Crumbs, that is is really difficult situation. I am inclined to be an intervener type of person. I think I would contact someone - as you say, this sounds like the sort of situation which could escalate. The GP is one option. Another might be to get in touch with social services - I would imagine they may have god-daughter on their radar perhaps, if she is registered as a young carer. You can tell them this is a situation you’re concerned about but what they then do is up to them.
This. And do it *SOON*, IMHO.
Wishing all the best for everyone involved. And that girl is lucky to have you!
NEQ do you trust the judgement of your Godaughter? It might be an idea to consult with her about how to help her Mum.
I trust her judgement re her mother. Goddaughter would like me to contact the GP, and thinks that a short (2 to 4 days) spell as an inpatient would get her mother the help she thinks her mother needs. I don't think that it would pan out that way - her mother does not want to be admitted as a voluntary patient and isn't ill enough to be sectioned. Friend tells me that being offered a place as an inpatient would make her feel worse. And I don't want to risk doing anything which would make her feel worse.
In the short term, friends are rallying round and checking up on her and she tells me she is feeling more positive.
Jemima, I hope you feel better soon and the bumps smooth out.
I have joined to follow in this discussion. From observation, the kind of suicidal behaviours and demonstrations mentioned upthread are not enough for someone to be sectioned - and are more common than you would expect or hope.
I have had some experience of responsibility in this area in a student welfare context (broadly), but I am not an MH professional so I thought it would be helpful to link to advice from Rethink (NHS recommended) about helping someone with suicidal thoughts:
Oh, and I have had some trouble with anxiety and depression in the past, so you are my people... I have been following quietly for some time, and I hope you are all doing well today
Welcome, Cameron, from one of the All Saints Hosts. My co-host is away for a while more visiting family and attending family events. So I speak for both of us.
If you have been reading for a while, that is good as it gives you an idea of the different flavours of the various boards. 10 Commandments should also be read.
There is lots of help in AS, as I know from personal experience.
Enjoy the voyage.
Lothlorien, AS Host, speaking for my co-host Piglet as well
It seems like a good time to mention - again - that there is a specialist MH board (Waving not Drowning), for those who feel a need for less public discussion.
It seems like a good time to mention - again - that there is a specialist MH board (Waving not Drowning), for those who feel a need for less public discussion.
It seems like a good time to mention - again - that there is a specialist MH board (Waving not Drowning), for those who feel a need for less public discussion.
How does one get an invite?
As @Schroedingers Cat is most likely at work, I can direct you to this page which gives the information copied below.
Alongside our public forums, we also host private forums which are run by individual shipmates. They can only be seen and posted to when you become a member of each particular forum. Joining them is at the discretion of the hosts, so talk nicely to them. Only shipmates (members of the public boards with 50+ posts) can apply to join. The private forums are:
Waving, Not Drowning
Here's a safe space for shipmates with any kind of mental health difficulty, from depression to personality disorder, and all stations in between. It's a place for mutual support, not unwanted advice; a place where if you feel you are drowning, you can wave and others will swim alongside. It could be a lifesaver. Comments one board member: ‘This board is something very special and important. For many of us, what we experience and feel makes us seem like nutcases to most of the people we meet. And yet here there is likely to be someone else who has experienced something akin, or at least can empathise.’ Please note that the requirement for joining is 100 posts on the public forums. If you’d like to join, message @Esmeralda .
Thanks for posting that, Lily Pad. I don't often get onto the main boards these days so hadn't seen this thread. Applications to join Waving are always welcome - we are a bit small at the moment as we lost a number of members in the transfer to the new platform.
I experienced depression as a side effect of my hormonetherapy treatment for breast cancer.
I'm now on a tablet a day, anti-depressant, for...well, who knows? Probably as long as I have to take the hormonetherapy. Which could be another 4 - 6 years.
