She has a low opinion of anything like that. One of my relatives has just refused therapy, and Mum was outraged that a health care professional had even suggested it. Plus, part of her anxiety is the stress of keeping family secrets, and I think she'd be terrified of being asked to talk.
Well, Dad has now decided it is for about sixteen weeks so we are not in a hurry. He probably has decided he wants to stay but still has to find a rationale which keeps his dignity, the sixteen weeks just allows him time to think. He keeps referring to his room as his study and now he wants a desk in it. I do not think his big one from home will fit but maybe Mum's from the upstairs bedroom will. At present, he does not want more books.
We thinking of a bird feeder to go on his window.
On the other front, the last four times my sister has been to see Mum she has been sleeping. Some of it was put down to illness and some to sedation. Mum had been up at 2 a.m. and being a nuisance rather than just sitting somewhere quietly.
I'd second the bird-feeder idea - they installed one outside Dad's window when he was in the care home, and I think he derived pleasure from it - as did we when we visited (it's nice to have something to occupy you if your AP is asleep when you visit).
NEQ, I'm sorry your mum is feeling such anxiety about what seems to most of us like trivia: maybe she's so used to your dad being utterly reliable, that any sign of that diminishing is really frightening for her.
Holding you all, and everyone else on this thread, in my prayers.
Sorry for the double post, but I've been thinking about this - Mr. S and I (surreptitiously) watch each other like hawks for signs of confusion, and I don't think either of us would worry about forgetting a name, as we do it all the time.
It's the uncharacteristic nature of the misplacement of the shoes* that would concern me - but clearly not as much as it worries your Mum. I do agree that that level of anxiety is only going to be bad for her, though getting her to see that will be hard. But can you at least get her to realise that exercise for your father can only be good for any confusion he may be experiencing?
*By the way did she ask him about why it happened?
Sarasa, your poor mother and her associates (including you) are really going through it Praying for good things to come from your meeting with the GP.
(((hugs))) for all struggling with issues like this
Mrs. S, wondering what tell-tale signs she might be displaying!
@North East Quine Thanks for asking about mum's flat. We've had another even lower offer which we've rejected, and there is someone else who sounded fairly keen, but who seems to have disappeared at present. At present we are in no rush though things may well be taken out of our hands. She phoned me up last night to say she'd been round to her neighbours to ask for her dinner plates back. I said look in the dishwasher, which was where they were. Mum sounded confused that no-one had put them away. There Is no one apart from her to do that.
I hope you can reassure your mum about your dad, maybe get both of them to the GP for a 'well woman' and 'well man' check. @Jengie Jon Glad you dad has accepted the respite. This is the route we are going to try with mum.
Just wanted to say to all of you dear and wonderful caregivers, you are a blessing and do try and apply some self care as well. This is from someone who has been there and done that and now is a senior. Thankfully I am still doing well at this point. I am at least thinking putting the sugar bowl in the refrigerator last week did not mean anything except I was in a hurry.
Mrs S By the way did she ask him about why it happened?
He's in a bad mood about it. I'd be in a bad mood too if I did something daft and people were being told I was losing my marbles.
It was Dad's good black shoes, so Mum knows he put them in the wrong place after a recent funeral they both attended.
I'm envisaging 3 scenarios:
1. Dad opened the wrong wardrobe door and put his shoes in the wrong place (bit worrying)
2. Mum had opened her wardrobe door to put her shoes away and Dad put his in too (less worrying)
3. Dad took his shoes off and while he was changing the rest of his clothes Mum tidied his shoes into her rack. i.e, it wasn't Dad's mistake.
I'm not going to suggest scenario 3 to them! But it seems just as plausible as the first two.
@North East Quine now you've explained the possible scenarios that caused 'wrong shoe rack gate' I think I'd be rather concerned about your mum. It could be the sort of thing she's always picked up on, or it could be her being worried about her own mental capacity and deflecting that by thinking it's your dad having problems. My mum has told loads of people I have dementia and therefore I think mum has it when of course she hasn't. You know your parents best so maybe I'm reading the situation wrong. What do the rest of the family think?
