You may jest - there was a restaurant in St. John's that served tomato and GIN soup. On one occasion, a friend ordered and jokingly asked for the GIN on the side, and it came with a shot glass complete with a measure of GIN in it.
You may jest - there was a restaurant in St. John's that served tomato and GIN soup. On one occasion, a friend ordered and jokingly asked for the GIN on the side, and it came with a shot glass complete with a measure of GIN in it.
Just dropping by to ask after Black Beast sufferers...
Quite how slithery and invasive mine appears to be does appear to depend, to a certain degree, on the Weather. Today, in this bottom right-hand corner of the UK, it is sunny, quite warm, and altogether a pleasant late summer day, so the BB is quiescent.
OTOH, should it be grey, rainy, and generally foul tomorrow, the BB will IME re-emerge (just in time for Church ).
What to do? ISTM that prayer, fasting, and other methods of wossname (thanks, Terry Pratchett) don't cut the mustard, whatever that may mean.
A new roll of kitchen paper, to absorb the products of Leaky Eye Syndrome, helps, I guess.
What to do? ISTM that prayer, fasting, and other methods of wossname (thanks, Terry Pratchett) don't cut the mustard, whatever that may mean.
A new roll of kitchen paper, to absorb the products of Leaky Eye Syndrome, helps, I guess.
I frankly don't know what to do to keep the Black Beast at bay. At present the best I can do is be thankful for days like today when it is quiescent and talk myself, step by step, though days when it isn't. My exercise classes help in that for the hour all I think about is the music and the dance steps.
And treat yourself to some nice soft tissues. Kitchen paper is far too rough on the eyes and nose.
What to do? ISTM that prayer, fasting, and other methods of wossname (thanks, Terry Pratchett) don't cut the mustard, whatever that may mean.
A new roll of kitchen paper, to absorb the products of Leaky Eye Syndrome, helps, I guess.
I frankly don't know what to do to keep the Black Beast at bay. At present the best I can do is be thankful for days like today when it is quiescent and talk myself, step by step, though days when it isn't. My exercise classes help in that for the hour all I think about is the music and the dance steps.
And treat yourself to some nice soft tissues. Kitchen paper is far too rough on the eyes and nose.
Well said, Nenya. It really does come down to each hour - or minute - at a time. I shall hie me out tomorrow in search of some nice tissues...
Meanwhile, a Busy Day At Church (with a much-loved visiting retired priest, who does our Ministry of Healing on the first Sunday each month) might just help.
Strangely the current movement here from winter to spring is the time for me when the black beastie attacks. You'd think more light and sun, though we get sunny winter days here, and warmth, would do me good. I've resigned myself to the fact it us a seasonal change thing for me.
Climacus, that could well be the case with seasons. I have a couple of medical issues, including psoriasis which flare with a change. Nothing yet so perhaps this year may be different.
Hi, everybody! Thanks for all your sympathies and kind words from my last posting. I have breathless news...
A psychiatrist is of the opinion, based on my detailed childhood and adult history, that I was misdiagnosed a loooooong time ago and that I'm suffering not from major depression but am really Bipolar 2. I've done some reading and watching psychiatrists on YouTube and I concur. I talked to a new therapist today (I'm hoping she's going to be my new one, after my current one retires at the end of October) and she said that if I'm Bipolar II and no one knew it and prescribed anti-depressants...well, it's no wonder my symptoms have been getting worse. Anti-depressants don't help folks with Bipolar. I'm excited by this because if I can get an official diagnosis, I can get the medications I really need and maybe...oh, I long for this so much...maybe get a part-time job and also take my beginning freelance art career much further than I ever dared. Prayers, please, that I get diagnosed correctly (it's been 28 YEARS of trying to get a handle on this "depression"! 28 years of losing jobs and getting new ones and then losing those...) and perhaps get a new lease on my remaining years on this planet.
I pray for all of us on The Ship who have challenges in this area. It's awful. I raise a pint glass of my new favorite ale, some lovely Grapefruit concoction that doesn't taste of Grapefruit but of all kinds of delightful fruits. I feel like singing, dancing, crying...and I really will be crying if the diagnosis is Bipolar and I can get some real help. Love to all, stay tuned!
