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Aging Parents

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  • Lily PadLily Pad Shipmate
    So, is this a good thing? I hope it works out and makes him a little healthier. If you are anything like the vast majority of children, if it is someone else's idea and he can make it out to be his, it will happen.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    I noticed that Dad was more responsive to women's advice too NP, but it didn't extend to me. That was Ok because he developed a good relationship with the Head Nurse, and I could go back to being his daughter again.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    When my mum's dementia was in its early stages (before she had to go into hospital), Dad would get her to sit down each day and sort out her tablets into morning, afternoon and evening (he'd labelled three of those little plastic tubs that camera film used to come in). He'd
    supervise the procedure (sometimes she'd get in a muddle), but tried to have her sort them out herself; he reckoned it was good for her to be doing something for herself.

    I think when it came to actually taking them, he would just give them to her, and she'd take them - she was a very compliant sort of person, and wouldn't have put up a fight!
  • ZappaZappa Shipmate
    :cry:
  • I spent 4 hours in full PPE at my father's yesterday as I've been doing for months now. Still in his own place. The management has adopted the role of saying some things have to be, which I've also discussed with them. Helpful.

    Thus: we have public homecare now bathing him 1x per week. Lunches are being brought by staff to the door daily as well as suppers. He continues to make oatmeal for breakfast. Two other week days public HomeCare comes in, and we hired private homecare for the two other days. Physical therapist just started as well to increase strength and mobility. So we have 5 days per week that someone other than me or my wife goes to care for him. If we didn't have the money, we'd get about 50% of this. It ain't cheap. Public HomeCare is a flat low fee, private is $35 per hour, 3 hour minimum. Oh well. What's money for.
  • Well, today would have been The Dowager's 96th birthday, and hard as it sounds, I'm so glad she isn't here to see it. (The day itself would have been all she did see, I'm afraid).

    I had started to plan for her ashes to be interred with my father's today, but luckily hadn't invested too much time or involved anyone else in the planning.

    Rest in peace and rise in glory, Mum x
  • How are other people's aging parents coping with being sheltered and now being left to their own devices, providing they don't get themselves killed? I think mine are going mad; I know I am wondering what life is supposed to constitute - for them as well as for me.
  • JennyAnnJennyAnn Shipmate Posts: 46
    Well, today would have been The Dowager's 96th birthday, and hard as it sounds, I'm so glad she isn't here to see it.

    I know exactly what you mean. I lost my Grandfather in December (93), and my grandmother (91), his wife, in January. They lived independently at home until the last year of their lives, when more and more help was required to keep them at home.

    I have no idea how they would have coped with the pandemic. I think they would have been terrified for all of us, and for themselves.

    I’m glad they went before this.

    Jen

  • AravisAravis Shipmate
    Same here. My mum died in September, quite suddenly; she was nearly 97 and still living alone, with no carers, but had a lot of regular visitors. She wouldn’t have coped with the isolation. I am fairly sure she wouldn’t have worried about herself or any of the family getting the virus, though she had a history of nasty chest infections, and would probably have found some means of taking unnecessary risks.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Aravis wrote: »
    ......and would probably have found some means of taking unnecessary risks.

    I like your mother.
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    I hope you find a way of remembering the Dowager on her birthday that brings back memories of good times, and not the last few years, @The Intrepid Mrs S .
    I haven't seen my mother since mid March. There have been a few photos on Face Book, where she looks happy, a few emails from the manager and letters from the CEO of the Care Company. The last letter, which arrived today, said that when homes had been Covid free for two weeks social distanced meetings could take place in gardens. Only one a week for thirty minutes, no more than two visitors and PPE to be worn. Yesterday I bumped into one of the activities co-ordinators and he told me mum was fine, and seemed to suggest that meetings were already happening at her home. I don't know whether to email the manager to check. Trouble is with my hearing I have no chance of hearing mum at 2 metres. She talks very quietly and I have to be sat right next to her. She also is unlikely to recognise me in a mask as her sight is so bad. I might take my husband along as a 'hearing husband' rather than 'hearing dog' but I wonder if it'll just upset us both and I should continue with dropping small treats and cards off instead.
    My MiL is also a cause for concern. Still living at home with my brother in law as her carer. My husband and his elder sister think she needs a lot more help, but husband's brother and younger sister seem determined that as she want things to remain as they are that's what should happen. She can no longer do very much for herself and is border-line incontinent. Her great love was reading, but she seems to have lost that ability.
    Hope everyone else's aged Ps are managing OK at this time.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    I haven't seen my parents since the very start of March; I was at a series of events for International Women's Day the weekend of 7/8 March, mixed with hundreds of people, and chose to postpone my next visit to my parents afterwards in case I was carrying the virus. And then we went into lockdown before I had visited them.