"The rest of the family" is just my brother and sister-in-law and they are worried about Mum's anxiety. The aunt Mum told over the phone hasn't seen my parents for months.
Mum has had these anxiety spikes for years - for example she was worried that the height difference between the North East Man and I wasn't enough to look good in our wedding photos (he's 3 inches taller than me, so we end up the same height if I wear heels). I bought white satin ballet pumps to wear, thinking that would help. They cost £7 so they were cheaper than heels, too! Mum was horrified at the thought of me wearing cheap satin pumps and phoned round her friends, crying. I then had to field calls from people who thought that "the quine isn't going to wear shoes to her wedding" meant that I was planning on going down the aisle barefoot, and that I was being completely unreasonable. Much confusion when I said I was wearing white satin pumps with a white satin dress.
I could give dozens of examples.
The main snag now is that I think Dad's quality of life is being eroded. I feel as though I'm spectating the diminution of my father. But I'm a bit biased because I was always Daddy's girl, and he was my hero.
Also, Mum tended to have anxiety spikes e.g. over my wedding. But now she's been continually anxious about Dad's health for over four years.
I think it is unlikely to be dementia. From what I can see physical behavioural patterns are fairly late to go. With my Mum it was the inability to recall holidays just a couple of years earlier that triggered Dad's concern. With Dad, ours has been the number of times we have had to go over things. I am still not sure whether it is dementia or an odd form of grief.
Your mum sounds such hard work, NEQ. I’m sorry. I’m always exhausted just reading about her.
On the subject of dementia...
X has always been a little grumpy. But is now extra grumpy. He couldn’t understand the rules of a simple board game at Christmas, getting exasperated by it. He angrily blamed his wife for losing the keys when they were in his pocket all along. He repeatedly shows us how something works in his phone (even when he’s late leaving and it’s delaying). As NEQ says, these are all things that people can and do do, but they’re stacking up in their frequency and in the mood which accompanies them.
X is in his early 70s. By this age his mother had died of dementia. His MIL died of dementia (and when I say died of dementia, sadly I mean of and not with... when the brain forgets how to eat and then months later how to swallow).
I suspect that we might look back now and say “that’s when it started”. But is there any point saying anything now, if not to X, then to his wife? I’m torn between it assuring her that she’s not going mad, he has changed, or terrifying her if she’s not noticed - her mum’s death was long and hideous, and she spent about seven years being totally non communicative.
You could say, "I'm concerned about X," and let her respond. It's very unlikely that she's not entertaining the same fears already, being so close to him, and having had previous experience with dementia.
And I, too, am looking at a relative and thinking "Oh shit" as I recognize the signs. Help, Lord.
Alright partly to pick brains but we (my sister and I) have hit a snag. The car service that saw Dad to see Mum is not able to take him care home to care home as it is funded with money to enable people to stay in their own home. This may make Dad determined to go home. We need to find a solution that does not entail my sister taking him every week.
Is there a volunteer driving service that might help or maybe a taxi service @Jengie Jon ? I assume you could pay for the taxi without your dad being aware.
I took mum to see her GP today as a follow-up to the recent fun and games about her meds that ended up with her having a meltdown n the surgery and a psychiatrist coming to visit her. Mum's usual GP was off so we saw an excellent replacement who managed to persuade mum a dosette box was a good idea and tried very gently to talk about memory problems as you get older. Mum was very muddled about it all but if she accepts having her meds weekly in a nice box it might be a step forward. She's gone through a month's worth of blood pressure tablets in less than ten days, many of which ended up crushed into her carpet as she can't see them when they ping out of the pack.
In other news my brother is taking a step back as he's had a worrying diagnosis and wants to concentrate on getting that sorted. It doesn't make a lot of difference in a way as I do most of the hands on stuff but does mean not being able to run decisions past him. He organised some work to be done in mum's flat that I need to chase up too. I haven't a clue what's happening and therefore can only make vague noises when mum frets about scaffolding around her balcony etc.