Is it wrong to want to take a mental health day tomorrow, when Monday is a public holiday? I am so very drained. And disinterested.
But in good news I'm managing to crawl into bed later than 7.30 by doing a few things. And daylight savings time will be coming in soon here which means I can wander by the river later.
I am doing well, but reflecting on a complicated family situation which was already well established before I was born. The obfuscation round this has impacted on my whole life. Nothing bad ever happened to me, but growing up with truth as a multi-layered and amorphous thing has not helped my mental health.
The amazing course of treatment I got last year and this has helped enormously, but I'm trying to figure out my life - where do I go from here? What is stopping me now? I've made a few small tweaks - lost some weight, though still obese, I'm swimming regularly, so I'm a bit fitter, bought some new clothes, so I'm looking a bit smarter, had my hair cut a bit shorter. I finally submitted an article which I started writing several years ago, and kept faffing with. It is due to be published in October.
My procrastination has improved in quality. I can happily spend an hour here or there helping some random person on a genealogy facebook page, which is better than scrolling through clips of cats.
But this is just dancing round the edges. I have much bigger questions to answer about what I want to do with my life, and what is possible. Ideally, I'd like to fix my family's historic issues (hollow laugh). And I'd like to have a career which utilises my PhD, as I am still in love with my PhD topic. And I'm 54 which isn't too late for a fresh start, is it?
I'm currently calculating on the basis of life expectancy and how many years I could have to devote to careers.
If your parents are still alive and active in their 80s, not only do you have almost 15 years before you can claim a pension, but you are likely to have another 25 years when working in an academic field would be productive. So definitely worth considering a fresh start.
54 certainly isn’t too late for a fresh start, I hope to be starting my PhD next year when I am 50. And it’s only been the last couple of years, since my children became teens, that I’ve taken my academic career seriously. I know my bipolar disorder will place some limitations as I have to manage my time well but I think setting goals can be important at any stage of life.
Procrastination is my problem too, I hate starting things but am usually fine when I get going. Structure helps though and that helps my bipolar too.
Indeed, both parents still alive at 85 and 81, one of whom is still extremely active, and both are fully compos mentis. My paternal grandparents made it to 86 and 87 respectively, and my grandfather was still driving until six weeks before his death (whether he SHOULD have been driving is another matter!) and was fishing and cycling into his eighties. Two of my father's aunts made it to 102 and 92.
My family's record in terms of physical health is pretty good; but on Mum's side we have a raft of mental health issues. I thought I might be genetically susceptible, but my wonderful NHS psychologist has suggested that we have a family history of learning coping strategies which don't actually help us to cope. I've been hugely relieved to think this might be the case, because it holds out the possibility of learning coping strategies which do work.
No, 54 is not too late! I started to look for a new job at 55. I could not get one in my own field so applied something totally different. I loved learning new things, enjoyed the new environment and (if my boss was to be believed, succeeded in delivering what they wanted).
[I have a physical disability, which makes me very anxious, but the feeling of succeeding in the job pushed me to get more therapy for the disability, so I counted that as a double win.]
I changed careers at 44, and again at 63, although health issues have prevented me from really doing what I wanted to do at that latter age (4 years ago).
NEQ, at just 54 you qualify almost as a Bright Young Thing by today's standards!
All this talk of changing direction in the more mature years of life is encouraging. I'm just thinking about what might be next for me; I have an idea but clueless about whether I'd be any good at it.
Struggling with a difficult family situation; Black Beast circling. At times I feel I can keep it at bay, other times I feel overwhelmed and frightened.
My annual bout with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) kicked in a few days ago. And seems worse than last year. Not pleasant, 'cause it's apt to get much worse. I have my med (Lamictal/Lamotrigine), and I'm allowed to titrate it up, within limits. (When my SAD kicks in hard and quickly, I don't really have time to call my meds doc and wait for a call back. Once I'm in that mode, there's not much I can do, so I have permission to titrate it.) So I'm titrating, and will talk to my meds doc next week about an upper limit.
Hope that makes some sense. tl;dr: Sky dark; mood darker; scary; need meds and coping strategies.