Generally I'm OK, but do have the odd grey dog following me around (not serious enough to be a black dog!) and licking my hand
I'm sorry to read of the depression as a result of the treatment, Dormouse. I hope the medication and any other help you use helps keep the grey dog somewhat under control. I'd make no judgement on the seriousness of it...any coloured dog can be a burden and pain in one's life. Best wishes.
Going to Wellington and the valley where I grew up was a really depressing experience. It was so lovely to fly into Christchurch airport at the end of a sunny day where the temperature was 15C, which isn't bad for 5.30 p.m in winter. I almost cried with joy.
My cat Aroha is still at the cattery, but Spooky from down the road welcomed me home.
Dormouse - I'm sorry about the grey dog, and I hope the medication helps you...
Huia - Glad to hear that you are back at home, and about to be reunited with Aroha...
Going to Wellington and the valley where I grew up was a really depressing experience. It was so lovely to fly into Christchurch airport at the end of a sunny day where the temperature was 15C, which isn't bad for 5.30 p.m in winter. I almost cried with joy.
My cat Aroha is still at the cattery, but Spooky from down the road welcomed me home.
A hot bubble bath will remedy the blues.
Glad you are home & looking after yourself. Hot baths are great.
Slightly belated welcome, Cameron, and thanks for the hug.
Lots of love to you, Huia, I hope the bubble bath does the trick.
I’m feeling a bit better, hoorah.
I have got my life back into perspective following a chat with an old friend, who phoned today. We have arranged tomeet somewhere nice and catch up after very little contact over the past few months. He has been ill, and retreated for several months but is now feeling better and raring to go.
NEQ - Has your friend accessed any kind of counselling or therapeutic support at any point? Have you checked out local domestic abuse charities? I've known some with excellent therapeutic services available which have looked to be significantly better and quicker to access than one-size-fits-all NHS talking therapies. Not sure how much they've been hit by austerity, but given the apparently very-clear connection between your friend's abusive relationship and the deterioration in her mental health, I suspect they'd still welcome her regardless of how long ago she managed to cut the abusive partner himself out of her life (because the impact of his abuse is clearly still there). Alternatively, are there any groups run e.g. by Mind, in your local area? A decade or two ago, I lived near a Mind women's project. I only went once or twice so can't remember much, but it was run on the basis of being open to any woman with MH difficulties, one could join in as much or as little as one wanted, it was based in a house with at least 3 or 4 of the rooms available - decorated in a very comfy, homey fashion, I think there was always a communal meal at lunch times, but otherwise you could hide in a corner reading one of the books or magazines available if you wanted - it was just a very welcoming place, open quite a few days a week I think, with people experiencing different levels of difficulty in terms of their MH - so somebody who had no employment or other commitments could potentially attend a lot and build up their confidence. Just thinking that it sounds like in order to get your friend into anything like a slightly better place, it sounds like she potentially needs fairly intensive support such as isn't readily available on the NHS. Of course, the difficulty if you identify any good local services will then be you, other friend and Goddaughter trying to coax your friend out of the house and along to any such service the first two or three times ...
(And you're right that Children's Services won't be taking a nearly-17-old into care, but you already know that. I'm afraid the suggestion of phoning Children's Services made by some other posters makes me think of one of my past managers, who suggested we should start asking on a much more frequent basis - mostly to other professionals, but always in a pointed tone of voice, "And what do you want Children's Services to do about that?" i.e. children's social workers are neither miracle-workers nor convenient dogsbodies on whom to dump tasks which should be being undertaken by other people. The only thing a children's social worker would be able to do for Goddaughter's benefit would be to try to explain to Friend that her behaviour is very bad for Goddaughter's well-being and so Friend should access help with her mental health for the sake of her daughter. The one advantage of you calling Children's Services would be that you'd probably be told there was no capacity for a social worker even to do that given all the other child-protection cases needing to be dealt with and you could therefore relay back to Friend: "Right. Children's Services say this definitely doesn't meet threshold for Goddaughter to be taken into care. Shall we get on with talking to your GP about what help you need to improve your mental health and therefore make Goddaughter's life vastly better as well?")