The problem is that he needs more support than a taxi gives otherwise we would just organise a taxi, we have done that in the past. My sister has been working on it and seems to have found a community transport service that might well run Dad.
I am exhausted beyond belief taking care of my mother. Mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted, Anyone have good resources on caregiver’s fatigue?
Have you checked with local mental health. In our area of California there is a local agency who offers help for care givers. They even provide two day in home care to relieve caregiver. They were a god-send to us when caring for my late mother-in-law. They gave support by phone, and also offered group classes for caregivers. I am so sorry you are under all of this strain. I know it can be life draining. I pray that you find support, please be active in seeking relief even if it seems like one more thing on your plate. I do not know if you have a Senior Center in your area, but they also proved a good resource for me.
So sorry to hear that @Autenrieth Road . Is moving your mother to a care home or similar an option, or ask social services for more help?
We've got another offer on mum's flat. Even lower than the previous one, but one that should go ahead. I'm steeling myself to phone the care home I went to see the other week and discuss some respite that could segue into full time care.
Are you managing any respite activities for you? I'm caring and I'm doing a couple of things for me for my own sanity.
Last time I had to care I attended weekly watercolour and yoga classes, but they were just up the road and I could run home in the breaks if I needed to. This time I'm involved in Guides and doing the 365 challenge. There are other things I should be doing (Walk 1000 miles, Future Learn Courses), but I'm either not getting out or the uninterrupted time to do them currently. (We've just had two nights up until 3am as she couldn't breathe properly, which hasn't done a lot for my body clock.)
Thank you, Curiosity Killed. I do have things I do outside of the house for me, but they don’t seem to make any difference. Once I get home it’s just a non-stop onslaught of questions and errands and chores, and my time out doing stuff for me doesn’t seem to make any difference.
My sister at Christmas offered she would be willing to come for a week and take over taking care of my mother to give me a complete break. I think I’m ready to run up the white flag and ask her to, while I just go stay in a hotel and do blessedly nothing.
I'd take your sister up on this and take the week off - and maybe find something you would like to do - like cherry blossom time in New York, which looks fantastic. Or a retreat.
I agree that you should take up your sister's offer - you obviously need the break.
And do, seriously, consider getting advice from your local social services or health service about getting some kind of assistance for your mum (whether in her own house or in a care facility). If you're feeling physically, mentally and emotionally knackered, it's time to seek help: you can't be of any help to your mum if you're broken.
Absolutely. Fit your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.
It is easy to become conditioned to saying Me? I’m upright, walking, talking, doing stuff - I must be fine. No you’re not. Stop. Go away. Accept that the present situation is unfeasible and must be changed.
I’ve been trying to convince my mother to use the walker (Zimmer frame I think in the U.K.) instead of the cane, because she has fallen several times using the cane.
Tonight she fell while using the walker. How is that even possible?
I fall while using my walker. Some of it is confidence and some inattention. My physio says that when you fall without knowing why that you are ready for an upgrade in interventions and must be reevaluated. I had to go from walking with sticks to using a walker all the time because of a couple of wobbles/falls. I was strongly opposed to the idea as it was a step backward in mobility but they were right. If she does it again, reassessment is needed by an occupational therapist. She may just need a different type of device or a brace or some sort of strategy to prevent it. I've just broken my "good" leg and am basically stranded. It has been a great fear that I would break a wrist or shoulder during a fall and not be able to move independently at all but this is impossibly difficult. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I do have a spare room though so if you just want a change of scenery, come on over. You can take the dog for a run for me too!
Two thoughts @Autenrieth Road: watch out for your mother telling people she does not need help, or that she only wants you. If she is only coping because you are doing so much for her you must say so loudly to get the support you need and deserve.
