Agreed, although I wasn't thinking of the "Celebration of Life" per se as much as services which almost agressively want to present The Truth Of The Proper Christian's Hope.
The opening music for my funeral will be Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring, with the note: "There should be space for people to grieve, but the overall theme of the service should be the joy of heaven".
(For many years my choice was The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba. This was in the time when I didn't think anyone knew I was gay....)
I wondered about the origin of "bought the farm" which I think comes from the US.
It’s one of those sayings of uncertain origin, although I have always connected it with US aviation. ‘Gone for a Burton’, RAF slang, has an equally uncertain history.
I wondered about the origin of "bought the farm" which I think comes from the US.
It’s one of those sayings of uncertain origin, although I have always connected it with US aviation. ‘Gone for a Burton’, RAF slang, has an equally uncertain history.
I remember a discussion about it in another thread—the “Proof Americans and Brits speak a different language” thread perhaps—but I have no clue how to start looking for it.
Well, I could reply and say that there's no evidence against it either--or have you found any? But I'm not going to do an OED contributor's level of research on this issue when I still have two days' worth of paid writing to get after.
It had something to do with dying and an insurance payment of sorts kicking in (thus allowing the survivors to "buy the farm.").
If I recall correctly, that’s a common explanation, but there’s no actual evidence to back it up.
It would work in a context - quite common I believe especially in the US - that most working farms were mortgaged for most of their working life - just to provide capital to work with.
I wondered about the origin of "bought the farm" which I think comes from the US.
It’s one of those sayings of uncertain origin, although I have always connected it with US aviation. ‘Gone for a Burton’, RAF slang, has an equally uncertain history.
I remember a discussion about it in another thread—the “Proof Americans and Brits speak a different language” thread perhaps—but I have no clue how to start looking for it.
I had always assumed that, as aviators' slang, just meant 'hit the ground - permanently', but accept that might be too simple an explanation. Gone for a Burton, as RAF slang, is easy. Burton on Trent is a noted brewing town - home of Burton Ale. 'Where's Joe?' 'He's gone for a Burton', would mean 'He's buying a beer'. Euphemism - 'He's not around any more, gone to a better place'.
Some websites put forward the idea that wartime pilots longed to stop, go home and buy a farm. Bit unlikely? Also, the idea that US govt compensated for pilot deaths. Interesting that English slang had "bought it" for being killed, this has probably died out; found in gangster films, not just wartime.
Well, I could reply and say that there's no evidence against it either--or have you found any?
Nope. I just remember that when it came up before, Snopes was cited:
Some theorize that an American soldier’s G.I. insurance was sufficient to enable his family to settle the mortgage back home, thus a death in battle was succinctly described as “He bought the farm.”
The problem with this etymology is that it has yet to prove out. Though “buying the farm” did become a way of saying “he died” (in battle or otherwise, soldier or anyone else), the connection between G.I.s’ death benefits and swarms of families paying off mortgages with those sadly-gained funds is tenuous at best.
I’m not at all saying that the origin of the phrase can’t be linked to insurance. I’m just suggesting caution about asserting definitively that it is the origin.
I tend to think of it as a Caribbean form, spreading now more widely in the UK.
Perhaps I am naughty, but I deliberately include the word "died" at least once whenever I conduct a funeral. We mustn't pretend.
I seriously doubt anyone who says “passed on” or “passed” is pretending that what obviously has happened hasn’t actually happened. They and those to whom they’re speaking know exactly what has happened, and they’re using words that are culturally familiar to them to talk about what has happened.
I have been at funerals where the desire to "proclaim hope" has been so strong ("Thine be the glory", etc) that you'd hardly have thought someone had died. I don't think that helps the grieving process.
Sorry for bumping this tangent, but I wasn’t quite sure enough to say so when I read this Saturday. I’ve now gone back and checked, and yes, we did indeed sing “Thine Is the Glory” at my mother’s memorial service 12 years ago, along with “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee,” “For All the Saints” and “Joy to the World.” (It was late February, but our mother loved Christmas.) I remembered for sure that we sang the other three, but I couldn’t remember if “Thine Is the Glory” was at her memorial service, at my father’s or at a grandparent’s. “Joyful, Joyful” was sung at both my parents’ services and at those of at least two grandparents. My wife wants it at hers as well.
