RdrEmCofE, chill
I think you're a nice guy. You say a lot of things I agree with (although your long preachy posts filled with bold and italics sometimes drive me crazy).
Go to the Russ Hell thread and post "I fucked up. I'm sorry. I'll try not to do it again."
Go to the Universalism thread and post "You know what, I don't mind that much if Abraham's bosom is literal or figurative."
Take three days off posting and then come back. You'll see that everything will be better.
Go to the Russ Hell thread and post "I fucked up. I'm sorry. I'll try not to do it again."
Go to the Universalism thread and post "You know what, I don't mind that much if Abraham's bosom is literal or figurative."
Take three days off posting and then come back. You'll see that everything will be better.
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Comments
Any advice for the others involved?
I'm prepared to believe your insults were through ignorance, and specifically 1) through your failure to understand and think through what is meant by "privilege" 2) your age (since you self-describe as an "old fogey" 3) your myopic failure - as evidenced by posting on a Hell thread without reading all of it first - to check out what else has been going on round here of late (specifically, this).
You're clearly not stupid, the average layout and length of your posts is slowly approaching something like normal, and you have some interesting things to contribute.
All of us are in a position where we need to confess our ignorance (none so much as those who think they know it all). There's no shame in it. Now take that time @LeRoc suggests to get some context, think about privilege, get on a learning curve, and demonstrate you're not a jerk by recognising your ignorance. Please.
Dear God what a hypocrite he is. After suggesting "Let's" drop the point and agree" @Mousethief then jst can't resist having one last dig, then boast about it, excusing himself, in another thread. Insufferable bigotry and mind-blowing double standards. Talk about a blind side to ones own behavior.
No comment to the obvious baiting from a rather nasty little teaser.
It was I who was accused of racism. I just failed to turn the other cheek to a bigoted, hypocritical, uninformed comment.
I've no idea what is going on, it might just be evidence of a deeply confused mind.
Either way, I'd not like to ask him to pass the milk at the breakfast table. The risk would be that one would still be there half an hour later listening to a deeply flawed theological thesis on the topic of breakfast, watching as he sinks further and further into a rage as nobody else accepts his points so he has to repeat them again, with more emphasis and anger.
I don't suppose he'd ever pass the milk, either.
683 posts on the New Ship™ does not a n00b make - the kid gloves with newcomers deal expired at 50 posts.
Just how can you not see how racist this is? Seriously? Because the other obvious explanation is that you're trolling and being deliberately offensive.
No, being absolutely truthful. Paul was and is a very good friend. His father known by all in the community as 'Darkie' with no objection whatever from him, drank with my father in the Pear Tree pub at Peartree Southampton and was owner and manager of a local timber business, and a very popular guy all round. Paul was once asked in a conversation with our bishop, visiting to do a confirmation at our church in Peartree, " . . . . and where did your grandfather come from". He got the rather surprising answer: "Birmingham, and so did his".
So you all, from your impertinent assumptions concocted from two sentences in an internet post label me a racist, simply because you are completely unaware of the history behind my remarks, which I know and none of you did, until I have now told you.
Now call me a liar on top of all your other ignorant insults.
You are wrong. I did not say anything racist. I imparted accurate information.
The last person I heard talk like that was my great aunt and she's been dead and gone a while now having lived to over 100. Times have changed. You cannot expect to take part in a present-day community entirely on your own terms. You are entitled to your views and your lexicon and a degree of ignorance is forgiveable, but you cannot expect to do just as you please and not be called on it.
This gets to the nub of it.
Firstly, the fact that he never objected doesn't mean he didn't find it objectionable. Have you ever considered that? Minorities put up with all sorts of shit to earn social acceptance or just have a quiet life. Putting up with it is not the same as finding it acceptable. A good test of your friendship would be to ask him.
Secondly, even if he didn't find it objectionable, whether you acknowledge it or not, and even if the nickname was not used with intent to show prejudice, it nevertheless embodies prejudice.
(This can be really hard to get to grips with and is really hard to spot with respect to oneself. Trust me on this).
Thirdly, context. Bringing out your own personal usage in this context here is going to lead to it being challenged, and quite legitimately so. How you respond to that challenge is a good indicator to the rest of the Ship as to the extent to which you're willing to call your prejudices - including any unwitting ones - into question, and that's an important issue round here, especially right now.
You can make valuable contributions. Stop digging yourself deeper into a hole.