Secondly, my aged p fell because she got her feet too far behind the walker, instead of keeping within the triangle or square of the frame. (She was doing something daft at the time, like trying to get through a narrow gap, but that's another story.)
Thanks, Landlubber. I am amazed that I am not gutted by it all - my mood seems to be doing okay and all that. It certainly puts a person back to the most basic of needs. I must say though that my efforts to put supports in place for myself are all tied up in red tape and no calls back and so forth while my efforts to provide for my dog's exercise have all been responded to immediately. So far, she has had someone come take her to the dog park in the midst of a storm yesterday, has someone else taking a cab here to get my car and take her with another dog for a walk in the country this afternoon, and an organization called ElderDog is providing her with regular walks starting tomorrow. If only there were supports like this for people!
So sorry @LilyPad, hope the leg gets good enough again soon. My mother in law had several very nasty falls while using her walker. One time she took it out on her uneven gravel path, and another time I think it was trying to get through a gap that threw her off balance. She's been OK for the last eighteen months or so. I'm not sure if this is luck or her paying more attention to how she uses her frame.
My mum had a nasty fall while using a Zimmer frame; as I recall, something distracted her (she really had to concentrate when she was using it), and the next thing we knew, she'd fallen and caught her head on the corner of a little table, and we had to take her to Casualty to have stitches.
Thank you all for your advice. You gave me enough relief and support that I’ve been able to rest some. That causes exchanges like the following more bearable:
Mum: we need a new shower curtain liner. Measure the length before you go because it’s extra long.
Me: I measured it last time we needed a new liner. It’s standard length.
Mum: no it’s not. It needs to be measured.
Me, measuring shower curtain liner, making mental note: (72 inches).
Dear Reader, you will not be at all surprised to discover that the standard length at the bath supply store is... 72 inches.
Thanks for asking @The Intrepid Mrs S . @North East Quine has your mum stopped talking about misplaced shoes yet?
Things are moving in the right direction with getting mum sorted. The offer on her flat is progressing and she's been accepted by the care home near me for some respite which could turn into a longer stay if needed. Sister in law is being brilliant. She has a busy job, a ten year old and my brother who is facing major surgery in the next couple of weeks but is still checking in with me to give me support and phoning mum too.
I managed to get mum to talk to the people from the home who came to do the assessment by saying they were friends of mine who'd phoned me up on the off chance I was at my mums when they were in the area. We spent most of the visit talking about how lovely the place where we live is so hopefully softening mum up for the idea. SiL went to look at a care home near where they live at the weekend. It also a semis suitable so when things are calmer at their end mum
Maybe could move there.
We need to do something soon. Mum is in a total middle with her medication which fortunately is non critical and her paranoia with the neighbour's is getting worse. She is convinced she sees them in her flat taking things.
That sounds promising, Sarasa - hope it all works out.
I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, as the AP in question is no longer with us, but I had an e-mail from my brother to say that he and my sister have finally decided to put the family home on the market.
I probably should explain that the house belongs to the three of us - Dad signed it over to us about 20 years ago. In a way it would be nice to have a bolthole in Orkney, but it's way too big for that, and really, none of us is likely to be going there more than once a year now that Mum and Dad are both gone.
As it's been empty (apart from occasional visits from sundry members of our family) for the last four years, I may need turbo-prayers that we can find a buyer. It needs a bit of TLC, but it's in a really nice area (I really couldn't have wished for a better place to grow up), so I'm hoping that'll sell it.
Sarasa there are calmer waters eventually! Although I still expect the odd storm.
Hope it goes well. We are a bit off selling the family house here. We need Dad to acknowledge the home is permanent and he just keeps delaying it.
The other news is Dad is 90 on Saturday. My sister has arranged for us to go as a family out for a pub meal. Can you imagine the organisation it takes to get two ninety-years-olds and an 89-year-old out for a meal! The two 90-year-olds will be my parents, the 89-year-old is the nearest thing Dad has to a brother. A few years ago we would have offered a lift for my Dad's friend but honestly he is good at wangling one out of others and our hands will be full organising transport for my parents.