    On Thursday Dad said cheerily on the phone that he was enjoying lockdown so much he thinking of writing to Nicola Sturgeon asking her to extend it! He's enjoying the daily phone calls and small treats through the post more than he enjoyed the fortnightly visit.

    Gee, thanks, Dad!

    I think he may have a point; he wasn't going out much before the lockdown. His six-times-a-month medical appointments have halved, with the other half now by phone, so he's still getting out occasionally for a chat with the oncology nurses, whom he adores. (However much they are paid, it is Not Enough!) He still has his garden to potter round in, and the bird feeders to fill and watch.

    Mum's not complaining, but it must be much, much harder for her. Pre-lockdown she was out and about every day, going out at least once a day, usually twice. She enjoyed cooking for me, and other visitors and, unlike Dad she had a social life.

  • Ethne AlbaEthne Alba Shipmate
    edited June 2020
    @ThunderBunk thank you for enquiring from us all ....and I rather think that my AP is also teetering on the very edge.....

    For the first time, managed to rouse themselves for a visit from sibling- who - lives- nearby. But the effort of that has meant No visit this week. They are just exhausted.
    For them , with exhaustion come slight mania and night time wandering. So sleep is to be preferred by the home. And I don’t blame them!

    I think the worst of this has been their appearance. No hair professional ( with all the little extras that go with it) , no podiatrist (plus the hand care and massage that is so calming), no casual Just Popping Ins any more, from other folk or from staff.

    At the beginning ( because of the nature of the residents there) , nothing Major was said of the virus. As time went on, matters had to change and most are aware of a Nationwide Virus, that the government is controlling.
    AP is totally confused as to The Virus and will happily tell all staff that they Don’t Have It Anymore. Pardon me? No One has had it in that home! But AP has a finely tuned sense of the ridiculous so tbh I think they just assume it is all one (very) long running show!
  • jedijudyjedijudy Heaven Host
    My APs are very content staying in their home by themselves. Of course, they see me frequently as I take care of all their shopping and doctor visits (almost all of those visits are video conferences.) It's kind of cute watching them figure out where to look when the doctors face time them!!

    My APs don't remember why they aren't to leave the house or yard, but I'm very glad that they give me no problems about it. They haven't been very social for the last few decades and almost all of their socialization has been church and Sunday school. So, actually it's not much of a change! Oh, Dad did ride his tricycle once last week. I figure he'll not do that again for a while since it's so hot out.

    This week, I ordered ID bracelets for them after having a horrible nightmare about my mom going wandering and being missing for three days. When I let them know that the IDs were coming, I told them they have to wear them...in case something happens to me! That way, I think they'll wear the things and not take them off.
  • Friends, I feel your pain. ((())) for each and every one of you. I still find myself thinking that I should be worrying about the Dowager, from time to time!

    In a strange and unexpected turn of events, the grant of probate for her estate turned up yesterday (her birthday). The solicitor had hardly finished telling me that it could take months and months, before the letter arrived! I am truly, duly grateful to be able to get moving again!
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    In a strange and unexpected turn of events, the grant of probate for her estate turned up yesterday (her birthday). The solicitor had hardly finished telling me that it could take months and months, before the letter arrived! I am truly, duly grateful to be able to get moving again!

    I'm pleased for you. We're still fighting this one.... The probate application was put on hold because we made an error, which was corrected back in April but have heard nothing from them. They promise reply to phone calls (it's a call centre) which don't come. They don't answer emails.... My sibling has been dealing with the application, and after several more calls/mails has finally been sent a link for how to make a complaint.... (I wonder if I should consign the probate office TH)

  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    I was wondering how the probate was going @The Intrepid Mrs S . Glad it's been sorted. Are the buyers still interested, and if they are, I hope they are not trying to beat you down on price.
  • Jane RJane R Shipmate
    Well, today would have been The Dowager's 96th birthday, and hard as it sounds, I'm so glad she isn't here to see it. (The day itself would have been all she did see, I'm afraid).

    I had started to plan for her ashes to be interred with my father's today, but luckily hadn't invested too much time or involved anyone else in the planning.

