AIBU for cats

RicardusRicardus Shipmate
For a number of years, DH (dear human) has served me wet food in the downstairs bowl and dry food in the upstairs bowl.

Yesterday, DH served me dry food in the downstairs bowl. This of course makes it completely impossible to eat. Am I being unreasonable in fearing for my imminent demise?
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Comments

  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    Firstly, Ricardus, how long have you been a cat? Fascinating metamorphosis!

    It took me a second to realise AIBU meant ‘Am I Being Unreasonable’.

    Surely, being unreasonable is part of a cat’s MO?

    Got to keep the staff on their toes.


  • caroline444caroline444 Shipmate
    edited June 13
    Did DH serve wet food in the upstairs bowl, or was there none available in the house?

    Your tactic of not eating is one option..... others would include patting and clawing your DH until wet food was forthcoming (they are like regurgitating birds, they often need encouragement), or you could eat the dry food and then vomit nearby. The effectiveness of this last tactic is always enhanced by vomiting in hard to reach places, or onto highly-treasured fabrics.
  • Have you tried bringing in some better food to demonstrate the unsuitability of the food on offer? A nice juicy rat or a still fluttering pigeon or better still some dainty pretty coloured little bird seems to convince the DHs to provide an alternative PDQ.
  • BoogieBoogie Shipmate
    Hello puss cat, what is your name? I’m a puppy called Spencer. I like cats.

    I also like dried food - don’t bother tasting it, just gulp and swallow - easy! 🐶
  • The5thMaryThe5thMary Shipmate
    "Just gulp and swallow"... I thought this was a Christian website!
  • HelenEvaHelenEva Shipmate
    edited June 13
    I am a hamster. First thing in the morning, I explain to the DH how utterly starved I am by standing by my empty food bowl and craning upwards whiffling my whiskers in a heart-rending manner. DH fills the bowl. I transfer the contents of the bowl to my nest, using my cheek pouches to carry it, and hide it out of sight. I then repeat the performance (which, I might add, is Oscar-worthy) of "I'm a poor starving hamster" next to the newly-emptied bowl, and DH feels guilty about having forgotten to feed me and re-fills the bowl. Someday she may get wise to this but frankly as it's first thing in the morning, I doubt it.
  • DonLogan2DonLogan2 Shipmate
    Wait til they have feline/canine dementia and keep going back to the bowl they have just finished a moment ago wondering why they have no food
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Clearly DH did not wake up early enough. Go stand on their face at 4 am.
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    I’ve perfected the silent, sound-like look; sitting impassively by the empty bowl. Works every time!
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    Sphinx , wretched predictive spelling!
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Max writes: my staff inadvertently bought kitten food. Is it enough that I make it clear through turned up nose and pathetic mewling that this is the Wrong Thing, or do I need to flick my tail at them as well? FWIW I usually reserve the tail flick for when My Chair is being used by Staff (the cheek!) or they use the Flea Comb (is outrage).
  • BoogieBoogie Shipmate
    HelenEva wrote: »
    I am a hamster. First thing in the morning, I explain to the DH how utterly starved I am by standing by my empty food bowl and craning upwards whiffling my whiskers in a heart-rending manner. DH fills the bowl. I transfer the contents of the bowl to my nest, using my cheek pouches to carry it, and hide it out of sight. I then repeat the performance (which, I might add, is Oscar-worthy) of "I'm a poor starving hamster" next to the newly-emptied bowl, and DH feels guilty about having forgotten to feed me and re-fills the bowl. Someday she may get wise to this but frankly as it's first thing in the morning, I doubt it.

    They take a lot of training, these humans, they are not very clever. Keep at it - your human will click in the end.

    Spencer (experienced human trainer)

  • TubbsTubbs Admin
    Firenze wrote: »
    Clearly DH did not wake up early enough. Go stand on their face at 4 am.

    Mufasa recommends yowling and chatting to DH constantly. Not like that, like THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As loud as you can. They love it. (He's part Bengal and has no volume switch).

