Computers and related demonic devices
NOprophet_NØprofit
Shipmate
in Hell
I hates them. I have to use two right now. One to talk to people on with a camera. One to everything else on. Everyone blames everyone else for them not working as advertised. And they're not intuitive at all. I'm sure some of you like them, and you're going straight to hell because of that. Jesus never used a computer.
Comments
Though middle-aged, I didn't get a cell phone until the pandemic, when I decided to stay out of internet cafes. And I still barely use it for phoning, just on-line wanderings. I do enjoy taking pictures with it though.
My desktop is elderly (in February I started looking at new ones
But... I am SO very thankful to have them. Without my computers, I would have little in the way of conversations -- personal or business, no church, no source of news,* no way to make purchases, no meetings, pretty much nothing... no Ship of Fools!
(*I suppose I could watch television, but I'd have to find my antenna and then learn to use the television for actually tuning into something as it was being broadcast. As it is, I only use it as a DVD player.)
I can only cope with doing these things online. If it can be bought online, that's where I prefer to get it. Easy.
Bills are all DD. I forget to pay them otherwise.
Much the same for me! I have a spare laptop, in case this one I'm using suddenly shows The Black Screen Of Death...
Problems with BT Broadband meant that I was without the internet for THREE DAYS! I now have a Dongle which allows me to use another provider...
But what will we all do if there's a massive solar flare, or a nuclear explosion, or something, that knocks out all computers worldwide?
Obligatory (if a little dated).
I got my first phone for my 50th birthday last year purely so that I can arrange lifts from my husband; I don’t like people contacting me out of the blue.
But sometimes I need time out, to rest my mind.
Thanks - I'd not seen it before! Is that Harry Enfield, trying not to laugh?
Originally, a dongle was a hardware key that you had to have plugged into your computer for cetain software to work.
Damnit, Karl, you're being me again!
I finally caved and got a cellphone recently. I have a love-hate relationship with the thing. It's convenient to have a pocket device with a camera, navigation, and a web browser. I hate text messages - people seem to think that they're synchronous, when they really aren't, and then get all huffy when I don't respond to their texts because I'm busy with something else. If it's urgent, make a phone call and interrupt me. If it's not, wait your turn.
I also hate the way that many people are unwilling to make plans, and instead rely on a vague "we'll head in that direction after breakfast, and will phone you when we're there". Don't be so damned selfish - if I'm arranging my day to include meeting up with you, tell me what time you'll try to get there for, and try to stick to it. Your kids' school doesn't accept "I'll pick them up some time this afternoon", and your employer doesn't accept "I'll show up when I'm good and ready", so why should your friends accept that?
Sure, trains get delayed, traffic accidents happen, and other unavoidable things happen that mean you can't meet your commitment, in which case being able to phone is useful. But those are exceptional cases.
Yes, but Dongle is such a lovely word...
Mine is white, and fits into a suitable port very nicely, thank you. It has three green lights on it.
He didn't need one.
Me? I need mine.
Norman Mailer wrote somewhere that if people still defecated into a hole in the ground, the sight and smell of everyone's feces would keep them in touch with their own humanity, and maybe we wouldn't be building nuclear weapons to annihilate mankind.
(Ignores the fact that the people who made the decision to use atomic bombs in World War II all probably grew up without indoor plumbing.)
Oh absolutely. The double entendres make it completely worth keeping the word in use.
Of course, as a software developer, I am clearly a demonic overseer, and I presume the profit-free one would never want to listen to a word I say.
If I was constantly assailed by the sights and smells of everyone's feces then I'd be far more likely to want to destroy the world.
Jesus went poo?
No doubt there are shrines somewhere with holy turds venerated on some special day. Faeces Christ! (Does that send me to hell?)
I certainly wouldn't mind having a Holodeck available for my use during this pandemic-imposed shut-in.
That, and the transporter thingy - 'Beam me to the Pub, Scotty!' (well, not just now, of course).
Same video that Eutychus posted above surely?
I was meant to read the thread?
Sorry, @Eutychus .
Dude, there is a weird bunch of Orthodoxen who seriously believe Jesus never shat because "I will not allow my righteous one to see corruption." His body used all of what he took in so there was no need. These people reproduce. It's frightening.
(Actually they shouldn't reproduce because they have a "Biblical" reason for every single day of the week why it's sinful to have sex on that day. And yet they manage to make kids. Talk about conceived in iniquity.)
Didn't he spit while demonstrating something-or-other to the disciples? Not recalling the precise incident. Wait: didn't he use spit on a blind man's eyes to cure him -- spit & mud? Been a loooong time since Sunday school for me . . . .
I suspect the amswer to that is back to bodily orrifices.
Back to the OP topic: I don;t trust computers. I have met so many of the people who program them to trust what they are doing for a moment.
An Occam's Razor approach, perhaps.
Yes. GIGO = Garbage In, Garbage Out?
Quite. One of my earliest memories is of boys jeering that I couldn't join in their "Leeds United!" chant because I has the wrong design of blue football shirt. So much for trying to fit in.
But I digress.
I am quite glad that I now live in a world where any important documents are held in a cloud somewhere. If I had to rely on paper copies of deeds, policies, shares, certificates and whatnot I'd lose thousands by, well, losing them.
Mostly good for me. For one thing I've no idea what I'd do for a living without them. Every non-IT job I've had has been a Hell of not fitting in. And I love the way you don't get stupid arguments in pubs about whether Glasgow is bigger than Edinburgh or the Eiffel Tower taller than the Chrysler Building. Google it. Find out. Job done. Buy another round.
Ah, but it does! "O Google, give me wisdom to word my search criteria so that you will deliver hits that are relevant to my needs, and not marred by ads. In Bill Gates' name we pray, Amen."
Said prayer generally goes unanswered.