I'm not sure if Johnson or Alistair Jack is the target here but it's a fantastic statement by Simon Hoare MP (Cons, North Dorset - though quite why that qualifies him to be Chair of the Northern Ireland Affairs committee, one would assume an MP associated with NI would be more appropriate).
The trains could be pulled by an inexhaustible herd of Unicorns overseen by stern, officious dodos.
A PushmePullYou could be the senior guard and Puff the Magic Dragon the inspector.
Let’s concentrate on making the Protocol work and put the hallucinogenics down.
The trains would also have to have wheels that could slide along the axles, to take into account the difference in rail gauges between Scotland and Ireland...or have some sort of wheel-changing apparatus at one end or other of the Boris Burrow (as is done in various parts of the world).
Re-gauging the entire Irish railway system (or even the small part of it in Norn Iron) would be a bit of an expensive item, and I doubt if the Republic would want to pay for it.
Obviously, the supply of Magic Mushrooms, or Lickable Toads, has not been interrupted by Brexit delays.
Yes - facilities for exchanging bogies. The wheels-sliding-along-their-axles thing was not quite a fantasy on my part - it is said that no less a genius than Isambard Kingdom Brunel toyed with the idea
Somehow, though, I doubt if the Boris Burrow will ever be dug, unless it be the infamous Death Ditch to which he once referred...
I believe Brunel considered it to make rolling stock that could run on either broad gauge or standard gauge (though there’d also have been an issue about the loading gauge, I guess),
It would have to get under the Beaufort Trench, which, as I think I have remarked before, is full of unused mustar gas shells left over from WWII.
That has been mentioned in the news reports, and it is said that a diversion away from the Beaufort Trench (which is on the more direct route) would be made.
A bloody silly idea in the first place...still, maybe it could be crowdfunded:
The Beaufort Trench is where the munitions are supposed to be. But the job was given to private contractors. Who's to say they didn't get a mile offshore and dump the lot?
A tunnel to NI is in principle no stranger than one to France. I don’t see how it would bypass any of trade barriers. Therefore it is useless on that front
But it will be The Bigly Beautiful Boris Burrow! - and therefore much superior to that namby-pamby little rat-hole leading to Foreign Parts...
Mind you, a Spiffing Wheeze might be to close the Channel Tunnel, and to use the bits to build the new Boris Burrow. The Channel would have to be dried up, or divided a la the Red Sea in the Bible, but now that we have our Sovrin Waters back, we should be able to do it - and think how many ballerinas, baristas, and bassoonists could be re-trained to work on the project!
A tunnel to NI is in principle no stranger than one to France. I don’t see how it would bypass any of trade barriers. Therefore it is useless on that front
It's less practical, however, given the harsher terrain and less utility. Stranraer is the arse end of nowhere as it is.
A tunnel to NI is in principle no stranger than one to France. I don’t see how it would bypass any of trade barriers. Therefore it is useless on that front
It's less practical, however, given the harsher terrain and less utility. Stranraer is the arse end of nowhere as it is.
Yes, although part of the Cunning Plan (I think) is to rebuild the long-closed railway line from Dumfries to Stranraer, which project, as enny fule kno, would be as cheap as chips...
If the Channel Tunnel were to be closed, dismantled, and rebuilt across the Irish Sea to Larne, then the disused Eurostar line from London could be ripped up, and the rails re-used in Scotland.
IKB's idea was for the wheels to be loose on their axles, so that they could adjust themselves according to which gauge they were running on...it works, after a fashion, and I've seen it done in model form.
IRL, the trains have to pass through a gauge-changing facility, but I guess IKB hadn't quite got that far with his thinking!
But it will be The Bigly Beautiful Boris Burrow! - and therefore much superior to that namby-pamby little rat-hole leading to Foreign Parts...
Mind you, a Spiffing Wheeze might be to close the Channel Tunnel, and to use the bits to build the new Boris Burrow. The Channel would have to be dried up, or divided a la the Red Sea in the Bible, but now that we have our Sovrin Waters back, we should be able to do it - and think how many ballerinas, baristas, and bassoonists could be re-trained to work on the project!