In other news, I went back to my GP today, just for a chat about progress after the CBT course. We talked a bit about how ill I’d been when I first went to see her (I raised the topic), which I hadn’t had much insight into at the time, and how much better I feel, whilst acknowledging that there is still progress to be made.
Not a great deal of point to this post except to say that I love my GP. I am very lucky indeed to have one this good.
Jemima, I think a good GP is really important. When my previous one died I got recommendations from friends and made appointments for interviews with a few possibilities. One confided that she was pregnant and would soon be going on Maternity leave, so that was her out. I saw 3 others who were all good, so I made my choice on the kind of Medical Centre and location.
I am having problems with Anxiety - everything, from Mr F's next checkup, to the supply of his drugs post-Brexit, to the outworkings of that omnifuckup in general, to the rise of despotism worldwide, to the burning planet - have coalesced into a state part inertia, part physical disorder (headache, vertigo, insomnia).
I have spoken to a doctor, who's given me some mild medication to help sleep (is anything more inducing of wakefulness than waiting to feel drowsy?) and invited me back in a couple of weeks. But she's also, dear help her, about to go off on maternity leave - and therefore represents a demographic for whom I feel even more fearful than I do for myself.
I've recently returned to work following a prolonged absence due to a massive anxiety flare-up due to stress caused by the arrogance and stupidity of certain managers. I hate feeling like this, like I want to cry or hit things or scream or vomit or SOMETHING to get some kind of release. And what makes it worse is that every little worry or change sends it spiralling out of control. A good friend told me yesterday that she is planning to undergo a "believer's baptism" and asked me to be there. First problem: I know she's already been baptised and I "acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins". Ok, so I wrestle that worry under control and accept that it is her decision to make and I can respect that she will have not have taken it lightly and perhaps I can be there as her friend without agreeing with it. Second problem: the church baptising her has a tendency to preach PSA and other deeply unpleasant things. Can I control my anxiety about that and the baptism simultaneously to get through the service? Third problem: oh but hang on, my friend is Godmother to my daughter. Presumably if she thinks she needs to be baptised again she doesn't think her baptism as an infant was "real". Does that mean she doesn't think my daughter's baptism was real? If that's the case I don't think it was right for her to stand as a Godparent. And does this mean my friend doesn't consider us all to be baptised members of the body of Christ? Part of me wants to be able to shrug this off and ignore the implications I see, knowing that God sees what is in my friend's heart. But mostly: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Edit: and this is with me medicated and having extensive therapy with our wonderful CPN.
I am sorry for your anxiety troubles - work stress and the current political mess are NOT FUNNY. Anxiety has been chewing on me a bit recently too. I recently stepped down from a role which gave me lots of things that I needed to worry about, and thought I would be more settled once I stopped - and I have been, up to a point. But I think my ‘worry energy’ is seeking out any little thing to focus on sometimes...
World situation despair, work stress, potential upsets with friends and free floating anxiety are all horrible....
May I also join your group? I have a building-in-progress mess up of the first order, which is probably going to cost me thousands of pounds, & lose me part of my house, added to which the whole business of finding out whether the problem is solvable won't happen until September 10th, when the structural engineer I have been forced to employ will come and pass judgement. I am fighting self pity.
Cameron - thank you for The Guardian article, that was helpful...
It is a help to have the kind AS community here - I had been reading for quite a while before joining in.
But that is a worrisome situation you have - it’s rough enough to have house trouble, but the waiting makes it feel worse, I am sure. Here’s hoping the engineer’s news is the best that it can be - and may you be surrounded by kindness while waiting.
This may lower your anxiety around a friend's baptism. What you are presuming is that everyone understands Baptism in the traditional doctrinal way. Even when I was at university some, Uhm, thirty-plus years ago, a number of individuals used Adult Baptism to mark either a significant change in their faith or a significant act of repentance. I have even known people accept it because it is the requirement of the congregation they attend. In any of these cases, it is quite likely that your friend is not in any way judging anyone else's paedobaptism.
