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How to make new friends

Rufus T FireflyRufus T Firefly Shipmate
in Heaven
I am looking for some helpful advice from the wisdom of the Ship.

Let me describe my situation. I am now living in a town where I have no friends. My closest friends are either in another country (ie Canada) or are at least 3 hours drive away. I know that for my own well-being that I cannot allow this to continue and that I need to make a couple of new friends in the local area. My problem is that throughout my life I have been pretty abject at making friends. The friends I have made have mostly come about by happy accident.

I am looking for one or two people with whom I could hang out from time to time, either over a pint of good beer or a cup of decent coffee. Or perhaps just to go out on a stroll in the local countryside (that may or may not end up at a pub that sells good beer…).

Here’s what I am going to be doing during this year.
  • Volunteering once a week at a local NT property. One of my interests is history and so I hope to find someone with a similar interest with whom I might click and who might want to meet up outside of the NT situation.
  • After I return from my trip to Canada in May and June, I am hoping to join a local rambling club and go on walks. Another of my interests is wildlife (especially birds) and so I might meet someone who shares that interest and wants to meet up occasionally.
I am very aware that it is possible that neither of these things will produce someone whom I can think of as a good friend that I want to spend time with. And so I am asking fellow shipmates for help and advice. What things have YOU done that have been successful in making new friends in a strange or new situation? What has worked? What HASN’T worked?

Comments

  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Used to be the fastest way of making good friends would be to go to church, but that may not be the case anymore. Mainly because of the age difference. Nevertheless, it's there.

    You say you are into history. Look for presentations that interest you. You just might find a person with similar interests.

    Public Laundromats? Never know whom you can find there.

    Local pubs/bars?
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Sorry for the double post. The edit time had lapsed. One place where I met a good friend for the first time was in a night class we were taking together. We were of the same age and had similar interests. He is now gone, but we still stay in touch with his wife.

    Another place where we have made friends is through local farmers markets. Vendors and regulars like to chat with each other week after week.
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    I was going to suggest the Ramblers @Rufus T Firefly. The ones here are probably the friendliest group of people I know, not only are there walks but meals out and invites to join events. You can join in as much or as little as you want. The U3A is also another good place for making new acquaintances and the groups are interesting of themselves.
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    People from Facebook who are local.
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    Trying to find some local gay groups, myself, with common interests.
  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    I generally find most of my friends at work--which is to say, when we're focused on the same project and how to get it done. That can also include college courses, like the IT classes I picked up. It's much easier to get to know someone when you are puzzling together over why this routine won't run, or what in the heck So-and-So wanted us to do.

    I'd suggest something similar. Find a volunteer position--work in the library, walk shelter dogs, be an election judge, whatever. You're very likely to pick up friends naturally that way. If you can't find a volunteer job that suits, try a community college class, or see if a church has a volunteer group you could join (food pantry, etc.).

    The reason the work/project thing produces friends IMHO is because it allows the two of you to get a feel for each other's way of being, without the embarrassment of actually sitting down and staring at each other eyeball to eyeball while you figure out if you can tolerate each other's quirks. That's too much like dating. :wink:
  • Leorning CnihtLeorning Cniht Shipmate
    Rufus T Firefly wrote: »
    I am very aware that it is possible that neither of these things will produce someone whom I can think of as a good friend that I want to spend time with. And so I am asking fellow shipmates for help and advice. What things have YOU done that have been successful in making new friends in a strange or new situation? What has worked? What HASN’T worked?

    People who have become friends in the last couple of decades are people I have met at:

    1. Work
    2. Church
    3. Fellow volunteers at an activity I volunteer for

    These all have something in common: they are places you keep going (and are expected to keep going), so there's no real pressure surrounding meeting anyone. Just keep showing up, see the same faces, then ask if anyone fancies a pint or whatever.
  • BoogieBoogie Heaven Host
    edited March 18
    We moved here nearly four years ago.

    I have have one dear friend who is a neighbour and three groups of friends.

    Church
    Art group
    Hedgehog volunteers
    Dog walkers

    The Church people are lovely, gentle and kind. We meet for a house group once a month.

    The art group are great fun, we have art class then go for coffee and laugh a lot. My neighbour and I go there together.

    The hedgehog group are serious and the conversation is all about animals, birds and conservation.

    Dog walkers talk endlessly about our dogs, of course!

    Mr Boogs plays in two local bands and has made friends there. He also has a couple of cycling mates he met in the pub.

    Mr Boogs is not a party animal. So when he's away on a cycling weekend I throw a party. I have about four a year and love planning for them.🙂
    Sarasa wrote: »
    The U3A is also another good place for making new acquaintances and the groups are interesting of themselves.

