My kids are ghastly.

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  • Yep.
  • Jemima the 9thJemima the 9th Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"

    There’s a fabulous meme somewhere in internetland which says, “Someone said God would never give me more than I can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a fucking ninja”.
    I love that. Of course post it as a reply to the people who tell you that sort of nonsense, and they’ll probably object to the swearing...:rolleyes:
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"
    That's a horrendous misreading of I Corinthians 10:13. It's bad theology: Yes, God sometimes does give us more than we can handle. That obnoxious invention is the cause of more unnecessary pain than almost anything Bible-related that I can think of.


  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    God freaking does it all the time--or allows it to happen, which comes to much the same thing. It's more sensible to say he never allows anything which HE can't handle (no fine speeches about us). I generally find that whatever he drags me through, I am not in the end utterly destroyed; but my dignity certainly is, as it is clear to everyone that I had nothing to do with handling it, and my weakness is often (always?) on full display. (which is why I also hate that stupidity "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Bullshit. )
  • edited March 2020
    Yes they keep you up at night. They vomit on you, and even into your mouth (yes that did happen to me). They finger paint with poop. They hit teachers. They come home drunk. They crash the car. They swear and don't bathe or shower for smelly days. They smoke weed. They steal. They get suspended from school. They flunk out of post highschool training or education. And then something really serious happens like they die or are seriously harmed and you as a parent seriously grow up. Right then.

    If you cannot handle parenting ask for help. Many of us will gladly talk to you, come and pitch in but you have to tell us or answer honestly when we try to not be too intrusive and ask.

    Perspective: kids at any age who are being difficult or are real trouble, they're usually hurting about something. It's their suffering. We're all suffering. That's the point. It's why we need each other. Of you're religious, God won't help you except through other people. Full stop. No fancy miracles.
  • Rossweisse wrote: »
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"
    That's a horrendous misreading of I Corinthians 10:13. It's bad theology: Yes, God sometimes does give us more than we can handle. That obnoxious invention is the cause of more unnecessary pain than almost anything Bible-related that I can think of.

    Agree. And I'd put the trite Its all part of God's plan in the same category - yes, head of RE at the children's school, I'm looking at you, parroting out that garbage less than 48 hours after their mother had died. FFS, you weren't teaching either of them, you deliberately sought them out to beat them round the heart with that shit. :rage:

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Rossweisse wrote: »
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"
    That's a horrendous misreading of I Corinthians 10:13. It's bad theology: Yes, God sometimes does give us more than we can handle. That obnoxious invention is the cause of more unnecessary pain than almost anything Bible-related that I can think of.

    Agree. And I'd put the trite Its all part of God's plan in the same category - yes, head of RE at the children's school, I'm looking at you, parroting out that garbage less than 48 hours after their mother had died. FFS, you weren't teaching either of them, you deliberately sought them out to beat them round the heart with that shit. :rage:

    Once again I must recall my vicar's question of why the Body of Christ needs so many arseholes.
  • He won't give me anything I can't handle... It's all part of His plan... etc.

    I read a novel last year, Us Conductors, by Sean Michaels, in which the protagonist (Theremin) is in the Gulag, and he tells the reader, "We agreed that there is a God, and he is a son of a bitch."
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate

    Agree. And I'd put the trite Its all part of God's plan in the same category - yes, head of RE at the children's school, I'm looking at you, parroting out that garbage less than 48 hours after their mother had died. FFS, you weren't teaching either of them, you deliberately sought them out to beat them round the heart with that shit. :rage:

    There is a millstone somewhere with this person's name carved on it.

  • Oh, I do hope so. The next school year that particular AH was appointed Head of Pastoral Care :anguished:
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    Rossweisse wrote: »
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"
    That's a horrendous misreading of I Corinthians 10:13. It's bad theology: Yes, God sometimes does give us more than we can handle. That obnoxious invention is the cause of more unnecessary pain than almost anything Bible-related that I can think of.