    Then go check the bin. There may be something in there ...
  • LuciaLucia Shipmate
    There is wet stuff falling from the sky and spoiling my enjoyment of the garden. I therefore have to resort to tearing through the house at high speed, leaping on and off furniture to dissipate my pent up energy. I have tried meowing at DH and giving them a hard stare but as yet they have not adjusted the weather to my preferred settings. AIBU?
  • I even tried stamping my tiny feet at the back door, looking disapprovingly out that nasty wet stuff, then turning around and trying again at the front door, but they still didn't get the message. Those DHs, if they are fit for anything, need to fix the weather conditions to our liking.
  • SparrowSparrow Shipmate
    HelenEva wrote: »
    I am a hamster. First thing in the morning, I explain to the DH how utterly starved I am by standing by my empty food bowl and craning upwards whiffling my whiskers in a heart-rending manner. DH fills the bowl. I transfer the contents of the bowl to my nest, using my cheek pouches to carry it, and hide it out of sight. I then repeat the performance (which, I might add, is Oscar-worthy) of "I'm a poor starving hamster" next to the newly-emptied bowl, and DH feels guilty about having forgotten to feed me and re-fills the bowl. Someday she may get wise to this but frankly as it's first thing in the morning, I doubt it.

    Have you tried twanging the bars of your cage? Works for me!



  • RicardusRicardus Shipmate
    Miffy wrote: »
    I’ve perfected the silent, sound-like look; sitting impassively by the empty bowl. Works every time!

    I'm afraid my DH doesn't understand about empty bowls. He thinks if it's still half-full of food, then it isn't empty.
  • JennyAnnJennyAnn Shipmate
    I also am having problems with DH.

    I was (finally) given my tea (after hours of shouting), then I used my tray (yes, the door to outside was open, but what do they think I am? Some kind of animal?) - which was not cleaned instantly I hasten to add, and now I’m trying to run round like an absolute lunatic.

    Stupid DH does not get the importance of this and keeps telling me to stop it.

    They say I’ve been here a year, why don’t they understand yet?
  • My DH doesn't understand me either.

    Is it AIBU to be still upset from earlier?

    One of the humans decided to take over my favourite running water dispenser and tried shutting me out of the room, but I can get past that door: lever handles are easy to reach and lean on. When I jumped on to the balancing bar alongside the DH, trying to persuade her to move and run a tap for me, she just stayed in the way. So I paced up and down a bit more, rubbed myself against the bits of available body, and woe, slid in with the DH, which was full of water. How undignified! The DH moved then, mouthing things that made no sense -something about not wanting their bath full of cat hair? The other DH arrived and started laughing, adding derision to indignity, so bad for a cat.

    I tried to curl up in the biggest bed, under the covers, to dry out but the DH unceremoniously dragged me out and brusquely rubbed me with a rough cloth. All my hair is standing on end in all the wrong ways.
  • TubbsTubbs Admin
    Sparrow wrote: »
    HelenEva wrote: »
    I am a hamster. First thing in the morning, I explain to the DH how utterly starved I am by standing by my empty food bowl and craning upwards whiffling my whiskers in a heart-rending manner. DH fills the bowl. I transfer the contents of the bowl to my nest, using my cheek pouches to carry it, and hide it out of sight. I then repeat the performance (which, I might add, is Oscar-worthy) of "I'm a poor starving hamster" next to the newly-emptied bowl, and DH feels guilty about having forgotten to feed me and re-fills the bowl. Someday she may get wise to this but frankly as it's first thing in the morning, I doubt it.

    Have you tried twanging the bars of your cage? Works for me!



    May we - two gerbils with 3 useless humans to manage - recommend flicking your sawdust out of the cage until they understand how angry and hungry you are? Bonus points if you get some poo in there as well. Ours shriek with delight, then get a loud red elephant out and wave it about.
  • RossweisseRossweisse Shipmate, Hell Host
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Max writes: my staff inadvertently bought kitten food. Is it enough that I make it clear through turned up nose and pathetic mewling that this is the Wrong Thing, or do I need to flick my tail at them as well? FWIW I usually reserve the tail flick for when My Chair is being used by Staff (the cheek!) or they use the Flea Comb (is outrage).
    Aida replies: It's usually better to be understated in one's objections, at least at first. If this continues, by all means hit them with the tail flick. It's work to keep them in shape, but it's important to our long-term well-being.

