Good that the mania is calming down, Climacus.
I’ve had a mild depression recently, probably due to being the end of term (I’m employed as a lecturer only during the academic year) so I suddenly have no structure to my week, alongside my eldest doing A levels and the anticipation of his leaving home for university. I don’t like change. But I’m doing some Tudor re-enacting this weekend and the friendly environment seems to have cheered me.
Next week I need to make the effort to structure my weekdays again with some study projects. Structure is the key to keeping my ups and downs at bay.
On good news, I was accepted onto the doctorate in Ed programme and start in October, I will be looking at how we can can empower distance learning students with mental health challenges to become independent learners, focusing on the use of supported reflective practice.
I don't know about other shipmates, but I find myself wondering when or if I'll ever be happy. I still find myself saying things like "it will be better when you finish your Ph.D," only to have to remind myself that it's been over two years since I finished my Ph.D.
FYI: I gather writer Mark Twain was possibly bi-polar, and periodically had massive spending problems. He went on speaking tours to earn money to make up for the spending.
Happiness is a by-product. Finding what it is the by-product of is another matter. Something so absorbing that you look up and think: I have not been consciously unhappy.
Research continues, but I have definitely knocked housework off the list.
Happiness is a by-product. Finding what it is the by-product of is another matter. Something so absorbing that you look up and think: I have not been consciously unhappy.
Research continues, but I have definitely knocked housework off the list.
FYI: I gather writer Mark Twain was possibly bi-polar, and periodically had massive spending problems. He went on speaking tours to earn money to make up for the spending.
Bipolar has a wide range of addictive behaviours and spending is one I definitely relate to; it is common on diagnosis to be in debt. I channel my urge to do multiple projects into studying, hence my doing a PhD at the age of 50. (I’m also lucky that teaching for the Open University gives me access to sponsorship and flexible part time study.) It doesn’t always work though as you overcommit and burn out - I know myself the pitfalls of studying with mental health challenges, hence my research area.
As my norm is hypomania I know lots of things that make me happy, unfortunately too much of a good thing can tip me the other way and mania is tiring and leads to depression. My way to calm my mind, whether depressed or manic, is a good walk in the sunshine.
Happiness is a by-product. Finding what it is the by-product of is another matter. Something so absorbing that you look up and think: I have not been consciously unhappy.
Research continues, but I have definitely knocked housework off the list.
Firenze, that's brilliant and had me laughing too.
I find that creative things are good because you are totally absorbed in the creative process (art, sculpture, embroidery, photography) and you have an end product. There was a BBC survey on creative processes and mental wellbeing a few weeks ago that encouraged regular exercise and creativity. BBC article here - housework didn't feature there either.
Thanks CK, I had a look at that. I spend most of my free time (when I can motivate myself to get off the internet) in 'creative' stuff, and it helps a bit. In fact, the internet is a bit of a problem for me, since the motivation to do creative stuff resides for me in the mild boredom which comes from sitting around not looking at the internet. Well, time to shut down...
Happiness is a by-product. Finding what it is the by-product of is another matter. Something so absorbing that you look up and think: I have not been consciously unhappy.
Research continues, but I have definitely knocked housework off the list.
Getting some relief from the symptoms of depression with a high CBD strain of cannabis (legal in Canada finally and at last). Sour Diesel is the strain. Mild euphoria, mood lifting, elevated energy level. Not recommended for operating equipment - not driving or anything with it. Some dizziness but generally speaking a great improvement over the fog of inertia, doubt and apathy that accompanies depression.
Still calibrating for the optimum functionality and symptom relief.
Many thanks to the Huron shores Chippewa First Nations and their organic cultivation techniques.
Getting some relief from the symptoms of depression with a high CBD strain of cannabis (legal in Canada finally and at last). Sour Diesel is the strain. Mild euphoria, mood lifting, elevated energy level. Not recommended for operating equipment - not driving or anything with it. Some dizziness but generally speaking a great improvement over the fog of inertia, doubt and apathy that accompanies depression.
Still calibrating for the optimum functionality and symptom relief.
Many thanks to the Huron shores Chippewa First Nations and their organic cultivation techniques.
AFF
Glad to see you’ve found some relief and hopefully you’ll find a balance soon.
