Sober people questions
Burgess
Shipmate Posts: 48
in Epiphanies
Never started something before on here. Hope its ok.
Be nice if when you say "no I don't drink" people leave you alone on it. Like "I'm sober" should be like "I'm diabetic" and leave me alone because I can't drink that. Been wanting to say I'm diabetic instead of I don't drink is why I did that example. I am no diabetic and lying which is something I stopped doing after getting sober. Not doing that again either. My problem is I want to say "Leave me the f alone" and I get mad when they go at me about no partying and drinking. Working on that by not talking which is the counsellor told me to do that when I went to treatment and it works some times. What does any other people think works
Be nice if when you say "no I don't drink" people leave you alone on it. Like "I'm sober" should be like "I'm diabetic" and leave me alone because I can't drink that. Been wanting to say I'm diabetic instead of I don't drink is why I did that example. I am no diabetic and lying which is something I stopped doing after getting sober. Not doing that again either. My problem is I want to say "Leave me the f alone" and I get mad when they go at me about no partying and drinking. Working on that by not talking which is the counsellor told me to do that when I went to treatment and it works some times. What does any other people think works
Comments
I don't drink alcohol simply because I have a low tolerance for hangovers, and I always get one no matter how small the serving.
It's been a long time since I've had to give it as a reason, as I'm rarely around people who are drinking, much less trying to pressure me into it. But it's the absolute truth, and if memory serves, it tends to end the discussion forthwith.
A few years ago I was at a social event where a recovering alcoholic was offered a glass of wine. He politely declined and the person offering the wine refused to take no for an answer. “Go on, just one”. “Don’t be boring*, one won’t hurt”. “Come on, you’re not driving** are you?”
OK, in an attempt to be charitable, I accept that the person offering the wine didn’t know this guy’s predicament, but those of us who did were cringing with embarrassment and wishing he would just shut up and/or go somewhere else. In my experience, if someone says they don’t want a drink there’s usually a reason for it, so I’ll leave it.
*Why is it considered boring not to have a drink? Usually people who drink to excess become the most boring people in the world
** No, he wasn’t driving. That’s because he was still serving a three year ban for drink driving from back in the days he was still drinking
I'm pregnant
I'm taking antibiotics
I'm an alcoholic in recovery
I'm driving
I'm on a diet
It's against my religion
I don't like the taste
Etc
I do drink, but many in my family don’t. My parents didn’t, and one uncle was an alcoholic. To me that sounds a bit . . . odd?
Personally, I always ask some version of “What would you like to drink?” or “Can I get you something to drink?,” followed by “We have . . . .” The choices will always include non-alcoholic options beyond plain water. Once they’ve chosen, I’ll follow up later with “Can I get you more/refill your ___, or would you like something else?”
The strategy is not to specifically offer something alcoholic, as though that’s the norm or expectation, but to offer a variety of things.
Not drinking alcohol is becoming pretty normal where I live.
Our arts centre has a brilliant non-alcoholic bar with many choices - cocktails, ales, lager Guinness, wines and Nosecco.
It's leased from the Methodist Church so no alcohol allowed.
People are rather enjoying it. 🙂
Sorry, I was thinking in terms of in a bar, as we rarely entertain at home, should have been clearer. And that I was wanting to avoid causing offence by asking again unnecessarily. But yes, at home we usually have non-alcoholic choices that will be included in the list offered.
We got pretty much every time people get together they want beer and vodka or rye to be drank by everyone. Wouldn't mind if we were a dry community like they have some places. Me I like decaff coffee if its night. People don't drink that too much.
And if they ask why, just say, for my health, or I don’t want to discuss it.
https://youtu.be/XMZIAlKFRY4?si=wptzz1oJdlHZ5H7r
Looked that up. Never heard of that. Sailing ship right outta control. Good way of saying it.
When people are already drunk we get outta there. Gotta leave. Just go. Get a ride and go. People like that make me sad. I was like that is maybe why. Sorry about it, never doing it another time. Best thing is say I'm sorry and do best kind thing I think. This is what I think church got right- that people do things wrong and hurt othet people, then you gotta say sorry and promise you going to to it right.
Or the Irish version: What part of 'no' do you not understand?
If I do want to maintain anonymity on this issue I just say health reasons.
I am 15 years clean and sober and certainly don’t spend my time in a vicarage tea party (no offence intended!) and have been offered drinks, drugs, all sorts in the course of my social life. Saying ‘no’ happily and confidently is - as you recognise in your OP - an important part of a recovery skill-set.
Also, as you also say, leaving a situation if one feels uncomfortable is sometimes the right thing to do. Sobriety has to come before any form of people-pleasing. If I've left in a hurry I can send a text later making some excuse in a courteous manner.
Which is true but also rather rude, I think.
Sometimes a well-turned smackdown is the last resort.
Good answer.
A courteous host might well do the repeated offers of food and drink thing that @Doublethink references, but it would be courteous to offer both alcoholic and non-alcoholic options in the same offer. There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not want to drink, and none of them are my business.
IME, it's easier to evade the alcohol pushers if you're engaged in an activity other than just sitting and drinking. If you're at the pub playing pool / darts / whatever, there's usually a bit less pressure to drink than if you're just sitting and talking and drinking. It's also easier if everyone gets their own drink (from a buffet, from the bar, ...) rather than drinking in rounds, or having someone play host, but there's a lot of local culture in there.
"Perhaps you're a shill for Big Booze?"
It's years since I've been in a pub or anywhere else where alcohol is being drunk, the noise levels in such places are difficult for me to cope with due to hearing aids. I do have rum in the house given to me by a friend for making Christmas cakes.
I once made a christmas cake for the AA group who were using our church for their Christmas day meeting, but didn't use any alcohol in it - even if the alcohol itself evaporated in the cooking I thought it best to avoid it and used a non-alcohol flavouring.