How many ___ does it take to change a lightbulb?

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Comments

  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    KarlLB wrote: »
    I thought that was tenors?
    It absolutely works for tenors, too - and for countertenors, who (in my fairly extensive experience) tend to combine the worst egomaniacal tendencies of both sopranos and tenors.


  • Rossweisse wrote: »
    KarlLB wrote: »
    I thought that was tenors?
    It absolutely works for tenors, too - and for countertenors, who (in my fairly extensive experience) tend to combine the worst egomaniacal tendencies of both sopranos and tenors.


    And always show you a picture of their wife and children before telling you which voice they sing, 'tis said.

    Funny thing is, many counter-tenors' natural voice is actually bass. Odd, innit?
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    Many countertenors of my acquaintance are failed (in a making-a-living in a professional sense) baritones who then developed their falsettos. I am not, generally speaking, a fan; the sound is frequently hooty. Give me a good mezzo-soprano any time!

    As for light bulbs, mezzos and contraltos just get on with it and change the damned things without fuss or drama.

  • Rossweisse wrote: »
    Many countertenors of my acquaintance are failed (in a making-a-living in a professional sense) baritones who then developed their falsettos. I am not, generally speaking, a fan; the sound is frequently hooty. Give me a good mezzo-soprano any time!

    As for light bulbs, mezzos and contraltos just get on with it and change the damned things without fuss or drama.

    (nearly dies laughing)

    Drama queens all, in my experience.

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited December 2018
    A few years ago, there was a man interviewed on the television who by some biological freak had retained the ability to sing with his treble voice after his voice broke. It meant he had both a normal male range, and the range historically associated with a castrato. He was not singing falsetto.

    He was noticeably eager to refer to his children in the interview.
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    (nearly dies laughing)

    Drama queens all, in my experience.
    Which group?


  • Rossweisse wrote: »
    (nearly dies laughing)

    Drama queens all, in my experience.
    Which group?


    Ultimately, nearly all singers (and yes, I'm one myself).

    We basses will deny it entirely, but...
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    How many Jewish mothers . . . ?

    "Never mind. I'll just sit in the dark."

    How many Irish mothers...

    None. I’ll just sit in the dark while youse go out and enjoy yourselves.

  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    We basses will deny it entirely, but...

    Of all singers, basses are most likely to get struck by lightning when it rains because . . .

    . . . they never know when to come in.
  • Falsetto? Some people listen to all the wrong kinds of singing. Back in Black.
  • RossweisseRossweisse Hell Host, 8th Day Host
    . . . they never know when to come in.
    Heh.
    Falsetto? Some people listen to all the wrong kinds of singing...
    Not in my case.


  • We basses will deny it entirely, but...

    Of all singers, basses are most likely to get struck by lightning when it rains because . . .

    . . . they never know when to come in.

    Not our fault if too many conductors get ahead of the beat ...
  • The Rogue wrote: »
    SC, it was so easy to read that in DT's voice. Thank you.

    I did the same!
  • How many uptight/politically correct/no sense of humor lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    OMG, you got about five years to discuss it?!

    -What if, by changing the lightbulb, the light bulb's feelings are not taken into consideration? Oh, YOU can scoff and say a light bulb is an inanimate object and that it doesn't even have feelings but how do you know?

    -Is the light bulb manufactured by a company that strives to lessen its carbon footprint on the world? Oh, Goddess! I see here that the light bulb was manufactured by General Electric! G.E. builds components for nuclear weapons! What if...what if this light bulb was built at the same plant as the nuclear weapon components? We will have to destroy this light bulb in some way as to mitigate our guilt for purchasing this evilly created item. Also, we'll have to do a Goddess-centered cleansing ritual to restore the land on which this building rests.

    -In future, can we please only purchase light bulbs from a progressive company? It would be better if said company only employed women who were born with female reproductive organs because even a transgender male to female will have poisonous male thoughts about conquering all of us true lesbians...
  • The 5th Mar

    :smiley: :smiley: Love it!!
  • Only because this protocol has already been breached...

    How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two - one to screw it in and one to make a documentary about it.

    How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

    How many straight Toronto waiters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Both of them.

    How many chefs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Ten - one to screw it in, nine to say how they would have done it differently.

    Enjoy the veal. I'm here all week.
  • Peter BartlettPeter Bartlett Shipmate Posts: 12
    How many Andrea Leadsoms does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the bulb has to be really, really, dim.

  • How many presbyterians does it take to do it?
    None, until the presbytery grant for a new one is approved.
    And it won't be approved.

    (I offered that because I'm just about to write to the presbytery treasurer about something I don't think will be approved).
  • How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
    We'll come to that question once we've been granted a Faculty - and goodness knows how long that will take!
  • How many worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Depends which key it was in in the first place.
  • How many reference librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    I don't know, but I can look it up for you.
  • How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just me. But it won't be right when it is done, because you never provided a proper spec for it. How was I to know that you wanted it in the same place as the old one? And what is wrong with a lighbulb on the floor? It was easiest for me, so I did it like that.

    It will cost you if I have to redo it. My PM tells me I don't have time to do it this week.
  • RicardusRicardus Shipmate
    edited December 2018
    If the lightbulb's gone, that's clearly a user error and not a technology issue.

    ETA: Also all the lightbulbs in our office work fine, therefore this defect will be closed as it cannot be reproduced.
  • Purely in the interests of balance, how many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    An outrageous question! We're fabulous enough to dazzle in any situation, thank you very much darling.

    (shiver that starts from the pelvis and moves upwards)
  • How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two, but the problem is getting them into the lightbulb in the first place.
  • How many viola players? None; they ask the violin player in front to do it for them.
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    How many viola players? None; they ask the violin player in front to do it for them.

    How very dare you???!! The violinist would be far too busy preening to notice that the bulb had gone in the first place. Ensuring illumination is definitely a violist's job.
  • How many Protestants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None. They dwell in eternal darkness.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited December 2018
    It's because they're so fissiparous that they can't agree who should put 50p in the meter.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A fish.
  • Firenze wrote: »
    How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A fish.

    I understood it was 2: one to turn the giraffe and one to fill the bath with multicoloured clocks.
  • How many alchemists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Change it into what?
  • Alchemists don't change - they transmute (or attempt to).
  • Which reminds me of the story of the magician who felt drowsy while driving, and so turned his car into a layby.
  • How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb?














  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Well of course. The inner light does not require bulbs.
  • edited December 2018
    How did the hipster burn his hand?

    He changed he light bulb before it was cool.


    Oh, and here's another good one:



    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    Three. but really they are one.
  • Alchemists don't change - they transmute (or attempt to).

    A transmutation isn't a change?
  • It's posher, more mysterious and archaic.
  • PalimpsestPalimpsest Shipmate Posts: 6
    How many fireman does it take to change a light bulb?
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centennial_Light
  • How many teachers does it take?
    What, another one?! I’ve just changed the two in the music room and one in F block. I’ll have to buy another 6 when I go shopping, as I’ve used up all the ones in the stash...
This discussion has been closed.