Fuck this fucking virus with a fucking farm implement.

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  • I'm about to go to conduct a funeral for a 66 year old woman who died suddenly of something totally un-covid related, however because of this virus, the church which in normal circumstances would be packed with friends, family and acquaintances expressing their support for the family in their sudden loss, will have only the nearest & dearest scattered about the place, and there will be no gathering together, hugging with a cuppa & sandwiches, and maybe a pint or two, telling the stories, catching up with one another's news, seeing the extended family and all that usually happens to support the bereaved. This has been the case not just for the covid victims & their families but for every single funeral I have taken since March. Fuck this fucking virus with a very rusty farm implement.
  • Amen sister, preach it! It. Desks my heart when people are standing in the snow at the graveside and are reluctant to leave because they have to go straight home, with no comforting communal coming down from the funeral over tea or something stronger.
  • This - and when (if ever) will the Church be able to *catch up* with the ongoing grieving?

    F this F-ing virus, indeed...
  • DooneDoone Shipmate
    I so agree! I’ve had the deaths of 3 good friends and my daughter in law’s father so far. Back at the beginning, following the first couple of close family only funerals, we were all looking forward (if I can put it that way 😢) to having proper memorial services and wakes, but as time goes on ... 😞.
  • You're so right about funerals feeling 'diminished ' no matter how much thought goes into them. I belong to a large friendship group of music players and singers. Funerals usually include lots of music and the wake sessions go on for many hours afterwards. Losing that part of the goodbye process has been really hard.
  • I teach a module on death, dying and bereavement and most of my students are health care assistants in hospitals and care homes. One of our main themes is a ‘good death’ and last spring we had to reconcile ourselves to the huge gap between the theory we were teaching and what was actually possible in the present times.
  • Theoretically I'll have six postponed memorial services to attend. I have wondered if all six will be held within the first month possible, if some will be quietly forgotten, or if people will choose to have them on anniversaries.
  • My aunt died in October in England, with only one (difficult) family member nearby to see to the business. It took weeks to get the cremation paperwork through the system and the deed done, and now we're waiting for the local authority to authorise the interment of the ashes in her parents' grave, and for the rector to work out how he's going to do it. Meanwhile, Auntie's urn is in the aforementioned difficult family member's garage, and apart from e-mail conversations among others in the family, there's been no kind of memorial event, and only a kind of numbness instead of the grieving and celebration that she deserved and we needed. It's going to take a lot of rusty farm implements to deal with this one.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    {{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}
  • Theoretically I'll have six postponed memorial services to attend. I have wondered if all six will be held within the first month possible, if some will be quietly forgotten, or if people will choose to have them on anniversaries.
    Can’t say about yours, @North East Quine, but my experience is that while 11 months ago people talked of having memorial services “later” that idea is not so much in the air now. The moment for such services is passing, as no one wants to go back to a stage of grief they have worked through. A service two or three months after the death is one thing, but after eight months or a year it is something else. I now doubt I will be asked to conduct many of the services that were first talked of.
  • Yes, I'd be surprised if they all happened. Perhaps we'll have a church service, akin to a "Blue Christmas" service to acknowledge all those who have died, but not had "proper" funerals?
  • Yes, I'd be surprised if they all happened. Perhaps we'll have a church service, akin to a "Blue Christmas" service to acknowledge all those who have died, but not had "proper" funerals?

    Seems like All Souls day just found new meaning and purpose.
  • Yes, I'd be surprised if they all happened. Perhaps we'll have a church service, akin to a "Blue Christmas" service to acknowledge all those who have died, but not had "proper" funerals?

    Sounds more like what could happen, usefully speaking. So many funerals these days (well, before Covid) would have meant far away relatives travelling to attend, and that wouldn't have happened at this time. So some who might've travelled for a funeral at the time of death, might not feel so compelled for a memorial even a year later.
  • Yes, I've been wondering much the same thing re memorial services or whatever. We usually have a *Memorial Service* around All Souls'-tide, arranged by local funeral directors for the families they've dealt with over the past year - so not necessarily anyone we've been involved with personally IYSWIM.

    I like @North East Quine's idea of a *Blue Christmas* service for just about anyone who wants to attend - that is, arranged by us, and not by the funeral directors (who in this town are Legion).

    It need not be held near Christmas, but obviously the Covid-19 situation and rules would have to be taken into account, probably for the next year or so...
    :disappointed:
  • The church team I used to work for has an annual memorial service the Sunday evening nearest to All Souls' Day. When I did it we invited the families of everyone for those whom we'd held during the previous year, plus anyone else we knew was grieving for whatever reason. Part of the service gave everyone the opportunity to bring forward and light candles on a foil covered table at the crossing, which were left to burn for the remainder of the service. Those flat nightlight candles.

    I kept the funeral records in such a way that I could mail merge a personalised letter and A5 invitation that made it clear that anyone in their family was welcome. And we included all the names at the back of the service booklet. For those people we knew would want to be invited I just had an additional lists on the bottom of that spreadsheet. We also didn't ask people whose loved one had died very recently, but added them to the next year's list.

    This was before GDPR, so these days permissions would need to be asked before keeping those records, but it was a service appreciated by those involved.

