Today I Consign To Hell -the All Saints version

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  • It might be possible to place a microphone and loudspeaker on the floor with an amplifier, so the person below gets back what he delivers. It would mess with his mind very nicely.
  • Seems as though his mind is a bit messed-up already... :scream:
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    My tablet for dying on Christmas eve taking with it the e-books I was reading and some much needed meditations. :bawling:

    I refuse to go out amongst the last minute shoppers to replace it.
  • O dear - I read 'tablet for dying' in a rather different context! I'm relieved to hear that you refer to your Engine Of Satan™, and hope that you manage to (a) survive without it, and (b) replace it soon.

    There may be some bargains in the post-Winterfest sales, if you have such things in NZ...
  • O dear - I read 'tablet for dying' in a rather different context! I'm relieved to hear that you refer to your Engine Of Satan™, and hope that you manage to (a) survive without it, and (b) replace it soon. [...]

    Crikey, I thought the same! - Like BF, I do hope that 'the words of our mouth, and the meditations of our hearts / be acceptable in thy sight / tonight,' seeing it is Christmas Eve Eve, and swift technological replacement may occur!

    (NB. If the link is not hellish enough, try their 'Mary's boy child, Jesus Christ.' That was deeply disturbing in the late 1970s.)
  • Felize Navidad.
    I don't care if that is how this is spelled or not. It's a terrible Christmas song (it's not a carol).
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    It's amazing the difference missing a comma makes to a sentence. :blush:

    We don't do "winterfest" as it is summer here - although you couldn't tell by the temperature.

    I've found some Christmas specials and also there is a retailer who will give Gold Card* discounts. It will not be as expensive as I had feared but the timing could have been better.

    *Gold cards are given to everyone over 65 here.
  • Are you certain it is truly dead? I thought my laptop had died but it hadn't. Hoping that something like that has occurred.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited December 2019
    Wesley J wrote: »
    ... I do hope that 'the words of our mouth, and the meditations of our hearts / be acceptable in thy sight / tonight,'
    I didn’t even need to click on that link - I knew what it was going to be, and I was right ... :mrgreen:
  • Huia--

    Sorry about your tablet. I know zilch about them, but there's apt to be all sorts of stuff online (manuals, diagnostic procedures, Q & A sites) to help you figure out what's wrong, and maybe something you could try.

    Have had to do this with my computer.
  • Chest colds for Christmas. Both Mr Image and I spent the night trying to breath. Nasty colds. The dog is concerned. Thankfully family was here for the week-end and we can spend Christmas with bowls of chicken soup from the freezer. Second cold in the last four weeks. Totally unfair.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Hope you both feel better soon, GI!
  • Our church software, which we're done with at the end of this year (thank God!). It just had a weird glitch. I was entering an invoice, and for some reason, it duplicated that invoice to every. vendor. we've. ever. ever. paid. And there's no way to bulk delete them. So I have to click on every invoice, click "delete," then click YES I DO WANT TO DELETE THIS! over 1200 times. Then get back to entering invoices.
  • {{{{{{{churchgeek}}}}}}}

    Yikes!
  • Eeeeeek churchgeek!!!! All my sympathy! :cry:
  • Wesley JWesley J Shipmate
    edited December 2019
    Please bear with me. - So I go to the Carol Service at this small Anglican church I often go to on Christmas Eve. I am sometimes asked to usher and help, but that wasn't needed this time. The church was full to the rafters, about 200 people or more, as always for this service. The readers had been chosen beforehand by the vicar and the church warden, and a few new ones appointed for the occasion.

    The first reader - whom I didn't know -, was in his early to mid 60s, clearly VERY well-to-do, rather elegantly dressed, and of the type who normally gives orders, rather then humbly receiving them, and he obviously wasn't in the mood, not even for a Christmas service. The first lesson being the Garden of Eden apple-munching and getting-kicked-out-of-Paradise story, the guy started, turning to the vicar: 'I feel I would like to say something to this before I begin. When I was asked to read tonight I was filled with joy and anticipation of what passage it was going to be. And now I have ended up with his horrible, ghastly text. But well, here goes, this is for [vicar's name] and [warden's name].'

