Interesting question Climacus. I don't usually find reading articles about other people's mental health particularly helpful. Reading the experiences of various Shipmates is different because it has more context, and the person is not just their mental health. The person who posts about their depression may post something particularly clever or funny in Circus or insightful in Purgatory.
Keeping you all in my prayers, especially Fredegund - I totally sympathise about your job situation. I think Firenze's right - the sooner you can get to your GP and get suitable medicine, the better. If there's something available that'll send your Black Beast scuttling for the hills, go for it.
{ Fredegund }
So sorry to read. I hope you can get the help you are entitled to. And I can sympathise re jobs...I had a longish period after quitting one in a manic state to travel and on return having quite an extended period of no-one wanting me. It sucked.
Thanks for the kind words, Jemima, and congratulations on your OCD successes! Hurrah !
Thank you all for the comments on what you find helpful. It is amazing how varied we are, and I find people like Annie and Jemima who are upfront about sharing amazing...and brave. I don't tend to share with strangers, or friends, until circumstances demand it (like me needing a week or more away...). I am thankful for the concern, but, perhaps ungratefully, when people "overreact"*, and question everything I do or get upset and bombard me with advice, I find it overwhelming... Sometimes.
I have a beloved friend in Oz who is texting me constantly currently... I should be thankful, and am, but everytime I mention I can't sleep or feel crap I get an overload of advice. And no amount of "The pills take time" replies stops it. I know the concern, seeing me hospitalised for two-and-a-half months almost a decade ago jolted those around me, and they want to make sure it doesn't happen again. But sometimes a simple, "Sorry you're feeling crap...hope it gets better", would be good. So I lie and say my sleep is amazing. Which I feel horrible about.
If I am being an ungrateful shit let me know. I am still flying high. And in that manic state where I am, of course, always right. :help:
* can people overreact to one's mental illness...or am I projecting?
The most useful sharing was when I was battling a gambling addiction related to the old Bye-polar, and part of a Gamblers Anonymous group on and off for about 5 years. The sharing was formulaic and structured for good reason in that it gave you words to stay to get started and emphasised the commonality of experience. You also saw the whole person, or that aspect which was shared, including their movements and physicality. You could hug them if they wanted it, bot fags off them, laugh with them and become a little community of wounded souls, patching up ourselves and each other slowly.
But I don't feel wounded any more. Every now and then I get the wobbles, like an anxiety attack yesterday quickly resolved, but basically I reckon I have in my brain at the moment 'strong and stable government.' If I pick that someone's in trouble I'll certainly try to help them but in my experience it was the mutual caring of suffering people that not only stopped me gambling but also opened my eyes to God. That last one was a non-compulsory added bonus and also the entire point of my life.
Random post... I've recently discovered various documentaries about mental health on the BBC. I've watched two of them so far, and I think they're really good, and honest. They also include ideas for self help. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p078jr43
I don't know if this is the kind of thing you mean, Climacus, but I have a friend with anxiety who says she finds reading memoirs, such as Matt Haig's, about anxiety triggers her anxiety to read, so she doesn't like reading them.
For myself, if I have struggled with something for a long time and not put it into words, or known about anyone else struggling with it, then reading someone else's account of the same sort of thing is a huge relief, makes me feel not alone, and gives me a vocabulary for talking about my experience. But after a while, if I read a lot of such stuff, it stops being useful. Unless the person has practical tips that I wasn't aware of.
But I like it when famous people will 'come out' as having a certain condition, and speak openly about it, as it reduces stigma and raises awareness.
Hear hear, fineline! What worries me, having done it in several contexts. is that some folk then only see the condition, not you, and react only to that.
Took BD to Church today. Amazingly, he let me stay.
Here is a piece of writing by a man who grew up with a Mum who lives with Schizophrenia. It's written from the perspective of himself as a 12 year old boy, and is about what he did to cope. It is beautiful and it made me do the good crying.
I think it helps sometimes to have a sense of acknowledgement and “it’s not just me.”
And yet I remember the realisation at 16 (yes, I was previously blinkered!) that I wasn’t the only person to slice my skin with blades in order to feel safe with myself and empowered somehow. It urged me to nurture and grow that weird instinct, which wasn’t a healthy thing.
How much of that was a side-effect of academic competition I don’t know.