I also need to have a couple of hard talks with my father. One is what are we going to do about your library Dad?
has your mum stopped talking about misplaced shoes yet?
Mum had been referring to Dad's "moments of confusion" and we've started using the phrase at home when we do something daft. What's worrying is how many "moments of confusion" I have! It's becoming a well-used phrase. Yesterday I discovered two pillowcases which went missing a month ago, stored with the tableclothes.
I accidentally phoned my parents when I meant to phone my son; Dad answered and I think my bafflement at finding myself speaking to him cheered him up.
Mum hasn't said anything more to me, but I think I've made my opinion that "everyone does things like that" plain.
I hope things continue to move in the right direction for you, Sarasa.
Dad is now an ambulatory wheelchair user. He is not accepting it. How do you tell a guy who has spent his whole life confounding doctors expectations that he is going to have to accept this one? At present, he makes slow progress for a couple of weeks and then has another fall and is worse than he was a fortnight previously.
He was going to go today with just his frame but was not able to get out to the car so we had to take the wheelchair with us. In the autumn he would have managed it with ease with a frame. Mum is beginning to be unstable on her feet and is losing the ability to swallow.
I am also an ambulatory wheelchair user and I don't accept it either. Sometimes I think you just have to let people get on to their own adjustments even though it is hard to watch. At least you got out! That is a big deal. Sorry you are having a double whammy of being caught with the aging parents.
Comments
We thinking of a bird feeder to go on his window.
On the other front, the last four times my sister has been to see Mum she has been sleeping. Some of it was put down to illness and some to sedation. Mum had been up at 2 a.m. and being a nuisance rather than just sitting somewhere quietly.
NEQ, I'm sorry your mum is feeling such anxiety about what seems to most of us like trivia: maybe she's so used to your dad being utterly reliable, that any sign of that diminishing is really frightening for her.
Holding you all, and everyone else on this thread, in my prayers.
It's the uncharacteristic nature of the misplacement of the shoes* that would concern me - but clearly not as much as it worries your Mum. I do agree that that level of anxiety is only going to be bad for her, though getting her to see that will be hard. But can you at least get her to realise that exercise for your father can only be good for any confusion he may be experiencing?
*By the way did she ask him about why it happened?
Sarasa, your poor mother and her associates (including you) are really going through it
(((hugs))) for all struggling with issues like this
Mrs. S, wondering what tell-tale signs she might be displaying!
I hope you can reassure your mum about your dad, maybe get both of them to the GP for a 'well woman' and 'well man' check.
@Jengie Jon Glad you dad has accepted the respite. This is the route we are going to try with mum.
He's in a bad mood about it. I'd be in a bad mood too if I did something daft and people were being told I was losing my marbles.
It was Dad's good black shoes, so Mum knows he put them in the wrong place after a recent funeral they both attended.
I'm envisaging 3 scenarios:
1. Dad opened the wrong wardrobe door and put his shoes in the wrong place (bit worrying)
2. Mum had opened her wardrobe door to put her shoes away and Dad put his in too (less worrying)
3. Dad took his shoes off and while he was changing the rest of his clothes Mum tidied his shoes into her rack. i.e, it wasn't Dad's mistake.
I'm not going to suggest scenario 3 to them! But it seems just as plausible as the first two.
Mum has had these anxiety spikes for years - for example she was worried that the height difference between the North East Man and I wasn't enough to look good in our wedding photos (he's 3 inches taller than me, so we end up the same height if I wear heels). I bought white satin ballet pumps to wear, thinking that would help. They cost £7 so they were cheaper than heels, too! Mum was horrified at the thought of me wearing cheap satin pumps and phoned round her friends, crying. I then had to field calls from people who thought that "the quine isn't going to wear shoes to her wedding" meant that I was planning on going down the aisle barefoot, and that I was being completely unreasonable. Much confusion when I said I was wearing white satin pumps with a white satin dress.
