Bizarre preaching

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  • We were on holiday and visited the local church (a number of years ago). the preacher was very nice, but - bizzarely - preached at the roof, not the people. And pronounced "God" as Gaaaaaaaaaaad". It was the only affected word he had.

    And Axl Rose/Backstreet Boys - over 40s only. "Kids" have probably not heard of them any more than the other characters in ancient history.

    Which might have been somewhat counter to his argument.
  • And Axl Rose/Backstreet Boys - over 40s only. "Kids" have probably not heard of them any more than the other characters in ancient history.
    As the father of a 21-year-old and an 18-year old, I can attest that ain't necessarily so. My 18-year-old and her friends would quickly tell you that the Backstreet Boys was the group that wasn't as good as NSYNC, which in turn is to be remembered with honor for giving the world Justin Timberlake. (Giving the world Joey Fatone as well was a bonus.)

  • Oh but that's lovely. I wonder who he had for X?

    Xerxes, I should think.

    Me and my kids used to play that game in the chip shop, while waiting for our tea - A-Z of animals, musical instruments, foods, bible characters... Xerxes was certainly the man, as was Quirinius. Z was a bit easy though, unlike scrabble - likewise J :smile:
  • ZacchaeusZacchaeus Shipmate
    Some years ago the church that I was a member of had a lay preacher, who was very proud that he never used notes.
    He said that when he came into church, he had 2 or 3 sermons in his head and he never knew which one he was going to preach until he climbed into the pulpit.

    And sometimes we weren’t sure which one he had preached when he climbed out of the pulpit.
  • CathscatsCathscats Shipmate
    I remember my Father saying of some preacher that he might as well have begun his sermon with the words: "This is my text; I am now going to preach. We may meet again, my text and I."
  • Nick Tamen wrote: »
    And Axl Rose/Backstreet Boys - over 40s only. "Kids" have probably not heard of them any more than the other characters in ancient history.
    As the father of a 21-year-old and an 18-year old, I can attest that ain't necessarily so. My 18-year-old and her friends would quickly tell you that the Backstreet Boys was the group that wasn't as good as NSYNC, which in turn is to be remembered with honor for giving the world Justin Timberlake. (Giving the world Joey Fatone as well was a bonus.)

    The Tubblet is 15 and knows who both of these are. She also likes Joy Division, The Smiths, Nirvana and Depeche Mode. (I'm so proud!)
  • ForthviewForthview Shipmate
    A few years ago all British banks decided to observe all the English Bank holidays,including Good Friday and Easter Monday. Bank holidays in Scotland frequently concern only banks and not the local community. Most holidays are local holidays and vary from place to place.

    In Glasgow the local holidays tended to be mostly the same as English holidays. However until about 20 years ago Easter Monday would not have been officially designated as 'Easter Monday' in Glasgow but rather as the 'Glasgow Spring Holiday' As Wet Kipper has said Easter Monday is still not an official holiday in Edinburgh,although a good number of people are on holiday.
  • DormouseDormouse Shipmate
    I recently went to a service at my mum's Methodist church. The preacher was preaching on the story of the Gadderene swine. However his text was taken from the Cilla Black song "Step Inside Love". I think Our Lord might have been mentioned once; Ms Black on the other hand got star billing. I still have no idea what point he was trying to make.
  • I've been there in our Methodist church too. I tend to get the pew bible out, read something, and try to pray. And tell myself that unless I am prepared to stand as a local preacher, my criticism better stay pretty much in my head.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2019
    If he's talking about "kids" today, he's better find some relatively contemporary examples...Axl Rose and the Backstreet Boys are decades out of date.

    Sorry, I should have said: I saw the sermon in the early-to-mid 1990s. And I'm not sure if those were the performers mentioned for those letters, I was just kind of guesstimating.

    Looking at the career of Backstreet Boys, they likely would have reached their global success too late to have been mentioned in that context at that time.

  • ClimacusClimacus Shipmate
    edited July 2019
    An Indian Catholic priest who claims to have "cured" autism through prayer and compared autistic children to "animals", has cancelled a planned series of religious retreats in Australia.

    Father Dominic Valanmanal was recently forced to cancel similar events in Ireland and Canada, after a video clip appeared online showing him preaching that autism in children was caused by the vice of their parents.

    "Adultery, masturbation, homosexuality, porn — if you are addicted to these, I say to you in the name of God ... when you get married and have children, there is a high possibility of bearing these type of children," he said in the video.

    "They lead an animal-like life. They copulate like animals. They bear children like animals. Therefore those children also, will be like animals."

    Father Valanmanal — who claims to have "cured" two children in Ireland of autism — had sold out a five-day retreat on Philip Island in September, in which he charged around $400 per person to attend.

