Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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Comments

  • Would that be the smoke that led the Israelites through the wilderness?
  • Sounds more like the smoke given off as Sodom and Gomorrah burned (Genesis 19:28).
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    The use of "Biblical" in this way always reminds me of a radio broadcast where the "official" weatherman intoned that there was going to be "a snowstorm of Biblical proportions." They then cut back to the local DJ, who queried "Where in the Bible is there a snowstorm???"
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Flames erupt from Brooklyn manholes as cars explode and hundreds evacuated
    (From the Mirror US - where there's also above biblical burning barge headline)

    So, what was first? The exploding cars? Nope. It's the erupting flames, due to a gas leak...

  • Presumably someone put the cars into the manholes first, and they exploded?
  • March HareMarch Hare Shipmate
    Nifty work to get those hundreds evacuated - not much room in manholes.
  • From the informative Glasgow Herald again.... City's only dedicated lingerie store in liquidation. Possibly not hilariously funny or boggling of the mind, but I did wonder about the 'dedicated lingerie'. The imagination was unable to process that phrase.
  • "I dedicate these bloomers to the memory of my dear grandmother, whose life would not have been the same without them".
  • Now I am wondering if the local clergy might have been called in to bless the merchandise.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I presume it is described that way to distinguish it from the City's apathetic lingerie store.
  • MarsupialMarsupial Shipmate
    Iranian dissident found dead in B.C. accused murder suspects of trying to poison him

    A rather sobering headline, but after multiple reads I had no idea of what was supposed to be a noun and what was supposed to be a verb, and had to just read the article. The meaning is that at some point before his death he had accused the suspects of trying to poison him…
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    So not a séance, then?
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    edited March 22
    Today's 'Mail on Sunday': 'Fergie plot to clone the Queen's corgis for reality TV'.
    This has it all!
  • RockyRoger wrote: »
    Today's 'Mail on Sunday': 'Fergie plot to clone the Queen's corgis for reality TV'.
    This has it all!

    I expect she needs the money.
  • RockyRoger wrote: »
    Today's 'Mail on Sunday': 'Fergie plot to clone the Queen's corgis for reality TV'.
    This has it all!

    That's a good one! Takes you back to the good old days of the National Enquirer coming up with a catchy headline and then making up a story to go with it.
  • March HareMarch Hare Shipmate
    Powys County Times reports that a man has been 'jailed last week for arming himself with a knife and besieging himself in his partner's flat'.

    That takes a bit of doing, I'd have thought.
  • sub-editor struggled to find 'barricading' and picked the nearest?
  • BBC: "Porridge recalled over mouse contamination fears". This immediately set me off on the wrong track, as I thought we were recalling the old Ronnie Barker TV comedy!

    Incidentally, I owe my grandchildren to "Porridge" - my son met his future wife when they were both working on a touring stage production of said show.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited March 23
    March Hare wrote: »
    Powys County Times reports that a man has been 'jailed last week for arming himself with a knife and besieging himself in his partner's flat'.

    That takes a bit of doing, I'd have thought.

    I hope the man gave himself a good talking-to, and will repent, and ask himself (and then others) for forgiveness.
  • BBC: "Porridge recalled over mouse contamination fears". This immediately set me off on the wrong track, as I thought we were recalling the old Ronnie Barker TV comedy!

    Incidentally, I owe my grandchildren to "Porridge" - my son met his future wife when they were both working on a touring stage production of said show.

    I'm afraid my devious mind wants to know in what way the porridge contaminated the mouse (or mice).

  • Indeed so!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Anyone making the poor little mice eat porridge deserves to be contaminated!
  • "Silkier than French Knickers" says the headline in the Glasgow Herald, which then goes on to add, "...this cheese has just been named the best in Scotland". Purely a matter of personal taste, of course, but that's not any part of my own cheese selection process.
  • "Silkier than French Knickers" says the headline in the Glasgow Herald, which then goes on to add, "...this cheese has just been named the best in Scotland". Purely a matter of personal taste, of course, but that's not any part of my own cheese selection process.

    Well it always works for me.