Getting some relief from the symptoms of depression with a high CBD strain of cannabis (legal in Canada finally and at last). Sour Diesel is the strain. Mild euphoria, mood lifting, elevated energy level. Not recommended for operating equipment - not driving or anything with it. Some dizziness but generally speaking a great improvement over the fog of inertia, doubt and apathy that accompanies depression.
Still calibrating for the optimum functionality and symptom relief.
Many thanks to the Huron shores Chippewa First Nations and their organic cultivation techniques.
Firenze your point about happiness as byproduct has cheered me up and made me think. I think a lot about happiness - I very rarely feel consciously happy, and then I wonder whether really, I have any right to be. Have most people throughout history, and people who struggle to keep going materially, day by day, actually happy? It might be a question for purgatory, one day.
In the meantime, much love to us all - so glad you have found a treatment to help, AFF, love to @Columba_in_a_Currach and congratulations and best wishes @Heavenlyannie . I look forward to hearing about your work, and I’m so grateful that you’re doing it.
Thank you for all the love, Jemima the ninth, it’s always heartening to see the support on this thread.
An interesting article, I use creative arts mainly as a contemplation tool, similar to how I view walking. But it is also a distraction from anxieties. I don’t do it to lift my mood though because a lot of the time I am hypomanic as well as anxious - stimulation is the last thing I need!
I think a lot about happiness - I very rarely feel consciously happy, and then I wonder whether really, I have any right to be.
I can’t say I see happiness as a right, any more than sunshine is a right.
As implied above, I’m not sure it’s even a thing-in-itself separate from the circumstances of the moment. Of course any given moment contains a great deal, so just now, say, as I sit here I am still old and deaf and bits of me hurt and sundry people I am fond of are more or less mortally ill and the wicked are spreading like green bay trees. But I am surrounded by things I enjoy -pictures, plants, knitting; outside the sun is (finally!) shining, the garden opposite has a drift of lavender next to a slew of yellow wallflower. Later on I shall make lamb boulangère and drink nice wine. ISTM that insofar as the my attention is on the pleasant aspects I am happy - not wildly, but content. If I were to try and isolate that state of mind it disappears - it was the blue sky, the light on the ash leaves, the taste of the lychee.
Of course I can - and have recently - had the same quarrel with flowers and sunshine as the poet had with the banks and braes o’ bonny Doon. Sometimes not the most strenuous mindfulness can offset the pain of existence. But I remain committed to the idea of creative absorption and outward attention as the best prophylactic against unhappiness. Because, tbh, I can’t think of anything else that’s worked.
I am prone to getting wallops of depression that will mar my thinking for hours....but there are also things that make me happy...
My favourite comedians and comedy shows. Silly laughter.
A sense of achievement - lucky I have low standards so this a regular pleasure.
Getting together with friends.
A good book.
Oh, this is so not good! Prayer would be much appreciated; the should-forever-be-damned dog has got me, and right when I need to think sensibly about a Particular Thing. De profundis, Domine…
Prayers for you, @Bene Gesserit
Thanks so much for your post, Firenze. I thought it was wise & beautiful, and has given me much to think about (in a good way.) For a very long time, for an assortment of reasons, happiness has felt reckless- it’s either not trying hard enough in faith, not looking after the Difficult Relative well enough, or taking my eye off the ball in terms of the danger bound to be lurking about. But I think I’m gradually coming to understand that this isn’t a good way to think.
Hoorah for creative absorption and outward focus. Seriously.
There's a thing. Its pursuit - foolish or (in all likelihood) self-centred. God, with a human father's voice - 'so this is what you wanted - how do you like it now, huh?'.
So here's to futile, creative absorption. 'I like it well enough. If You want me to do Something, for goodness sake make it obvious. You might like to fix my head if You really want it done.'
My mother claims not to have had a continuous 24 hours of happiness since 1954. I grew up with a vague, ill-defined knowledge that I didn't make my mother happy and that perhaps a different, better, daughter would have. I think I may have over-compensated by telling my own children frequently that they make me happy. Now I wonder if this is also a burden on the next generation.
I should really have thought about this stuff a lot sooner.