    I don't know if this was run before the lockdown last year, but I suspect it would have been limited, which will make this year's packed
  • mrsshrewmrsshrew Shipmate Posts: 9
    I attended the funeral of a dear dear person in june. I don't think I will ever get over watching her father sob, uncomforted, because we could not go to him, or her son unable to hug his mum through it because we all had to distance even though they were (obviously) the same bubble.

    Today, Miss Shrew, who is in her first year of school, had a video call with her best friend from school. Both kids seemed to enjoy chatting and showing each other things on the call. But when it ended, Miss Shrew curled up on the bed and sobbed for fifteen minutes, whilst I sat and held her. My heart is breaking for her loneliness. Four year olds need in person contact, they simply can't play together remotely.
  • My neighbours have lost their son to Covid. He was my age.
  • That is so sad.
  • @mrsshrew my heart bleeds for you and your daughter. Prayers for you and all like Miss Shrew.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    {{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}
  • DooneDoone Shipmate
    🕯
  • So sorry Mrs Shrew

    I've just spent my morning putting together a PowerPoint to try and help a teenager (and maybe others) who are struggling with lockdown to accept the reasons for doing so.

    74,000 with Long Covid in the UK, according to the Metro this week.
  • NazianzusNazianzus Shipmate Posts: 16
    Well, I've been off the ship for over a year. Hmm, what's happened? Moved house, ordained deacon, children started at a new school, oh and this virus has just screwed up the life of everyone I love. So f'ing done with it.
  • My Trump loving Southern Baptist brother-in-law got Covid, was sick for a bit and then got better. His wife, my oldest sister, got it and was telling my other sisters and I that it was like a really bad cold...and then, on her 64th birthday (Valentine's Day), had to be put in the I.C.U. at a hospital in Tennessee. She has pneumonia now.

    I am worried about her very much but also...angry as hell at BOTH of them because...somewhere, somehow, recently the two of them must have decided that Covid-19 fears were blown out of proportion or some such bullshit...and didn't bother wearing masks. Or, my bro-in-law didn't wear one and his wife got a deadly birthday present.

    I am in tumult, emotionally. I love my sister even though she has told me that being LGBTQ is going to send me to Hell...

    But, if she dies, I am going to be so furious with her and her husband.
  • bassobasso Shipmate
    You'll be right to be angry. You're right to be angry right now.
  • So sorry The 5th Mary. It is bad enough when people get sick as it is, but when they choose to put themselves and others at risk it can be so frustrating. I am sure this is how the medical teams that must treat them feel. I pray that your sister recovers.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    The 5th Mary I have a brother who has fallen down to rabbit hole of COVID 19 being no more serious than the flu. Nothing I can say would make any difference. I love my brother, but sometimes it feels like uphill work.
  • Thanks for the kind responses, everyone. My sister got a lot worse and then she got a whole lot better. She will be leaving the Covid unit tomorrow or Sunday. I am very glad for that.

    However...she texted ALL my sisters, some cousins, her children, her husband, her neighbors. But not ONCE did she text me. And she has my cellphone number! I am very bewildered and hurt.
  • The5thMary wrote: »
    Thanks for the kind responses, everyone. My sister got a lot worse and then she got a whole lot better. She will be leaving the Covid unit tomorrow or Sunday. I am very glad for that.

    However...she texted ALL my sisters, some cousins, her children, her husband, her neighbors. But not ONCE did she text me. And she has my cellphone number! I am very bewildered and hurt.

    She may be too embarrassed.
  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    A very old friend (I've known him since third grade) responded to the news that I had received both my shots thusly (and I paraphrase): "The vaccine is unproven, no one knows what the long term effects will be, it should have been tested for at least seven years before being released, I've heard horror stories, etc. etc. It's not for me. I'll go on with my daily routines as before minus a shot in the arm, thank you very much."

    Of course, this same friend thinks that recent events in Our Nation's Capital were a disaster, but not because you-know-who sparked an insurrection and got away with it. Rather, because you-know-who had the election stolen from him and was thwarted in his efforts to reverse the injustice.

    I'm seriously contemplating not including him in personal announcements anymore. Didn't Agatha Christie have Miss Marple say that it's sad when a good thing dies? Well, it's sad when a good friend goes irretrievably over the edge.
  • Yup. Drop him.
  • This.

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    The5thMary wrote: »
    Thanks for the kind responses, everyone. My sister got a lot worse and then she got a whole lot better. She will be leaving the Covid unit tomorrow or Sunday. I am very glad for that.

    However...she texted ALL my sisters, some cousins, her children, her husband, her neighbors. But not ONCE did she text me. And she has my cellphone number! I am very bewildered and hurt.

    She may be too embarrassed.
    I'm glad to hear the good news about your sister @The5thMary ; very sorry to hear you have been hurt but I think @Arethosemyfeet may have insight into the situation.
  • A very old friend (I've known him since third grade) responded to the news that I had received both my shots thusly (and I paraphrase): "The vaccine is unproven, no one knows what the long term effects will be, it should have been tested for at least seven years before being released, I've heard horror stories, etc. etc. It's not for me. I'll go on with my daily routines as before minus a shot in the arm, thank you very much."