    Agree. And I'd put the trite Its all part of God's plan in the same category - yes, head of RE at the children's school, I'm looking at you, parroting out that garbage less than 48 hours after their mother had died. FFS, you weren't teaching either of them, you deliberately sought them out to beat them round the heart with that shit. :rage:

    Once again I must recall my vicar's question of why the Body of Christ needs so many arseholes.

    Best quote ever!
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    Rossweisse wrote: »
    Sparrow wrote: »
    This may not be appropriate @anoesis, as I've never had kids. However I have had depression for years, sometimes badly. A cliche that often gets wheeled out is, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger". I can remember screaming at those words, "No it doesn't! It can tear you up and leave you bleeding."

    For me it's "God never gives you a burden heavier than you can bear" - or words to that effect. I want to stand up and scream "What about people who have mental breakdowns due to stress?"
    That's a horrendous misreading of I Corinthians 10:13. It's bad theology: Yes, God sometimes does give us more than we can handle. That obnoxious invention is the cause of more unnecessary pain than almost anything Bible-related that I can think of.

    Agree. And I'd put the trite Its all part of God's plan in the same category - yes, head of RE at the children's school, I'm looking at you, parroting out that garbage less than 48 hours after their mother had died. FFS, you weren't teaching either of them, you deliberately sought them out to beat them round the heart with that shit. :rage:

    Once again I must recall my vicar's question of why the Body of Christ needs so many arseholes.

    Best quote ever!

    Alleluia, brother, written as I leave for a presbytery meeting.
  • Alleluia, brother, written as I leave for a presbytery meeting.
    :lol:

    (Fortunately, most presbytery meetings in this presbytery—at least those I’ve attended—aren’t plagued by more than one or two of the Body of Christ’s many arseholes, if that many.)

  • Nick Tamen wrote: »
    Alleluia, brother, written as I leave for a presbytery meeting.
    :lol:

    (Fortunately, most presbytery meetings in this presbytery—at least those I’ve attended—aren’t plagued by more than one or two of the Body of Christ’s many arseholes, if that many.)
    It only takes took one more than than the minimum to wreck the meeting. For fear of risking exposure, I'll leave it at that.

  • We've all been there if we have ever been members of any presbytery. So you probably wouldn't expose.....
  • Cathscats wrote: »
    We've all been there if we have ever been members of any presbytery. So you probably wouldn't expose.....

    In the cool light of another day, I remember the good things (getting a bit off topic here, aren't we?) about the presbytery. There are some good people there; many more good hearts than fundamental orifices. When I had to take time out a few years ago, the presbytery was my second church, and those people were there for me. It's a funny thing, though. You can rage against someone in debate on those things that divide us, and then go out for a beer together.
  • Oh, I do hope so. The next school year that particular AH was appointed Head of Pastoral Care :anguished:

    I sometimes think that one of the requirements for being appointed to such positions is the inability to be pastorally sensitive at all.

  • Dragonlet 2 is unfortunately still in the 'emptying Mummy's purse is fun' stage. Cue having no idea where my transport pass for work is, or the bank card for the joint account, so I'm looking at having to replace both of them :grimace:.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Pendragon wrote: »
    Dragonlet 2 is unfortunately still in the 'emptying Mummy's purse is fun' stage. Cue having no idea where my transport pass for work is, or the bank card for the joint account, so I'm looking at having to replace both of them :grimace:.

    Posted into the DVD player disc slot?
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Anything I'm looking for usually turns up in the laundry basket 😣
  • I posted earlier about a mobile that turned up in the clothes dryer... The fridge is also a good place to look.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Anything I'm looking for usually turns up in the laundry basket 😣

    And, if water damageable, post washing.
  • I only discovered that one of my kids could open (and close!) windows when a passing neighbour returned various items.......
  • Leorning CnihtLeorning Cniht Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    Ethne Alba wrote: »
    I only discovered that one of my kids could open (and close!) windows when a passing neighbour returned various items.......

