My kids are ghastly.

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  • RooKRooK Admin Emeritus
    Also: genetics is a horror.
    My children are eeeeeeevil¹.

    ¹ I am very proud.
  • Y'all are making me feel SO much better. :mrgreen:
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host, 8th Day Host
    In less stressed moments my mother used to say that at least she wasn’t raising children who would quietly acquiesce to a Hitler!
  • Boogie wrote: »

    But I have no time for other people’s kids - 40 years is long enough!

    Same. When I first retired I made the mistake of showing far too much, "Oh, how precious!" enthusiasm when meeting the neighbors' babies and they took that to mean I desperately wanted to babysit. Particularly since I had nothing else to do.

    It's really hard to explain to them why I can't, because, actually I don't have much else to do, at least that they would understand. Arguing on the internet not considered a vital vocation to most people.
  • anoesisanoesis Shipmate
    edited January 2020
    The Sisyphean task of pushing my son in particular through each day went on for much longer. The weary round of shouting up the stairs "Get up! You're going to miss the school bus!" Stating the obvious "Don't leave your school tie in the fruit bowl" "What do you mean, you can't go to bed because you have homework to do? Why didn't you start it earlier?" Every. Single. Sodding. Day. For. Years.

    This. Especially with the small one.
    Maybe a trifle late to say this but have you tried treating them like adults, albeit small versions? From day one ours had requests and decisions explained, rarely if ever just a diktat. For example, don't touch the kettle because it's so hot it will burn your hands which will hurt and make you cry; don't run across the road because you may be killed and your twin will be left all alone.
    I explained things to my kids.
    "If you don't get up NOW you will miss the school bus and have to spend the day at home" - my son preferred to be at home.
    "If you drop your coat on the floor instead of hanging it up, it will get crumpled and dirty" - my son was quite happy with the crumpled look.
    "If you abandon your school tie in the fruit bowl you won't be able to find it in the morning" - not something that troubled my son. (He had two ties, he wore Tie A till he lost it, then Tie B until he lost it, by which time Tie A had generally turned up somewhere improbable. )
    ....
    The whole thing was relentless, tiring and exhausting.

    This also. Again with the small one. He's generally good natured, at least, but phenomenally absent-minded, and you can't use normal logic on him because he just. does. not. care. He doesn't care if he smells of wee because his toileting habits are slack. He doesn't care if his coats are stinky-musty because he's left them in a damp heap in the laundry. He doesn't care if his shoes are wet. He doesn't care if there is a pile of rotting apple-slush at the bottom of his bag, leaching into his books. He eats his own damn toenails, for god's sake!
  • Never mind - he'll be a professor of astro-physics (or something) one day...a slightly unkempt-looking professor, maybe, but a WOW with his students...
  • BlahblahBlahblah Suspended
    edited January 2020
    I think it us easy to beat oneself up about parenting when the truth is that there is no one "right" way to do it. Different children respond differently to different kinds of parenting.

    You can think things are all ok for years and then they suddenly throw a spanner into the works and you rapidly start questioning your own sanity, never mind your parenting ability.
  • Never mind - he'll be a professor of astro-physics (or something) one day...a slightly unkempt-looking professor, maybe, but a WOW with his students...

    He is working three years ahead of his grade in maths.
    Of course, subjects he doesn't like he doesn't care about and can't be made to care.
  • anoesis wrote: »
    Never mind - he'll be a professor of astro-physics (or something) one day...a slightly unkempt-looking professor, maybe, but a WOW with his students...

    He is working three years ahead of his grade in maths.
    Of course, subjects he doesn't like he doesn't care about and can't be made to care.

    How maddening. I know what I would have done but I'd better not share.

    fwiw, I never got to physical violence but came close a few times.
  • Can anyone name the concept made popular in the 50s? Basically it said that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, any more than there is a perfect child. All anyone can be is "good enough", so stop beating yourself up. It helped me in looking back at some of the decisions my parents had made.

  • Given the massive amount of evidence that punishment is an ineffective and unreliable way of changing behaviour, I don’t find that very suprising.

    Well, sure, but my point was that people tend to believe that parents can drastically change their children's behavior, which I don't believe. At least two posters on this thread have assumed that anoesis is somehow not raising the children correctly and that's why they're so miserable to be around. I suspect that the actual problem is that she has normal, human children, who can be immature and infuriating no matter what you do.

    Can you change your spouse's behavior? Or your employees' behavior, if you're a manager at your work? You can offer them incentives and consequences for certain behaviors, but it's up to them whether they comply or not.