    He also had another event scheduled in Canberra.

    But yesterday the tour was cancelled.
    Not sure if bizarre is the right word...perhaps fucked-up.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    I understand that "copulate like animals" means to have sex without any love or sprituality involved, but what does it mean to "bear children like animals"? People are having kids out in the woods?

  • Don't expect anything sensible, or logical, from such a fruitloop.
    :rage:
  • stetson wrote: »
    I understand that "copulate like animals" means to have sex without any love or sprituality involved, but what does it mean to "bear children like animals"? People are having kids out in the woods?

    That's not what bears do in the woods....
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host, 8th Day Host
    No self respecting bear does THAT in the woods. They check themselves into properly equipped maternity units for childcub-bearing.
  • "Copulate like animals" - well, that gives plenty of variety then, you might even say the possibilities are endless!
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Remind me of my one visit to Bristol Zoo. It was a chilly day in February, so there was just me and a few classloads of small children. All the animals were either comatose or having wild monkey sex (literally). Or wild seal sex.
  • I once overheard a father standing with is children at our zoo's orangutan exhibit, explaining that the two orangutans were "fighting." If he thought that was fighting, I really wondered about the circumstances that brought those children into the world.
    :anguished:
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    ‘The dog in front has gone blind and his friend is pushing him to St Dunstan’s’
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Firenze wrote: »
    Remind me of my one visit to Bristol Zoo. It was a chilly day in February, so there was just me and a few classloads of small children. All the animals were either comatose or having wild monkey sex (literally). Or wild seal sex.
    Why does that put me in mind of this
  • Enoch - that was great! Am especially smitten with the idea of educated fleas ....
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    Thank you, Enoch!
  • AravisAravis Shipmate
    Wild seal sex reminded me of an anecdote our French teacher used to tell us when we were learning the names of the animals. Mrs R was actually French (husband was English) and their daughter was bilingual. Mrs R recounted a visit to Bristol Zoo where the daughter ran over to the seal enclosure shouting “Maman, regardes! Le phoque! Le phoque!”, oblivious of the disapproving stares of other parents.
  • Aravis wrote: »
    Wild seal sex reminded me of an anecdote our French teacher used to tell us when we were learning the names of the animals. Mrs R was actually French (husband was English) and their daughter was bilingual. Mrs R recounted a visit to Bristol Zoo where the daughter ran over to the seal enclosure shouting “Maman, regardes! Le phoque! Le phoque!”, oblivious of the disapproving stares of other parents.

    :lol:
  • Firenze wrote: »
    ‘The dog in front has gone blind and his friend is pushing him to St Dunstan’s’

    Apparently Noel Coward once explained to some children that one little doggy was tired, and resting on his friend.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Aravis wrote: »
    Wild seal sex reminded me of an anecdote our French teacher used to tell us when we were learning the names of the animals. Mrs R was actually French (husband was English) and their daughter was bilingual. Mrs R recounted a visit to Bristol Zoo where the daughter ran over to the seal enclosure shouting “Maman, regardes! Le phoque! Le phoque!”, oblivious of the disapproving stares of other parents.
    Another 🤣🤗
  • Its the old joke about the child from the East End of London who, when asked after a farm visit which animals he like, replied "the fuckers - the farmer called them 'eifers but I knew what he meant" :grin:
  • :flushed:
    ITTWACW!
  • Its the old joke about the child from the East End of London who, when asked after a farm visit which animals he like, replied "the fuckers - the farmer called them 'eifers but I knew what he meant" :grin:

    It's so old that I hadn't heard it. So thanks!
  • The old'uns are the best'uns - sometimes!
    :grin:

    Re Aravis' post, I had to Google 'le phoque', finding (as I suspected) that it is indeed French for 'seal' (as in the aquatic mammal).

    But you all knew that, no?
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited July 2019
    This may be an embarrassing confession, but in my teens and family, this was knowledge that could be used as an excuse to utter what was otherwise a forbidden syllable.

    There was a General from the 1st WW, an Antarctic explorer and a German fighter aeroplane that could be used in the same way.
  • How dare you cast aspersions on Roald Amundsen?
  • The possibilities for bizarre anecdotes in sermons ...
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited July 2019
    Enoch wrote: »
    This may be an embarrassing confession, but in my teens and family, this was knowledge that could be used as an excuse to utter what was otherwise a forbidden syllable.

    There was a General from the 1st WW, an Antarctic explorer and a German fighter aeroplane that could be used in the same way.

    Anything to do with that joke whereby some Fokkers turn out to be Messerschmitts?
  • I was at school with a Fuchs - much laughter when a visiting sports master mispronounced it to rhyme with ducks :grin:
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