I could give dozens of examples.
The main snag now is that I think Dad's quality of life is being eroded. I feel as though I'm spectating the diminution of my father. But I'm a bit biased because I was always Daddy's girl, and he was my hero.
Also, Mum tended to have anxiety spikes e.g. over my wedding. But now she's been continually anxious about Dad's health for over four years.
On the subject of dementia...
X has always been a little grumpy. But is now extra grumpy. He couldn’t understand the rules of a simple board game at Christmas, getting exasperated by it. He angrily blamed his wife for losing the keys when they were in his pocket all along. He repeatedly shows us how something works in his phone (even when he’s late leaving and it’s delaying). As NEQ says, these are all things that people can and do do, but they’re stacking up in their frequency and in the mood which accompanies them.
X is in his early 70s. By this age his mother had died of dementia. His MIL died of dementia (and when I say died of dementia, sadly I mean of and not with... when the brain forgets how to eat and then months later how to swallow).
I suspect that we might look back now and say “that’s when it started”. But is there any point saying anything now, if not to X, then to his wife? I’m torn between it assuring her that she’s not going mad, he has changed, or terrifying her if she’s not noticed - her mum’s death was long and hideous, and she spent about seven years being totally non communicative.
And I, too, am looking at a relative and thinking "Oh shit" as I recognize the signs. Help, Lord.
I took mum to see her GP today as a follow-up to the recent fun and games about her meds that ended up with her having a meltdown n the surgery and a psychiatrist coming to visit her. Mum's usual GP was off so we saw an excellent replacement who managed to persuade mum a dosette box was a good idea and tried very gently to talk about memory problems as you get older. Mum was very muddled about it all but if she accepts having her meds weekly in a nice box it might be a step forward. She's gone through a month's worth of blood pressure tablets in less than ten days, many of which ended up crushed into her carpet as she can't see them when they ping out of the pack.
In other news my brother is taking a step back as he's had a worrying diagnosis and wants to concentrate on getting that sorted. It doesn't make a lot of difference in a way as I do most of the hands on stuff but does mean not being able to run decisions past him. He organised some work to be done in mum's flat that I need to chase up too. I haven't a clue what's happening and therefore can only make vague noises when mum frets about scaffolding around her balcony etc.
We've got another offer on mum's flat. Even lower than the previous one, but one that should go ahead. I'm steeling myself to phone the care home I went to see the other week and discuss some respite that could segue into full time care.
She kept asking me bizarre stuff last night. At least, I think she was. I’m so stressed that I’m not sure now if it was real or a nightmare.
Last time I had to care I attended weekly watercolour and yoga classes, but they were just up the road and I could run home in the breaks if I needed to. This time I'm involved in Guides and doing the 365 challenge. There are other things I should be doing (Walk 1000 miles, Future Learn Courses), but I'm either not getting out or the uninterrupted time to do them currently. (We've just had two nights up until 3am as she couldn't breathe properly, which hasn't done a lot for my body clock.)
My sister at Christmas offered she would be willing to come for a week and take over taking care of my mother to give me a complete break. I think I’m ready to run up the white flag and ask her to, while I just go stay in a hotel and do blessedly nothing.
And do, seriously, consider getting advice from your local social services or health service about getting some kind of assistance for your mum (whether in her own house or in a care facility). If you're feeling physically, mentally and emotionally knackered, it's time to seek help: you can't be of any help to your mum if you're broken.
Keeping you both in my prayers.
It is easy to become conditioned to saying Me? I’m upright, walking, talking, doing stuff - I must be fine. No you’re not. Stop. Go away. Accept that the present situation is unfeasible and must be changed.
I’ve been trying to convince my mother to use the walker (Zimmer frame I think in the U.K.) instead of the cane, because she has fallen several times using the cane.
Tonight she fell while using the walker. How is that even possible?