    The main difference is that if you manage adults in the workplace, you can eventually fire them if they absolutely refuse to do any work. Children know that they can't be fired.
  • Can anyone name the concept made popular in the 50s? Basically it said that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, any more than there is a perfect child. All anyone can be is "good enough", so stop beating yourself up. It helped me in looking back at some of the decisions my parents had made.

    I think it’s the psychoanalyst D W Winnicott who advocated for something called the “good enough parent.” I think it was basically telling people that they do, in fact, know how to raise their children and to ignore the increasing professionalization of child-reering.
  • Back in the mid-1970's a friend went to counselling - which was A New Thing then in our part of the world. Her therapist said she should "be angry" at her mother for things her Mum had done or not done 15 years before. My friend replied "Both my parents did their very best with the resources they had and the knowledge available to them at the time". That about sums it up.

  • Given the massive amount of evidence that punishment is an ineffective and unreliable way of changing behaviour, I don’t find that very suprising.

    Well, sure, but my point was that people tend to believe that parents can drastically change their children's behavior, which I don't believe. At least two posters on this thread have assumed that anoesis is somehow not raising the children correctly and that's why they're so miserable to be around. I suspect that the actual problem is that she has normal, human children, who can be immature and infuriating no matter what you do.

    Can you change your spouse's behavior? Or your employees' behavior, if you're a manager at your work? You can offer them incentives and consequences for certain behaviors, but it's up to them whether they comply or not.

    The main difference is that if you manage adults in the workplace, you can eventually fire them if they absolutely refuse to do any work. Children know that they can't be fired.

    Well, there is a huge investment of time and expertise in changing the behaviour of adults without using punishment techniques. It is certainly possible to shape and change behaviour - that’s a rather different matter from whether someone’s parenting is good enough.

    As far I can tell, parenting is difficult, tiring and at times seems endless - but folk who do it ultimately appear to find it rewarding.

    I choose to have a cat.
  • As far I can tell, parenting is difficult, tiring and at times seems endless - but folk who do it ultimately appear to find it rewarding.

    I choose to have a cat.

    I had a cat, before we had kids. He was lovely. Although there was still the vomiting on the couch/floor and every now and then - and possibly if we'd had two cats, there would've been fighting as well.

    As to your other sentence, the thing I can't get a handle on is where/when the 'ultimately' comes into play. I do constantly remind myself that I'm less than half-way through this bringing someone to adulthood journey, so it's too early to draw firm conclusions, and I may well decide it was all worth it at some stage, but when I hear other people say 'It's hard but it's also rewarding', I can only think When is it rewarding? Because, for me, it really isn't, on a daily basis. It's just slog. Their little grinny faces do not make up for all the everything else.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Okay, coming at it from another direction: is there anyone who thinks they were basically a good and not too annoying child? Or rather their parent thinks they were? What did your parent do that helped that happen? Frankly, I was that kid and I was scared by my dad's loud voice used just once in a while. No abusive insults, and only an occasionally sent to the corner of the room to "think about it" but geez! I thought he might have climbed down a beanstalk! I don't know that I would recommend this but I was the proverbially "good girl" and my brother was pretty good himself.
  • I don’t mean to be too personal, but are you OK ? It can be hard to cope with the challenges of everyday life if you yourself are feeling like crap to start with. You tend then to notice all the shit that goes wrong and none of the nice stuff that goes right.
  • Maybe a trifle late to say this but have you tried treating them like adults, albeit small versions?

    From day one ours had requests and decisions explained, rarely if ever just a diktat. For example, don't touch the kettle because it's so hot it will burn your hands which will hurt and make you cry; don't run across the road because you may be killed and your twin will be left all alone.

    Chores: pocket-money/allowance amount set, announced and divided in two, half an absolute right the rest dependent on jobs being carried out satisfactorily. Extra tasks volunteered for paid extra money. Your money is yours to do with as you like but once spent there is no more till payday.

    Above all, never threaten, rather make promises and keep them. If you really can't keep to a promise explain why and what is to happen instead.

    Yes, there were disagreements but not many. On many occasions I've overheard them chatting with friends who were moaning about spats with parents and every time mine have said there were few arguments in our house. Both say their memories of childhood are happy and that they hope to have the same with their own children. (Cue swift parental exit due to eye leakage problem.)