    So he, clearly reluctantly, read his part... but finished off not with 'Thanks be to God' but 'Thanks be to [vicar's name] and [warden's name]'!

    FFS!! Aaaargh!! Jesus, Joseph and Mary!! Baby Jesus wept!!

    In this year of huge turmoil worldwide, with the resurgence of spoilt brats like the current POTUS, BoJo, Rees-Mogg, the Aussie PM, and all the others, we now have that ilk even in one of the most beautiful, memorable and uplifting annual church services, on Christmas Eve, who - in front of more than 200 churchgoers, regulars and many many visitors - basically throws a tantrum and not once, but twice blames others for something which basically is an honour and joy to do. And they don't give thanks to God, but cynically to people they blame for the narcissistic discomfort.

    Thus, TICTH this insufferable personnage, and while I'm at it, TICTH the organist too, who showed up 2 minutes before the start of the service, and for the second hymn... was nowhere to be found, and so on the vicar's suggestion we started accapella. The organist only got back in (no idea where he had gone!) towards the end of that hymn, and we got some organ accompaniment to finish it off.

    (And when I finally got home, I noticed that our big local church was on fire, see Prayer Thread and Cool Britannia. - I mean, honestly! You couldn't make it up! - Grrrr.)

    Merry Christmas, everyone!
  • That is appalling, @Wesley J and why I only ask people to read if I know them to be regulars: because you never know (and especially you never know on Christmas Eve, when per-service drink may well have been taken).
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    He sounds like a right w****r, Wesley - he was probably pissed off that he was asked to do the first lesson (usually reserved for a junior chorister) and not the one from the Gospel of John.

    As for the organist, if he was anything like an acquaintance of mine*, he may have been caught short ... :mrgreen:

    * not D., since you ask :innocent:
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    ((( @Graven Image )))
    ((( @churchgeek )))
    Oh, @Wesley J, that is horrible. What a schmuck!

  • {{{{{{{Wes}}}}}}}

    I don't know much about lectionaries. Is that Genesis text purposely paired with Christmas, to show Jesus as the remedy for what happened?

    Thx.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Shipmate
    edited December 2019
    Yes, it's a standard text. I read it about 10 years ago. A small child in the congregation turned to their parents and asked, in a shocked and carrying voice "they were naked????

    Unfortunately the carrying voice didn't carry all the way to the lectern, and so I had the unnerving experience of the congregation suddenly laughing mid-text. I assumed I'd made some dreadful mispronunciation or spoonerism or something.

    The small child is now taller than I am. I heard her being teased about it again this year. :)
  • TICTH people who don’t realise that the 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas Day and finish on 12th night Instead, people in our street have had decorations up for the whole of December and have already taken them down 😠
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    I just got mine up a couple of days before Christmas, so I should make up for one household, anyway
  • I have only now got time to listen to my large collection of Christmas music, though it is fast disappearing from the radio.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate
    edited December 2019
    FYI: lots of people don't celebrate the 12 Days or know about them, other than the song or from Shakespeare. Same with Advent. ETA: They may be from a non-liturgical church or not Christians.

    OTOH, some people leave their outdoor Christmas lights up all year long, though they don't necessarily light them out of season. I think it's mostly because it's such a pain--and dangerous--to put them up on the eaves of the house.
  • @WesleyJ Dear God

    First up, the Vicar should have got the agreement of the appointed readers, including if they were happy with the reading they had been allocated. But for the reader to behave in such a way is outrageous and IMHO should result in him being barred from doing a reading, or anything else for that matte, ever again. You describe him as "well-to-do-" to which I'd say maybe but certainly neither well-bred nor well-mannered.

    The organist: if he appeared late and then absented himself I'd suggest he was held up in traffic and then was "taken short". Yes, maybe he should have allowed more time to get to church on the night but things can sometimes go awry. I was once late for a service because on the only stretch of lane with no turning space or gateway a car towing a trailer had skidded and got itself wedged between two hedgerows on raised banks - and naturally there was no mobile reception either.