    Of course, this same friend thinks that recent events in Our Nation's Capital were a disaster, but not because you-know-who sparked an insurrection and got away with it. Rather, because you-know-who had the election stolen from him and was thwarted in his efforts to reverse the injustice.

    I'm seriously contemplating not including him in personal announcements anymore. Didn't Agatha Christie have Miss Marple say that it's sad when a good thing dies? Well, it's sad when a good friend goes irretrievably over the edge.

    Well, you can dump him. Or you can more subtly hold the door open for him to change his mind by refusing to take offense and instead commiserating warmly with him over “I’m so sorry to hear that! It must be terrible, living with those fears. I will certainly be praying for you, and I do hope things get better for you.” And treat his delusions in any further correspondence as something that must be causing him so much pain, poor darling.

  • A very old friend (I've known him since third grade) responded to the news that I had received both my shots thusly (and I paraphrase): "The vaccine is unproven, no one knows what the long term effects will be, it should have been tested for at least seven years before being released, I've heard horror stories, etc. etc. It's not for me. I'll go on with my daily routines as before minus a shot in the arm, thank you very much."

    Of course, this same friend thinks that recent events in Our Nation's Capital were a disaster, but not because you-know-who sparked an insurrection and got away with it. Rather, because you-know-who had the election stolen from him and was thwarted in his efforts to reverse the injustice.

    I'm seriously contemplating not including him in personal announcements anymore. Didn't Agatha Christie have Miss Marple say that it's sad when a good thing dies? Well, it's sad when a good friend goes irretrievably over the edge.

    Well, you can dump him. Or you can more subtly hold the door open for him to change his mind by refusing to take offense and instead commiserating warmly with him over “I’m so sorry to hear that! It must be terrible, living with those fears. I will certainly be praying for you, and I do hope things get better for you.” And treat his delusions in any further correspondence as something that must be causing him so much pain, poor darling.

    Blimey, LC, you certainly have a flair for vicious charity.
  • Yep. And I used to be such a nice person till I went into ministry!
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Vicious charity - I like that term. :naughty: and :innocent:
  • Though when done in all sincerity, and without a smirk, I think it *may* cause a niggling sense of doubt in the minds of some receivers... because when you suddenly discover that someone who loves you and wants the best for you (thus the necessary sincerity) has a radically different viewpoint than yours, AND is clearly very concerned for you, to the point of completely overlooking your insults and worrying about you into the bargain... you may still bite back, but in the back of your head, there's going to be that nagging "What if she's right? What if I have got hold of the wrong end of the stick?"

    Because that's how people treat their friends and relatives who are convinced that they are teapots.

    They don't take offense, they don't argue, they just look doleful and commiserate with the person, because it's obviously a waste of time to argue with an insane person...
  • Yep. And I used to be such a nice person till I went into ministry!

    Straight to the quotes file with that one...
  • I'd put it on a bumper sticker, but I'd get into WAY too many fights in the parking lot.
  • Somewhat related to the thread... I use disposable medical face masks when I am doing small spray painting jobs. After using one this afternoon I found it clean on the outside, with paint dust all over the inside. Its only useful function is to get in the way of a sneeze, so the case for double masking becomes a lot clearer.
  • Wearing 2 masks these days. 3% of the population has been vaccinated here.

    But PLEASE stop showing scenes of people getting needles. Every damn news story has them. It's vaccine porn. I can't have it and I only get to watch.
  • Prick me with your needle, big boy.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Get a room, guys.
  • BoogieBoogie Heaven Host
    Wearing 2 masks these days. 3% of the population has been vaccinated here.

    But PLEASE stop showing scenes of people getting needles. Every damn news story has them. It's vaccine porn. I can't have it and I only get to watch.

    Agreed.

    I got tired of seeing folks with swabs being stuck up their noses now I’m tired of seeing folks being vaccinated on very. single. broadcast.

  • Amanda B ReckondwythAmanda B Reckondwyth Mystery Worship Editor
    Do I sense a Heaven thread coming on? (Or should it be a Hell thread?)
  • But PLEASE stop showing scenes of people getting needles. Every damn news story has them.
    I agree. It's as if they are all going out of their way to exacerbate my needle-phobia, and that of others. I've read that about one in every 10 people have it.
  • cgichard wrote: »
    But PLEASE stop showing scenes of people getting needles. Every damn news story has them.
    I agree. It's as if they are all going out of their way to exacerbate my needle-phobia, and that of others. I've read that about one in every 10 people have it.

    Sign me up to the club.
  • john holdingjohn holding Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    That's television for you -- they need a visual while they talk. Needles going in provides that. And I can't think what else they would use. Though I agree its' tedious and upsetting for some.
  • That's television for you -- they need a visual while they talk. Needles going in provides that. And I can't think what else they would use. Though I agree its' tedious and upsetting for some.

    Person with no pants on sitting behind a desk reading the news. Visuals not required.

    Or if they want visuals, a nice time chart showing vaccinations given so far, and projected vaccinations in the future, with markings that indicate when key groups of people should be vaccinated.
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