Good to see you again, Climacus, and I hope the rest was improving.
{hugs} to Bene Gesserit and ECraigR, May God be with you both during these low periods and carry you through. Relationships do have such an impact on us, don’t they, both positive and negative.
I seem currently to be neither manic or depressed, which is rather unusual for me as hypomania is practically my middle name, and I’m making the most of this feeling while I can. Everything seems very quiet. I have had a good couple of days celebrating my 50th birthday with my immediate family (no stressful parties for me!) and that has helped.
Normally I have small low periods, but occasionally I’ll have deeper ones. Currently in one now, but I believe that’s because my soon-to-be ex-wife and her boyfriend are making life annoying. It’s always helpful to see other people coping successfully with their struggles. Salve Maria
I have no idea how anyone copes with divorces and the process of separating. I agree though, it's good to see other people getting through these experiences and coming out the other side in once piece.
I hibernated away after a stressful [and not all together successful-in-my-eyes] exam experience; a subject I just didn't get and didn't know what I understood and what I didn't. Thankfully the assignments bumped my mark up to something perfectionist I can almost live with.
The wonderful [and free! -- well, NZ taxpayer funded*] psych service at the local hospital I saw over the past 2 months has set me on a good path...and helped me realise a few things -- which is always good.
* what a bad resident I am! 7 months here and already using the health system...ha ha. I am still amazed at the $5 prescription cost for my meds though...1/6th the price in Oz!
Well done on the exam, and for getting through the anxiety beforehand... I would have been totally the same. It's fearful stuff for a lot of us. Glad to hear that NZ psych services are so helpful!
Everything seems very quiet. I have had a good couple of days celebrating my 50th birthday with my immediate family (no stressful parties for me!) and that has helped.
{{ BG }}
I hibernated away after a stressful [and not all together successful-in-my-eyes] exam experience; a subject I just didn't get and didn't know what I understood and what I didn't. Thankfully the assignments bumped my mark up to something perfectionist I can almost live with.
The wonderful [and free! -- well, NZ taxpayer funded*] psych service at the local hospital I saw over the past 2 months has set me on a good path...and helped me realise a few things -- which is always good.
* what a bad resident I am! 7 months here and already using the health system...ha ha. I am still amazed at the $5 prescription cost for my meds though...1/6th the price in Oz!
Welcome back Climacus!
Well done on the exam! I assumed you were teaching masters programmes for some reason!
National health care is wonderful and something I really hope to retain in the UK.
Bowed out of my volunteer position tonight as I feel low and nasty and don’t want to snap at anyone including the kids. Explained to main leader via text and ran it by another leader. Other leader was really understanding but main leader has made me feel like shit. Part of the reason I’m not going is so I don’t lay into her unfairly but I know she is going to be slagging me off later. Human interaction is such a nightmare!!!
Well done on recognising you needed to step down. Sorry for the reaction of one of the leaders...agree human interaction can be a nightmare. I am so sorry your valid reasons and state were not recognised.
Hey Climacus, as a NZ taxpayer for umpteen years, as were my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and some great-great grandparents, I can think of so many stupid things our taxes have been spent on, whereas investment in people's well-being is crucial to a functioning and caring society.
Bowed out of my volunteer position tonight as I feel low and nasty and don’t want to snap at anyone including the kids. Explained to main leader via text and ran it by another leader. Other leader was really understanding but main leader has made me feel like shit. Part of the reason I’m not going is so I don’t lay into her unfairly but I know she is going to be slagging me off later. Human interaction is such a nightmare!!!
I had to do the same a few days ago, as this particular vol work was too stressful, and woman running initiative could not stop asking me to do more and more and more. I felt like an orange being sucked rabidly I'm sure my backing off will be reviled too and yes human interaction can so often be a nightmare!!!!
So sorry about the main leader, not entirely me. It’s so crappy when people can’t be supportive.
Happy birthday Heavenlyannie!
I have, in a fit of.....confidence, I think, decided, possibly, to go to the Greenbelt festival this year (for those not in the know, it’s an arts festival with a sort of Christian ethos). I loathe camping, and it tends to make me really quite anxious, but kid B is desperate to go, I will be with my bestest friends in the world, and I think I can do it. It wouldn’t even have been on the radar until this year.