    I do think, @TheOrganist , that you may need to consider the possibility that you were gifted with a couple of reasonably tractable children.
  • Lyda wrote: »
    Okay, coming at it from another direction: is there anyone who thinks they were basically a good and not too annoying child? Or rather their parent thinks they were? What did your parent do that helped that happen? Frankly, I was that kid and I was scared by my dad's loud voice used just once in a while. No abusive insults, and only an occasionally sent to the corner of the room to "think about it" but geez! I thought he might have climbed down a beanstalk! I don't know that I would recommend this but I was the proverbially "good girl" and my brother was pretty good himself.

    Hah. My mum will tell anyone who listens what an easy kid I was, and how she wanted six, until she had number two, and decided two was enough! I was NOT an easy teenager though, and the aggro between us eventually reached the point where I just detached from her emotionally and went through the motions until I could leave. Which I did at seventeen. I was very much a Daddy's girl, and it took leaving home (and time) before I gained enough perspective to see that although he was an awesome Dad, he was actually a bit of a shit husband, and that my Mum's family of origin was well-stacked with toxic people also. Taking that into account she did a bloody awesome job, and I wish I hadn't made several years of it difficult for her.
  • Meh. Kids are what they are, and we are what we are, and I recommend parenting by sarcasm myself. heh.
  • Many, many things, but in summary. I hear you, @anoesis .Much solidarity. The whole endless thankless drudgery, the rudeness, the eye rolling, the having to remind the children of the same damn thing every day, or every 5 minutes, or somewhere in between, is exhausting and horrible.

    I do second DT’s are you ok? I recognise some of what she says in my own experiences.

    I don’t, honestly, find parenting rewarding on a daily basis, there are little flashes of reward. What has started happening now that the older ones are older, is fun. I’m not very good at playing with small children and enjoying it. Taking teenagers gigging though, has been ace.
  • Some people like certain ages better. And kids can change a lot. It will probably get better, and in the meantime, there's the Ship. We're here for you.
  • Yes, I know I was given two who were naturally sunny-tempered, plus I always kept to the rule that they'd be far more likely to remember that we went fishing, blackberrying, etc, after school rather than that they had perfectly ironed vests.

    Discipline could be tricky because with twins withholding treats doesn't work - don't treat one, the other refuses it in solidarity with his brother. But we did have our moments of friction.

    But then life would be much easier if the little devils came with a Haynes Manual. In the early years I stuck to the belief if they're alive at five I've done my job and the knowledge that GIN can make you a better parent.
  • I do constantly remind myself that I'm less than half-way through this bringing someone to adulthood journey, so it's too early to draw firm conclusions, and I may well decide it was all worth it at some stage, but when I hear other people say 'It's hard but it's also rewarding', I can only think When is it rewarding?

    The transition from a parent/child relationship to being friends started at about 12? Initially, it was swimming. By 12, they were better swimmers than I was, it was an activity we all enjoyed, and as they were better than me, it became more like swimming with friends. A couple of hours a week when I wasn't parenting. And then it was a shared love of Jane Austen, and then a shared love of "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue"

    Gradually the times when we were equals increased and the times when I was parenting decreased. Though the "Get Up, You're Going to be Late" carried on until the day he went to University, and has resumed every time he has come home for a holiday since.
  • *sigh* At 33 and 30, my two still bicker, and they live on opposite sides of a very large country.

    Also, they never stop needing money.
  • Simon ToadSimon Toad Shipmate
    edited January 2020
    Twilight wrote: »
    Boogie wrote: »

    But I have no time for other people’s kids - 40 years is long enough!

    Same. When I first retired I made the mistake of showing far too much, "Oh, how precious!" enthusiasm when meeting the neighbors' babies and they took that to mean I desperately wanted to babysit. Particularly since I had nothing else to do.

    It's really hard to explain to them why I can't, because, actually I don't have much else to do, at least that they would understand. Arguing on the internet not considered a vital vocation to most people.

    rofl
  • Grandchildren are your reward for having not killed your children.

    Oh, please may I skip that one. My son is coming up to 41, married a slightly older woman a couple of years back, and I'm so relieved that they have decided not to have children. I'm not all fond of children and, having what close friends in their 60s are going though, with 3 granchildren under 4, I know I couldn't cope, mentally or physically.
  • OhherOhher Shipmate
    The year my daughter turned 14, she turned into a stone-cold caricature of every disdainful, eye-rolling, door-slamming, entitled, bitch-on-wheels, manipulative, you-can't-tell-me-anything adolescent B-movie cheerleader-from-hell villain ever scripted. She stayed there until she turned 17. How and why she's currently alive and well I cannot fathom.