@North East Quine I totally get that worry. I tried so hard not to give my daughter the hang ups my parents had given me that I gave her a whole set of new ones. We joked about it when she was a teenager.
My mother claims not to have had a continuous 24 hours of happiness since 1954. I grew up with a vague, ill-defined knowledge that I didn't make my mother happy and that perhaps a different, better, daughter would have. I think I may have over-compensated by telling my own children frequently that they make me happy. Now I wonder if this is also a burden on the next generation.
I should really have thought about this stuff a lot sooner.
Crumbs, I wouldn’t have told my kids this stuff. I hope they have somehow absorbed the idea (I’m sure I’ve told them explicitly, at least the oldest) that it’s not their job to make me happy.
I think I was being unduly negative the other day, there is happiness about (the joys of the black dog meaning it doesn’t seem that way) and what happiness there is is often to be found in the company of the kids. They are entirely brilliant, after all.
I grinned in recognition at trying to avoid giving your kids the hang ups you grew up with and as a result giving them new ones. That definitely rings true. I hope the hang ups they get are smaller and healthier though.
As one of my favourite podcasters says, “Yes your children will end up in therapy, and yes it will be because of you.”
Thank you all for your prayer - it really, really does mean a lot to me to know that I am not alone with the cursed cur and that folk are praying for me! I think I am thinking clearly enough to think sensibly* about the Particular Thing but it's going to take a while to regain any sensible energy, oomph, or sense of perspective...
Came to this thread because I’m tired, hormonal and particularly low today. Saw this and decided not to be so harsh on myself. Being behind on housework does not make me evil or worthless.
Normally I have small low periods, but occasionally I’ll have deeper ones. Currently in one now, but I believe that’s because my soon-to-be ex-wife and her boyfriend are making life annoying. It’s always helpful to see other people coping successfully with their struggles. Salve Maria
I hibernated away after a stressful [and not all together successful-in-my-eyes] exam experience; a subject I just didn't get and didn't know what I understood and what I didn't. Thankfully the assignments bumped my mark up to something perfectionist I can almost live with.
The wonderful [and free! -- well, NZ taxpayer funded*] psych service at the local hospital I saw over the past 2 months has set me on a good path...and helped me realise a few things -- which is always good.
* what a bad resident I am! 7 months here and already using the health system...ha ha. I am still amazed at the $5 prescription cost for my meds though...1/6th the price in Oz!
Comments
I’ve had a mild depression recently, probably due to being the end of term (I’m employed as a lecturer only during the academic year) so I suddenly have no structure to my week, alongside my eldest doing A levels and the anticipation of his leaving home for university. I don’t like change. But I’m doing some Tudor re-enacting this weekend and the friendly environment seems to have cheered me.
Next week I need to make the effort to structure my weekdays again with some study projects. Structure is the key to keeping my ups and downs at bay.
On good news, I was accepted onto the doctorate in Ed programme and start in October, I will be looking at how we can can empower distance learning students with mental health challenges to become independent learners, focusing on the use of supported reflective practice.
Research continues, but I have definitely knocked housework off the list.
That made me smile. Thank you.
As my norm is hypomania I know lots of things that make me happy, unfortunately too much of a good thing can tip me the other way and mania is tiring and leads to depression. My way to calm my mind, whether depressed or manic, is a good walk in the sunshine.
Firenze, that's brilliant and had me laughing too.
I find that creative things are good because you are totally absorbed in the creative process (art, sculpture, embroidery, photography) and you have an end product. There was a BBC survey on creative processes and mental wellbeing a few weeks ago that encouraged regular exercise and creativity. BBC article here - housework didn't feature there either.
Thanks, that made me smile!
Still calibrating for the optimum functionality and symptom relief.
Many thanks to the Huron shores Chippewa First Nations and their organic cultivation techniques.
AFF
Glad to see you’ve found some relief and hopefully you’ll find a balance soon.
I'm glad to see you, AFF.
For me it's not only about creating a finished product - it's about giving it away as well.
In the meantime, much love to us all - so glad you have found a treatment to help, AFF, love to @Columba_in_a_Currach and congratulations and best wishes @Heavenlyannie . I look forward to hearing about your work, and I’m so grateful that you’re doing it.