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited June 15
    I'm a squirrel, and my humans don't fill up the squirrel-feeder* quite often enough. They seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to wait until the mourning-doves have hoovered up the seeds chucked on to the deck by the grackles before filling it up again. What do they think I am - some sort of skivvy???

    * They think what they bought was a "bird-feeder", but we all know that's nonsense, don't we?
  • SparrowSparrow Shipmate
    [/quote]

    May we - two gerbils with 3 useless humans to manage - recommend flicking your sawdust out of the cage until they understand how angry and hungry you are? Bonus points if you get some poo in there as well. Ours shriek with delight, then get a loud red elephant out and wave it about. [/quote]

    Somewhat slow on the uptake here .... I just realised what the loud red elephant is!
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    A word of advice: when the noisy red elephant appears, flee to the spare bedroom and lurk silently in the deepest, darkest recesses under the bed, then wait. Several hours and umpteen anguished phone calls later, emerge, tail in air.

    Last time this happened my DH had posted Cat Lost posters through the human flaps of every house in the street and an alert was magicked out to every cat lover in the Home Counties.

    It’s never too late to be famous!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Miffy wrote: »
    A word of advice: when the noisy red elephant appears, flee to the spare bedroom and lurk silently in the deepest, darkest recesses under the bed, then wait. Several hours and umpteen anguished phone calls later, emerge, tail in air.
    Just remember, "If it's not a broom, leave the room!"
  • Have you tried bringing in some better food to demonstrate the unsuitability of the food on offer? A nice juicy rat or a still fluttering pigeon or better still some dainty pretty coloured little bird seems to convince the DHs to provide an alternative PDQ.

    Turning into a killing machine is also a good way of showing contempt for expensive low protein food. What do vets know anyway?
  • OhherOhher Shipmate
    Habibi suspects your DH's motives. Switching bowls or food like that -- they're up to something. I recommend you stick as close to DH as possible, catting their every step, never letting them out of your sight. Note any changes, however slight, to the all-important daily schedule you've established; these are Danger Signs. Time your litter box breaks to coincide with theirs (especially effective if your DH, like mine, keep the Box in their bathroom). If at some point your DH should sit still, badger them for attention, cuddles, pats, etc. You must distract them at all costs from whatever nefarious plot they're cooking up. If all else fails, strike a tense pose and stare intently at some point on the opposite wall. This will so unnerve and distract them they will lose track of the plot altogether.

    It will be a challenge, but you must keep at it. Never let DH get an upper paw.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    I even tried stamping my tiny feet at the back door, looking disapprovingly out that nasty wet stuff, then turning around and trying again at the front door, but they still didn't get the message. Those DHs, if they are fit for anything, need to fix the weather conditions to our liking.

    I Totally Agree. My slave staff was quite good at ensuring warm outside temperatures for my first few months, but lately she's been totally useless. I have even been out in the morning when the ground was all white, the grass stood up like spears and the outside water bowl was solid! This is not Good Enough.

    I did get my revenge by climbing to the top of my tower and jumping down to thud on the floor, at 2a.m - which gave her a start - but it didn't improve the situation at all.

    Aroha.
  • KittyvilleKittyville Shipmate
    I had to go the V.E.T. today, which Is Outrage! enough, obviously, but now I'm also having medication forced on me by the staff. I am Not Amused. What is the point of having staff, if they can't solve one's problems without outside help?

    Minnie
  • RicardusRicardus Shipmate
    Ohher wrote: »
    Time your litter box breaks to coincide with theirs (especially effective if your DH, like mine, keep the Box in their bathroom).

    This is an excellent idea, but I'm afraid my DHs have no sense of bathroom hygiene. You may find it hard to believe, but they have no litter on the floor of their bathroom at all. I have tried to scatter my litter as widely across the floor as possible, to show them what it should look like, but they never take the hint.
  • TubbsTubbs Admin
    Ricardus wrote: »
    Ohher wrote: »
    Time your litter box breaks to coincide with theirs (especially effective if your DH, like mine, keep the Box in their bathroom).