Hurrah Jemima! Festivals* send me running in the opposite direction for a nice cave I can be a hermit in, but I hear wonderful things about Greenbelt. Perhaps one day I'll follow your example and get the courage to poke my head in one. Be kind to yourself as the day approaches.
Sorry for your bad experience too Caroline; some people seem so tone-deaf to others emotional/mental state....they charge at you like a train under full steam, not caring you're clearly distressed and in no state at the moment to help.
I’m a Greenbelter, we’ve been every year for decades. I’m not very familiar with the Access team and their area but it has a great reputation and you should be able to retreat there if you need a break.
My husband is helping with the Faraday Institute stand this year.
So sorry about the main leader, not entirely me. It’s so crappy when people can’t be supportive. Thanks for understanding. In hind sight I realised that I had been overthinking and reading into things and making myself feel like crap over a potentially unintentionally insensitive comment.
I have, in a fit of.....confidence, I think, decided, possibly, to go to the Greenbelt festival this year (for those not in the know, it’s an arts festival with a sort of Christian ethos). I loathe camping, and it tends to make me really quite anxious, but kid B is desperate to go, I will be with my bestest friends in the world, and I think I can do it. It wouldn’t even have been on the radar until this year.
I reckon you can do it. I’ve never been but heard lots of good things.
Thank you, and thanks Heavenlyannie & Climacus.
Overthinking and reading things into things are definitely things you would never catch me doing. Oh no. Not at all. Opening the possibility that something was unintentionally insensitive rather than definitely out to get me does help me a lot, but it really takes work (for me, anyway.) Hope you’re feeling better now.
I having another day where my usual, low-level depression, has spiraled into an almost debilitating slump (is that a mixed metaphor? Oh, well).
One thing I find helps (a bit) is reading Andrew Solomon's Noonday Demon. Or bits of it as it's quite long. His survival of depression, beautifully told, is a bit like a therapist in book form.
So sorry about the main leader, not entirely me. It’s so crappy when people can’t be supportive.
Happy birthday Heavenlyannie!
I have, in a fit of.....confidence, I think, decided, possibly, to go to the Greenbelt festival this year (for those not in the know, it’s an arts festival with a sort of Christian ethos). I loathe camping, and it tends to make me really quite anxious, but kid B is desperate to go, I will be with my bestest friends in the world, and I think I can do it. It wouldn’t even have been on the radar until this year.
Hello. If you have anxiety challenges, contact the Access team, and they should be able to provide guidance, ideas and support.
This year I am volunteering with the Access team (that is scary!)! So I might get to help you. I know they don't shout and publish the details too much, but they are incredible at finding ways of helping anyone who needs a little extra help.
Hello. If you have anxiety challenges, contact the Access team, and they should be able to provide guidance, ideas and support.
This year I am volunteering with the Access team (that is scary!)! So I might get to help you. I know they don't shout and publish the details too much, but they are incredible at finding ways of helping anyone who needs a little extra help.
I was thinking of popping in to visit the Access team as I am considering volunteering next year. Might see you there.
Love that sweater! (says she, sitting wrapped in dog-haired unravelling beige and brown scarves, throws and a hideous shade of green cardigan, in a freezing Cape winter)
I love the sweater too, such lovely shades of blue!
Huia and MaryLouise - much as rich people migrate to Florida for the winter, I would love to migrate to SA and NZ for the summer.... Oh I envy you your scarves and green cardigan MaryLouise! *Switches fan up to a higher setting* Sigh.....
Sorry about the bug Climacus. I used to enjoy the odd day off sick when I was a kid because Mum would spoil us. Not so much fun as an adult when I have to get my own hot drinks and remake the bed. Hope you're feeling better soon.
The support and advice I have had on this thread has been invaluable. I love you all!
I seek advice about a different situation. I have a "friend" (I now use that word loosely because it shifted from reciprocal friendship to helper / helpee relationship for some time ago) I am very worried about. I am Godmother to her daughter.
