Fortunately, Unfortunately



  • Unfortunately the camels were all holed beneath the sandline (poor things) and soon sank.
  • Fortunately our heroes made it to the nearest oasis just as this happened.
  • Unfortunately it had dried up as Elijah had placed a curse on it.
  • Fortunately at that moment a giant Ex Machina descended from the sky and installed a pool and a large water tank replete with fresh water. And several shade palms.
  • Unfortunately this intervention was a ploy by the malevolent galactic dictator Xenu to gather everyone in one place for a hydrogen bomb massacre.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Fortunately Xenu had ordered the bombs on Amazon and when he realised how much the post and packaging was, he cancelled the delivery and then just sat around whinging about how "everyone's b***** trying to to rip you off these days".
  • Unfortunately Xenu found the same bomb on eBay with free shipping.
  • Unfortunately deserts have plagues of locusts, which descended on them.
  • Fortunately, the locusts tasted good.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Fortunately, someone remembered that locusts are edible (!).
  • Unfortunately they were unable to catch any, these being an evasive species.
  • Fortunately, someone had the bright idea to have pizza delivered.
  • Unfortunately the locusts are the pizza.
  • Fortunately this made them fly slowly and close to the ground, so they were easy to grab and eat.
  • balaambalaam Shipmate
    Unfortunately, they flew slow and low into the Atlantic.
  • Fortunately there was a submarine available.
  • Unfortunately it was an abandoned German U-boat which had been drifting around the ocean since 1945.
  • Fortunately that didn't matter to the locusts, who landed on the deck to rest.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Unfortunately the weight of an entire swarm was enough to crush the fragile and rusting hulk and it sank.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Fortunately the locusts discovered the old ship of fools at the bottom of the sea and were able to keep themselves occupied reading old posts.
  • Unfortunately the locusts cannot read so they made stuff up: distorted and zealous inspiring them to various excesses.
  • Fortunately (not for them) after a few minutes EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM drowned.
  • Unfortunately in the meantime the humans on the shore were dying of hunger.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited August 2019
    Fortunately, a passing cargo ship saw their distress signals.
  • Unfortunately the cargo ship was commanded by a Very Cruel Pirate.
  • jay_emmjay_emm Shipmate
    Fortunately his ship was very understaffed
  • Unfortunately the understaffing was chiefly in the sanitation department.
  • Fortunately they had anosmia (total lack of the sense of smell).
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Unfortunately the rescued castaways did not share this condition and were soon begging to be put ashore again.
  • Fortunately at that very moment the ship was passing by an island and let them debark.
  • balaambalaam Shipmate
    Unfortunately, the island was Atlantis, and about to sink.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Fortunately, a helicopter was passing overhead.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Unfortunately the helicopter didn't see them and passed by.
  • Fortunately just then it banked and a whole passel of life rafts fell out
  • Unfortunately they fell among very toothy sharks which shredded them to ribbons.
  • Fortunately there were some pomfrets floating by who were just about starving to death, and the ribbons the sharks missed fed the whole school, and they were greatly strengthened and refreshed.
  • MaryLouiseMaryLouise Purgatory Host, 8th Day Host
    Unfortunately, the over-fed blissed-out pomfrets were not as vigilant as usual and found themselves netted by a trawler of Amazonian fisherwomen.
  • Fortunately, the haul was too large and the net broke, freeing the pomfrets, ensuring that they did not accompany pomme frites.
  • MaryLouiseMaryLouise Purgatory Host, 8th Day Host
    @Sipech,, damn, you're good.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited September 2019
    Unfortunately, a second trawler equipped with tear-proof nets and very strong ropes just happened to show up at this moment.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Fortunately some hard-nut type fish turned up at this point who were friends with the pomfrets and the people on the trawler got a bit scared and decided to leave.
  • Unfortunately their engine chose just that moment to conk out, so they couldn't leave, regardless of their decision.
  • @Sipech awesome pun
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Fortunately the fish gave the fishermen such a good hiding that after they were finally rescued and taken back to shore, they never bothered the pomfrets again.
  • Unfortunately the fisher people still had sea legs, so walked like drunken sailors and were promptly arrested when they got to shore for public drunkenness.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Fortunately the arresting policeman was (a) just finishing his shift; and (b) very thirsty, so he bought them all a pint.
  • Unfortunately they drank like fish.
  • Fortunately the fish they drank like were (a) very small and (b) teetotal.
  • Unfortunately the little they drank was off and made them vomit.
  • Fortunately, all the vomit sped down the hill and into the sea.
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