I don't know where you got those mushrooms, BF, but can I have some?
But it will be The Bigly Beautiful Boris Burrow! - and therefore much superior to that namby-pamby little rat-hole leading to Foreign Parts...
Mind you, a Spiffing Wheeze might be to close the Channel Tunnel, and to use the bits to build the new Boris Burrow. The Channel would have to be dried up, or divided a la the Red Sea in the Bible, but now that we have our Sovrin Waters back, we should be able to do it - and think how many ballerinas, baristas, and bassoonists could be re-trained to work on the project!
I think that the shipping magnates of the world might have something to say, given that the channel is at least as busy with through traffic as people hopping across on the ferry.
But it will be The Bigly Beautiful Boris Burrow! - and therefore much superior to that namby-pamby little rat-hole leading to Foreign Parts...
Mind you, a Spiffing Wheeze might be to close the Channel Tunnel, and to use the bits to build the new Boris Burrow. The Channel would have to be dried up, or divided a la the Red Sea in the Bible, but now that we have our Sovrin Waters back, we should be able to do it - and think how many ballerinas, baristas, and bassoonists could be re-trained to work on the project!
I think that the shipping magnates of the world might have something to say, given that the channel is at least as busy with through traffic as people hopping across on the ferry.
Simple. Just build an elevated canal across the newly dry portion.
O, it would only need to be temporarily divided, whilst the tunnel was removed...but the elevated canal idea is beautiful in its elegance and simplicity!
Giant trebuchets. Obviously you would have to cover a fair area of Co Antrim/Dumfries and Galloway in some sort of padding for the payloads to land on. Details, details.
Yes, as long as the One Rail is a Proper English Rail, and not made by some Johnny Foreigner. Why, if it isn't made here, it might break!
Why should you think that? If it's good enough for Blue Passports to be made overseas, or for a French business to monitor fishing in British waters ... why shouldn't rails be made overseas as well.
Or are you suggesting the rather radical idea that the UK government should contract to UK firms?
Isn't it easier for UK political parties to accept donations from UK businesses? An enterprising buccaneering political party with a can-do spirit can get round these pettifigging rules, but having to evade questions when it comes out can be tiresome.
Yes, as long as the One Rail is a Proper English Rail, and not made by some Johnny Foreigner. Why, if it isn't made here, it might break!
Why should you think that? If it's good enough for Blue Passports to be made overseas, or for a French business to monitor fishing in British waters ... why shouldn't rails be made overseas as well.
Or are you suggesting the rather radical idea that the UK government should contract to UK firms?
Your first paragraph Is Utter And Complete Outrage™!
As to your second paragraph - yes, as long as those firms are run by Chumocrats...
What about a see-through floating tunnel suspended just above the seabed but skipping over the Beaufort. Held down by cables stayed in concrete blocks.
Typical imperialist condescension: the work can't be trusted to local Irish and Scottish dolphins? Or the heavy, dirty part can but they need to be overseen by innately superior English dolphins.
Typical imperialist condescension: the work can't be trusted to local Irish and Scottish dolphins? Or the heavy, dirty part can but they need to be overseen by innately superior English dolphins.
I may have said this before but have they considered building a big ramp on each side? Or two on each side to reduce the chances of mid-air collisions.
Murder is an emotive word. In law, it requires premeditation. Death must be deemed to be unlawful. How could “murder” apply to failures of a pandemic response? ... <snip> ... When politicians and experts say that they are willing to allow tens of thousands of premature deaths for the sake of population immunity or in the hope of propping up the economy, is that not premeditated and reckless indifference to human life? If policy failures lead to recurrent and mistimed lockdowns, who is responsible for the resulting non-covid excess deaths? When politicians wilfully neglect scientific advice, international and historical experience, and their own alarming statistics and modelling because to act goes against their political strategy or ideology, is that lawful? Is inaction, action? How big an omission is not acting immediately after the World Health Organization declared a public health emergency of international concern on 30 January 2020?
