of the suggestion.

    Having said that, it is very common and quite acceptable for a person to say they want nothing to do with Facebook and refuse to make an account. I wouldn't think it would offend or upset Mrs Andras. You could tell her you've heard it's really easy for people to click the wrong things and confuse people.
  • AndrasAndras Shipmate
    fineline wrote: »
    Sorry if this is a daft question, but are you sure that it told you that you were Mrs Andras, and not simply that you might know her? Not suggesting you're daft, by any means, but Facebook can be confusing with all its suggestions and things to click, especially if you're not used to it. My dad joined Facebook fairly recently, and he is always thinking Facebook has done things without his permission, because he accidentally clicks things. He thought Facebook had added lots of friends he didn't know, but it was just because FB was suggesting he might know them, and he thought he was clicking to get rid of the suggestion.

    Having said that, it is very common and quite acceptable for a person to say they want nothing to do with Facebook and refuse to make an account. I wouldn't think it would offend or upset Mrs Andras. You could tell her you've heard it's really easy for people to click the wrong things and confuse people.

    It certainly did log me in as her, and even sent her an email (to my email address!) telling her that her password had changed. Why they didn't send it to her - different - email address (with a different provider) I can't begin to imagine, but I suppose it's all part of the general air of total incompetence that surrounds their coding. Lord, if in my programming days I'd written software that behaved like that, I'd expect to be hanged, drawn and quartered.

    In the end I just let the good lady read this thread, and then announced that I was renouncing the devil and all his works, or something like that. She was in turn amused and then very angry, though not with me. She's still smarting at having had to change her login details on her tablet.

    At least I know now that I'll never waste another minute wondering if I should sign up!
  • There, you see - I was right when I suggested that Daemons were responsible.

    If you and Mrs. Andras would like some virtual Holy Water and Incense sent by virtual post, please let me know.....

    Meanwhile, full marks for renouncing the Devil and all his works!
    :wink:

    IJ
  • What about some Suitable Incantations (in Medieval Latin, of course) as well?
  • GwaiGwai Purgatory Host
    I imagine we could figure out why this fb behavior happened, but does it really matter? The short version is that Andras does not want to use fb. Surely the easiest solution is to leave your account alone unused and continue to not use it. If asked, you can quite honestly say you didn't like it. The church can use fb without you using it anyway.
  • Yes, indeed. I shall go and consult my Grimoire forthwith.

    Perhaps the Necronomicon of Abdul Al-Hazred may be of use, too......(let the reader of American horror fiction understand)
    :grimace:

    IJ
  • Doc TorDoc Tor Hell Host
    Ai! Ai! Cthulhu fhtagn!
  • O! Come, Nyarlethotep, come!
    :cold_sweat:

    IJ
  • finelinefineline Purgatory Host
    Andras wrote: »
    fineline wrote: »
    Sorry if this is a daft question, but are you sure that it told you that you were Mrs Andras, and not simply that you might know her? Not suggesting you're daft, by any means, but Facebook can be confusing with all its suggestions and things to click, especially if you're not used to it. My dad joined Facebook fairly recently, and he is always thinking Facebook has done things without his permission, because he accidentally clicks things. He thought Facebook had added lots of friends he didn't know, but it was just because FB was suggesting he might know them, and he thought he was clicking to get rid of the suggestion.

    Having said that, it is very common and quite acceptable for a person to say they want nothing to do with Facebook and refuse to make an account. I wouldn't think it would offend or upset Mrs Andras. You could tell her you've heard it's really easy for people to click the wrong things and confuse people.

    It certainly did log me in as her, and even sent her an email (to my email address!) telling her that her password had changed. Why they didn't send it to her - different - email address (with a different provider) I can't begin to imagine, but I suppose it's all part of the general air of total incompetence that surrounds their coding. Lord, if in my programming days I'd written software that behaved like that, I'd expect to be hanged, drawn and quartered.

    In the end I just let the good lady read this thread, and then announced that I was renouncing the devil and all his works, or something like that. She was in turn amused and then very angry, though not with me. She's still smarting at having had to change her login details on her tablet.

    At least I know now that I'll never waste another minute wondering if I should sign up!

    Ah gosh, that does sound odd, and since you've been a programmer unlikely that you'd accidentally clicked the wrong thing or misunderstood. Good idea showing Mrs Andras the thread. Hope all is sorted now, in that your decision not to be on Facebook is accepted and hasn't caused any bad feeling.

  • Sorry, I posted earlier in haste, and did not mean to malign Facebook (or the parish where I am currently filling in!). So for a more complete thought….. which, admittedly, is slightly off your topic!