    Ours used to open cupboards and remove a single item, but he couldn't carry more than one thing, so he'd leave whatever he had before behind in its place. So when we found something out of place in the front of a cupboard, we could go to wherever the thing was supposed to be, and retrace his path backwards round the house. Repeat several times...
  • IME cash, tickets, cards, etc can so easily be "posted" through the gaps between floorboards and under skirtingboards.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Anything I'm looking for usually turns up in the laundry basket 😣

    Ah, so Captain Pyjamas is into laundering money (amongst other things) - a grave offence in one so young. (and cute :wink: ).
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Not money at this stage although I've turned up all manner of toys in there. OTOH the sheep from his farmyard thing has been missing for ages and I've scoured the apartment repeatedly. I reckon he's posted it through a wormhole in space.
  • Every time I turn out a cupboard, storage box or hidey hole I seem to find a bit of Lego: my children are 26 and didn't really build with it, just hurl it at each other.
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    Pendragon wrote: »
    Dragonlet 2 is unfortunately still in the 'emptying Mummy's purse is fun' stage. Cue having no idea where my transport pass for work is, or the bank card for the joint account, so I'm looking at having to replace both of them :grimace:.

    Posted into the DVD player disc slot?

    That makes me feel ancient - I was about to say "posted into the video player"
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Well it turns out lockdown has its uses. While doing some very thorough hoovering (because cleaning passes the time) I have turned up the missing sheep down the back of the sofa. Now to find all the other stuff that's disappeared in the meantime...
  • The sheep was just self-isolating.
    :wink:
  • Oh, the backs and sides of upholstered furniture can yield all kinds of treasure. Once my sons discovered more than a pound each down the side of an armchair they became mad-keen on wielding the vacuum cleaner for quite a while.
  • I sense a possible parenting strategy - treasure hunt cleaning.

    Seed small change around the house and then ...
  • anoesisanoesis Shipmate
    I sense a possible parenting strategy - treasure hunt cleaning.
    Seed small change around the house and then ...

    I discovered, quite by accident, a few weeks back, that there is practically nothing my kids will not do for an hour of computer games. Ordinarily, they are allowed to play after school two days a week only and I'm absolutely inflexible about this. They keep asking nonetheless, of course. Then they got me on a Tuesday which is always a tough day round here, and all I wanted was for them to bugger off to a room at the other end of the house and get out from under my feet, so I acted reluctant but said, well, maybe if you both do a chore for me... They were gagging to know what they could do! Gave them both a relatively small task that time but have ramped it up, and last two weeks the big one has enthusiastically vacuumed the kitchen/dining area while the small one has skipped outside to to clean the muck out of the guinea pigs' cage and refresh their bedding (which is one chore I'm exceedingly glad to have off my plate).
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    Positive reinforcement is a really effective behavioural strategy, what people often forget - is something is only reinforcing if it’s something the person actually wants. You have a very potent reinforcer there, provided you don’t make it unattainable, it will probably carry on working.

    Ideally you don’t make everything contingent, so keep your existing basic allowance - but chores, or parent getting quiet time, earns them more.

    For it to work long term, they need to know rewards *already earned* can not subsequently lost.
  • Our supplies of nice comestibles, including fruit, are locked away in a box in our room so they last the next few days: the packet of angel delight for tomorrow got torn open and wasted within a couple of hours of getting home, due to Dragonlet 1's sheer lack of impulse control. This after he'd left the bag with the anti-bac spray somewhere in Asda as it was "too heavy".

    We will be doing rather a lot of tidying over the next few days, so he might be earning his access to chocolate back.
  • anoesis wrote: »
    I sense a possible parenting strategy - treasure hunt cleaning.
    Seed small change around the house and then ...

    I discovered, quite by accident, a few weeks back, that there is practically nothing my kids will not do for an hour of computer games. Ordinarily, they are allowed to play after school two days a week only and I'm absolutely inflexible about this. They keep asking nonetheless, of course. Then they got me on a Tuesday which is always a tough day round here, and all I wanted was for them to bugger off to a room at the other end of the house and get out from under my feet, so I acted reluctant but said, well, maybe if you both do a chore for me... They were gagging to know what they could do! Gave them both a relatively small task that time but have ramped it up, and last two weeks the big one has enthusiastically vacuumed the kitchen/dining area while the small one has skipped outside to to clean the muck out of the guinea pigs' cage and refresh their bedding (which is one chore I'm exceedingly glad to have off my plate).