    This is an excellent idea, but I'm afraid my DHs have no sense of bathroom hygiene. You may find it hard to believe, but they have no litter on the floor of their bathroom at all. I have tried to scatter my litter as widely across the floor as possible, to show them what it should look like, but they never take the hint.

    I wait until the DH has tidied because we have The Visitors Who Cannot See How We Really Live. My litter box is in the same room. I'm sure they will be totally entertained by watching me use it. Then I will get the litter everywhere. To finish my party piece, I will rush up to the one with "allergies" and give him special attention. He is crying with joy. I do not understand why DH has tossed me out the front door ... It may be sunny, but really?!
  • RossweisseRossweisse Shipmate, Hell Host
    I feel a hairball coming on. I start making those distinctive wheezing/hacking sounds that get the DH so agitated - anything for extra attention! - and then upchuck it and my dinner onto the DH's grandparents' Oriental rug. It's amazing how fast she can move when she's motivated.

  • caroline444caroline444 Shipmate
    Rossweisse wrote: »
    I feel a hairball coming on. I start making those distinctive wheezing/hacking sounds that get the DH so agitated - anything for extra attention! - and then upchuck it and my dinner onto the DH's grandparents' Oriental rug. It's amazing how fast she can move when she's motivated.

    Can't believe we've got this far before hitting a hairball! Better out than in!
  • Am I being unreasonable wanting to know where the DHs go when they leave me, outside¹ whatever the weather. I really don't see why there is a fuss when I follow the younger DH to school and try to get into those interesting rooms with so many other potential young friends. There's usually some angry older person getting irritated and shouting if they see me and they won't let me in, not ever².

    One time I tried following my older DH into the big building just up the road. The other humans at the entrance shooed me away and did stopped the door working so I couldn't follow them in through the electronic doors. I had been able to open those doors by just marching up to them, so satisfying. Not to be deterred I investigated the building until I found a window to the room with my human inside, in a roomful of potential slaves. So I caught her eye, put my paw up against the window, indicating my desire to join her, and she ignored me! Her shoulders were shaking and she had her hand over her mouth. So rude! And she was definitely trying not to look at me, however much I moved to try and attract her attention³.

    ¹ Although I do admit Six Dinner Sid has biographical elements.

    ¹ DH POV - left outside with the carpeted communal stairway open with dry food and water and several other households he visited.
    ² he used to follow my daughter to school and would sit on ground floor windowsills trying to attract her attention;
    ³ and followed me to a meeting in the local town hall, complete with electronic door he could trigger. The only way the receptionists stopped him following me in was by locking the door. The meeting was in a downstairs hall with a window down to the ground. He spotted me in the Hall, spent the meeting with paw imperiously at the window, demanding to be let in, with me in giggles trying hard not to look his way.
  • JennyAnnJennyAnn Shipmate
    AIBU to expect DH to be grateful when I bring in prey? Three times this afternoon I’ve brought her a hawk moth, and three times she’s put it back outside!
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    JennyAnn wrote: »
    AIBU to expect DH to be grateful when I bring in prey? Three times this afternoon I’ve brought her a hawk moth, and three times she’s put it back outside!

    Max Writes: You think you've got problems. I bring in a mouse or vole so I can eat it in peace and quiet away from Other Cats (who do they think they are, existing?) and the larger humans take it off me and put it in the bin! My Mouse! In the Bin! My Mouse! What I caught myself! My Mouse! Then they complain that I'm whining for biscuits. Don't they understand a Cat needs a third lunch before his first pre-dinner?
  • ThunderBunkThunderBunk Shipmate
    Poor Max. Your DHs sound particularly stubborn and hard of understanding.....
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited June 19
    Max Writes: for some reason they got much worse after I took one to eat at night in the room they sleep in (humans are so boring - the larger ones sometimes fall asleep in front of that rectangular lamp but for some reason they mostly only have one sleeping spot, which is like well perverse if you ask me). It was a lovely crunchy one as I recall.
  • JennyAnnJennyAnn Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »

    the larger humans take it off me and put it in the bin! My Mouse! In the Bin! My Mouse! What I caught myself! My Mouse!