    (it is a terrible analogy. I don't want anything cheesy compared to underwear.)
  • The analogy is the fault of the cheesemaker, or their publicist.
    Any sub would have made a saucy French allusion to a cheese called "Ooh La La"
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    What is the world coming to? The Glasgow Herald used to be a very respectable sort of rag, back in the day when my dad read it! 🙃
  • Just a few yards from where we caught our train the other day, the Glasgow Herald tells us: "Discovery of Elephant Sized Hole at George Square Leads to Major Delays". The best part is that to ensure our trust in their journalistic integrity, they go on to list the typical dimensions of an Indian elephant.
  • That's very thoughtful of them, given that (IIRC) African elephants are much larger than the Asian model...

    Why, a bus could fall into the larger hole, whilst the Asian one would probably only accommodate a car.
  • So what percentage of an Olympic swimming pool (the usual measurement for such holes) might that be?
  • Depends on whether you divide it by the size of a tennis court, or of a London bus...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I can't remember which online rag had this classic misuse of "as":

    Scottish actor Alexander Morton dies as tributes pour in.
    🙄
  • Obviously crushed by the sheer weight of cards.
  • If I knew that could happen, there are other people I would be getting tributes for.
  • BBC: "Residents outraged over 'horrendous' new bollards on green used to film Doctor Who".

    Funny that, I thought they used cameras to film things ...
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Yesterday, a rat interrupted a baseball game at Wrigley field. It was spotted skirting the Philly's dugout, and seemed to initiate a rally for the Cubs.

    Why am I putting this in a headlines thread? Because it reminded me of another headline I saw just last week.

    Ada County’s rat problem slipped through the cracks at the Capitol. What’s next?

    The story behind the headline.

    Up till now, Idaho had never had a rat problem. But rats have started appearing in the Boise metro area. However, Idaho pest control laws do not address what can be done about them. Ada County, where Boise is located, wanted the state legislature to fix the law so they could address the problem. The legislature could not reach an agreement. It will have to be addressed next year. Meanwhile the rat population will continue to explode.

    When I first read the headline, I first thought the rat situation originated at the state capitol. I had always thought the conservative legislators were a bunch of rats anyway. Rereading the article, I realized the rats originated in a suburb of Boise. Now, I am getting a feeling the legislature, already filled with rats, are just taking care of their four legged cousins.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited April 22
    Whatever. Rats (however many legs they possess) are good at slipping through cracks, anyway...
    :wink:
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    This one made me do a double-take, from the BBC website.
    Doctor who warned Valdo Calocane could kill giving evidence to Nottingham public inquiry
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    edited April 23
    Sipech wrote: »
    This one made me do a double-take, from the BBC website.
    Doctor who warned Valdo Calocane could kill giving evidence to Nottingham public inquiry

    What horrid grammar! Er, the headline, not your post!
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    I have heard witnesses whose evidence was soporific to an almost narcotic degree, but I have not encountered witnesses whose delivery could actually be fatal.


  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    At least they didn't capitalise every word the way some (often American) headlines do:
    Doctor Who Warned Valdo Calocane Could Kill ...

    which could have given quite a different impression. :mrgreen:
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    Again, from the egregious BBC news website: 'Doctor warned Nottingham attacker he would end up killing'.
    Are these headlines made to fit on a smartphone screen? Why oh why do they do this?
  • O! If only They would teach propper grammer and speeling at skool, like what They did in my day...
  • Yup, we's all need to be learned 'ow to speak proper, like.
  • Well, I woz drug up proper, so I no ow to speek n'rite rite.
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    Sigh .........
    XX
  • From the Japan Times

    Trump evacuated as shooter opens fire at Washington gala event

    Reminds me of a MASH episode where a bomb exploded nearby and Potter called "Evacuate", and Hawkeye said "I think I already did".
  • BBC website: "How Kenya's Sabastian Sawe broke the two-hour barrier at London Marathon". Surely the answer is simple: he ran faster.

    Amazing achievement though - I can't even run to catch a bus!
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    BBC website: "How Kenya's Sabastian Sawe broke the two-hour barrier at London Marathon". Surely the answer is simple: he ran faster.

    Amazing achievement though - I can't even run to catch a bus!

    You have buses where you live? Wow!
  • Yes - 9 per hour to town at the bottom of our road (used to be 14!!!!)
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