Friend had a degree / good job / savings etc until she became embroiled in an extremely abusive relationship with her daughter's father. She broke free when her daughter was a baby. In the aftermath of the relationship she was depressed, her epilepsy had worsened and she went bankrupt. Apart from being safe, her situation has not noticeably improved since; she has not worked since her daughter was born and has no expectation of ever working again. Her daughter has been classified as a "young carer" since she was 9. She has no family support. If anything happened, I am named as her daughter's "next of kin" and on at least one occasion recently my friend put me down as her own "next of kin" on a medical form (though usually she regards another friend as her "next of kin")
Over the last couple of years she has become increasingly agoraphobic; she gets her shopping delivered and could not cope with going into a supermarket for example. She won't let me take her out for coffee.
Now to the crux of the matter. Just before Christmas her daughter walked into their kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table with her pills arrayed in front of her. She told her daughter she was thinking of overdosing. This happened again in May, during her daughter's important exams. Then last Sunday she actually put pills in her mouth and her daughter had to get her to spit them out. Last night she repeated to her daughter and me that she had suicidal thoughts.
I want to contact her GP. Friend is terrified that if I do, Social Services will take her daughter away and put her in care. I am 100% sure this will not happen because her daughter is almost 17 and can stay with me in the short term. Her other friend also thinks there might be unforeseen consequences if I contact her GP.
I am worried that this is escalating. However, I also think that this is more of a "cry for help" than a serious attempt because she has made sure her daughter is present each time.
My Goddaughter hopes to leave home for university in 2020 and I wonder if my friend is panicking and subconsciously trying to sabotage her chances or make her feel that she can't go. Goddaughter had an end-of-term work experience placement and last Friday received a glowing report from the placement, and I wonder if this contributed to the latest incident.
Should I contact the GP? What are the consequences likely to be?
Crumbs, that is is really difficult situation. I am inclined to be an intervener type of person. I think I would contact someone - as you say, this sounds like the sort of situation which could escalate. The GP is one option. Another might be to get in touch with social services - I would imagine they may have god-daughter on their radar perhaps, if she is registered as a young carer. You can tell them this is a situation you’re concerned about but what they then do is up to them.
On another note - that’s a fine jumper, Climacus. Glad you’re recovering from the bug.
Am thinking that a carefully worded note to the GP would be the easiest. In it, you could suggest that you have heard of some behaviours that concern you. You could say that to you, it looks like some things have changed and that you thought the GP should be aware. You don't have to go into details but could offer to provide them if the GP wants you to. Otherwise, could you call the GP's office and ask them to help her make an appointment to be seen and then talk her into it?
Contact the GP. Think what you will feel like if you do t and any of the potential negative scenarios comes to pass. In my work I have occasionally done this, offering the GP information on an "I know you can't discuss a patient, but here is something you may not know" basis. You don't have to tell your friend you have done this, your relationship being non mutual. You are right, her daughter will not be taken into care at over 16, though she might be given her own place to live - I have seen that happen. Though, as you say she can come to you, that is more likely.
Thanks, Caroline. My Goddaughter is a joy and delight to me. One of the unfair aspects of the situation is that her mother gets all the dull, thankless, day to day mothering work/ housework and, because her mother struggles to leave the house, I get the fun stuff. There is some not-fun stuff, such as taking her to the dentist, but I love the time I spend with my Godddaughter, and I end up watching films, listening to music etc that I would never contemplate without her.
Think what you will feel like if you don't and any of the potential negative scenarios comes to pass.
That's what I was thinking about - I don't want to find myself giving evidence at an inquest and saying, yes, I knew, but didn't do anything.
However, my friend has begged me not to contact the GP. The other friend I mentioned is worried that her anxiety might spike if she thinks that I have, and this might push her closer to the edge. If I do contact the GP, and my friend asks me if I have, I won't lie. So I'm not going to, yet.
Other friend and I are keeping in touch. Other friend thinks that it is small, everyday things which are overwhelming her, which she is taking as evidence that her daughter doesn't care about her. Like going to make a coffee, realising that there are no clean mugs in the kitchen and they're all dirty and strewn round daughter's bedroom. When she tackled her daughter about it, her daughter took them back into the kitchen with much sighing, eye-rolling and a "whatever". I think that's just everyday life with a teenager, but she's finding it difficult. Not so much the mugs, but that her daughter didn't seem to care.
