Me No Speak Da Anglisch

While listening to a radio talk show, I suddenly realized how behind the times I am. I haven't kept up with current events English language. The term "expedited removal" sparked my interest. I did some research and discovered other gems of translation, mainly from government documents. You may have stumbled across some of these. Give a real-life translation that anyone could understand. I'll show you what I mean.
(an oldie) "alternate facts" = lies
"expedited removal" = We'll give ya ten minutes to get off our turf,
and don't come back. G'bye.
Have at it. I need language elevation!

Comments

  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    edited November 2018
    General Motors announced yesterday that it is shutting down a number of plants, laying off the workers employed therein, and discontinuing certain car models.

    Oops, sorry. My mistake. The plants are being "unallocated."
  • Good one, Mz Reckondwyth

  • King-sized
    If it's King Donald you're thinking of, it might not mean Extra-Large.
  • edited November 2018
    Apparently they reach out but I cannot feel their touch through their phone message.

    My asking for something might have been a problem, I'm glad they clarified it by telling me no problem instead of "you're welcome".
  • General Motors announced yesterday that it is shutting down a number of plants, laying off the workers employed therein, and discontinuing certain car models.

    Oops, sorry. My mistake. The plants are being "unallocated."

    Even Ms Amanda's version isn't free of euphemism
    laying off
    Sacking
    discontinuing
    (more tenuously) stopping making
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    Another term for sacking is "back office synergies" - in a previous job, a public statement was made saying we were taking over a rival; the deal was sold to both sets of shareholders on the basis of these synergies. In a later statement, they outlined director bonuses (long term incentive plans) that were dependent upon the achievement of these synergies.

    In short, the more people lose their jobs, the bigger a bonus the directors get.

    My leaving interview may have included the phrase "morally reprehensible".
  • Fawkes Cat wrote: »
    Even Ms Amanda's version isn't free of euphemism
    laying off
    Sacking
    I can't say about UK usage of "sacking." We don't typically say that on this side of The Pond. But in usage here, there is a difference—at least in terms of cause—between being fired (which is what I usually assume is meant by "sacked") and being laid off.

    The primary effect, for the most part, is of course the same.

  • Nick Tamen wrote: »
    The primary effect, for the most part, is of course the same.

    Except that if you have been laid off, you qualify for unemployment benefits. If you have been fired for cause (or if you resign) you do not.

  • Made redundant. = freeing someone up so s/he can search for a better job somewhere else.
  • Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    Nick Tamen wrote: »
    The primary effect, for the most part, is of course the same.

    Except that if you have been laid off, you qualify for unemployment benefits. If you have been fired for cause (or if you resign) you do not.
    Right. You also may have rehiring preferences, assistance finding a new job or a decent severance package.

    Which is why I said the primary effect is the same, that primary effect being that you don't have a job anymore.

  • Sipech wrote: »
    Another term for sacking is "back office synergies" - in a previous job, a public statement was made saying we were taking over a rival; the deal was sold to both sets of shareholders on the basis of these synergies. In a later statement, they outlined director bonuses (long term incentive plans) that were dependent upon the achievement of these synergies.

    In short, the more people lose their jobs, the bigger a bonus the directors get.

    My leaving interview may have included the phrase "morally reprehensible".

    Howabout "Stakeholder synergies"? Isn't it awkward to give a home to those who formerly owned an enterprise that no longer exists? Why are they not also made redundant?
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    From a church's mission statement "We ,,,do God’s work of social awareness, environmental consciousness, and spiritual growth." I hate mission-speak and applying it to a church makes me want to barf. :grimace:
  • "Overuse of the gaming product"
    which apparently is the euphemism for "gambling addiction".

    "Do you know Jesus?"
    which means the person wants to tell you about their personal Jesus.

    ?is there "overuse of the Jesus product"?
  • The5thMaryThe5thMary Shipmate
    Yes, there is most definitely overuse of the Jesus product! Especially since He has been turned into a pal, a buddy, a boyfriend, a used car salesGod.
  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    If Inmake a mistake at work, I sometimes claim I am having a caffeine/brain interface deficit.
  • Have you heard of "agile services". It's apparently something re computers within companies.
  • Jengie JonJengie Jon Shipmate
    Yes, it means either:
    • the ability to adjust to new circumstances
    • or they are designed using agile planning

    I think, from where used, it is the first. My work is into agile services and I know why they appeal. I am going to have to report that agile services have decided corporate draw backs. Agile means highly skilled staff, which in the computer business are not cheap. It means that those staff are trusted to do work and not continually monitored which is counter-cultural for two-thirds of the department (only Research IT and Linux teamwork in this sort of culture). They do because if they tried to continually monitor then they would fail as they are desperately short of staff. Also, that increased regulation makes being agile hard. When a service is ahead of the loop it will also usually be lightly regulated. I am just going to have to at some stage point out that athletes who are agile still require a huge amount of calories and that close to starvation cutting of funds does not produce agility.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    Apparently they reach out but I cannot feel their touch through their phone message.

    My asking for something might have been a problem, I'm glad they clarified it by telling me no problem instead of "you're welcome".