    YANBU.

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Max continues: Things have improved a bit. Biggest human was pulling bits off a dead scorched bird and putting them in a bowl with a handle on the Hot Human Food machine. For some reason they don't seem to like the floppy bits because they ended up where they should be - in My Bowl. I'll reward this improvement by honouring them with my presence, squashing the back of the long Sitting On Thing and snoring.

    Almost makes up for the same human putting squishy meat tubes in the Hot Human Food machine the other day and all the humans eating them and Not Giving Me Any! I did the stretching up thing to put my claws on the table and everything too!
  • Simon ToadSimon Toad Shipmate
    Hunger strikes are the recommended method for teaching DH's food-related lessons. My DH's seem quite pleased when I bring them rodents, although they are a little distressed by native birds. They tried to put a bird bib on me a couple of times. Amateurs.
  • The RogueThe Rogue Shipmate
    I don't know why you have these problems with your DHs. Perhaps only rabbits have the skill and charisma to train them properly. These days all I have to do is run around in circles with Midnight Star and male DH puts that delicious food in my bowl and opens up the run. I would be happy to pass on my tips for a modest fee. My favourite currency is cabbage leaves.

    (Signed) Marshmallow Fluffmonster.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Sorry. Did the food just talk?
  • Rabbit? did you say rabbit? Rabbit is delicious. There are rabbits handily kept so I can access them nearby. Shouty people get cross if I go near, though.

    One of the times I visited little DH during the day she got shouted at by one of the rabbit's shouty people, and one of the shouty people near the juicy fish pond.
  • RossweisseRossweisse Shipmate, Hell Host
    Shouty people have no proper place in a cat's world. Methinks they forget that they are chiefly Staff.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Max Writes (angrily) - Is Outrage! I bring my Second Breakfast, what I caught myself, in and nip upstairs for a quick scoff, and Smallest Human hears me and gets Big Human to find our why I'm excitedly chattering under their sleeping thing in their sleeping room and Big Human chases me! I run out wondering what the chasing is all about and when I turn around the Hole In The Door What Catches My Tail But What I Have To Use Because They Won't Open The Proper Door For Me won't open! It's like they can lock it!
  • TubbsTubbs Admin
    Rossweisse wrote: »
    Shouty people have no proper place in a cat's world. Methinks they forget that they are chiefly Staff.

    Or people who pick me up and remove me from the place I have chosen to be. Even worse if they do it while shouting.

    [Mufasa had climbed onto the kitchen worktop and was now standing on the cooker. Which was on. He got moved because a) possible burnt paws and b) not his food - mine!]
  • CathscatsCathscats Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Sorry. Did the food just talk?

    Thanks for a needed laugh out loud moment!
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited June 21
    Max Writes: Ah, natural wit and repartee. What can you expect? I'm The Cat. Which reminds me. Horror of horrors, there I was, surveying my domain, when ThatGingerThingFromAcrossTheRoad jumped off the fence into the garden in front of me! The bloody cheek! One of the niggling problems I find I have in life is that while it's obvious that I'm God, every other damned Cat seems to be labouring under the psychotic delusion that it's them who is God. How they come by this bizarre idea I don't know, since there's only One God and I am He. As anyone knows.

    Turned my tail like that thing the Humans use to clean the drinking water supply (the one the Humans mock me for using, ever since I wandered into the room where it's kept and one of them was washing itself in the giant bowl next to it for a drink. I think it's because for some reason they keep using it as a litter tray, but they're very good about it and press this lever which refills it with lovely drinking water - water with a bit of character, not like that dull tasteless stuff that comes out of the pipe things. Ever so often it turns blue and nasty for a couple of days but then it's back to normal.)

    But I digress. ThatGingerThingFromAcrossTheRoad soon cleared off once I did the drinking water bowl cleaning thing thing with my tail and told him in a loud voice to make himself as scarce as live mice under the bed. Should think so too.

    Nearly forgot to stick my leg in the air and lick my arse because I Can.
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