My parents never encouraged me to compete academically and just wanted me to be sound at reading, writing and arithmetic - but my friend’s parents were more academic and pushy.
I’ve been reading “what the **** is normal?” By Francesca Martinez. And I strongly recommend it.
Thank you all. For the sharing, and links/recommendations.
After having 4 days off week last week, the psychiatrist (thank you socialised medicine NZ) I saw this morning gave me the rest of today and Thu and Fri off too. He didn't hint as much come out and say I was in no state to do anything except sit at home. And he said my current manic state must be obvious to one and all so best stay away from work.
Thankfully, though I haven't said why except to say it's sleep and blood test related (not complete lies, just not all the truth), work management has been exceptionally understanding.
So glad the work management have been understanding, Climacus. Hope things are feeling steadier soon.
Thanks for the book recommendation, not entirely me. I’ve seen Francesca Martinez do a little bit of live comedy (well, live on the telly) and loved her.
The Pills Doc is changing my meds due to my lithium shake and bad results for my blood tests on the kidney side of things. Lamotrigine is the new pill, to be introduced gradually over the next two months. Once that's on and working, the lithium will slowly fade away I reckon. I have been fearing this change. I don't want to go backwards and I have had such stability on Lithium. Still, I trust my doctor, who has been managing me for almost twenty years. I try to follow his instructions to the letter.
It’s good that you’ve a doctor who has been so consistent and supportive.
I’ve had reflux and anxiety all day and now I can’t sleep. I’m not going to be good fun tomorrow. Too much spicy food, gin and wine this last week and so feel like I deserve to feel so crappy. The beast is bad enough without my encouragement.
I hate June. It's the first month of winter here, so it's cold, but it's the short and dark days that make it worse. In the Ship's League of Health and Fitness thread Curiosity Killed has posted a link to a U.K site that aims to get people outside and into nature. Although I'm at the other end of the world it's given me a push to get outside and moving.
Good idea Huia. It's freezing and wet here, but we need the rain so everyone is celebrating.
NEM best wishes managing your condition. When my blood results started going downhill, my GP who I have also been seeing for years and years, suggested I was drinking too much. I told him about my booze habits and he looked at me nonplussed and said, "Is that all?". That said, I'm off to the pub for my monthly visit with my mate tomorrow and looking forward to it. My lovely wife has arranged to do some work in town, so she's driving me in.
It is good to have a Doc who knows you well. I explained an incident when I had an argument with a cop overseas. He said that wasn't the bi-polar. That was me being stupidly stubborn! He was right. I'm just like my parents sometimes.
As I’ve got older I’ve noticed alcohol makes me far more sluggish than it used to. I’m guessing part of that is the way it inhibits the absorption of vitamins such as B12, causing muscle weakness and slow thinking. It can also give me insomnia.
A good walk always makes me feel better, not only the increased exposure to sun but all those good chemicals that are released during exercise. I find being outside settles my mind and gives me clarity of thought. In my hypomania I picture it as an opportunity for my overloaded thoughts to escape from my head. Very grounding. In my depression it stops the claustrophobia from surrounding me.
As I’ve got older I’ve noticed alcohol makes me far more sluggish than it used to. I’m guessing part of that is the way it inhibits the absorption of vitamins such as B12, causing muscle weakness and slow thinking. It can also give me insomnia.
Same here, but I'm 99% sure that I have a bad reaction to sulphides, rather than it being the alcohol itself. I'm almost TT, but would be delighted to find a sulphide free alcoholic drink that I liked.
There is a bridge in central Aberdeen which, over the decades, has been the site of several suicides. There have been small Samaritan posters by it for years. A few months ago, someone fixed some home-made signs to it with the numbers of various help lines, and these were removed by the council as being "unsightly."
It all kicked off from there. The home made signs were replaced, and added to. I went past it yesterday, and there are dozens of home made posters with advice, information, encouragement, and personal reflection. There are flowers (real and artificial), pom-poms, ribbons. People were stopping to read. It's bright and unmissable. The council are right, it's an eyesore. But what a positive, uplifting, let's-talk-about-mental-health eyesore!!
It feels like some sort of tipping point. I don't think the council could clear it now without a bigger backlash.