You may be genuinely clueless as to why your comments are considered offensive. Some people may not believe this and see you as a troll, because sometimes trolls do pretend to be clueless to say offensive things and get a reaction. Maybe you are a troll, in which case my comment makes me look looks naive and gullible - that is a risk I am taking. I think lots of people don’t want to take this risk, which is fair enough.
But if you yourself can identify as being clueless on this, maybe listen openly and try to understand the various things people pointed out. Maybe a more honest apology would be, ‘I genuinely don’t get why my comment is seen as offensive, and I confess I’m finding it difficult to care, but I realise this may be a blind spot on my part, and so I will take back what I said anyway.’
Posting what you probably regard as politically incorrect nomenclature may seem to you to be a bit of fun, but this is a public website and you will be called on your use of racist language. Being public and subject to legal censure, there is a degree of care in allowing potentially legal issues to continue: in my world, education, racism has to be reported and those reports are collated nationally. It really is a big deal these days using descriptive words that can be regarded as racist (or any of the other -isms). Currently this is particularly sensitive when there is a Styx thread discussing how to deal with derogatory language that targets groups that are and have been subject to discrimination.
(Please note, nowhere have I, here or on the other thread, called you a racist. I have described the words you have used as racist or said that you are being racist or exhibiting racism.)
I apologized, (and not just on the face of it), and I meant what I said and am willing to repeat it, if requested.
I agree with and accept your point about the motives behind the second post, which were provocative but jocular. I admit that.
My admittedly being ashamed of having used what even appeared to be a crass, insensitive and thoughtless form of identification for a fictional character is one thing. And I am contrite about that fault.
Being forbidden, (by some self righteous, supposedly 'non-racist'), to use any descriptive nickname for a friend that one knows well and is not the least bit offended by it's use, is something else again.
And being so quick to pile in and make assumptions about the 'motive' behind a few words spoken mostly in jest, (in the follow up post), is anything but a demonstration of the kind of love that St. Paul advocated when he said "Love is not quick to take offense", just as we should avoid "giving offense either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God". And I take that seriously too and willingly admit, I followed the devices and desires of my own heart, and offended, for which I confess my faults and am truly penitent.
When asked the question "Do you even realize how racist that is", I tend to wonder if the questioner understands that we all are, including the questioner themselves, racist.
Racism is not something that can be shaken off like a dog shakes off fleas. Somethin that some people can claim to be entirely free of. "I am not a racist" is a statement that no human being who has ever walked the earth can claim. Even Jesus was racist in some of the things he said and it seems that he 'kept it in check' after listening to a persistent Phoenician woman.
Like it or not, people use and accept nick names. They are usually a term of endearment and camaraderie. Nick names used in this way are not giving offense . I am well aware that the very same 'nick name' when used by a stranger to a stranger, as a derogatory term of abuse, is insulting. That, as @mousethief patronizingly assures me, is indeed not rocket science.
'Darkie' is definitely not a term I would ever use unless given express permission of the personal friend whose attention I wanted to attract, and who I knew full well did not mind being addressed that way. I never actually used it to Darkie Marshall, I was just a kid at the time 60 to 70 years ago, and I addressed adults as Mr . . .Mrs ., (I knew my place), as the two Ronnies might say, but Darkie, I assure you was not offended by friends, neighbors and drinking companions he knew, greeting him by his nick name or referring to him as 'Darkie'.
If others overheard the conversation and jumped to the conclusion that someone was being rude to him or that he had been 'offended', they would have been assuming wrongly.
I know you haven't @Soror Magna did, Here.
But even he is right about me being a racist. What he is wrong about is in thinking that He is not, and therefore from his high position of righteous indignation qualified to make judgments about my thoughts, motives and character, all from a few of my sentences which he misinterpreted.
My actual opinion and take on the subject is Here, if anybody in here can be bothered to read anything longer than the sentence or two of abusive invective that seems to be characteristic of the place.
You're not being forbidden. You're being enjoined not to do it with a view to showing some respect for other Shipmates' sensitivities. You can refrain from doing it without losing any ground at all in your arguments, so why stir the pot unnecessarily? That suggests trolling and bad faith.
This is whataboutery. It is beside the point. It's you being defensive. You know you're wrong, you're just trying to deflect responsibility by finding someone else to lash out at. I like to think I manage to avoid doing this here, but again, trust me on this. It's one of my worst failings in real life when I'm in the wrong. Ask my wife.