    Rest in peace and rise in glory, Mum x

    <hugs> That's how I feel about Mother-in-law. At least we were able to have a normal funeral and memorial service for her. It must be horrible for all the people who have been unable to say goodbye to their loved ones for fear of spreading the disease.

    Other Half and I were amusing ourselves the other day by imagining how his father (who died in 2004 and is still much missed) would have coped with the pandemic. We suspect he would have enjoyed the drama of it rather too much... yelling "GERMS!" at anyone who came too close to him, insisting on disinfecting everything that came into the house, having long telephone conversations with all his cronies about how useless the government is... He'd have had a whale of a time (and hopefully avoided catching the plague).
  • Lily PadLily Pad Shipmate
    Makes me giggle as my mom died in 2004 and I think the two of them would have had a blast together. She certainly would feel at home up in heaven if she was near him while he chatted about the useless government as my Dad used to spend ages doing the same. Today is Father's Day here and I'm alone. Guess I should have planned something social to do as it is a hard hard day. Second Father's Day without my dad who was always around and looked after me so much. Hard to see Facebook filled with so many photos of people celebrating.
  • ZappaZappa Shipmate
    My AP turns 98 today. Sadly I can't get there, but will asap (when bookings for cross-ditch transport slow down).

    She seems to be back in quite good space at the moment.
  • edited June 2020
    Sarasa wrote: »
    I was wondering how the probate was going @The Intrepid Mrs S . Glad it's been sorted. Are the buyers still interested, and if they are, I hope they are not trying to beat you down on price.

    Well, they sold their house (at pre-pandemic prices!) and moved into rented accommodation - they tried two or three times to persuade me to let them rent The Dowager's house, but I dug my heels in firmly and said NO. So, I assume they are still interested; I told the agent that we were still planning to sell under the same conditions; and if they try and beat me down on price I shall simply ask the agent to find me a developer to buy it, with the planning permission for a separate bungalow in the garden.

    (I don't think they will, but if they do, I'm going to play hardball)

    Thank you all for your kind wishes; I've had to pay the solicitor about 3.3 deer, but since he seems to have pushed it through I'm inclined to think he was worth it.

    (()) for Zappa and all others still caring for/about their APs.
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    In a strange and unexpected turn of events, the grant of probate for her estate turned up yesterday (her birthday).

    And after several weeks phoning, mailing and nagging, it appears that we may also have progress on this front. Not that we actually have the grant yet, but apparently there is now a draft which requires finalising & sending. Fingers crossed, and that the purchaser for my father's house is still up for it.... (AIUI solicitor is just waiting on the probate to be able to go ahead)

  • AravisAravis Shipmate
    Ours is delayed by the annoying fact that my parents’ house was a leasehold purchase (which I hadn’t realized) and the remaining time on it is so short that the house is unsaleable until the leasehold can be purchased. My mum was over 40 when they got married, and apparently told my cousin that it wouldn’t matter about the leasehold as they almost certainly wouldn’t have children anyway.
    She then had two children and lived to nearly 97. I don’t regret my existence, but I do wish my parents had been a little better organized with planning their finances.
  • ((( @Aravis ))) that's a real bummer. It's a great relief to me that I managed to get my paws on my mother's finances some years ago, so that I could help her get ISAs and the like - the prospect of having to start from scratch after her death on a cupboard full of envelopes, all marked 'Very Important - keep!' would have daunted me greatly.

    Our buyers are still very keen to proceed, but since they - like us - were expecting probate to take many months, they are now scrambling to get hold of the money from whatever distant sock they had stashed it in :wink:

    @kingsfold - wishing you all the very best of luck in your endeavours!
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    Finally, finally... my sibling has the grant of probate & has sent a copy to the solicitors dealing with the sale of Dad's house. Please God the prospective buyer is still wanting to go ahead...
  • @kingsfold - hooray, hooray and hallelujah!

    We went to the Dowager's old house last week, and found on the doormat something lovely. A friend of hers, in the same road, will be 100 later in the month, still living at home and in possession of all her marbles. Most of her family live abroad, so she had been organising her own birthday party at the village hall - only of course lockdown ended all that.