I need to plan ways to deal with tasks, etc., so that I can manage them when things are bad.
I get SAD too, it’s common in manic depressives. Mine hasn’t kicked in yet and I’m hoping my now established routine of two long walks a day will help stave it off. It seemed to improve it last year.
It is odd, to me at least, but spring, which it is here now, is my danger time. Like Heavenlyannie I'm hoping some walks and Vitamin D thanks to the sun will help.
Golden Key I wish I could parcel up some sunshine and post it to you. Not that it's very warm yet, as I swear the wind is coming directly from Antartica, but it is bright.
Do you have some tried and true strategies from previous years, or does it strike differently each year? I hope you can sort out your meds quickly.
I finished my course of EMDR in March, with a review meeting booked for October. I had the review meeting today, which was very helpful. I was asked what I wanted for the future and, rather tentatively, I asked if I could have another review in 12 months time, to give me a "safety-net" feeling of still being in the system. And I was told that was a reasonable suggestion! I have an appointment for the end of October 2019! If I have an issue between now and then, I can phone for an appointment at any time. I hope I won't (I didn't feel any need to between March and today) but just knowing that I have that option is a relief.
I know this is very minor, but have just realised the effect of lack of anti-depressants. I've been down with a flu type bug (yes, a real one) and haven't eaten anything for nearly a week. That includes the tablets. So as well as feeling ghastly physically, I can't stop crying. Last night I made myself get up, found the Wartime Farm on demand. And wailed. Over a brilliant bit of social history.
And it isn't a Black Dog today, it's a grey cat. She keeps sitting on me. Normally I like that, but I can't breathe with 2.5kgs of fluff on me.
Flu and lack of food would knock anyone for six, and when you add lack of medication into the mix, you must feel utterly dreadful. I hope you feel better soon, but don't try to push yourself.
Kept something down yesterday. Took tablets. Pushed off the cat. Kept the feral - he only sits by you.
Going to supervise the excavation of the Cupboard under the Stairs from a chair, with a copious supply of bin bags. (sorry, strayed into Decluttering there). Surely can't cry over assorted rubbish?
{{{{{{{All of us, and all others who suffer}}}}}}}
Re my SAD:
Thanks for all the support. Talked to my meds doc. I can titrate up to a certain limit. If that's not enough, we can talk about going further. So I've titrated up a bit, and it's helping a bit. May have to go further.
Thanks for the offer of sunshine; and yes, I do have a light box. Definitely helps, but it doesn't totally reverse the SAD. And I have to be flexible about when I use it: I have frequent migraines, and light can make things worse. I now have a Windows 10 system with a "nightlight" function. A computer usually puts out light from the blue part of the spectrum; and using it before bed can disrupt sleep. The nightlight allows you to schedule times for a warmer light (towards the red end of the spectrum). I'm much less worn out from using my computer in the evening!
As to coping:
I'm trying to get a handle on various household chores and matters, and streamline them, so I can manage them tolerably well if depressed. I'm glad that the onset of SAD this year was really clear, so I can work on managing it. (Sometimes, it sneaks up on me, and I don't realize it until it's already weighing me down.)
My Black Beast is under the bed at the moment, but growling quietly at the prospect of my becoming more disabled as time goes by, due to (probable) spinal problems.
Bottom line is being wheelchair-bound, and having to move to disabled-friendly accommodation, with all the general hassle. Is it worth it?
These are the times when I selfishly wish/pray that I simply won't wake up in the morning....no hassle to anyone then, all round (except to my poor sister, wot will have to sell my books and toys!).
Sorry to hear that BF. I know even the thought of physical incapacity and pain sets my black beast muttering. I hope the various doctors and assorted medical people can help.
(Selfish note) By the way - I'm certain I am not the only Shipmate who would miss your posts - keep on waking up!
These are the times when I selfishly wish/pray that I simply won't wake up in the morning....no hassle to anyone then, all round (except to my poor sister, wot will have to sell my books and toys!).
I was sure there was a Mrs BF and BF children. No?
But definitely keep waking up.
Nen - whose Black Beast is very close by just now.
Comments
IJ
Adds St John's to next-place-to-holiday list.