    I’d suggest your church think about the purpose of the web presence. Is it just to communicate with fellow parishioners? If so, Facebook would be handy as a sort of cyber bulletin board. Some denominations have guidelines for usage, to protect the church or the denomination from difficulties based on what members might post there.

    What I look for in checking a church’s website is a combination of “set in stone things” (service times, which have music, is there child care or a Sunday School and when, what education programs are coming up, do you have sermons posted anywhere on line, etc.), and “upcoming things”. (yard sale Saturday, Clergy person on vacation So-and-so filling in, etc. )

    For that you need a good consultant, and a local person trained to keep it up to date. Our local diocesan communications officer is a gem at helping a parish get some ideas of what they want, and quick to develop a website. Yes, some may look similar to another, but they do that job of offering the kind of information I, for one, would be looking for.

    Good luck with this new venture!
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Ruth wrote: »
    Re OP. Is it possible that the computer and web browser used to access Facebook is the same one your wife used to do so?

    From the OP:
    And so today at my own desktop computer that no-one else uses ...

    If signed into Chrome under the same account then all bets are off.
  • AndrasAndras Shipmate
    Thanks to all for their comments.

    One point is that I can't remove / delete my account because I don't have one (and now never will)! FB just illegally (literally so, as far as I can see) logged me into Mrs. Andras' account, although none of our details match except for our surnames, but never actually opened one for me.

    Fools!
  • I simply tell people that I'm allergic to Facebook. Don't usually get much argument after that (except from my father, who keeps trying to convince me it's not that bad!).
  • There's a nurse in Jamaica with the same name as my daughter, who has several times used my daughter's email address* to set up her own Facebook account. Facebook have never been great at sorting it out, until after my daughter did something fairly evil. Fortunately someone with more computer nous has since set her up with a new Facebook account using something other than the email account she hasn't got on an iPad.

    * because she is the only person in Jamaica called this she has this touching belief that she's the only person in the world with this name, so of course when she sets up a Microsoft or email account she will have the first account with that name. Well too bad, too late. But using that account tries to hijack it, causing my daughter trying to work on a laptop using that same account to lock it all down and the Jamaican nurse ends up with problems, which she moans about on Facebook - like being locked out of the Microsoft account she thought she'd set up using an email that wasn't hers with double protection. To the extent she had to take the laptop to be reset back to factory settings professionally, which is why the iPad.
  • You're not the only one walking away... From a daily numbers mailing list I subscribe to:
    In the last 12 months, 54 percent of Americans have adjusted their Facebook privacy settings, 42 percent reported taking a break from the website for several weeks or more, and 26 percent deleted their app from their phone. Younger users were most likely to take a step back from the service, with 44 percent of 18 to 28 year olds deleting the app from their phone and 47 percent taking a weeks-long break.

    Andrew Perrin, Pew Research Center

  • I simply tell people that I'm allergic to Facebook. Don't usually get much argument after that (except from my father, who keeps trying to convince me it's not that bad!).
    I say it's against my religion.

    (And, of course, most of the people to whom I say this are members of my church.)


  • RooKRooK Admin Emeritus
    edited September 17
    Andras wrote: »
    FB just illegally (literally so, as far as I can see) logged me into Mrs. Andras' account, although none of our details match except for our surnames, but never actually opened one for me.
    Just to point out the potential logical alternative to bookface bypassing any sort of login and magically connecting you...
    It could simply be that Mrs. Andras did indeed log into facebook on your machine previously.

    In fact, I'd bet on it.
  • Dave WDave W Shipmate
    Ruth wrote: »
    Re OP. Is it possible that the computer and web browser used to access Facebook is the same one your wife used to do so?

    From the OP:
    And so today at my own desktop computer that no-one else uses ...

    Or so he thinks...

    Quick! Clear browser history! (Too late.)
  • AndrasAndras Shipmate
    RooK wrote: »
    Andras wrote: »
    FB just illegally (literally so, as far as I can see) logged me into Mrs. Andras' account, although none of our details match except for our surnames, but never actually opened one for me.
    Just to point out the potential logical alternative to bookface bypassing any sort of login and magically connecting you...
    It could simply be that Mrs. Andras did indeed log into facebook on your machine previously.

    In fact, I'd bet on it.

    Even if that were true - and Mrs. Andras has never even logged into this machine and doesn't have the password to do so - it is actually irrelevant.

    As someone who in a past life did this professionally, I positively know that if someone tells a site that they want to set up a new account, then the first thing the software should check is whether name, d.o.b., password and email address all match an existing record - not a cookie, but an actual off-the-machine record.

    If they do, then it's not a new account; if they don't, then perhaps it is.

    So how come the alleged geniuses at Facebook see a new account request in which all those things are different and assume that it's ok to log into an existing account with a different name and a different password?

