Computers and related demonic devices

I hates them. I have to use two right now. One to talk to people on with a camera. One to everything else on. Everyone blames everyone else for them not working as advertised. And they're not intuitive at all. I'm sure some of you like them, and you're going straight to hell because of that. Jesus never used a computer.
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Comments

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    I'm kind of a selective luddite. My basic rule is that the internet is for pleasure, not business, and I do almost no transactions of any sort on-line. It's just too much stress, trying to navigate the technology when money or jobs are at stake. Plus, I prefer face-to-face dealings. Pay all my bills in person at the local bank.

    Though middle-aged, I didn't get a cell phone until the pandemic, when I decided to stay out of internet cafes. And I still barely use it for phoning, just on-line wanderings. I do enjoy taking pictures with it though.

  • CaissaCaissa Shipmate
    Without computers, my job would be almost impossible at this time. Computers have also improved the ability of students with disabilities to succeed.
  • I honestly don't know how I would have survived over five months of this pandemic without my computers.

    My desktop is elderly (in February I started looking at new ones :cry: ); I was using my tablet a lot, but the battery isn't charging and only Microsoft can replace it.

    But... I am SO very thankful to have them. Without my computers, I would have little in the way of conversations -- personal or business, no church, no source of news,* no way to make purchases, no meetings, pretty much nothing... no Ship of Fools! :fearful:

    (*I suppose I could watch television, but I'd have to find my antenna and then learn to use the television for actually tuning into something as it was being broadcast. As it is, I only use it as a DVD player.)

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited August 2020
    stetson wrote: »
    I'm kind of a selective luddite. My basic rule is that the internet is for pleasure, not business, and I do almost no transactions of any sort on-line. It's just too much stress, trying to navigate the technology when money or jobs are at stake. Plus, I prefer face-to-face dealings. Pay all my bills in person at the local bank.

    Though middle-aged, I didn't get a cell phone until the pandemic, when I decided to stay out of internet cafes. And I still barely use it for phoning, just on-line wanderings. I do enjoy taking pictures with it though.

    I can only cope with doing these things online. If it can be bought online, that's where I prefer to get it. Easy.

    Bills are all DD. I forget to pay them otherwise.
  • Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    I honestly don't know how I would have survived over five months of this pandemic without my computers.

    My desktop is elderly (in February I started looking at new ones :cry: ); I was using my tablet a lot, but the battery isn't charging and only Microsoft can replace it.

    But... I am SO very thankful to have them. Without my computers, I would have little in the way of conversations -- personal or business, no church, no source of news,* no way to make purchases, no meetings, pretty much nothing... no Ship of Fools! :fearful:

    (*I suppose I could watch television, but I'd have to find my antenna and then learn to use the television for actually tuning into something as it was being broadcast. As it is, I only use it as a DVD player.)

    Much the same for me! I have a spare laptop, in case this one I'm using suddenly shows The Black Screen Of Death... :grimace:

    Problems with BT Broadband meant that I was without the internet for THREE DAYS! I now have a Dongle which allows me to use another provider...

    But what will we all do if there's a massive solar flare, or a nuclear explosion, or something, that knocks out all computers worldwide?
    :scream:

  • Dongle? (sounds dirty)
  • Dongle? (sounds dirty)

    Obligatory (if a little dated).
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited August 2020
    I was a Luddite but married a technical wizard. I went from being a nurse who avoided technology to being a stay at home mum moderating a parenting site and having an online business. For the past 12 years I have taught via distance learning which has become increasingly web based; my modules have changed from book based to entirely online and I have taught online tutorials for at least 6 years, and marked electronically for about 8. Almost all of my teaching (health and social care) is done via computer.
    I got my first phone for my 50th birthday last year purely so that I can arrange lifts from my husband; I don’t like people contacting me out of the blue.
    But sometimes I need time out, to rest my mind.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited August 2020
    :lol:

    Thanks - I'd not seen it before! Is that Harry Enfield, trying not to laugh?
  • Strictly speaking, it is not a real dongle. What is usually meant is a network connector.

    Originally, a dongle was a hardware key that you had to have plugged into your computer for cetain software to work.
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    I can only cope with doing these things online. If it can be bought online, that's where I prefer to get it. Easy.

    Bills are all DD. I forget to pay them otherwise.

    Damnit, Karl, you're being me again!