  • Golden Key wrote: »
    FYI: lots of people don't celebrate the 12 Days or know about them, other than the song or from Shakespeare. Same with Advent. ETA: They may be from a non-liturgical church or not Christians.

    OTOH, some people leave their outdoor Christmas lights up all year long, though they don't necessarily light them out of season. I think it's mostly because it's such a pain--and dangerous--to put them up on the eaves of the house.

    One house in the parish next to Our Place leaves the lights in situ all year, along with the inflatable Santa, reindeer, etc.

    By about half-past Easter, Santa, reindeer, etc. are completely deflated, and hanging limply over the porch, on whose flat roof they live.
    :flushed:

  • TICTH idiot rail companies who run short, elderly rolling stock on important lines. They break down and there's no spare capacity to take up the slack
  • TICTH idiot rail companies who run short, elderly rolling stock on important lines. They break down and there's no spare capacity to take up the slack

    Actually I think the company has run out of staff willing to work this week. I wonder why
  • No, no.

    The nice new modern trains have been Good Trains, and have earned a holiday.

    This gives the old trains (shrunken and feeble though they be) a chance to stretch their wheels - which may be why they've broken down...
    :grimace:
  • I was picking up tickets at our local station this afternoon and asked how the trains were faring with Edinburgh Haymarket undergoing track works. The ticket man grinned and said that he had been following it on some private Scotrail site, and it is chaos. Apparently many trains are being re-routed, obviously, but when the drivers were given their routes this morning some of them said they hadn’t driven these routes before and refused on the grounds of safety. And this for works that have been a year in the planning....
  • Lily Pad wrote: »
    The nice new modern trains have been Good Trains, and have earned a holiday.
    You wouldn't say that if you lived in East Anglia, where the lovely new trains and the signals won't talk to each other: https://tinyurl.com/recpcyr. The old trains have been sent to Wales.

  • My dear, @Baptist Trainfan, I live on an island without any trains. I know nothing of either elderly nor baby trains. I believe you meant to quote that well known fan, @Bishops Finger
    Lily Pad wrote: »
    The nice new modern trains have been Good Trains, and have earned a holiday.
    You wouldn't say that if you lived in East Anglia, where the lovely new trains and the signals won't talk to each other: https://tinyurl.com/recpcyr. The old trains have been sent to Wales.

  • I was not unhappy to read that Abellio's tenure of the Scotrail franchise will not be renewed, though we still have another two years of them.
    https://www.railwaygazette.com/55403.article
    However, we should not be too hopeful, as each one seems to be worse than the last.
  • Lily Pad wrote: »
    My dear, @Baptist Trainfan, I live on an island without any trains. I know nothing of either elderly nor baby trains. I believe you meant to quote that well known fan, @Bishops Finger
    Lily Pad wrote: »
    The nice new modern trains have been Good Trains, and have earned a holiday.
    You wouldn't say that if you lived in East Anglia, where the lovely new trains and the signals won't talk to each other: https://tinyurl.com/recpcyr. The old trains have been sent to Wales.

    Indeed so.
  • Lily Pad wrote: »
    The nice new modern trains have been Good Trains, and have earned a holiday.
    You wouldn't say that if you lived in East Anglia, where the lovely new trains and the signals won't talk to each other: https://tinyurl.com/recpcyr. The old trains have been sent to Wales.

    The Fat Controller would NEVER have stood for that kind of nonsense!
    :wink:
    I was not unhappy to read that Abellio's tenure of the Scotrail franchise will not be renewed, though we still have another two years of them.
    https://www.railwaygazette.com/55403.article
    However, we should not be too hopeful, as each one seems to be worse than the last.

    Roll on Independence, when Scotland can nationalise its railways again...

  • TICTH a major mail pharmacy company, who woke me up out of a post-surgical recovery nap to demand my birthdate as proof of my identity before telling me whatever urgent thing they supposedly called me for. They do this every fucking time, as if they'd never heard all those lectures about giving out sensitive data to strangers who call you on the phone and claim to be your bank, doctor, etc. etc. etc.

    When I refused, they said they'd put a note in the account and wait for me to call back.