Oh look, Gavin Williamson re-joins the fray in the attempt to make Mr Johnson look competent by stint of comparison to the rest of the Cabinet. Suggesting £6000 per school to hire additional teachers (plural!) to help children catch up. My maths may not be quite up to the level of Secretary of State for Education, but £6000 looks like less than 25% of the cost of hiring a single teacher.
Comments
Re-gauging the entire Irish railway system (or even the small part of it in Norn Iron) would be a bit of an expensive item, and I doubt if the Republic would want to pay for it.
Obviously, the supply of Magic Mushrooms, or Lickable Toads, has not been interrupted by Brexit delays.
Somehow, though, I doubt if the Boris Burrow will ever be dug, unless it be the infamous Death Ditch to which he once referred...
That has been mentioned in the news reports, and it is said that a diversion away from the Beaufort Trench (which is on the more direct route) would be made.
A bloody silly idea in the first place...still, maybe it could be crowdfunded:
Bung A Bob For The Bigly Boris Burrow!
Well, they'll find out when they start digging...
If they survive to tell the tale.
Mind you, a Spiffing Wheeze might be to close the Channel Tunnel, and to use the bits to build the new Boris Burrow. The Channel would have to be dried up, or divided a la the Red Sea in the Bible, but now that we have our Sovrin Waters back, we should be able to do it - and think how many ballerinas, baristas, and bassoonists could be re-trained to work on the project!
It's less practical, however, given the harsher terrain and less utility. Stranraer is the arse end of nowhere as it is.
Yes, although part of the Cunning Plan (I think) is to rebuild the long-closed railway line from Dumfries to Stranraer, which project, as enny fule kno, would be as cheap as chips...
If the Channel Tunnel were to be closed, dismantled, and rebuilt across the Irish Sea to Larne, then the disused Eurostar line from London could be ripped up, and the rails re-used in Scotland.
Simples!
It's not a fantasy at all - exactly such a system has been in use for trains running between Spain and France since the 1960s.
IKB's idea was for the wheels to be loose on their axles, so that they could adjust themselves according to which gauge they were running on...it works, after a fashion, and I've seen it done in model form.
IRL, the trains have to pass through a gauge-changing facility, but I guess IKB hadn't quite got that far with his thinking!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variable_gauge
I don't know where you got those mushrooms, BF, but can I have some?
I think that the shipping magnates of the world might have something to say, given that the channel is at least as busy with through traffic as people hopping across on the ferry.
Simple. Just build an elevated canal across the newly dry portion.
Or a zeppelin shuttle service.
Or a breeding programme for giant Rocs, which can then be trained to carry freight in their talons.
Monorail!
Yes, as long as the One Rail is a Proper English Rail, and not made by some Johnny Foreigner. Why, if it isn't made here, it might break!
Manatees could carry a bigger payload. Or perhaps Whales could be employed - they could carry even more.
Zeppelins aren't a bad idea. There's enough Hot Air in Wastemonster to power a few, I should think.
Trained dolphins, silly! Be realistic!
Or are you suggesting the rather radical idea that the UK government should contract to UK firms?
Your first paragraph Is Utter And Complete Outrage™!
As to your second paragraph - yes, as long as those firms are run by Chumocrats...
Aleady been tried in Ireland.
Train the Dolphins!
(True-Blue Sovrin English Dolphins, of course)
Typical imperialist condescension: the work can't be trusted to local Irish and Scottish dolphins? Or the heavy, dirty part can but they need to be overseen by innately superior English dolphins.
Exactly.
To avoid the Beaufort Trench, it could be partially a suspension bridge, held up in the sky by specially trained Unicorns.
Mind you, as someone pointed out a while back, Boris couldn't even build a bridge from London to London...
We know this, but Bozzie and the Chumocrats will never admit to it. That would be jolly bad form, chaps, what?
I guess they were taught that, as privileged leaders of the country, they could never actually be wrong.
Even if they now came clean, and confessed to their many sins of Omission and Commission, would we believe them?
I was wondering if anyone would get the reference.