    I finally caved and got a cellphone recently. I have a love-hate relationship with the thing. It's convenient to have a pocket device with a camera, navigation, and a web browser. I hate text messages - people seem to think that they're synchronous, when they really aren't, and then get all huffy when I don't respond to their texts because I'm busy with something else. If it's urgent, make a phone call and interrupt me. If it's not, wait your turn.

    I also hate the way that many people are unwilling to make plans, and instead rely on a vague "we'll head in that direction after breakfast, and will phone you when we're there". Don't be so damned selfish - if I'm arranging my day to include meeting up with you, tell me what time you'll try to get there for, and try to stick to it. Your kids' school doesn't accept "I'll pick them up some time this afternoon", and your employer doesn't accept "I'll show up when I'm good and ready", so why should your friends accept that?

    Sure, trains get delayed, traffic accidents happen, and other unavoidable things happen that mean you can't meet your commitment, in which case being able to phone is useful. But those are exceptional cases.
  • Strictly speaking, it is not a real dongle. What is usually meant is a network connector.

    Originally, a dongle was a hardware key that you had to have plugged into your computer for certain software to work.

    Yes, but Dongle is such a lovely word... :wink:

    Mine is white, and fits into a suitable port very nicely, thank you. It has three green lights on it.

  • Jesus never used a flush toilet.
  • Dongle jokes, and more: One Ronnie, "Blackberry"
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    Jesus never used a computer.

    He didn't need one.

    Me? I need mine.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Jesus never used a flush toilet.

    Norman Mailer wrote somewhere that if people still defecated into a hole in the ground, the sight and smell of everyone's feces would keep them in touch with their own humanity, and maybe we wouldn't be building nuclear weapons to annihilate mankind.

    (Ignores the fact that the people who made the decision to use atomic bombs in World War II all probably grew up without indoor plumbing.)
  • PatdysPatdys Shipmate
    There is good evidence to show that Jesus did in fact use a computer and demonstrably had quite advanced data retention techniques.
  • Strictly speaking, it is not a real dongle. What is usually meant is a network connector.

    Originally, a dongle was a hardware key that you had to have plugged into your computer for certain software to work.

    Yes, but Dongle is such a lovely word... :wink:

    Mine is white, and fits into a suitable port very nicely, thank you. It has three green lights on it.

    Oh absolutely. The double entendres make it completely worth keeping the word in use.

    Of course, as a software developer, I am clearly a demonic overseer, and I presume the profit-free one would never want to listen to a word I say.
  • stetson wrote: »
    Norman Mailer wrote somewhere that if people still defecated into a hole in the ground, the sight and smell of everyone's feces would keep them in touch with their own humanity, and maybe we wouldn't be building nuclear weapons to annihilate mankind.

    If I was constantly assailed by the sights and smells of everyone's feces then I'd be far more likely to want to destroy the world.
  • Quite.
    :scream:
  • mousethief wrote: »
    Jesus never used a flush toilet.

    Jesus went poo? :astonished:

    No doubt there are shrines somewhere with holy turds venerated on some special day. Faeces Christ! (Does that send me to hell?)
  • CaissaCaissa Shipmate
    You're in Hell NP.
  • LOL.
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    While we're on the topic, there is of course this charming tradition.
  • The Feast of Computers and Caca. What's on the menu?
  • Please may I just have a green salad?
    :flushed:
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    Put together by Star Trek's Replicator, I would imagine. A very handy computerized device to have, along with the Holodeck.

    I certainly wouldn't mind having a Holodeck available for my use during this pandemic-imposed shut-in.
  • Yes indeedy - I always thought the ST holodeck was one of the best inventions of the 22nd Century...(or whenever).

    That, and the transporter thingy - 'Beam me to the Pub, Scotty!' (well, not just now, of course).
  • mousethief wrote: »
    Dongle jokes, and more: One Ronnie, "Blackberry"

    Same video that Eutychus posted above surely?
  • DafydDafyd Shipmate
    That, and the transporter thingy - 'Beam me to the Pub, Scotty!' (well, not just now, of course).
    You need to be careful not to use the transporter during unidentified energy phenomena (surprisingly common), or all sort of weirdnesses happen.

  • mousethief wrote: »
    Dongle jokes, and more: One Ronnie, "Blackberry"

    Same video that Eutychus posted above surely?

    I was meant to read the thread?