    PRetty much the equivalent of de nada and de rien.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    Yes. I’ve never understood why “no problem” is, well, a problem.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I think it depends what the request was. An acquaintance of ours will sometimes say "not a problem" if you ask her to pass the salt.

    "Reach out to" when the speaker means "contact" just makes me cringe.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Of people "released", "given an exciting opportunity to find a new market for their individuality" or even "released back into the market".

    I think I've mentioned before on these threads that any slogan, motto or "mission statement" (suspect enough in itself) which starts with a participle is without exception a bad sign. Particularly depressing was one which I saw written across the side of a large lorry, as ever, in a sort of fake handwriting. It said "delivering exciting logistic solutions".

    Presumably, that was what the lorry claimed it was doing.
  • caroline444caroline444 Shipmate
    "Polite Notice"

    Surely that is for me to decide?
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    "For you convenience..." followed by something which is actually quite inconvenient.
  • "Polite Notice"

    Surely that is for me to decide?

    Yes, but it's a bit of a joke, with the aim of making you at first think it says "Police Notice".
  • JoanofArcJoanofArc Shipmate
    Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    "For you convenience..." followed by something which is actually quite inconvenient.

    "For your safety and convenience..." is perhaps worse?
  • "going forward"
    Time generally goes on in an advancing direction, without every public speaker giving it a kick in the butt, or choosing to keep it from going sideways or backwards.
  • caroline444caroline444 Shipmate
    Yes, but it's a bit of a joke, with the aim of making you at first think it says "Police Notice".

    :O)

  • Jengie Jon wrote: »
    Yes, it means either:
    • the ability to adjust to new circumstances
    • or they are designed using agile planning

    I think, from where used, it is the first. My work is into agile services and I know why they appeal. I am going to have to report that agile services have decided corporate draw backs. Agile means highly skilled staff, which in the computer business are not cheap. It means that those staff are trusted to do work and not continually monitored which is counter-cultural for two-thirds of the department (only Research IT and Linux teamwork in this sort of culture). They do because if they tried to continually monitor then they would fail as they are desperately short of staff. Also, that increased regulation makes being agile hard. When a service is ahead of the loop it will also usually be lightly regulated. I am just going to have to at some stage point out that athletes who are agile still require a huge amount of calories and that close to starvation cutting of funds does not produce agility.

    I read what you wrote and I don't get it. Do you mean workers just respond to requests and are self starting instead of ongoing maintenance of computer systems?
  • Jengie JonJengie Jon Shipmate
    Self-starting it means that workers know what the maintenance of the service is and take responsibility for maintaining it so if they see maintenance is required they do it rather than wait for management to tell them to do it. We use it in the Linux and Research IT teams simply because it gives us an extra body (i.e. the manager does actual work on the systems as well) plus the workers like to be self-initiating. The biggest problem is usually that staff are not well trained in turning down requests for things. The result is management usually has to say "Do not do that", to such an extent that in the other team in absence of their line manager I have stepped in to turn down requests before anyone could take it.

    Agile actually means that the structure is such that it is relatively easy to reconfigure to new demands of the environment. This is easier with self-starting individuals as they tend to understand the current configuration better. There is a balance to be struck between agility of systems and teams against regulation of systems and teams.
  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    "going forward"
    Time generally goes on in an advancing direction, without every public speaker giving it a kick in the butt, or choosing to keep it from going sideways or backwards.

    Likewise 'forward planning'. Unless you are planning a time heist, it's the only kind possible.
  • edited June 2
    Sounds like a relabelling of initiative and good judgement, with some interpersonal skill in handling requests for help or service.

    I'm reminded of "lean management" which is an attempt to manage service delivery by turning it into an algorithm.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Here's one to revive this thread.

    Seen as the slogan on the side of a white van this week, the simple four words,

    "Delivering textile management solutions".

    Now - what does the business that owns the van actually do? I can't work it out.

    Presumably it isn't just a delivery service for rolls of cloth, or even fully made up suits etc. That would be "Delivering textiles".

    Does it collect and deliver your dry cleaning? Does it replace the towels in staff lavatories/rest rooms? Does it provide accounting or logistic software specifically for businesses involving cloth? - in which case why do they need different software from, say, fruit and vegetables?

    I don 't know. Any guesses?

    As advertising, unless it's a cover for some sort of espionage, it's clearly failed. But even as a cover for espionage, one could just have a plain white van. There are plenty of them. Or some random ordinary slogan 'stop me and spy (I mean buy) one'.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I bet the owner of the van and his/her business paid a bloke in a designer suit a fortune for that slogan.

    Even more if it came in all lower-case letters, with square brackets round them. :confused:
  • TheOrganistTheOrganist Shipmate
    My money would be on clothes rails, or a delivery service for a laundry/ dry cleaners.
  • It ought to be a van delivering chemicals which dissolve textiles. But I bet it isn't.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Tablecloth/napkin salesman?
  • My guess would be that they supply linen to the hospitality industry. Most hotels don’t launder their own sheets, for example. They send them out.
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