We're not arguing an abstract point here. We're discussing the behaviour within our community. There's old but painful history here of people persisting with nicknames or alternative monikers when they have been asked not to. Just don't. My advice: don't patronize back, ignore @mousethief 's unhelpful jibes, let the H&As deal with him when he misses a beat and steps over the line, or as a last resort, call him to Hell. I put to you again the challenge of asking him this, and doing your best to do so in a way that doesn't pre-judge the answer. And even if he didn't feel offended in the context of your relationship, that doesn't mean you can assume you're not offending anybody here.
You're talking about a situation when you were a child and you describe yourself as an old fogey, so this was almost certainly some time ago, probably when the No Blacks signs were common on the doors of lodging houses. British society has moved on and this is no longer acceptable.
(By the way, you may need to check your Latin, soror is Latin for sister, hence sorority)
Remember that confession prayer? It says we. We've all sinned variously through ignorance, weakness, and our own deliberate fault. It's just that we happen to be dealing with yours here at the minute, painting targets on our backs as we do.
Out of curiosity, why? Why did you then deliberately make a provocative, jocular comment about the kind of thing you’d apologised for, right after your apology? What was the purpose?
It never was, but you are not, to my recollection, describing the community that I grew up in 70 years ago. You are making generalization assumptions about my faculty of memory. I was a child, yes, I knew very little if anything about how Darkie felt about people using his nick name. I would have been impertinent to ask him. I am assuming that since my father and other neighbors seem to treat Mr Marshall no differently than any other adult in the community, and socialized along with him, and drank along with him, and worshiped along with him, that he felt as much a part of the community, and accepted as such, as everyone else.
Just having a list of words we must never use, policed by the self elected righteousness brigade, does not produce that kind of community spirit and camaraderie. It just tries to 'keep the peace' and 'make everyone feel that we are getting better at liking people and being nice'. That is a poor substitute for 'The Kingdom of God'.
How does one issue such a summons and under what circumstances might it be appropriate?
That's what we're arguing about in the Styx right now.
Without importing that argument here, community spirit involves respecting the choices of those present. You could have earned yourself a lot of goodwill here by not being jocular and provocative 23 minutes after what you say was a heartfelt apology. Instead, you chose to abuse the renewed trust in you.
Short answer: look at how this thread was started and why.
[slightly longer answer: read the 10Cs, guidelines, FAQs, the "history of the Ship" thread, in brief, acquaint yourself with the culture around here a bit more.]
More than that, I know we all do have a problem. That's why hypocrisy offends me, and we are usually most offended by what we have trumps in ourselves. Its called projection. It's that which Jesus implies Here.
So, OK calling someone to hell is just starting a thread about them? Like "Russ the Bigot"?
Bear in mind I'm taking the time and patience to interact with you because I believe you can make a valuable contribution here, but I could soon tire of that.
Stop changing the subject. The problem right now isn't "how to call other people to Hell", it's whether you've understood what got you here, what kept you here, and communicating whether you're willing to change your ways for the sake of the community.
And asking me to take the time to spell it out to you is symptomatic of the problem that got you here in the first place. I've told you where to look and you're ignoring my advice
(I didn't tell you to look at the thread on Russ - I told you to look at this one and consider it, plus a bunch of historic stuff. Why can't you be bothered to do your own homework, same as the rest of us did? ).
You're acting entitled and selfish, just like you do when you say to the rest of us "I'm a preacher, I'm going to write posts in the guise of entire sermons, deal with it" (I'm a preacher too, but I can accommodate to other forms of discourse).
None of this distraction is going to get you out of this mess.
Listen to what's being said to you. Take a step back. Chill. Come to your senses. Repent.
No, I didn't. Read what I wrote. You made that connection yourself. And you've just misgendered a Shipmate. Congrats.
Ahh. but that is just whataboutery when you point that out to someone who is claiming you are a racist.
Neat get out, preserving ones sense of self righteous superiority.
Whataboutery! I'll have to remember that one.
What we are not parking is your blatent insensitivity to the situation you are in.
I might have a friend who is affectionately called twatface. I might genuinely believe that he doesn't mind.
But why would I being this up having just been called out for insensitivity?
Whether or not you had a friend called this is beside the point. The point is that you had absolutely no business saying that whatsoever in the situation we are in. It made no sense, it didn't help the conversation, it rode roughshod over the conversation that was happening and it ignored the general feeling about this and related subjects.
In fact it was so stupid that it is hard to see a reason why you would say that except to wind people up.
You surely don't imagine that I was attacking @LeRoc . Nothing of the sort, I agree with him and followed his original advice, (fucked up again afterward) , but valued and followed his advice. By 'again' I suppose you are referring to your own 'whataboutery' which seemed intended to trample on my dignity and question my integrity. Maybe I'm wrong.