The Pills Doc is changing my meds due to my lithium shake and bad results for my blood tests on the kidney side of things. Lamotrigine is the new pill, to be introduced gradually over the next two months. Once that's on and working, the lithium will slowly fade away I reckon. I have been fearing this change. I don't want to go backwards and I have had such stability on Lithium. Still, I trust my doctor, who has been managing me for almost twenty years. I try to follow his instructions to the letter.
I was on Lithium for many years, then I was moved on to Tegretol (I forget why.) Just want to say it was a seamless change, and the new meds suited me fine. Fingers crossed that it is the same for you with Lamotrigine....
When I lived in New Hampshire I had mild Seasonal Affective Disorder. Then I heard the advice to spend at least half-an-hour outdoors in the middle of the day. It took care of the problem; even if it was overcast enough sunlight came through the clouds. This helps with more severe cases of SAD, but it's obviously not a complete solution.
Moo. I think you might have posted that some years ago and I have been trying to do it ever since. Some years it's taken me a while to remember, but it has made an appreciable difference for me - so thanks. I think sometimes I forget how much difference it can make.
{{ Simon: best wishes for the med change; I'm on lithium too and know of its downsides }}
{{ not entirely me }}
{{ Huia and the dark depths of a NZ winter; it's certainly turned chillier up on the North Island }}
{{ all in need, and any I accidentally (sorry) missed }}
I like the sound of that bridge, NEQ. People power!
Hurrah for walks... I find a morning walk (I'm an early riser) helps me -- melatonin, vitamin D... My doctor once recommended it and I am eternally thankful. In fact I should write to him to let him know 6 months here and I'm doing okay.
I'm new to the world of depression, but have been diagnosed as having it...I know it is related to my hormonetherapy treatment, but it is affecting me. I've been prescribed anti depressants, which make the symptoms worse for at least a fortnight. I'm trying to remind myself that "this too will pass". It's the sitting in front of a reasonably easy task thinking "I can't do this" that is most frustrating.
Sorry to hear that Dormouse.... Hope the anti-depressants start working positively soon. I think depression takes guts and courage to get through. Hang on in there. ((((Hugs....))))
I'm new to the world of depression, but have been diagnosed as having it...I know it is related to my hormonetherapy treatment, but it is affecting me. I've been prescribed anti depressants, which make the symptoms worse for at least a fortnight. I'm trying to remind myself that "this too will pass". It's the sitting in front of a reasonably easy task thinking "I can't do this" that is most frustrating.
Hopefully the positive effects will kick in soon. That is one of the worst aspects I find - feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks.
Sounds like you are having a tough time Fredegund.... and it sounds like going to the doctor would be a good idea. Take care, and all good wishes from here ((((Hugs....))))
Had my 8th session of CBT today. It’s been really good, but I think it was only between sessions 6&7 that things started to click, and clicked further after no 7. Next week is the last week. I’m a little apprehensive about how I’ll get on after the course has ended. I think I’ll be ok, I’ve learned some helpful skills. Just a little tiny bit wobbly. I feel a bit like my boat is being launched out to sea before I’m entirely sure everything is prepared correctly. Haha, though rereading that last sentence, it’s very OCD in nature...
Oh, I know that feeling Jemima. I learnt CBT on one of my hospital stays, and I recall telling the psychologist I was frightened to be given this toolkit and expected to use it in the big, bad world after 3 or so weeks of it. Turns out I was a slow learner and I stayed in longer, ha ha, but I surprised myself how it did click once they let me out. My best wishes to you for it.
Continued best wishes, and positive & helpful thoughts to all.
I think I'm emerging from my mania. Visited 5 stores today and resisted buying anything except some H&M winter pyjamas...ha ha. Feeling a bit calmer.
I did (by my high standards) quite poor on one assessment, due to me being high as a kite and thinking I knew everything and didn't need to look up anything. Which was rather silly. Oh well. Lesson learnt, hopefully.
Well done on resisting the urge to spend. It's so helpful when we can recognise these impulses in ourselves for what they are... I think you are in NZ? (Therefore winter jammies are probably sensible...)
Continued best wishes, and positive & helpful thoughts to all.
And to you. When I read your post about resisting buying things, it made me smile and think of my mate (bipolar guy in early 70s) who tells a few very funny stories at his own expense, including going with his family to Blackpool and buying a horse and trap off a bloke who was using it to take tourists up and down the prom. And bringing it back to the B&B... It's a good job I. has a hell of a sense of humour, because the sh*t he's been through is nobody's business. All the very best.