    So, the neighbours are organising a surprise party for her - picnic on her front lawn if weather is fine, otherwise under umbrellas, with bunting, balloons, bubbly and flowers! I shan't be able to go, but what a lovely thing for them to do :smiley:

    Mrs S, <notworthy>
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    What a lovely idea for a surprise party, a shame you won't be able to go @The Intrepid Mrs S . Hope the sale of the Dowager's house and @kingsfold's dad's house go through without a hitch.
    I've had a few emails with mum's care home about the possibility of a visit this week. I'd love to see her but from two metres away over a garden gate won't really work for either of us. If there are no better arrangements by the time my husband is on his next shift where he has days off during the week, I'll take him along to act as my ears.
    Husband also went to see his mum last weekend. Things are getting tricky, in that brother in law is having to do more and more which is putting a strain on his marriage, but he refuses to consider a care home. As far as I'm aware no one has Power of Attorney so not sure how easy it would be to arrange anyway.
  • I'm both new on these boards and new to the role of looking after the APs. My parents are both in their 80s and until very recently have been in good health for as long as I remember. My Mum over the last couple of years has started to struggle a bit with mobility and she has lost confidence as a result, so doesn't go out very much. My Dad is becoming forgetful but until the last few weeks has been in robust health. He became very ill two weeks ago. He had a UTI and cellulitis. He collapsed and was found to be badly dehydrated. He also raised an alert for sepsis when the paramedics tested him, which was alarming. He is now home from hospital but needs IV antibiotics, a district nurse to replace his bandages and copious pills of all kinds. I am doing all the running around for my folks as neither can now walk very well or go out. It's hard work and quite strange. I'm still used to thinking of them as forever strong, being as they are my parents, that now I have to be strong for them and think of everything, is quite stressful. I don't know how people do it over a long period of time but maybe I will be finding out soon enough!
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    edited July 2020
    Oh, dear. I'm sorry for you and your folks. Well, there is lots of reading material on this thread, some of which will be pertinent to your situation. Take deep breaths; see if you might find support for yourself so you don't burn out. Way back when, my vicar brought me to a daughter who was solely in charge of her mother with dementia. She desperately needed some break time. She wasn't sure whether her mom would take to me, but we got along famously if incoherently. So the daughter got some hours off a couple of times a week to have lunch with friends and get her hair done. She told me later how much it helped both she and her mom keep going.

    Prayers for your household. :heart:
  • Robert ArminRobert Armin Shipmate, Glory
    @Chasing Shadows, welcome aboard. I hope you find support on the Ship in general, and this thread in particular. My mother died last November, and the year before that wasn't always easy. This thread helped me a lot, as I could come here and people understood the mess my emotions were in.
  • CaissaCaissa Shipmate
    The pandemic means my mother has not had any inside visits in her nursing home for over 100 days. That last few times I have spoken with her she seems despondent. She has had a few outside visits with my father and an outside visit with our youngest son on her graduation day. I am worried that the enforced isolation with lower her mental acuity.
  • Caissa wrote: »
    The pandemic means my mother has not had any inside visits in her nursing home for over 100 days. [snip] I am worried that the enforced isolation with lower her mental acuity.

    I'm pretty sure that this is the effect it has had on both of my parents. They have had little company other than each other's and no external activities for the same period. Just a few outside visits with my sister and nieces, and my mum's chemotherapy and other hospital appointments. Thanks be to God, she has been told that there is no further evidence of cancer, but, given that choral singing is their main form of socialising, I do wonder how much lockdown and her virus will turn out to have had as devastating an effect on her life as the cancer.
  • @Chasing Shadows, welcome aboard. I hope you find support on the Ship in general, and this thread in particular. My mother died last November, and the year before that wasn't always easy. This thread helped me a lot, as I could come here and people understood the mess my emotions were in.

    Thank you (and to Lyda too). I'm sorry about your mum. I know that such loss is not far away but the loss of a mother is tough regardless of when it happens. I've been very fortunate in having healthy, long living parents, which means I feel somewhat pathetic finding the last ten days so difficult, and then writing about it!
  • Caissa wrote: »
    The pandemic means my mother has not had any inside visits in her nursing home for over 100 days. That last few times I have spoken with her she seems despondent. She has had a few outside visits with my father and an outside visit with our youngest son on her graduation day. I am worried that the enforced isolation with lower her mental acuity.

    I remember at the outset of the lockdown, when some care homes had already closed their doors, thinking how awful it must be to be locked in like that (not realising at the time that such action probably saved a lot of lives). The problem is - when is it safe enough to release the lockdown in care homes? It's a really difficult situation given the impact being closed in must be having on residents.
  • Ethne AlbaEthne Alba Shipmate
    edited July 2020
    My AP has had only one recent visit from my sibling, who may (or may not...) have been recognised.