    She has also, through some mysterious and serendipitous process, turned into a kind, caring, considerate, responsible, tax-paying, voting, talented gardener, baker, and seamstress who is gainfully employed at something I Do Not Understand at a public TV station. Rest assured that I had absolutely nothing to do with this miraculous transformation.

    During the Reign of Terror, I once left her at a mall to walk home by herself; locked her out of our apartment for three hours; left her at a rehearsal for some Major Event inappropriately dressed because she simply would not get herself together, and there were Timing Issues, and threatened to surrender her for adoption at least 3,874 times. I recall every single one of these escapades with cringes of horror.

    Note that she managed not to do me in, either.

    When your Gladly-the-Cross-Eyed-Bears starts lobbying for tattoos and motorcycles, just remind them that they too will someday sport beer-guts, wrinkles, and briefcases and will look back on all such decisions with regret. (Actually, they won't remember anything.)

    Good luck.
  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate
    edited January 2020
    My parents either did very well or were very fortunate with me and my two siblings. No major rows, no issues getting us up and out in the morning (I'd be sat ready to go watching breakfast news half an hour before the bus arrived). We all did pretty well at school, went to university and found work. My parents took in a 17 year old lodger a few years back and quickly decided they'd dodged a bullet with us as far as teenagers were concerned. It probably helped that my mum is a qualified nursery nurse and really likes children (she claims she looked forward to the holidays when we'd be home all day). My issue as a parent is I'm constantly comparing with my own childhood a thinking I don't measure up.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    One thing I do like about kids is they're honest about what they think and feel, in the main. More so than adults. If a child tells me they really liked the meal I cooked, I know they did. An adult might just be being polite.
  • Ohher wrote: »

    During the Reign of Terror, I once left her at a mall to walk home by herself; locked her out of our apartment for three hours;.

    We had a similar period at a similar age. Once her Dad told our daughter to get off the tractor (we'd been on a picnic off-road) and made her walk home in the rain, down a muddy track for 700m. She had been "anti" the whole morning and was totally Beyond Reach. She was completely surprised and highly insulted to have reached our limit but it taught her something she'd never forget and I don't regret it for a second
  • Galilit wrote: »
    Ohher wrote: »

    During the Reign of Terror, I once left her at a mall to walk home by herself; locked her out of our apartment for three hours;.

    We had a similar period at a similar age. Once her Dad told our daughter to get off the tractor (we'd been on a picnic off-road) and made her walk home in the rain, down a muddy track for 700m. She had been "anti" the whole morning and was totally Beyond Reach. She was completely surprised and highly insulted to have reached our limit but it taught her something she'd never forget and I don't regret it for a second

    Once when Ricardling #1 was acting up on the bus, I made us both get off and walk the rest of the way through the rain. He seemed happier walking through the rain than squalling on the bus, so I'm not sure who won that one ...
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Ricardus wrote: »
    Once when Ricardling #1 was acting up on the bus, I made us both get off and walk the rest of the way through the rain. He seemed happier walking through the rain than squalling on the bus, so I'm not sure who won that one ...

    But I bet those closest to you were very grateful.

    I remember when I was teaching admiring many of the parents whose children I taught. At least I only had them in my class between 9am and 3pm and I know many children behave much better at school - I know I did.

    My Mother, who had 4 children, (and was great with small kids but not teenagers) hoped to have numerous grandchildren - she had one. The rest of us have cats.
  • A couple of years ago I was in the supermarket. At one end of an aisle was a 5 yr old screaming and stamping her feet because she wanted something, at the other end was her mother, struggling to remain calm and explain they couldn't afford it. I shuddered and beat a hasty retreat.

    Then I thought again, went back to the mother, and thanked her for what she was doing. I also expressed the hope that one day her daughter would thank her too but, if not, the rest of the world would. By this stage the brat was silent, with her mouth hanging open in shock. Never saw them again, but hope I was part of the village bringing up that girl.
  • ...

    But then life would be much easier if the little devils came with a Haynes Manual. In the early years I stuck to the belief if they're alive at five I've done my job and the knowledge that GIN can make you a better parent.

    There's a lot to be said for the benign neglect school of parenting :wink: I always figured if the Tubblet was warm, safe, fed etc and there hadn't been any shouting then we'd had a good day. I hate GIN *, but I'm pretty sure that regular access to caffeine has helped.

    * I know ...
  • BlahblahBlahblah Suspended
    edited January 2020
    KarlLB wrote: »
    One thing I do like about kids is they're honest about what they think and feel, in the main. More so than adults. If a child tells me they really liked the meal I cooked, I know they did. An adult might just be being polite.