And Loth's mystery place.
Quite how slithery and invasive mine appears to be does appear to depend, to a certain degree, on the Weather. Today, in this bottom right-hand corner of the UK, it is sunny, quite warm, and altogether a pleasant late summer day, so the BB is quiescent.
OTOH, should it be grey, rainy, and generally foul tomorrow, the BB will IME re-emerge (just in time for Church
What to do? ISTM that prayer, fasting, and other methods of wossname (thanks, Terry Pratchett) don't cut the mustard, whatever that may mean.
A new roll of kitchen paper, to absorb the products of Leaky Eye Syndrome, helps, I guess.
IJ
I frankly don't know what to do to keep the Black Beast at bay. At present the best I can do is be thankful for days like today when it is quiescent and talk myself, step by step, though days when it isn't. My exercise classes help in that for the hour all I think about is the music and the dance steps.
And treat yourself to some nice soft tissues. Kitchen paper is far too rough on the eyes and nose.
Well said, Nenya. It really does come down to each hour - or minute - at a time. I shall hie me out tomorrow in search of some nice tissues...
Meanwhile, a Busy Day At Church (with a much-loved visiting retired priest, who does our Ministry of Healing on the first Sunday each month) might just help.
IJ
Strangely the current movement here from winter to spring is the time for me when the black beastie attacks. You'd think more light and sun, though we get sunny winter days here, and warmth, would do me good. I've resigned myself to the fact it us a seasonal change thing for me.
A psychiatrist is of the opinion, based on my detailed childhood and adult history, that I was misdiagnosed a loooooong time ago and that I'm suffering not from major depression but am really Bipolar 2. I've done some reading and watching psychiatrists on YouTube and I concur. I talked to a new therapist today (I'm hoping she's going to be my new one, after my current one retires at the end of October) and she said that if I'm Bipolar II and no one knew it and prescribed anti-depressants...well, it's no wonder my symptoms have been getting worse. Anti-depressants don't help folks with Bipolar. I'm excited by this because if I can get an official diagnosis, I can get the medications I really need and maybe...oh, I long for this so much...maybe get a part-time job and also take my beginning freelance art career much further than I ever dared. Prayers, please, that I get diagnosed correctly (it's been 28 YEARS of trying to get a handle on this "depression"! 28 years of losing jobs and getting new ones and then losing those...) and perhaps get a new lease on my remaining years on this planet.
I pray for all of us on The Ship who have challenges in this area. It's awful. I raise a pint glass of my new favorite ale, some lovely Grapefruit concoction that doesn't taste of Grapefruit but of all kinds of delightful fruits. I feel like singing, dancing, crying...and I really will be crying if the diagnosis is Bipolar and I can get some real help. Love to all, stay tuned!
Wonderful news for the proper diagnosis. My wait was shorter, but I too remember a relief sweeping over when bipolar was suggested.
Prayers and best wishes to you, The5thMary. I am staying tuned.
IJ
But in good news I'm managing to crawl into bed later than 7.30 by doing a few things. And daylight savings time will be coming in soon here which means I can wander by the river later.
How are you all going?
I am so sorry to read. I hope the suffocation and surrounding of the beast departs from you...
No - sounds like a Very Good Idea. Do it.
And {{virtual hugs}} for all whose BB is on the prowl, for whatever reason.
IJ
I am doing well, but reflecting on a complicated family situation which was already well established before I was born. The obfuscation round this has impacted on my whole life. Nothing bad ever happened to me, but growing up with truth as a multi-layered and amorphous thing has not helped my mental health.
The amazing course of treatment I got last year and this has helped enormously, but I'm trying to figure out my life - where do I go from here? What is stopping me now? I've made a few small tweaks - lost some weight, though still obese, I'm swimming regularly, so I'm a bit fitter, bought some new clothes, so I'm looking a bit smarter, had my hair cut a bit shorter. I finally submitted an article which I started writing several years ago, and kept faffing with. It is due to be published in October.
My procrastination has improved in quality. I can happily spend an hour here or there helping some random person on a genealogy facebook page, which is better than scrolling through clips of cats.