    To which the only answer is that the software is faulty in the sense that it's poorly specified. A ten-year-old could do better.
  • finelinefineline Purgatory Host
    RooK’s explanation would make more sense to me. There are various little things about FB that annoy me, but I’ve never come across it logging anyone in as someone else and am not sure how that could even happen. I have lots of friends who live with people who also have separate FB accounts, and they’d have definitely posted about it if this had happened. And I made an account for my dad on my laptop when he asked me to, and I was logging in and out, switching between my account to his, to help him get all his privacy settings set up, and I never had any problem with control over who I was logging in as.

    Facebook privacy issues tend to be more when they change privacy settings and people don’t realise, or people accidentally make all their future posts public, because they make one post public and don’t realise they have to reset privacy for the next post.

    I do come across a few people who get scared that FB has some kind of magical powers and it always turns out there is a logical explanation. And there are a lot of scaremongering, misleading memes that suggest such magical powers - along with Snopes articles that explain their falsity.

    The thing with FB is you do have to click on all the settings, and observe all the details, and make sure you figure it all out. The privacy settings are pretty good when you do that, but it’s fiddly finding it all at first, so lots of people don’t.
  • finelinefineline Purgatory Host
    Also, considering the many, many people who use FB, and how vocal many are in complaining, if this were an issue, it would have happened to many others and it would have been made public, people trying to sue, etc.
  • mr cheesymr cheesy Shipmate
    edited September 18
    I'm no expert but Facebook does seem to be rather sticky with regard to logins on individual machines - if you try to create a new account when an existing is already remembered on the browser, then it does just log you in as the existing account.

    But Facebook does do some scary shit. After not having an account for many years, I created a completely new account with no family history on a new computer with a new email address. I might have even given a fake dob - I sometimes do that when I don't think services need to know my personal details. I then signed up to a few gardening and other interest Facebook groups.

    And with all of that, the first friend suggestion it gave was my daughter. It was astonishing - there was nothing to link us than a surname.
  • Possibly also a rough location based on your computer’s IP address.
  • Andras wrote: »

    So how come the alleged geniuses at Facebook see a new account request in which all those things are different and assume that it's ok to log into an existing account with a different name and a different password?

    It would be fascinating to see if this could be replicated. If it happened exactly as stated, then the only explanation is that they are logging you in via your IP address - which is obviously not good.
  • We find our church facebook page is fairly well used. Whereas we're still in the early stages of getting the website where we want it. But we have a dedicated person in the congregation who does the fb page, keeping it up to date, few times a week, and that makes the difference.
  • I would definitely take No Prophets approach and write your wife a Haiku informing her of your decision. In fact I'm going to write my wife a haiku right now, informing her that I am going to bed. What's the syllable pattern again?
  • AndrasAndras Shipmate
    Simon Toad wrote: »
    I would definitely take No Prophets approach and write your wife a Haiku informing her of your decision. In fact I'm going to write my wife a haiku right now, informing her that I am going to bed. What's the syllable pattern again?

    5,7,5.

    The hour has come, love
    for me to lay down my head.
    I'll see you later.


    I once did a haiku version of a famous Sappho poem as follows (and yes, it is ©!)
    Pleiades and moon
    have set / midnight / time passes
    and I lie alone.
  • Doc TorDoc Tor Hell Host
    Take this thread, stick it

    Somewhere dark, intimate, warm

    I am bored of you.
  • I may be wrong. But I think Doc Tor may have posted on the wrong thread?
  • edited September 18
    mr cheesy wrote: »
    I'm no expert but Facebook does seem to be rather sticky with regard to logins on individual machines - if you try to create a new account when an existing is already remembered on the browser, then it does just log you in as the existing account.

    But Facebook does do some scary shit. After not having an account for many years, I created a completely new account with no family history on a new computer with a new email address. I might have even given a fake dob - I sometimes do that when I don't think services need to know my personal details. I then signed up to a few gardening and other interest Facebook groups.

    And with all of that, the first friend suggestion it gave was my daughter. It was astonishing - there was nothing to link us than a surname.

    Yes there was. Several things actually.

    First,
    your browser has a unique signature. FB, without cookies, without anything, knows that your browser has accessed FB before because it knows your browser. If your daughter had ever ever even once logged in from the same browser, it knows about that too.

    If you are curious what your browser is doing, visit https://panopticlick.eff.org/ and hit "test me", then on the results page, click on "Show full results for fingerprinting". The results may surprise you, in terms of how you're being tracked. The result for "Hash of canvas fingerprint" identifies your browser- Everywhere on the 'net.