    Na, that isn't the way with mine. They would lie and lie and lie again to get out of trouble.

    Fortunately I was generally better at identifying lies than they were at telling them.

    One day I remember my daughter trying to gaslight me about (not) having glasses. In the end I had to go to the school and ask the teachers whether she was actually wearing them in class and then it took a lot of effort to establish that she had lost/broken them and didn't want to tell me. Or something, I can't even remember the detail; only that it was eventually resolved by going to the optician to get a new pair.

    Eventually she did learn that I was more upset about her lies and carelessness than that things break.

    I didn't do everything right by any means in my parenting, but her first response now when something goes wrong is to look for a solution.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Oh gods they lie like demons, but not about that sort of thing.
  • A couple of years ago I was in the supermarket. At one end of an aisle was a 5 yr old screaming and stamping her feet because she wanted something,

    Pfft - amateur. I used to have screaming tantrums because we went to pay at the wrong checkout.
  • I'm glad and a bit bemused to find that whenever my 18 year old manages to destroy something accidentally with a loud thumping racket, his automatic first response is to yell out, "I'm all right!" I went to a lot of trouble when he was little to make sure he would believe we cared more about his safety than the lamp stove car,.. But it still sounds very odd to me, having grown up with the usual "Mom's going to kill me" belief.
  • Lyda wrote: »
    Okay, coming at it from another direction: is there anyone who thinks they were basically a good and not too annoying child? Or rather their parent thinks they were? What did your parent do that helped that happen? Frankly, I was that kid and I was scared by my dad's loud voice used just once in a while. No abusive insults, and only an occasionally sent to the corner of the room to "think about it" but geez! I thought he might have climbed down a beanstalk! I don't know that I would recommend this but I was the proverbially "good girl" and my brother was pretty good himself.

    My mother NOW tells me that compared to how she sees a lot of kids behaving these days, I and my brother were hardly a problem. Even though she was often alone (my dad worked at sea for months at a time) and discipline was usually down to her. But they were old skool. We got smacked occasionally, sent to bed without supper and threatened with Dr. Barnardos. And of course we believed her! In retrospect I know she was wrong to do some of the stuff she did. But also in retrospect, she was learning on the job, was in an often lonely and hard situation, and she merely replicated some of what she had learnt from her parents.

    However, I never doubted for one moment, that she loved us. And we also had countless times of great family fun, laughs, affection, silliness; and the best holidays. I've always been able to say I had a great childhood, and I know that that's a tremendous blessing, compared to so many who didn't. I could, quite reasonably, blame my mum for some of my problems, growing into adulthood. Some of her choices were hurtful and selfish. But there comes a time when I have to move on and just take responsibility and control for those things myself. The more I've known of her as an adult in my own right - even including the occasional strong clashes - the more I admire her. I wish my dad had lived longer, for I adored him, and was really beginning to get to know him in news ways as an adult.
  • RooKRooK Admin Emeritus
    I wonder how much trouble I'd get in for changing the title of this thread to "Sexually-Transmitted Parasites". Probably not enough to be funny.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    :D
  • Actually very funny.
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    One thing I do like about kids is they're honest about what they think and feel, in the main. More so than adults. If a child tells me they really liked the meal I cooked, I know they did. An adult might just be being polite.

    My son once refused to say grace. He claimed that if he said that he was thankful for the meal I'd cooked he would be lying, and it would be wrong to lie to God. All said with an air of deep piety.

  • I’m sorry NEQ, that made me laugh so much I had to read it out to my 15 year old, who is seldom grateful for his food, unlike his older brother.
    I agree with what you said earlier about age, my sons became far easier to get on with age 12/13. Saying that, the 15 year old still aims to annoy the 18 year old brother whoever he is home from uni. But I have 2 sisters in their 60s who have been arguing since at least their teens so it shouldn’t be a surprise.
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    Oh gods they lie like demons, but not about that sort of thing.
    Which is to say, they lie when it might potentially benefit them, rather than when it might potentially benefit someone else...
  • anoesis wrote: »
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Oh gods they lie like demons, but not about that sort of thing.
    Which is to say, they lie when it might potentially benefit them, rather than when it might potentially benefit someone else...

    Well yes, although I'm not convinced I'm benefited particularly when I don't know if compliments are meant to merely polite /tangent
  • Galilit wrote: »
    Ohher wrote: »

    During the Reign of Terror, I once left her at a mall to walk home by herself; locked her out of our apartment for three hours;.