But this is just dancing round the edges. I have much bigger questions to answer about what I want to do with my life, and what is possible. Ideally, I'd like to fix my family's historic issues (hollow laugh). And I'd like to have a career which utilises my PhD, as I am still in love with my PhD topic. And I'm 54 which isn't too late for a fresh start, is it?
If your parents are still alive and active in their 80s, not only do you have almost 15 years before you can claim a pension, but you are likely to have another 25 years when working in an academic field would be productive. So definitely worth considering a fresh start.
Procrastination is my problem too, I hate starting things but am usually fine when I get going. Structure helps though and that helps my bipolar too.
My family's record in terms of physical health is pretty good; but on Mum's side we have a raft of mental health issues. I thought I might be genetically susceptible, but my wonderful NHS psychologist has suggested that we have a family history of learning coping strategies which don't actually help us to cope. I've been hugely relieved to think this might be the case, because it holds out the possibility of learning coping strategies which do work.
[I have a physical disability, which makes me very anxious, but the feeling of succeeding in the job pushed me to get more therapy for the disability, so I counted that as a double win.]
NEQ, at just 54 you qualify almost as a Bright Young Thing by today's standards!
IJ
Struggling with a difficult family situation; Black Beast circling. At times I feel I can keep it at bay, other times I feel overwhelmed and frightened.
(((ThunderBunk)))
Hope that makes some sense. tl;dr: Sky dark; mood darker; scary; need meds and coping strategies.
I need to plan ways to deal with tasks, etc., so that I can manage them when things are bad.
Thx for listening.
It is odd, to me at least, but spring, which it is here now, is my danger time. Like Heavenlyannie I'm hoping some walks and Vitamin D thanks to the sun will help.
Do you have some tried and true strategies from previous years, or does it strike differently each year? I hope you can sort out your meds quickly.
And it isn't a Black Dog today, it's a grey cat. She keeps sitting on me. Normally I like that, but I can't breathe with 2.5kgs of fluff on me.
Flu and lack of food would knock anyone for six, and when you add lack of medication into the mix, you must feel utterly dreadful. I hope you feel better soon, but don't try to push yourself.
Going to supervise the excavation of the Cupboard under the Stairs from a chair, with a copious supply of bin bags. (sorry, strayed into Decluttering there). Surely can't cry over assorted rubbish?
My 7pm anxiety seems to be back. May need to check my meds.
I don't like the idea of taking too many chemicals, but I know from the meds I currently have that they do help.
{{for both of you}}
Re my SAD:
Thanks for all the support. Talked to my meds doc. I can titrate up to a certain limit. If that's not enough, we can talk about going further. So I've titrated up a bit, and it's helping a bit. May have to go further.
Thanks for the offer of sunshine; and yes, I do have a light box. Definitely helps, but it doesn't totally reverse the SAD. And I have to be flexible about when I use it: I have frequent migraines, and light can make things worse. I now have a Windows 10 system with a "nightlight" function. A computer usually puts out light from the blue part of the spectrum; and using it before bed can disrupt sleep. The nightlight allows you to schedule times for a warmer light (towards the red end of the spectrum). I'm much less worn out from using my computer in the evening!
As to coping:
I'm trying to get a handle on various household chores and matters, and streamline them, so I can manage them tolerably well if depressed. I'm glad that the onset of SAD this year was really clear, so I can work on managing it. (Sometimes, it sneaks up on me, and I don't realize it until it's already weighing me down.)
Thanks so much, everyone!
My Black Beast is under the bed at the moment, but growling quietly at the prospect of my becoming more disabled as time goes by, due to (probable) spinal problems.
Bottom line is being wheelchair-bound, and having to move to disabled-friendly accommodation, with all the general hassle. Is it worth it?
These are the times when I selfishly wish/pray that I simply won't wake up in the morning....no hassle to anyone then, all round (except to my poor sister, wot will have to sell my books and toys!).
Please don't think like that - you'd be terribly missed here.
(Selfish note) By the way - I'm certain I am not the only Shipmate who would miss your posts - keep on waking up!
May such thoughts be banished...begone foul slug!
I was sure there was a Mrs BF and BF children. No?
But definitely keep waking up.
Nen - whose Black Beast is very close by just now.