We—her three children—chose those hymns because we knew she would have loved having them sung. They spoke very clearly to who she was and to how she approached her life. I can assure you that singing those four hymns helped the grieving process a great deal for us.
I use the word died when I talk about the deats of my family members, as I dislike other terms, but I also try to echo the language used by family member or friends of the deceased. It may be hypocritical of me, but for some people the word died
We—her three children—chose those hymns because we knew she would have loved having them sung. They spoke very clearly to who she was and to how she approached her life. I can assure you that singing those four hymns helped the grieving process a great deal for us.
Thank you, and of course I believe and respect you.
At my place I’ve never heard any clergy use “passed” or any other euphemism, just died. But we may be odd, having done a Requiem Mass last night for All Souls’ with a catafalque and the whole deal. So we may attract a particular kind of clergyperson, as well as a particular kind of person desiring a funeral.
As we are discussing euphemisms associated with death and dying (and forgive me if this has already been mentioned) I cringe at the phrase 'loved one' , which is much bandied about now (with all the 'All Souls' services). Just horrible!
As to 'homecalls', this was the standard phrase in the fellowship I met with (happily) for many years. I was therefore most amused when visiting a new doctor and I saw ta prominent sign in the waiting room: "If you would like a homecall, please talk to the receptionist".
Sharing the joke in a church setting was, however, not a good move and further evidence of my insensitivity and unsuitability to becoming an elder.
As we are discussing euphemisms associated with death and dying (and forgive me if this has already been mentioned) I cringe at the phrase 'loved one' , which is much bandied about now (with all the 'All Souls' services). Just horrible!
I’m not a fan either tbh, but I struggle to find another term to capture the varieties of loss - husbands, wives, partners, family and friends… and even with all that there will still be some variety of love and grief which has been missed.
As we are discussing euphemisms associated with death and dying (and forgive me if this has already been mentioned) I cringe at the phrase 'loved one' , which is much bandied about now (with all the 'All Souls' services). Just horrible!
I’m not a fan either tbh, but I struggle to find another term to capture the varieties of loss - husbands, wives, partners, family and friends… and even with all that there will still be some variety of love and grief which has been missed.
Strangely enough I only came across it in church circles until about 10/15 years ago, now it seems to be in common use. It's possibly less cumbersome than Rabbit's "friends-and-relations" in "Winnie-the-Pooh"!
... As to 'homecalls', this was the standard phrase in the fellowship I met with (happily) for many years. I was therefore most amused when visiting a new doctor and I saw ta prominent sign in the waiting room: "If you would like a homecall, please talk to the receptionist".
When I read the beginning of that paragraph, I thought "homecalls" did mean what your doctor does if you're too ill to go to the surgery, and wondered what you were getting at - I've never heard it used as a euphemism for dying. Possibly being called home, in certain church circles, but not homecalls.
... As to 'homecalls', this was the standard phrase in the fellowship I met with (happily) for many years. I was therefore most amused when visiting a new doctor and I saw ta prominent sign in the waiting room: "If you would like a homecall, please talk to the receptionist".
When I read the beginning of that paragraph, I thought "homecalls" did mean what your doctor does if you're too ill to go to the surgery, and wondered what you were getting at - I've never heard it used as a euphemism for dying. Possibly being called home, in certain church circles, but not homecalls.
If it had been a certain Dr Shipman - it could then have embraced both meanings.
I've said before on these threads that I really loathe 'loved ones'. Those you live with, however much you may love them, can't be 'loved ones'. Anybody who is so described has to be far, far away, seriously ill or dead. Even better if they are at least two of those.
I've never heard 'homecall' to mean anything other than a doctor or nurse visiting a patient rather than expecting them to come into the surgery in the normal way. Of the many euphemisms for dying, it's one that as far as I'm aware, is unknown and unlikely to be understood here.