    Second,
    I have been accused of being paranoid about security, but consider: if you access FB or Google etc from a computer, it identifies the computer and user, and then you login from a phone, and it links the two browsers together because both have fingerprints. The you put apps on your phone, and they also track and link via fingerprints or logins from the app, and this is shared with Google or Apple because you got the app from Google Play or the iStore. And FB is an app isn't it? Altogether sharing sharing sharing about you.

    Third,
    you don't have to have FB on your phone for FB to track you. Android for instance has embedded within "mtqq-mini.mint.facebook" which identifies and locates you many times each day whether you have FB installed on it or not. I counted just more than 200x a day when I monitored it for 24 hours on an Android phone. Google does the same. So consider: you have a phone, a computer browser, and your daughter has logged into the same Wifi, or is connected to the same cellphone towers using data. Voila, the FB and Google connected you to her.

    Fourth, and beyond this thread, whatever....
    The same deal occurs when you visit a store. FB and Google know your phone was in that store - don't know if they're targetting specific locations within stores yet - and then you pay for the things with a card (debit or credit) or give a loyalty points card number at checkout. Now your purchases are linked to you, your phone, your browser, because the credit cared company or bank does what with your purchase data? And you've logged into the loyalty site with what browser from phone and computer. So then you get an advert on FB and you wonder how it knew to flog that ad to you. And maybe your daughter also was in that store, even perhaps at the same time as you, and it's happened from several stores and locations. -- and we're told recently that tracking they said wasn't happening actually is, like perhaps you text your daughter and they've linked up the two of you that way.


    One piece of reading in The Guardian which describes part of this.
  • mr cheesymr cheesy Shipmate
    edited September 18
    Ok before you go off on one @NOprophet_NØprofit I am not dim.

    This was a new device, never before accessed Facebook. My daughter does not access Facebook and never accessed Facebook on that device.

    The only possible connection is owr shared IP. As I said above if you'd actually read what I said.
  • > Shared IP.
    = sufficient

    And if you'd read what I wrote, if your daughter has a "smart phone" without having FB installed on it or every accessing FB, the phone actually provides info to FB via a little program on the phone called mtqq-mini.mint.facebook, which is on the phone, embedded in the operating system on the phone. No FB required. Thus FB can put two users together who don't use the app, don't have FB accounts.

    But there's something wrong with the information you've provided. In your last response you said
    My daughter does not access Facebook and never accessed Facebook on that device.

    and previously
    I then signed up to a few gardening and other interest Facebook groups.

    And with all of that, the first friend suggestion it gave was my daughter. It was astonishing - there was nothing to link us than a surname.

    How could it offer your daughter to you as a friend without an account on FB? Whatever sinister nonsense FB's up to, it doesn't create accounts for people who've never had one.
  • No, android devices do not all have that on them - it is only there if one has the Facebook app or if it is preinstalled on the device. Funny that, you being such an expert one might have thought you'd know that.

    It is actually simple: my daughter accessed Facebook on her devices. I had a completely separate device - which wasn't a phone and which she never used - where I signed up for Facebook and the first friend suggestion was my daughter.

    The only link was the IP address. I don't care if you believe it or not, it is the truth.
  • Another way that Facebook comes up with friend suggestions for you is based on your email address list. It can match you up with people who you have sent email to anytime in the past, if they have used that email address to log in to Facebook.
  • RooKRooK Admin Emeritus
    Another connection path FB can use is to compare any of your new accounts details to all the details that have been shared with it by anybody else - and it's horrifying the amount of access some people give FB to their contacts.

    Still think that Mrs. Andras used Andras' machine to log into FB. And, statistically, probably to access pr0n.
  • What boggles my mind is the number of people who give their FB login to any quiz or article that comes along. They brag about how safe they are with their information, then they enter their FB password on some page owned by people who are not FB.
  • finelinefineline Purgatory Host
    Yes, that is how a lot of personal details carry over - if you use the various apps that take your FB login details. And also if you log into Facebook using your email login, which FB suggests when you get an account, but you don’t have to.
  • Anselmina wrote: »
    We find our church facebook page is fairly well used. Whereas we're still in the early stages of getting the website where we want it. But we have a dedicated person in the congregation who does the fb page, keeping it up to date, few times a week, and that makes the difference.

    Rev T updates ours about three times a week - to remind people about the service, the food bank, toddlers and anything special going on. Some of the material gets shared to the various community groups in the village. Reaching people who wouldn't see it otherwise. All good.

    You don't have to be on FB. Like most things, if you like it, then do it. If you don't then why bother. (I take myself off twitter every so often because it gets so angry and that does my head in).
  • AndrasAndras Shipmate
    Cor, the more I read the more I'm glad I've decided to have nothing to do with it.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited September 19
    People probably used to say that about the telephone. They may have been right.
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