This may lower your anxiety around a friend's baptism. What you are presuming is that everyone understands Baptism in the traditional doctrinal way. Even when I was at university some, Uhm, thirty-plus years ago, a number of individuals used Adult Baptism to mark either a significant change in their faith or a significant act of repentance. I have even known people accept it because it is the requirement of the congregation they attend. In any of these cases, it is quite likely that your friend is not in any way judging anyone else's paedobaptism.
I'm quite sure she isn't, she's very innocent that way. Doesn't stop me thinking it though. Such is anxiety. Plus, y'know, Aspergeriness.
Penal Substitutionary Atonement. Only don't ask me to explain it because it's never made sense to me and someone else will give you a far more coherent answer than I could.
Comments
This. And do it *SOON*, IMHO.
Wishing all the best for everyone involved. And that girl is lucky to have you!
I trust her judgement re her mother. Goddaughter would like me to contact the GP, and thinks that a short (2 to 4 days) spell as an inpatient would get her mother the help she thinks her mother needs. I don't think that it would pan out that way - her mother does not want to be admitted as a voluntary patient and isn't ill enough to be sectioned. Friend tells me that being offered a place as an inpatient would make her feel worse. And I don't want to risk doing anything which would make her feel worse.
In the short term, friends are rallying round and checking up on her and she tells me she is feeling more positive.
Jemima, I hope you feel better soon and the bumps smooth out.
I have had some experience of responsibility in this area in a student welfare context (broadly), but I am not an MH professional so I thought it would be helpful to link to advice from Rethink (NHS recommended) about helping someone with suicidal thoughts:
factsheet
Oh, and I have had some trouble with anxiety and depression in the past, so you are my people... I have been following quietly for some time, and I hope you are all doing well today
{{ }} for all.
Sorry to read, Jemima. Hope the path is a bit less bumpy for you.
{{NEQ and friend and goddaughter}}
If you have been reading for a while, that is good as it gives you an idea of the different flavours of the various boards. 10 Commandments should also be read.
There is lots of help in AS, as I know from personal experience.
Enjoy the voyage.
Lothlorien, AS Host, speaking for my co-host Piglet as well
How does one get an invite?
@North East Quine - I hope that you, your friend and goddaughter are finding a way through.
@Jemima the 9th - I hope the bumps are levelling out.
{{ }} all round.
As @Schroedingers Cat is most likely at work, I can direct you to this page which gives the information copied below.
Alongside our public forums, we also host private forums which are run by individual shipmates. They can only be seen and posted to when you become a member of each particular forum. Joining them is at the discretion of the hosts, so talk nicely to them. Only shipmates (members of the public boards with 50+ posts) can apply to join. The private forums are:
Waving, Not Drowning
Here's a safe space for shipmates with any kind of mental health difficulty, from depression to personality disorder, and all stations in between. It's a place for mutual support, not unwanted advice; a place where if you feel you are drowning, you can wave and others will swim alongside. It could be a lifesaver. Comments one board member: ‘This board is something very special and important. For many of us, what we experience and feel makes us seem like nutcases to most of the people we meet. And yet here there is likely to be someone else who has experienced something akin, or at least can empathise.’ Please note that the requirement for joining is 100 posts on the public forums. If you’d like to join, message @Esmeralda .
Welcome aboard indeed, @Cameron!
Piglet, the other AS host
I'm now on a tablet a day, anti-depressant, for...well, who knows? Probably as long as I have to take the hormonetherapy. Which could be another 4 - 6 years.
Generally I'm OK, but do have the odd grey dog following me around (not serious enough to be a black dog!) and licking my hand
I'm sorry to read of the depression as a result of the treatment, Dormouse. I hope the medication and any other help you use helps keep the grey dog somewhat under control. I'd make no judgement on the seriousness of it...any coloured dog can be a burden and pain in one's life. Best wishes.
My cat Aroha is still at the cattery, but Spooky from down the road welcomed me home.
A hot bubble bath will remedy the blues.