I've never heard 'homecall' to mean anything other than a doctor or nurse visiting a patient rather than expecting them to come into the surgery in the normal way. Of the many euphemisms for dying, it's one that as far as I'm aware, is unknown and unlikely to be understood here.
I've heard "called home" quite a bit, but not "homecall".
I've said before on these threads that I really loathe 'loved ones'. Those you live with, however much you may love them, can't be 'loved ones'. Anybody who is so described has to be far, far away, seriously ill or dead. Even better if they are at least two of those.
Why can’t people you live with be “loved ones”? I’ve never heard that before, and it seems like a very arbitrary and idiosyncratic distinction.
I would generally say “family and friends” (or “friends and family”), but “loved ones” doesn’t bother me at all.
Why can’t people you live with be “loved ones”? I’ve never heard that before, and it seems like a very arbitrary and idiosyncratic distinction.
I would generally say “family and friends” (or “friends and family”), but “loved ones” doesn’t bother me at all.
There's no reason why they shouldn't be. If they could be I would not object to it. It's just that the term never seems to be trotted out in any way other than to refer, in rather a sentimental way and often accompanied by a sympathetic or unctuous expression, to those who are far, far away, seriously ill or dead, and even better, more than one of those categories.
Perhaps @Nick Tamen where you live, it isn't used that much or isn't used that way.
Comments
(For many years my choice was The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba. This was in the time when I didn't think anyone knew I was gay....)
It would work in a context - quite common I believe especially in the US - that most working farms were mortgaged for most of their working life - just to provide capital to work with.
Thanks - I'll take a wander over there.
If I can handle using the word "died" in relation to my late husband (which I have done), I don't see why anyone else can't.
Yes, I am tempted to say: passed what? the driving test?
Perhaps I am naughty, but I deliberately include the word "died" at least once whenever I conduct a funeral. We mustn't pretend.
Why not?
Sorry for bumping this tangent, but I wasn’t quite sure enough to say so when I read this Saturday. I’ve now gone back and checked, and yes, we did indeed sing “Thine Is the Glory” at my mother’s memorial service 12 years ago, along with “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee,” “For All the Saints” and “Joy to the World.” (It was late February, but our mother loved Christmas.) I remembered for sure that we sang the other three, but I couldn’t remember if “Thine Is the Glory” was at her memorial service, at my father’s or at a grandparent’s. “Joyful, Joyful” was sung at both my parents’ services and at those of at least two grandparents. My wife wants it at hers as well.
We—her three children—chose those hymns because we knew she would have loved having them sung. They spoke very clearly to who she was and to how she approached her life. I can assure you that singing those four hymns helped the grieving process a great deal for us.
How dare they speak differently from me?
For some grieving people the word died is too harsh.
As to 'homecalls', this was the standard phrase in the fellowship I met with (happily) for many years. I was therefore most amused when visiting a new doctor and I saw ta prominent sign in the waiting room: "If you would like a homecall, please talk to the receptionist".
Sharing the joke in a church setting was, however, not a good move and further evidence of my insensitivity and unsuitability to becoming an elder.
I’m not a fan either tbh, but I struggle to find another term to capture the varieties of loss - husbands, wives, partners, family and friends… and even with all that there will still be some variety of love and grief which has been missed.
"Friend or relative".
I too loathe "loved one" with a passion.
OK. Friends and family.
If it had been a certain Dr Shipman - it could then have embraced both meanings.
I've never heard 'homecall' to mean anything other than a doctor or nurse visiting a patient rather than expecting them to come into the surgery in the normal way. Of the many euphemisms for dying, it's one that as far as I'm aware, is unknown and unlikely to be understood here.
@Schroedingers Cat, your comment about Shipman made me chuckle.
I've heard "called home" quite a bit, but not "homecall".
I would generally say “family and friends” (or “friends and family”), but “loved ones” doesn’t bother me at all.
Perhaps @Nick Tamen where you live, it isn't used that much or isn't used that way.