I can relate to that. When you are down, something quite small can seem like the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Yep, that sounds familiar. Running out of plates and having to excavate L1's room. Why he can't bring things down on a regular basis when he has to climb over them to get out...
He's 25. Gulp.
Dare I suggest that part of the problem is that she doesn't get to talk to others (including us, perhaps) and so things get out of proportion? I know that happens to me. A nice non-judgemental place/forum is a godsend.
Fredegund - totally second your last paragraph. I really need to vent and get feedback when I'm steaming. It really helps get everything back in proportion.
I agree - normal, if careless behaviour feels really targeted and deliberate when I’m struggling. I felt Mr Jt9 was being late home deliberately to make me more ill, when actually it was just that work was difficult.
The support and advice I have had on this thread has been invaluable. I love you all!
I seek advice about a different situation. I have a "friend" (I now use that word loosely because it shifted from reciprocal friendship to helper / helpee relationship for some time ago) I am very worried about. I am Godmother to her daughter.
Friend had a degree / good job / savings etc until she became embroiled in an extremely abusive relationship with her daughter's father. She broke free when her daughter was a baby. In the aftermath of the relationship she was depressed, her epilepsy had worsened and she went bankrupt. Apart from being safe, her situation has not noticeably improved since; she has not worked since her daughter was born and has no expectation of ever working again. Her daughter has been classified as a "young carer" since she was 9. She has no family support. If anything happened, I am named as her daughter's "next of kin" and on at least one occasion recently my friend put me down as her own "next of kin" on a medical form (though usually she regards another friend as her "next of kin")
Over the last couple of years she has become increasingly agoraphobic; she gets her shopping delivered and could not cope with going into a supermarket for example. She won't let me take her out for coffee.
Now to the crux of the matter. Just before Christmas her daughter walked into their kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table with her pills arrayed in front of her. She told her daughter she was thinking of overdosing. This happened again in May, during her daughter's important exams. Then last Sunday she actually put pills in her mouth and her daughter had to get her to spit them out. Last night she repeated to her daughter and me that she had suicidal thoughts.
I want to contact her GP. Friend is terrified that if I do, Social Services will take her daughter away and put her in care. I am 100% sure this will not happen because her daughter is almost 17 and can stay with me in the short term. Her other friend also thinks there might be unforeseen consequences if I contact her GP.
I am worried that this is escalating. However, I also think that this is more of a "cry for help" than a serious attempt because she has made sure her daughter is present each time.
My Goddaughter hopes to leave home for university in 2020 and I wonder if my friend is panicking and subconsciously trying to sabotage her chances or make her feel that she can't go. Goddaughter had an end-of-term work experience placement and last Friday received a glowing report from the placement, and I wonder if this contributed to the latest incident.
Should I contact the GP? What are the consequences likely to be?
They wouldn’t take her daughter off her if she is of 6th form age. There are zilch resourses for that age group so they tend to prefer to leave at home unless she signed off from receiving child benefit. They would contact the school/college maybe if there were concerns.
I think going to the gp with her would be preferable but if she won’t go then I can’t see any harm coming from contacting gp except temporarily breaking her trust. But she clearly isn’t well and if she’s a good friend then in hindsight she will understand. Unless she is deemed sectionable all treatment will be with her consent anyway and sectioning someone is hard!
Keep us posted.
Climacus - jumping in on the jumper! It looks great. I love the waves.
My own mh is ok right now after a good break with friends but I’ve definitely been experiencing disordered eating thoughts and behaviours for over a month now. Great for my waist line but less so for my physical and mental health. I’m hoping a little and often approach to eating and more stable weather will help.
Yep, that sounds familiar. Running out of plates and having to excavate L1's room. Why he can't bring things down on a regular basis when he has to climb over them to get out...
He's 25. Gulp.
Ummm I am 65 - fortunately there's no one else to be annoyed if my room needs to be evacuated, but I annoyed myself so much I bought a special mug and limited myself to that.