    Well done. You have begun to teach your children that a family home means everyone, bar babes in arms, needs to contribute to its running. Linking small chores to treats or pocket money teaches them that their work has value and that keeping the house going in a never-ending task.
  • I don't have any children, but this thread gives me so much pleasure (& laughter.)
  • I’ve been doing it for three days now, and I have no idea how his mom coped with being at home with him all day every day for over a year. But I do know this - she wasn’t trying to get some work done at the same time.

    Who knew the smegging toilet was such an irresistible toy?
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Well obviously. That and the toilet paper, which the Gnome doesn't realise is a highly precious resource at the minute.

    Presumably your toilet has a door. Much misery can be avoided by closing it.

    Also, the best thing about toddlers is this: they have an off button, AKA going down for a nap. Save anything requiring particular concentration for when he's asleep.
  • anoesisanoesis Shipmate
    Presumably your toilet has a door. Much misery can be avoided by closing it.
    Unless, of course, you are using said toilet - when much misery will be created by the closing of the door...
  • anoesis wrote: »
    Presumably your toilet has a door. Much misery can be avoided by closing it.
    Unless, of course, you are using said toilet - when much misery will be created by the closing of the door...

    Indeed!

    (most of the time the problem is solved by being on a different floor of the house anyway)
  • RicardusRicardus Shipmate
    If it's got moveable or detachable parts, then it's a toy.

    If it doesn't, then some need to be created as soon as possible ...
  • Also, the best thing about toddlers is this: they have an off button, AKA going down for a nap. Save anything requiring particular concentration for when he's asleep.
    Maybe. Our son’s naps lasted maybe 30 minutes—just long enough to start something before he woke up. If we were lucky.

  • Nick Tamen wrote: »
    Also, the best thing about toddlers is this: they have an off button, AKA going down for a nap. Save anything requiring particular concentration for when he's asleep.
    Maybe. Our son’s naps lasted maybe 30 minutes—just long enough to start something before he woke up. If we were lucky.

    Our toddler is worse. She could nap, oh yes she could, and for quite a while. But we would pay for it once bed time came, and it would be 2 hours before she got to sleep and then she'd be up at 4am. The only way has been to stop her napping during the day.
  • RooKRooK Admin Emeritus
    I know I've said this too many times, but if I were to write a book on parenting¹, it would be titled "Plug The Scream Hole".

    ¹ More of a memoir than a guide, obviously.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    They said to sleep when the baby sleeps, but we found with Boy #1 that the Derbyshire Constab take a dim view of sleeping whilst driving between the two roundabouts on the A61 Chesterfield bypass.

    We also found that the newborn wanting feeding every two hours means half an hour feeding, an hour getting back to sleep, and half an hour of actual sleep.
  • DafydDafyd Shipmate
    Also, the best thing about toddlers is this: they have an off button, AKA going down for a nap.
    That's not exactly a button. I used to be able to get Dafling major to nap after pushing her up and down the hallway in the buggy for quarter of an hour or so. But left to themselves the Daflings timed their nap for minimum convenience to parents. (Dafling minor still thinks that while travelling home from somewhere fun is an excellent time to get a nap in so as to preserve energy for bedtime.)

  • anoesis wrote: »
    Presumably your toilet has a door. Much misery can be avoided by closing it.
    Unless, of course, you are using said toilet - when much misery will be created by the closing of the door...

    Your small children are so loving and caring that they don't want to leave you in that small room by yourself - clearly you'll be happier with company (generally small hands grabbing your leg and or trying to rub your back, which can be really distracting...)
  • Ricardus wrote: »
    If it's got moveable or detachable parts, then it's a toy.

    If it doesn't, then some need to be created as soon as possible ...

    That brings back memories of my two dismantling one of those stainless steel equipment trolleys while we were in a paediatrician's consulting room. They were two years old and had no tools, just small hands and determination.
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