Secondly, my aged p fell because she got her feet too far behind the walker, instead of keeping within the triangle or square of the frame. (She was doing something daft at the time, like trying to get through a narrow gap, but that's another story.)
Lily Pad, I just saw your post. I am so sorry.
My mum had a nasty fall while using a Zimmer frame; as I recall, something distracted her (she really had to concentrate when she was using it), and the next thing we knew, she'd fallen and caught her head on the corner of a little table, and we had to take her to Casualty to have stitches.
Thank you all for your advice. You gave me enough relief and support that I’ve been able to rest some. That causes exchanges like the following more bearable:
Mum: we need a new shower curtain liner. Measure the length before you go because it’s extra long.
Me: I measured it last time we needed a new liner. It’s standard length.
Mum: no it’s not. It needs to be measured.
Me, measuring shower curtain liner, making mental note: (72 inches).
Dear Reader, you will not be at all surprised to discover that the standard length at the bath supply store is... 72 inches.
I'm glad you can take some comfort in this thread, I'm sure it kept me sane when the Dowager was my responsibility.
Sarasa and other denizens - how are things with you?
Mrs. S, thinking of you all
Things are moving in the right direction with getting mum sorted. The offer on her flat is progressing and she's been accepted by the care home near me for some respite which could turn into a longer stay if needed. Sister in law is being brilliant. She has a busy job, a ten year old and my brother who is facing major surgery in the next couple of weeks but is still checking in with me to give me support and phoning mum too.
I managed to get mum to talk to the people from the home who came to do the assessment by saying they were friends of mine who'd phoned me up on the off chance I was at my mums when they were in the area. We spent most of the visit talking about how lovely the place where we live is so hopefully softening mum up for the idea. SiL went to look at a care home near where they live at the weekend. It also a semis suitable so when things are calmer at their end mum
Maybe could move there.
We need to do something soon. Mum is in a total middle with her medication which fortunately is non critical and her paranoia with the neighbour's is getting worse. She is convinced she sees them in her flat taking things.
I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, as the AP in question is no longer with us, but I had an e-mail from my brother to say that he and my sister have finally decided to put the family home on the market.
I probably should explain that the house belongs to the three of us - Dad signed it over to us about 20 years ago. In a way it would be nice to have a bolthole in Orkney, but it's way too big for that, and really, none of us is likely to be going there more than once a year now that Mum and Dad are both gone.
As it's been empty (apart from occasional visits from sundry members of our family) for the last four years, I may need turbo-prayers that we can find a buyer. It needs a bit of TLC, but it's in a really nice area (I really couldn't have wished for a better place to grow up), so I'm hoping that'll sell it.
Hope it goes well. We are a bit off selling the family house here. We need Dad to acknowledge the home is permanent and he just keeps delaying it.
The other news is Dad is 90 on Saturday. My sister has arranged for us to go as a family out for a pub meal. Can you imagine the organisation it takes to get two ninety-years-olds and an 89-year-old out for a meal! The two 90-year-olds will be my parents, the 89-year-old is the nearest thing Dad has to a brother. A few years ago we would have offered a lift for my Dad's friend but honestly he is good at wangling one out of others and our hands will be full organising transport for my parents.
I also need to have a couple of hard talks with my father. One is what are we going to do about your library Dad?
Mum had been referring to Dad's "moments of confusion" and we've started using the phrase at home when we do something daft. What's worrying is how many "moments of confusion" I have! It's becoming a well-used phrase. Yesterday I discovered two pillowcases which went missing a month ago, stored with the tableclothes.
I accidentally phoned my parents when I meant to phone my son; Dad answered and I think my bafflement at finding myself speaking to him cheered him up.
Mum hasn't said anything more to me, but I think I've made my opinion that "everyone does things like that" plain.
I hope things continue to move in the right direction for you, Sarasa.
He was going to go today with just his frame but was not able to get out to the car so we had to take the wheelchair with us. In the autumn he would have managed it with ease with a frame. Mum is beginning to be unstable on her feet and is losing the ability to swallow.