An interesting article, I use creative arts mainly as a contemplation tool, similar to how I view walking. But it is also a distraction from anxieties. I don’t do it to lift my mood though because a lot of the time I am hypomanic as well as anxious - stimulation is the last thing I need!
I can’t say I see happiness as a right, any more than sunshine is a right.
As implied above, I’m not sure it’s even a thing-in-itself separate from the circumstances of the moment. Of course any given moment contains a great deal, so just now, say, as I sit here I am still old and deaf and bits of me hurt and sundry people I am fond of are more or less mortally ill and the wicked are spreading like green bay trees. But I am surrounded by things I enjoy -pictures, plants, knitting; outside the sun is (finally!) shining, the garden opposite has a drift of lavender next to a slew of yellow wallflower. Later on I shall make lamb boulangère and drink nice wine. ISTM that insofar as the my attention is on the pleasant aspects I am happy - not wildly, but content. If I were to try and isolate that state of mind it disappears - it was the blue sky, the light on the ash leaves, the taste of the lychee.
Of course I can - and have recently - had the same quarrel with flowers and sunshine as the poet had with the banks and braes o’ bonny Doon. Sometimes not the most strenuous mindfulness can offset the pain of existence. But I remain committed to the idea of creative absorption and outward attention as the best prophylactic against unhappiness. Because, tbh, I can’t think of anything else that’s worked.
My favourite comedians and comedy shows. Silly laughter.
A sense of achievement - lucky I have low standards so this a regular pleasure.
Getting together with friends.
A good book.
Annie
Thanks so much for your post, Firenze. I thought it was wise & beautiful, and has given me much to think about (in a good way.) For a very long time, for an assortment of reasons, happiness has felt reckless- it’s either not trying hard enough in faith, not looking after the Difficult Relative well enough, or taking my eye off the ball in terms of the danger bound to be lurking about. But I think I’m gradually coming to understand that this isn’t a good way to think.
Hoorah for creative absorption and outward focus. Seriously.
There's a thing. Its pursuit - foolish or (in all likelihood) self-centred. God, with a human father's voice - 'so this is what you wanted - how do you like it now, huh?'.
So here's to futile, creative absorption. 'I like it well enough. If You want me to do Something, for goodness sake make it obvious. You might like to fix my head if You really want it done.'
Blessings, Bene Gesserit
My mother claims not to have had a continuous 24 hours of happiness since 1954. I grew up with a vague, ill-defined knowledge that I didn't make my mother happy and that perhaps a different, better, daughter would have. I think I may have over-compensated by telling my own children frequently that they make me happy. Now I wonder if this is also a burden on the next generation.
I should really have thought about this stuff a lot sooner.
Not a parent myself, but I imagine that is a common refrain.
Crumbs, I wouldn’t have told my kids this stuff. I hope they have somehow absorbed the idea (I’m sure I’ve told them explicitly, at least the oldest) that it’s not their job to make me happy.
I think I was being unduly negative the other day, there is happiness about (the joys of the black dog meaning it doesn’t seem that way) and what happiness there is is often to be found in the company of the kids. They are entirely brilliant, after all.
I grinned in recognition at trying to avoid giving your kids the hang ups you grew up with and as a result giving them new ones. That definitely rings true. I hope the hang ups they get are smaller and healthier though.
As one of my favourite podcasters says, “Yes your children will end up in therapy, and yes it will be because of you.”
<votive> for all us here
*and that's a lot of thinks for one day!
Came to this thread because I’m tired, hormonal and particularly low today. Saw this and decided not to be so harsh on myself. Being behind on housework does not make me evil or worthless.
Thank you Huia.
Good idea.
{{ ECraigR }}
{{ all }}
I hibernated away after a stressful [and not all together successful-in-my-eyes] exam experience; a subject I just didn't get and didn't know what I understood and what I didn't. Thankfully the assignments bumped my mark up to something perfectionist I can almost live with.
The wonderful [and free! -- well, NZ taxpayer funded*] psych service at the local hospital I saw over the past 2 months has set me on a good path...and helped me realise a few things -- which is always good.
* what a bad resident I am! 7 months here and already using the health system...ha ha. I am still amazed at the $5 prescription cost for my meds though...1/6th the price in Oz!