    I gave up the nap, hauled my ass to the computer and contacted them at the proper phone number. To be met with a ten minute wait while they tried to figure out why they had called me, and ultimately handed me over to a man with a mouth full of marbles, who spoke at roughly half-normal speed. What did they want? Why, to interrogate me about just why I had discontinued refills on two medications. Uh, because my doctor told me to? That should have ended the call, but did not. He then proceeded to lecture me on the dangers of not taking my medication (this was delivered in a tone of voice that would insult a three-year-old who had failed to wash his hands) and told me all about the tiny blood vessels and how they depend on me to take my medications. At this point, I fear, I was rude. I asked him whether it was indeed the case that they had called me just to second-guess my doctor and were of the opinion that I was not receiving proper care. "Uh, I guess?"

    end of call. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
  • The Fat Controller would NEVER have stood for that kind of nonsense!
    :wink:
    Unfortunately he lived in Sodor, to the northwest of England. Or, perhaps, Leicestershire.

  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate
    edited December 2019
    I take it we're in an episode of "Shining Time Station"? ;) And is this one with Ringo as Mr. Conductor, or George Carlin?

    {Waves at Sir Topemhat.}
  • Well, if you mean Rev Awdry's stories, yes, but not quite as rendered in recent times!

    I met Rev Awdry once, many years ago, and have a signed copy of Toby the Tram Engine , who, as enny fule kno, lived in East Anglia, before he moved to Sodor.
  • Yes, but Wilbert Awdry wasn't the Fat Controller! He was (modelled on) the Rev Teddy Boston of Cadeby in Leicestershire.
  • DardaDarda Shipmate
    I recall visiting the Cadeby railway many years ago but never met Rev Boston. Awdry's tramway was based on the Wisbech & Upwell tramway. One of its coaches used to be at the Cambridge Museum of Technology on Riverside and, I think, went to one of the heritage railway sites for preservation.
  • O indeed - Rev Awdry was a tall, thin man. Rev Boston was inclined to embonpoint...and I had forgotten his parish was in Leicestershire (hence your otherwise cryptic reference to that Fair County).

    But - referring back to New Trains That Don't Work, I can't help feeling that we could do with a couple of Fat (or Thin) Controllers to bang a few heads together.
  • O indeed - Rev Awdry was a tall, thin man. Rev Boston was inclined to embonpoint...and I had forgotten his parish was in Leicestershire (hence your otherwise cryptic reference to that Fair County).

    But - referring back to New Trains That Don't Work, I can't help feeling that we could do with a couple of Fat (or Thin) Controllers to bang a few heads together.

    I think percussion is being applied now. Unfortunately, really solving the problem would involve turning back time to ensure that the train builders understood the network on which the trains would be used.
  • There's one on the North Norfolk Railway but I don't know if it's the same one: https://tinyurl.com/rywh6n4.
  • caroline444caroline444 Shipmate
    edited December 2019
    @Lamb Chopped

    Grrrrrrr ! How utterly maddening!!! Commiserations from here :rage:
  • {{{{{{{LC}}}}}}}

    If I may suggest, let your doctor know, in detail? If their office has one of those encrypted message portals, might be the easiest way. I've used those many times.
  • Well, if you mean Rev Awdry's stories, yes, but not quite as rendered in recent times!

    I met Rev Awdry once, many years ago, and have a signed copy of Toby the Tram Engine , who, as enny fule kno, lived in East Anglia, before he moved to Sodor.

    Here's the very first episode of Shining Time Station: "A Place Unlike Any Other" (YouTube). Ringo Starr played Mr. Conductor! And did a great job. The series went on for several years, featuring Thomas the Tank Engine, etc.
  • Ah, what they've done is set the short Britt Alcroft "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends" episodes into the longer "Shining Time Station" format. AFAIR those first episodes followed the books (and real-life railway practice) pretty closer; later on new and less believable stories had to be created. However the first film went out in 1984 while the first book (originally written for Awdry's own children) was published in 1945!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Gentle Hostly Oink
    Would any of the trainophiles like to start a thread on the subject, possibly upstairs in Heaven?

    We wouldn't want this one to get, um, derailed ...

    Thank you.

    Piglet, AS host
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