Comments
{hugs} to Bene Gesserit and ECraigR, May God be with you both during these low periods and carry you through. Relationships do have such an impact on us, don’t they, both positive and negative.
I seem currently to be neither manic or depressed, which is rather unusual for me as hypomania is practically my middle name, and I’m making the most of this feeling while I can. Everything seems very quiet. I have had a good couple of days celebrating my 50th birthday with my immediate family (no stressful parties for me!) and that has helped.
Sorry about your current levels of stress - something I deal with very badly too... Glad to hear that your partner is such a support.
I have no idea how anyone copes with divorces and the process of separating. I agree though, it's good to see other people getting through these experiences and coming out the other side in once piece.
Well done on the exam, and for getting through the anxiety beforehand... I would have been totally the same. It's fearful stuff for a lot of us.
Happy Birthday!!!
Welcome back Climacus!
Well done on the exam! I assumed you were teaching masters programmes for some reason!
National health care is wonderful and something I really hope to retain in the UK.
Bowed out of my volunteer position tonight as I feel low and nasty and don’t want to snap at anyone including the kids. Explained to main leader via text and ran it by another leader. Other leader was really understanding but main leader has made me feel like shit. Part of the reason I’m not going is so I don’t lay into her unfairly but I know she is going to be slagging me off later. Human interaction is such a nightmare!!!
Happy 50th Heavenlyannie!
I had to do the same a few days ago, as this particular vol work was too stressful, and woman running initiative could not stop asking me to do more and more and more. I felt like an orange being sucked rabidly
Happy birthday Heavenlyannie!
I have, in a fit of.....confidence, I think, decided, possibly, to go to the Greenbelt festival this year (for those not in the know, it’s an arts festival with a sort of Christian ethos). I loathe camping, and it tends to make me really quite anxious, but kid B is desperate to go, I will be with my bestest friends in the world, and I think I can do it. It wouldn’t even have been on the radar until this year.
Sorry for your bad experience too Caroline; some people seem so tone-deaf to others emotional/mental state....they charge at you like a train under full steam, not caring you're clearly distressed and in no state at the moment to help.
* unless they involve GIN!
My husband is helping with the Faraday Institute stand this year.
I reckon you can do it. I’ve never been but heard lots of good things.
Overthinking and reading things into things are definitely things you would never catch me doing. Oh no. Not at all. Opening the possibility that something was unintentionally insensitive rather than definitely out to get me does help me a lot, but it really takes work (for me, anyway.) Hope you’re feeling better now.
One thing I find helps (a bit) is reading Andrew Solomon's Noonday Demon. Or bits of it as it's quite long. His survival of depression, beautifully told, is a bit like a therapist in book form.
I am thankful you have something to turn to that can ease the slump somewhat.
Hello. If you have anxiety challenges, contact the Access team, and they should be able to provide guidance, ideas and support.
This year I am volunteering with the Access team (that is scary!)! So I might get to help you. I know they don't shout and publish the details too much, but they are incredible at finding ways of helping anyone who needs a little extra help.
"Merry Christmas!"
"How many sheep died for that?"
"Did you mug a Norwegian fisherman?"
I do work with a great group.
Climacus, this is one of those situations where I wish the Ship had the facility to post photos, I’d love to see that jumper!
Especially as Christmas here is in the middle of summer and you would probably die of heatstroke.
Climacus -I'd bet they were jealous. It's lovely.
Huia and MaryLouise - much as rich people migrate to Florida for the winter, I would love to migrate to SA and NZ for the summer.... Oh I envy you your scarves and green cardigan MaryLouise! *Switches fan up to a higher setting* Sigh.....
Stay warm MaryLouise!
It is a beautiful blue sky day here, though a bit chilly. I'm laid up in bed (got some bug yesterday) and your comments have cheered me up. Thank you.
I hope all here are doing well.
I seek advice about a different situation. I have a "friend" (I now use that word loosely because it shifted from reciprocal friendship to helper / helpee relationship for some time ago) I am very worried about. I am Godmother to her daughter.