    Sorry, @Eutychus .
  • mousethief wrote: »
    Jesus never used a flush toilet.

    Jesus went poo? :astonished:

    No doubt there are shrines somewhere with holy turds venerated on some special day. Faeces Christ! (Does that send me to hell?)

    Dude, there is a weird bunch of Orthodoxen who seriously believe Jesus never shat because "I will not allow my righteous one to see corruption." His body used all of what he took in so there was no need. These people reproduce. It's frightening.

    (Actually they shouldn't reproduce because they have a "Biblical" reason for every single day of the week why it's sinful to have sex on that day. And yet they manage to make kids. Talk about conceived in iniquity.)
  • Did he ever spit? Sputter at Pharasitical nonsense and spray out his tea? What happened to his computer keyboard when that happened? And did Jesus have a dongle, even if he didn't use it?
  • dongles are useful for many things!
  • OhherOhher Shipmate
    Did he ever spit? Sputter at Pharasitical nonsense and spray out his tea? What happened to his computer keyboard when that happened? And did Jesus have a dongle, even if he didn't use it?

    Didn't he spit while demonstrating something-or-other to the disciples? Not recalling the precise incident. Wait: didn't he use spit on a blind man's eyes to cure him -- spit & mud? Been a loooong time since Sunday school for me . . . .

  • The man was not simply blind. He was born without eye-balls, so this was a creative act, signifying that Christ was the Creator. And when the newly-seeing man met Him again, he worshipped Him.
  • Without wishing to go off on a tangent, where did you get that bit about the chap having been born without eyeballs?
  • Without wishing to go off on a tangent, where did you get that bit about the chap having been born without eyeballs?

    I suspect the amswer to that is back to bodily orrifices.

    Back to the OP topic: I don;t trust computers. I have met so many of the people who program them to trust what they are doing for a moment.
  • Without wishing to go off on a tangent, where did you get that bit about the chap having been born without eyeballs?
    He actually has a Sunday of his own in the Orthodox calendar - the 6th Sunday of the Great Fast (i.e. Lent). The Gospel reading from John 9 includes verse 32, which says, “Since the world began, it was not heard that any man opened the eyes of one who was born blind.” This is different from other occasions when Christ healed the blind. (See Saint John Chrysostom, Homily LVI on Matthew; Saint Irenaeus, Against Heresies, Book V:15; and the second Exorcism of Saint Basil the Great.)
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited August 2020
    Thanks for that, though it doesn't quite explain the minus eyeballs bit...after all, it's quite possible he had all the kit, but it just didn't work until Jesus came along and sorted it out for him.

    An Occam's Razor approach, perhaps.

    Back to the OP topic: I don't trust computers. I have met [too] many of the people who program them to trust what they are doing for a moment.

    Yes. GIGO = Garbage In, Garbage Out?

  • Let's spit on our computers! That they might know what we need them to see!

  • O well done Sir! I saw what you did there!
    :grin:
  • HugalHugal Shipmate
    Unfortunately computer people rule the world.
  • It's our revenge for being bullied at school by the football people.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited August 2020
    It's our revenge for being bullied at school by the football people.

    Quite. One of my earliest memories is of boys jeering that I couldn't join in their "Leeds United!" chant because I has the wrong design of blue football shirt. So much for trying to fit in.

    But I digress.

    I am quite glad that I now live in a world where any important documents are held in a cloud somewhere. If I had to rely on paper copies of deeds, policies, shares, certificates and whatnot I'd lose thousands by, well, losing them.
  • HugalHugal Shipmate
    It has good and bad points like most things
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Hugal wrote: »
    It has good and bad points like most things

    Mostly good for me. For one thing I've no idea what I'd do for a living without them. Every non-IT job I've had has been a Hell of not fitting in. And I love the way you don't get stupid arguments in pubs about whether Glasgow is bigger than Edinburgh or the Eiffel Tower taller than the Chrysler Building. Google it. Find out. Job done. Buy another round.
  • Google. The god of data which doesn't need you to pray. Knows what you need to buy before your thought is formed. I'd rather go and worship ducks or st least start on that page.
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    Google. The god of data which doesn't need you to pray.

    Ah, but it does! "O Google, give me wisdom to word my search criteria so that you will deliver hits that are relevant to my needs, and not marred by ads. In Bill Gates' name we pray, Amen."

    Said prayer generally goes unanswered.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Google-fu
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