*Later add: even if the winter jammies had been a crazy impulse buy that would not have broken the bank , though like mark_in_manchester I have know people who have really made bizarre purchases, or in more fortunate instances, tried to but failed.
Comments
So sorry to read. I hope you can get the help you are entitled to. And I can sympathise re jobs...I had a longish period after quitting one in a manic state to travel and on return having quite an extended period of no-one wanting me. It sucked.
Thanks for the kind words, Jemima, and congratulations on your OCD successes! Hurrah !
Thank you all for the comments on what you find helpful. It is amazing how varied we are, and I find people like Annie and Jemima who are upfront about sharing amazing...and brave. I don't tend to share with strangers, or friends, until circumstances demand it (like me needing a week or more away...). I am thankful for the concern, but, perhaps ungratefully, when people "overreact"*, and question everything I do or get upset and bombard me with advice, I find it overwhelming... Sometimes.
I have a beloved friend in Oz who is texting me constantly currently... I should be thankful, and am, but everytime I mention I can't sleep or feel crap I get an overload of advice. And no amount of "The pills take time" replies stops it. I know the concern, seeing me hospitalised for two-and-a-half months almost a decade ago jolted those around me, and they want to make sure it doesn't happen again. But sometimes a simple, "Sorry you're feeling crap...hope it gets better", would be good. So I lie and say my sleep is amazing. Which I feel horrible about.
If I am being an ungrateful shit let me know. I am still flying high. And in that manic state where I am, of course, always right. :help:
* can people overreact to one's mental illness...or am I projecting?
The most useful sharing was when I was battling a gambling addiction related to the old Bye-polar, and part of a Gamblers Anonymous group on and off for about 5 years. The sharing was formulaic and structured for good reason in that it gave you words to stay to get started and emphasised the commonality of experience. You also saw the whole person, or that aspect which was shared, including their movements and physicality. You could hug them if they wanted it, bot fags off them, laugh with them and become a little community of wounded souls, patching up ourselves and each other slowly.
But I don't feel wounded any more. Every now and then I get the wobbles, like an anxiety attack yesterday quickly resolved, but basically I reckon I have in my brain at the moment 'strong and stable government.' If I pick that someone's in trouble I'll certainly try to help them but in my experience it was the mutual caring of suffering people that not only stopped me gambling but also opened my eyes to God. That last one was a non-compulsory added bonus and also the entire point of my life.
For myself, if I have struggled with something for a long time and not put it into words, or known about anyone else struggling with it, then reading someone else's account of the same sort of thing is a huge relief, makes me feel not alone, and gives me a vocabulary for talking about my experience. But after a while, if I read a lot of such stuff, it stops being useful. Unless the person has practical tips that I wasn't aware of.
But I like it when famous people will 'come out' as having a certain condition, and speak openly about it, as it reduces stigma and raises awareness.
Took BD to Church today. Amazingly, he let me stay.
And yet I remember the realisation at 16 (yes, I was previously blinkered!) that I wasn’t the only person to slice my skin with blades in order to feel safe with myself and empowered somehow. It urged me to nurture and grow that weird instinct, which wasn’t a healthy thing.
How much of that was a side-effect of academic competition I don’t know.
My parents never encouraged me to compete academically and just wanted me to be sound at reading, writing and arithmetic - but my friend’s parents were more academic and pushy.
I’ve been reading “what the **** is normal?” By Francesca Martinez. And I strongly recommend it.
After having 4 days off week last week, the psychiatrist (thank you socialised medicine NZ) I saw this morning gave me the rest of today and Thu and Fri off too. He didn't hint as much come out and say I was in no state to do anything except sit at home. And he said my current manic state must be obvious to one and all so best stay away from work.
Thankfully, though I haven't said why except to say it's sleep and blood test related (not complete lies, just not all the truth), work management has been exceptionally understanding.
Hopefully you’ll feel more grounded soon.
Thanks for the book recommendation, not entirely me. I’ve seen Francesca Martinez do a little bit of live comedy (well, live on the telly) and loved her.
I’ve had reflux and anxiety all day and now I can’t sleep. I’m not going to be good fun tomorrow. Too much spicy food, gin and wine this last week and so feel like I deserve to feel so crappy. The beast is bad enough without my encouragement.