    We had a similar period at a similar age. Once her Dad told our daughter to get off the tractor (we'd been on a picnic off-road) and made her walk home in the rain, down a muddy track for 700m. She had been "anti" the whole morning and was totally Beyond Reach. She was completely surprised and highly insulted to have reached our limit but it taught her something she'd never forget and I don't regret it for a second

    I've enjoyed a few of these 'what happened when I snapped' stories. For us it was my two arguing about a piece of birthday cake on the walk home from school that one had been given - not sharing, but worse, taunting. So I grabbed the f***** thing and ate it in one. It was a big piece of cake. The screams were mighty. But that 'he's a bit mad, and he means it' stuff continues to be useful from time to time (now 12 and 14) so long as one **keeps the powder dry** and also makes sure to use the charm offensive where necessary to save sufficient deposits in the bank of goodwill, that their loss means something to the kids.

    I also threatened to drag the kids to school in their knickers if needs be. But this was after the cake incident, and I didn't have to do it. Oh - also 'brush your hair, or I'll do it for you'. Now I only have to threaten to dance at the entrance to (secondary) school playground. Or in parents' evening the other night, offer to launch into a hymn in the school gym (large, reverberant, I have a loud voice). Kids, wide eyed - 'verse one would be bad, but imagine verse 2?! And then verse 3 ??!!





  • DooneDoone Shipmate
    Galilit wrote: »
    Ohher wrote: »

    During the Reign of Terror, I once left her at a mall to walk home by herself; locked her out of our apartment for three hours;.

    We had a similar period at a similar age. Once her Dad told our daughter to get off the tractor (we'd been on a picnic off-road) and made her walk home in the rain, down a muddy track for 700m. She had been "anti" the whole morning and was totally Beyond Reach. She was completely surprised and highly insulted to have reached our limit but it taught her something she'd never forget and I don't regret it for a second

    I've enjoyed a few of these 'what happened when I snapped' stories. For us it was my two arguing about a piece of birthday cake on the walk home from school that one had been given - not sharing, but worse, taunting. So I grabbed the f***** thing and ate it in one. It was a big piece of cake. The screams were mighty. But that 'he's a bit mad, and he means it' stuff continues to be useful from time to time (now 12 and 14) so long as one **keeps the powder dry** and also makes sure to use the charm offensive where necessary to save sufficient deposits in the bank of goodwill, that their loss means something to the kids.

    I also threatened to drag the kids to school in their knickers if needs be. But this was after the cake incident, and I didn't have to do it. Oh - also 'brush your hair, or I'll do it for you'. Now I only have to threaten to dance at the entrance to (secondary) school playground. Or in parents' evening the other night, offer to launch into a hymn in the school gym (large, reverberant, I have a loud voice). Kids, wide eyed - 'verse one would be bad, but imagine verse 2?! And then verse 3 ??!!





    Legend! I needed that laugh this morning!
  • A Feminine ForceA Feminine Force Shipmate
    edited February 2020
    Being a single parent just meant that I had to be smarter than my daughter, and I thought "If I'm not smarter than a five year old then I really suck at this."

    We had the four Refrigerator Commandments - stuck to the door. Always tell the truth. If you make a promise you must keep it. Always show respect for other people especially those older than you. Always show respect for places and things especially if they are not your own.

    As she grew older, she learned where there was wiggle room. But in the early days when they were broken the consequences were swift, proportionate and consistent.

    I only had to administer consequences maybe three times and thereafter say "Keep this up and we can go home and you can enjoy (consequence). Or get your act together and we can both continue to enjoy what we're doing." Choices were simple.

    And when she got to age twelve I sat her down and said "Look I work way too hard to keep you in Montessori. In a year or two you'll be going to an International Baccalaureate high school. I can save for retirement or I can invest in you. I chose to invest in you."

    "So here's the deal, here are several websites of military boarding schools. I want you to read them and pick the one you would like to attend, because if you run off the rails, make your and my life miserable and can't use the self discipline you've learned in Montessori, I will divert funds to this school and you WILL be going. You get one free kick at the cat making mistakes we all make in high school. But there will be no third strike. OK? I mean this."

    I never had a problem because she knew I meant it. She went into marching band, had a ball, used the self discipline and became Brass Captain in her junior year, aced all her courses and was in general just a happy kid.

    I miss her so much. We fell out before she passed. I wish we had had the time to hammer out our differences but I guess that will have to wait for another incarnation. I would be willing to come back just for that.

    AFF
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