Headlines of Utter Weirdness

16061626365

Comments

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    She shouldn't drink, as already legless.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Wasn't there a character in The Lord Of The Rings called Legless? - No, wait, that's Legolas. My bad.

    I'll get my cape.
  • In fairness, she did have two legs if needed. But I had never heard of her before the show, but loved here there. So sad that she needed more surgery on her leg.
  • The Oxford Mail is frustrating as often the headline on the front outage bears no resemblance to the one in the article, so you'll have to take my word for this one.

    Man arrested after huge police presence seen with 'blue lights'

    Leaving aside the quotation marks, were they invisible in ordinary coloured light?
  • This is a perfect headline: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp341d5w549o

    "Disappointment after bed bugs cancel Christmas fete". You have to feel sorry for all those people who were hoping to have a great time at the bed bugs Christmas fete.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    "Christmas won't be Christmas without any bed bugs," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
    --Little Women (New Revised Translation)
  • There's a certain irony in the fact that the place is located in Beds...
  • There is nothing worse than a Beds bed bug. They just feel right at home.
  • AzzAzz Shipmate Posts: 11
    From the BBC: "Man hand delivers Evri parcels dumped by bins". Watch out for those parcel-dumping bins, rather prevalent at this time of year!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Was the man 'hand' separated from the man? Spooky!
  • I expect the report was left over from Hallowe'en...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited December 4
    That's what I thought too. - Hand vs Bins. Yep, definitely.
  • Shouldn't 'bins', whoever they are, be 'Bins'?
  • Another Oxford Wail classic with a completely different headline when you click on it:

    "Disabled puppy found the weight of sugar bag in waste bin"

    How do you parse that?
  • For a start, was the 'weight' that of the sugar bag plus the waste bin containing it, or just the bag?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I read it as the dog found the line on the sugar bag that states what the weight of the package is. To be honest, I have seen dogs do far more impressive tricks than that.
  • O yes - ISWYM.

    Clearly, the Oxford Wail is staffed by AIs, or by people whose first language is not English - possibly Klingon?
  • O yes - ISWYM.

    Clearly, the Oxford Wail is staffed by AIs, or by people whose first language is not English - possibly Klingon?

    I don't think it's anything as intelligible as Klingon, frankly.
  • Hmm. Do they perhaps obtain material from the Donald J Trump Word Salad Emporium?
  • Meanwhile, in Southend (from the BBC): "Giant purple dinosaur caught fly-tipping on CCTV". There are pictures!
  • Didn't he realise that, if he fly-tipped onto the CCTV camera, it might just catch him in the act?

    O wait...dinosaurs aren't very bright, even when purple...

    And why do they think it's relevant to mention his size?
  • It is a fantastic video of the dinosaur https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c8r3pgr5jdxo
  • Didn't he realise that, if he fly-tipped onto the CCTV camera, it might just catch him in the act?

    O wait...dinosaurs aren't very bright, even when purple...

    And why do they think it's relevant to mention his size?

    Size matters. I used to get e-mails telling me that all the time.
  • It is a fantastic video of the dinosaur https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c8r3pgr5jdxo

    It's quite something, isn't it? The lack of a report of flytipping and the pole danceresque twirl at the end says to me that someone was playing up to the camera!
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    edited December 5
    Didn't he realise that, if he fly-tipped onto the CCTV camera, it might just catch him in the act?

    O wait...dinosaurs aren't very bright, even when purple...

    And why do they think it's relevant to mention his size?

    Size matters. I used to get e-mails telling me that all the time.

    🤣🤣

    [Hostly Minor Magick Hat on]

    Aubergine/eggplant emoji removed, as in this case does not contribute much to the post or the thread, and as meaning of quotes and post are clear anyway. - Let's please stick to more conventional emojis if need be; otherwise, and mostly, please try to use words from the rich vocabulary of the English language and alphabet and Latin script, of which there are plenty, and which can very creatively - and smuttily, if you must - be used (including punctuation) if desire... should arise. Thank you.

    Wesley J, Circus Host
    [Hostly Minor Magick Hat off]
  • 'Rogue raptor' and 'prehistoric predator'...O! the all-embracing and artful aid of alliteration!
  • Again BBC: "Pub hit by bulldozer may have been targeted, police say". Wow, the detectives are really on the case!
  • That's another headline where you know what they mean, but which nevertheless sounds dippy...

    One imagines a pub with a great big target roundel on the wall, so that the Evil Bulldozer-Driver knows what to aim for.
  • From you-know-where: "23-year-old reportedly stabbed as police hunt launched". Clearly he would have been OK if the police hadn't got on the case.

    It would have been better as "23-year-old reportedly stabbed; police hunt launched".
  • Well, quite - but I think the AIs 'writing' this drivel must get an extra dose of whatever-it-is that keeps robots alive for each unnecessary 'as'.
  • That's another headline where you know what they mean, but which nevertheless sounds dippy...

    One imagines a pub with a great big target roundel on the wall, so that the Evil Bulldozer-Driver knows what to aim for.

    I think he already knew: https://tinyurl.com/37f4zkkv
  • :lol:

    O well - I hope he thinks it was all worthwhile...
  • Did they preface that with "New In:"
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited December 11
    Interestingly, he will be charged for his charging the pub.
  • Dozens injured unnecessarily amid spate of rail bridge collisions last year, according to the Glasgow Herald. Shocking news of course, but why the "unnecessarily"? The alternative is too dreadful to contemplate.
  • Quite -and what do they mean by 'rail bridge collisions'? Bridges crashing into each other, or collisions of trains on bridges?
  • Wales Online (of course):

    Person critical after police incident shuts high street--live updates

    "Darn right I'm critical! How am I supposed to do my shopping if you close the street???"
  • Shouldn't that read 'person critical as police' etc. etc. ?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    You are, of course, quite right, BF - they're slipping up! :mrgreen:
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited December 13
    From the "i": Man guilty of murdering his wife after rare retrial.
    Very sad .... but I think he committed the foul deed long before the trial.
  • Another Oxford Wail cracker. Unusually, this seems to be accurate reporting!
    https://flic.kr/p/2rLzkQQ

    https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/25692554.abingdon-man-smashed-shop-windows-blames-tattoos-hedgehog/

    (Note my perpetual grump about the News Page headline and the article headline)

  • Fake news! I'm innocent!
  • Too late! Now it's been published on the Ship, second only to The Onion for reliable news, there goes your reputation.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I'm rather disappointed it doesn't seem to explain why the tattoos or the hedgehog were to blame!

    I'm not a fan of tattoos, but hedgehogs are innocent, useful and cute. :)
  • carexcarex Shipmate
    Not a newspaper headline, but ...

    I was glancing through the instructions for my wife's new coffee pot, and noticed one of the features listed was a:

    COMMENT INFUSER

    I was greatly puzzled about what sort of comments were being added to the coffee, but found the text was in French. The corresponding English paragraph was titled, "HOW TO BREW".
  • Oh... extra points for that one.
  • From Kent Online:

    Man found dead in churchyard as police cordon off site.

    They should of got there earlier, as the locals might say...
  • Oh... extra points for that one.

    Pronunciation does make a difference!
  • Perhaps not a weird one, but an unusually malevolent headline in the New York Times: "Love, or at Least Marriage, Is in the Air in Trump’s Washington ", concerning several of Washington's less admirable people.
  • Perhaps not a weird one, but an unusually malevolent headline in the New York Times: "Love, or at Least Marriage, Is in the Air in Trump’s Washington ", concerning several of Washington's less admirable people.

    A scary thought. They might breed...
    :scream:
Sign In or Register to comment.