Hope you feel better soon.
NEM best wishes managing your condition. When my blood results started going downhill, my GP who I have also been seeing for years and years, suggested I was drinking too much. I told him about my booze habits and he looked at me nonplussed and said, "Is that all?". That said, I'm off to the pub for my monthly visit with my mate tomorrow and looking forward to it. My lovely wife has arranged to do some work in town, so she's driving me in.
It is good to have a Doc who knows you well. I explained an incident when I had an argument with a cop overseas. He said that wasn't the bi-polar. That was me being stupidly stubborn! He was right. I'm just like my parents sometimes.
It’s always so had to know what is lifestyle, what is hormones, what is mental health conditions etc.. blimin’ brains!
Getting outside into nature sounds like a good plan whatever the season.
A good walk always makes me feel better, not only the increased exposure to sun but all those good chemicals that are released during exercise. I find being outside settles my mind and gives me clarity of thought. In my hypomania I picture it as an opportunity for my overloaded thoughts to escape from my head. Very grounding. In my depression it stops the claustrophobia from surrounding me.
Same here, but I'm 99% sure that I have a bad reaction to sulphides, rather than it being the alcohol itself. I'm almost TT, but would be delighted to find a sulphide free alcoholic drink that I liked.
There is a bridge in central Aberdeen which, over the decades, has been the site of several suicides. There have been small Samaritan posters by it for years. A few months ago, someone fixed some home-made signs to it with the numbers of various help lines, and these were removed by the council as being "unsightly."
It all kicked off from there. The home made signs were replaced, and added to. I went past it yesterday, and there are dozens of home made posters with advice, information, encouragement, and personal reflection. There are flowers (real and artificial), pom-poms, ribbons. People were stopping to read. It's bright and unmissable. The council are right, it's an eyesore. But what a positive, uplifting, let's-talk-about-mental-health eyesore!!
It feels like some sort of tipping point. I don't think the council could clear it now without a bigger backlash.
How wonderful to hear your story about the bridge in Aberdeen!
I was on Lithium for many years, then I was moved on to Tegretol (I forget why.) Just want to say it was a seamless change, and the new meds suited me fine. Fingers crossed that it is the same for you with Lamotrigine....
Having some depression flare-ups myself, due to life angst, aging, health, and biochemical stuff. Blecchh!
Hugs back attcha Golden Key.....
**Building inspection next week!** Yikes.
(running in circles, screaming and shouting.)
{{ Simon: best wishes for the med change; I'm on lithium too and know of its downsides }}
{{ not entirely me }}
{{ Huia and the dark depths of a NZ winter; it's certainly turned chillier up on the North Island }}
{{ all in need, and any I accidentally (sorry) missed }}
I like the sound of that bridge, NEQ. People power!
Hurrah for walks... I find a morning walk (I'm an early riser) helps me -- melatonin, vitamin D... My doctor once recommended it and I am eternally thankful. In fact I should write to him to let him know 6 months here and I'm doing okay.
Hope you feel better soon Dormouse
Hopefully the positive effects will kick in soon. That is one of the worst aspects I find - feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks.
Well put!
That is one of the most accurate observations I have read on the Ship in my years of posting.
Thankyou
Take care all x
(And I add my voice to the chorus of agreement for Jenny Anne’s way of putting things).
Oh, I know that feeling Jemima. I learnt CBT on one of my hospital stays, and I recall telling the psychologist I was frightened to be given this toolkit and expected to use it in the big, bad world after 3 or so weeks of it. Turns out I was a slow learner and I stayed in longer, ha ha, but I surprised myself how it did click once they let me out. My best wishes to you for it.
I think I'm emerging from my mania. Visited 5 stores today and resisted buying anything except some H&M winter pyjamas...ha ha. Feeling a bit calmer.
I did (by my high standards) quite poor on one assessment, due to me being high as a kite and thinking I knew everything and didn't need to look up anything. Which was rather silly. Oh well. Lesson learnt, hopefully.
And to you. When I read your post about resisting buying things, it made me smile and think of my mate (bipolar guy in early 70s) who tells a few very funny stories at his own expense, including going with his family to Blackpool and buying a horse and trap off a bloke who was using it to take tourists up and down the prom. And bringing it back to the B&B...