Huia - Glad to hear that you are back at home, and about to be reunited with Aroha...
Glad to read your are happily back home.
Glad you are home & looking after yourself. Hot baths are great.
Lots of love to you, Huia, I hope the bubble bath does the trick.
I’m feeling a bit better, hoorah.
I have got my life back into perspective following a chat with an old friend, who phoned today. We have arranged tomeet somewhere nice and catch up after very little contact over the past few months. He has been ill, and retreated for several months but is now feeling better and raring to go.
(And you're right that Children's Services won't be taking a nearly-17-old into care, but you already know that. I'm afraid the suggestion of phoning Children's Services made by some other posters makes me think of one of my past managers, who suggested we should start asking on a much more frequent basis - mostly to other professionals, but always in a pointed tone of voice, "And what do you want Children's Services to do about that?" i.e. children's social workers are neither miracle-workers nor convenient dogsbodies on whom to dump tasks which should be being undertaken by other people. The only thing a children's social worker would be able to do for Goddaughter's benefit would be to try to explain to Friend that her behaviour is very bad for Goddaughter's well-being and so Friend should access help with her mental health for the sake of her daughter. The one advantage of you calling Children's Services would be that you'd probably be told there was no capacity for a social worker even to do that given all the other child-protection cases needing to be dealt with and you could therefore relay back to Friend: "Right. Children's Services say this definitely doesn't meet threshold for Goddaughter to be taken into care. Shall we get on with talking to your GP about what help you need to improve your mental health and therefore make Goddaughter's life vastly better as well?")
Not a great deal of point to this post except to say that I love my GP. I am very lucky indeed to have one this good.
Hope everyone is faring ok, thinking of you all.
I have spoken to a doctor, who's given me some mild medication to help sleep (is anything more inducing of wakefulness than waiting to feel drowsy?) and invited me back in a couple of weeks. But she's also, dear help her, about to go off on maternity leave - and therefore represents a demographic for whom I feel even more fearful than I do for myself.
Edit: and this is with me medicated and having extensive therapy with our wonderful CPN.
I am sorry for your anxiety troubles - work stress and the current political mess are NOT FUNNY. Anxiety has been chewing on me a bit recently too. I recently stepped down from a role which gave me lots of things that I needed to worry about, and thought I would be more settled once I stopped - and I have been, up to a point. But I think my ‘worry energy’ is seeking out any little thing to focus on sometimes...
I am OK if I spot it happening and can use techniques to interrupt catastrophising - but of course I don’t always spot it if I’m in an anxious state. Gah!
I hope that you both find a way through present troubles.
C.
World situation despair, work stress, potential upsets with friends and free floating anxiety are all horrible....
May I also join your group? I have a building-in-progress mess up of the first order, which is probably going to cost me thousands of pounds, & lose me part of my house, added to which the whole business of finding out whether the problem is solvable won't happen until September 10th, when the structural engineer I have been forced to employ will come and pass judgement. I am fighting self pity.
Cameron - thank you for The Guardian article, that was helpful...
It is a help to have the kind AS community here - I had been reading for quite a while before joining in.
But that is a worrisome situation you have - it’s rough enough to have house trouble, but the waiting makes it feel worse, I am sure. Here’s hoping the engineer’s news is the best that it can be - and may you be surrounded by kindness while waiting.
C.
This may lower your anxiety around a friend's baptism. What you are presuming is that everyone understands Baptism in the traditional doctrinal way. Even when I was at university some, Uhm, thirty-plus years ago, a number of individuals used Adult Baptism to mark either a significant change in their faith or a significant act of repentance. I have even known people accept it because it is the requirement of the congregation they attend. In any of these cases, it is quite likely that your friend is not in any way judging anyone else's paedobaptism.
I'm quite sure she isn't, she's very innocent that way. Doesn't stop me thinking it though. Such is anxiety. Plus, y'know, Aspergeriness.
I tried Google, but after a couple of pages about public service announcements and obscure airlines, began to lose the will to live.