Friend had a degree / good job / savings etc until she became embroiled in an extremely abusive relationship with her daughter's father. She broke free when her daughter was a baby. In the aftermath of the relationship she was depressed, her epilepsy had worsened and she went bankrupt. Apart from being safe, her situation has not noticeably improved since; she has not worked since her daughter was born and has no expectation of ever working again. Her daughter has been classified as a "young carer" since she was 9. She has no family support. If anything happened, I am named as her daughter's "next of kin" and on at least one occasion recently my friend put me down as her own "next of kin" on a medical form (though usually she regards another friend as her "next of kin")
Over the last couple of years she has become increasingly agoraphobic; she gets her shopping delivered and could not cope with going into a supermarket for example. She won't let me take her out for coffee.
Now to the crux of the matter. Just before Christmas her daughter walked into their kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table with her pills arrayed in front of her. She told her daughter she was thinking of overdosing. This happened again in May, during her daughter's important exams. Then last Sunday she actually put pills in her mouth and her daughter had to get her to spit them out. Last night she repeated to her daughter and me that she had suicidal thoughts.
I want to contact her GP. Friend is terrified that if I do, Social Services will take her daughter away and put her in care. I am 100% sure this will not happen because her daughter is almost 17 and can stay with me in the short term. Her other friend also thinks there might be unforeseen consequences if I contact her GP.
I am worried that this is escalating. However, I also think that this is more of a "cry for help" than a serious attempt because she has made sure her daughter is present each time.
My Goddaughter hopes to leave home for university in 2020 and I wonder if my friend is panicking and subconsciously trying to sabotage her chances or make her feel that she can't go. Goddaughter had an end-of-term work experience placement and last Friday received a glowing report from the placement, and I wonder if this contributed to the latest incident.
Should I contact the GP? What are the consequences likely to be?
On another note - that’s a fine jumper, Climacus. Glad you’re recovering from the bug.
And thank you Jemima.
That's what I was thinking about - I don't want to find myself giving evidence at an inquest and saying, yes, I knew, but didn't do anything.
However, my friend has begged me not to contact the GP. The other friend I mentioned is worried that her anxiety might spike if she thinks that I have, and this might push her closer to the edge. If I do contact the GP, and my friend asks me if I have, I won't lie. So I'm not going to, yet.
Other friend and I are keeping in touch. Other friend thinks that it is small, everyday things which are overwhelming her, which she is taking as evidence that her daughter doesn't care about her. Like going to make a coffee, realising that there are no clean mugs in the kitchen and they're all dirty and strewn round daughter's bedroom. When she tackled her daughter about it, her daughter took them back into the kitchen with much sighing, eye-rolling and a "whatever". I think that's just everyday life with a teenager, but she's finding it difficult. Not so much the mugs, but that her daughter didn't seem to care.
I can relate to that. When you are down, something quite small can seem like the last straw that broke the camel's back.
He's 25. Gulp.
Dare I suggest that part of the problem is that she doesn't get to talk to others (including us, perhaps) and so things get out of proportion? I know that happens to me. A nice non-judgemental place/forum is a godsend.
They wouldn’t take her daughter off her if she is of 6th form age. There are zilch resourses for that age group so they tend to prefer to leave at home unless she signed off from receiving child benefit. They would contact the school/college maybe if there were concerns.
I think going to the gp with her would be preferable but if she won’t go then I can’t see any harm coming from contacting gp except temporarily breaking her trust. But she clearly isn’t well and if she’s a good friend then in hindsight she will understand. Unless she is deemed sectionable all treatment will be with her consent anyway and sectioning someone is hard!
Keep us posted.
Climacus - jumping in on the jumper! It looks great. I love the waves.
My own mh is ok right now after a good break with friends but I’ve definitely been experiencing disordered eating thoughts and behaviours for over a month now. Great for my waist line but less so for my physical and mental health. I’m hoping a little and often approach to eating and more stable weather will help.
Ummm I am 65 - fortunately there's no one else to be annoyed if my room needs to be evacuated, but I annoyed myself so much I bought a special mug and limited myself to that.
I live by myself so only have to scrap with myself on such things!