    Otherwise just the regular staff.
    As for the lack of visits from the offspring? Tbh AP is doing v well, possibly because they live very much In The Moment; yesterday being a bewildering place and tomorrow just totally incomprehensible.

    AP seems to be perfectly happy, happier as the time goes on I think. Their suppressed sense of humour is now allowed free reign and there is no Worrying about... oh.... Visitors! Who is visiting on what day and why......

    Each day is much like the next in these days of the virus.
    So Very much easier for my AP

  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    I have not seen my sister since February, firstly because she caught norovirus in hospital, then because of lockdown as soon as she was discharged back to her care home.

    I am not next of kin, so I don’t like to ring the Home too often; in any case they just tell me she is fine. She was evidently not well enough to acknowledge the present I sent for her birthday mid May, so I do worry about her mental state , which has always been her main problem. I fear she will have lost touch with reality altogether.
  • Oh @Puzzler that sounds very difficult...
  • ((( all posting here )))

    As an aside, how ironic that among the many things I have inherited from The Dowager appears to be her asthma? My lung capacity, as a lifelong non-smoker, is rubbish, so that rather than the lurgy or a chest infection, may be the cause of this cough and breathlessness when approaching any form of Up...

    Thanks Mum...
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    The lovely senior carer on mum's floor phoned yesterday to get my permission for mum to have a monthly Covid 19 check. She and all the other residents are well and he hopes they'll be news about slightly relaxed visiting soon. The customer services manager also sent me a picture of mum combing her hair after a shower. That rather suggests that showers are such a rare occurrence they need to be celebrated. The home's Facebook page has been making me feel hungry with pictures of home made cream teas and waffles.
    Hope everyone else's APs and other elderly relatives are doing as well as they can.
  • Sarasa wrote: »
    The lovely senior carer on mum's floor phoned yesterday to get my permission for mum to have a monthly Covid 19 check. She and all the other residents are well and he hopes they'll be news about slightly relaxed visiting soon. The customer services manager also sent me a picture of mum combing her hair after a shower. That rather suggests that showers are such a rare occurrence they need to be celebrated. The home's Facebook page has been making me feel hungry with pictures of home made cream teas and waffles.
    Hope everyone else's APs and other elderly relatives are doing as well as they can.
    I think I caught mention that the (UK) government is working on visiting protocols at the moment, so here's hoping that everything will stay sufficiently low (bearing in mind all the easing up that's been taking place lately) to enable people to start safely visiting their loved ones in care homes again soon.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    I think it would be OK for me to visit my brother who is in care with Parkinon's, but I'm definitely waiting for warmer weather. I stay with another brother when I go and the bus service is abysmal. Also, and I know this is a bit pathetic of me, I haven't been further than a half hour bus ride since lockdown. It's reasonably safe from the virus here with no Community transfer for 70 or 80 days. Current cases are NZ Citizens or Permanent Residents who have returned from overseas and are in isolation hotels - well 3 escaped, but were caught and one faces isolation in prison.
  • @Chasing Shadows please don’t feel pathetic for posting. Every step of this road with aging parents is strange and can be desperately hard, in varying ways. This thread was so helpful for me and I hope it will be helpful for you.

    My mother died in January, and now about exactly 6 months on, I am emerging from what I can only think has been a fog of mourning in which I’ve been barely able to keep up with my own daily self- and house-care. It got to be quite hard living with her, (I think I just got completely burnt-out on care-giving), but now that she’s gone it turns out to be hard, in different ways, getting on with living on my own.

    Hugs, tea, and empathy for all on this thread.
  • @Autenrieth Road we were only talking at lunch about how hard it is to get everything sorted out. I'm retired, so I can spend all morning on the phone trying to extract money from people who owe it to the estate, and we aren't in hock because of the funeral costs, and I had all my ducks neatly in a linear position before we even started in on this exercise - but 5 months down the line it is still like pulling eye teeth :grimace: :angry: :rage:

    Also, I'm not as devastated emotionally as many people, but it really got my goat this morning when the lady at one of the financial institutions who are holding on to our money like grim death, said 'Oh I'm so sorry for your loss; my condolences'.

    To which I am ashamed to say I replied 'She's been dead 5 months now, so please, don't worry about that'.

    It's not her job to be 'sorry for my loss*' - I have friends and family to do that. Her job is to sort out the financial situation.

    * I know - her training compels her to say that, but it doesn't help!