    Oh yes!

    I forgot this one. I go to U3A photography and U3A German.

    Both very friendly groups of people - and real experts too.
  • Rufus T FireflyRufus T Firefly Shipmate
    Sarasa wrote: »
    I was going to suggest the Ramblers @Rufus T Firefly. The ones here are probably the friendliest group of people I know, not only are there walks but meals out and invites to join events. You can join in as much or as little as you want. The U3A is also another good place for making new acquaintances and the groups are interesting of themselves.

    U3A is a good idea. Thanks for that - I will look up what there is in my area. I have known people in the past who loved being involved in U3A. In fact, in a previous church, we had a pretty large group of retirees who had done a U3A course on computers and were extremely willing to give advice about church websites, emails and general online presence. It was quite funny to have an 80+ person start an indepth conversation about some technicalities of routers.
  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    Shared interest groups - church, crafts or hobbies, being regulars at cafes.
  • Gamma GamalielGamma Gamaliel Shipmate
    I moved here nearly 20 years ago now and knew nobody other than my widowed mother-in-law and a couple who moved to the US not long after I arrived ... nothing to do with me!

    My late wife grew up in this area so had some school friends.

    She soon made friends at church and at the primary school gate when she collected the Gamaliettes.

    I got to know people at church - and other churches - and also through getting involved in local politics (not for the faint-hearted!) and running a local arts group.

    I run a poetry group and attend open-mics and other poetry events.

    I also know plenty of people through ecumenical gatherings of one form or other, but they tend to live in other parts of the country.

    I think the common denominator from all the posts so far is a mix of church, work, volunteering and community activities or common-interest groups (Ramblers, U3A, philatelists or model-railway buffs or whatever else it might be).

    Get out and get involved is the only way, I think.
  • March HareMarch Hare Shipmate
    Volunteering is of course a wonderful way to meet people, but in my view works best if you volunteer for something you will actually enjoy doing for its own sake. This might be a preserved railway, canal etc which are always keen for recruits whether in the office or in the 'dirty hands brigade'. Charity shops is an option, but you might find yourself only working with one person - who might not be a prospective friend.
    U3A almost bound to offer friendships, but again you want a course that interests you for its own sake.
  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    I have made new friends recently though u3a groups, notably French and Scrabble, but especially French as we discuss topics which actually reveal quite a lot of personal information. At Scrabble we are busy concentrating on the game, so not much time for chatting. Bear this in mind when considering which groups to join.
  • The_RivThe_Riv Shipmate
    edited March 18
    Buy a dog. Not kidding.
  • CaissaCaissa Shipmate
    I made friends over the years through playing chess, tennis and pickleball. I also made friends at the various universities I have either studied or worked at.
  • Graven ImageGraven Image Shipmate
    I moved to a new area three years ago and made new friends. I invited my next-door neighbor over for a cup of tea. I stopped another neighbor walking her dog and asked about a local grooming place. It took two years, but I now have friends at church, I started a book club and invited others. I asked another person in my neighborhood if I could pick one of the green tomatoes he had growing on his fence. I like fried green tomatoes, and you can not find them in the store.
  • AravisAravis Shipmate
    Are you in an area where people are happy to talk to strangers? In South Wales, for example, it’s normal to start conversations with random people and start sharing personal details fairly quickly. I know my mum found this strange when she first moved to the area.
    An elderly man I know makes friends by walking round the park every day wearing an interesting hat - this seems to be enough to start multiple conversations!
  • Graven ImageGraven Image Shipmate
    A man in our neighborhood sits on his front porch every evening at 6 in the summer, and people have started stopping by to talk to him. Some evenings, two or three people will be sitting on his steps chatting.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    I found a group through the subReddit for a nearby town that now meets weekly for coffee and blather. It's turning out to have a 5- or 6-man core who are getting to be quite close. We are, of course, referring to ourselves as the International Order of Old Guys Getting Coffee. Our membership guideline is male, over 60. We bend on the second. Not the first.
  • Cheery GardenerCheery Gardener Shipmate
    I'm quite surprised at the number of people who walk past my house and who will stop for a chat if I'm weeding in the front garden. Most are walkers, with dogs or without and some are neighbours. We've not made any in depth connections but people are pleasant and will say good morning (mostly).

    I don't do much now, but friendships have been formed through work, church and volunteering with people in a similar age group and interests. I'd endorse all the suggestions above. I don't know too if there are people from your earlier life that you've lost touch with, that you might be able to reconnect with. I've done this recently with an old school friend and enjoyed that very much.

  • DardaDarda Shipmate
    Our town (and many others) has a "happy to talk bench". Anybody sitting on it welcomes a stranger to join them and strike up a conversation.
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