    So, you have every sympathy of mine in your task ((()))
  • @The Intrepid Mrs S best wishes for a successful outcome to all your current estate-handling obstacles. My mother had a fairly simple estate (although even then there were some complications), as long as you don’t count the scores (!!!) of creditors.
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    edited July 2020
    @"
    Also, I'm not as devastated emotionally as many people, but it really got my goat this morning when the lady at one of the financial institutions who are holding on to our money like grim death, said 'Oh I'm so sorry for your loss; my condolences'.

    To which I am ashamed to say I replied 'She's been dead 5 months now, so please, don't worry about that'.

    It's not her job to be 'sorry for my loss*' - I have friends and family to do that. Her job is to sort out the financial situation.

    * I know - her training compels her to say that, but it doesn't help!

    So, you have every sympathy of mine in your task ((()))

    Bless.....
    If I heard that once on the phone to the company I was dealing with end of last week, I heard it somewhere between half a dozen and a dozen times.

    I rather like your reply to the "I'm sorry, condolences." My (unuttered but thought) responses have been rather less gracious than that....

    Meanwhile, I have to go into the banks, in person, with assorted documentation to prove my ID so we can get various accounts dealt with. I have a full time job. The banks are in the city centre and currently open 10-2 Mon-Fri in one case, and 10-4 (M-F) for the other. I have to go into the building, to be compared with my photo ID. Whilst wearing a face covering, it being mandatory so to do...
  • It's all what Mr S refers to as a pile of polar-bear poo.

    I have been lucky in that Mr S has a scanner and printer so a great deal could be dealt with by phone/email - I think the only time I've needed to attend in person was to pay in cheques. That must be horrendous to manage and you really have my sympathy for that.

    It's all just what you don't need, isn't it?



  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    I haven't seen my parents since early March. They are taking shielding very seriously as Dad has myeloma, one of the cancers specifically identified as having a poor outcome from Covid. Plus he is on chemo, another contra-indication for surviving Covid. And he's over 80.

    Prior to lockdown, Mum was regularly reporting that my father was having "moments of confusion" most of which sounded like everyday life in the North East household.

    There was then a problem when the new Covid regulations meant Dad had to attend appointments alone, and clearly didn't know what was going on. However, ever since he was diagnosed in 2014, Mum has been determined that nursing Dad was her job, and he didn't, and indeed shouldn't, know too much about myeloma or his drug regime. My brother and I had been arguing against this, pointing out that if Mum took ill, we would be plunged straight into a crisis trying to figure out Dad's medication, if he himself was clueless. So when the pandemic hit, and Dad was clueless, it seemed to me simply to confirm what we had been saying for the past five years.

    Now Mum is reporting that Dad has been having "moments of confusion" which sound worrying even to me. Dad sounds great on the phone, but I can believe that it's possible that he's "powering up" for short spells on the phone, and that's not his current normal.

    It's so hard to try to figure out how much of the situation is Dad's cognitive ability failing, and how much is Mum's ongoing sky-high anxiety.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    {{{NEQ and your mum and dad}}}
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    @kingsfold and @The Intrepid Mrs S , I hope you get your tangles about your respective parent's estates sorted soon. Tricky to do at the best of times but a total nightmare at the moment.
    @North East Quine I guess both you and your mum are worried that your dad might have dementia. It's true that often the person who see the person with dementia (PWD) most spots things that others that see them less often don't see, and that PWD can put on host/hostess mode for a short time which can fool people into thinking they are OK. Has your mum or any of your dad's doctor's suggested memory tests or further investigations or is it just your mum fretting? I hope you manage to get to see them soon even if it is over a garden fence so you can assess the situations for yourself.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    One of Dad's doctors has suggested a memory test, but that was at Mum's prompting.

    I'm not sure if I'm unusually scatterbrained, but a lot of what Mum is reporting is the sort of thing I do, and I'm quite confident I don't have dementia! Yesterday a box of biscuits arrived here from Marks& Spencer - I had ordered it as a surprise for Mum and Dad, but had managed to have it sent to my own address. As I have no self-control around biscuits, I donated the box to the Food Bank, so no harm done.

    But if Dad did something like that, Mum would be in despair and convinced it was a sign of dementia. Dad's "confusion" yesterday was whether his next hospital appointment was for bloods or chemo. I'm not sure it warranted Mum telling me over the phone about it.

    But at the same time, Mum is reporting a lot of these "moments of confusion."
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