St. Peter, while manning the gates
Said "Here, I don't get many dates
For all of the hotties
Are souls without bodies
And I end up like Billy No-Mates
There once was a lady from Wrexham
There once was a lady from Wrexham
Who asked a young stud "Can ya flex 'em?"
He said, ‘Yes, I can
‘Because I’m man.’
She said, ‘Don’t like men so I hex ‘em!’
There once was a lady from Wrexham
Who asked a young stud "Can ya flex 'em?"
He said, ‘Yes, I can
‘Because I’m a man.’
She said, ‘Don’t like men so I hex ‘em!’
St. Peter, while manning the gates,
Had a beer and a chat with his mates
Their eyes were averted
From the poor unconverted
Who slipped past, improving their fates
St. Peter, while manning the gates,
Had a beer and a chat with his mates
Their eyes were averted
From the poor unconverted
Who slipped past, improving their fates
There was a Young Demon in Hell
Whose job was to ring the tea bell
But it went badly wrong
When the bell lost its dong
And he had to resort to a spell.
A jolly young woman from Fife
A jolly young woman from Fife
Took to juggling with more than one knife
When left with no fingers
The lady now lingers
Less jolly and all full of strife.
There once was a fat toad called Horace
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Saying "Each one who dies...
Is helping me increase my mass.”
There once was in the eye of the beholder
A beautiful plank that got bolder
Then the Lord came along
And the eye was among
The parabels in Matt's scripture folder.
When Jesus said "Pluck out your eye!"
The Pharisees' smile was quite wry
As a treat for the pigs
Mixed his eyes with some figs
Throwing them into the sty.
Said the witch to young Hansel And Gretel
Are there more of you, or have I met all
For my oven fits two
Which will probably do
Or I'll have to plug in my new kettle.
There was an Old Man with a Drum
There was an Old Man with a Drum
Who banged it all night in a slum
Yelling "God makes you pure!"
But got hit with manure
Tossed out by his wife and his mom.
There once was a fat toad called Horace
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Saying "Each one who dies...
Is one less for my sister Alice.
(Hostly note: Can I kindly remind our learnéd friends of the helpful hostly note here, in particular of the fabulous feat of refreshing the page before posting? This is important for the functioning especially of this 'ere thread. Many thanks indeed! Wesley J, Circus Host)
When a drummer gets hit by manure
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
So he wipes off the faeces
And chucks all the pieces
Of The Dung Beatles away, that's for sure.
There once was a fat toad called Horace
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Saying "Each one who dies...
Is one less for my sister Alice.
(Hostly note: Can I kindly remind our learnéd friends of the helpful hostly note here, in particular of the fabulous feat of refreshing the page before posting? This is important for the functioning especially of this 'ere thread. Many thanks indeed! Wesley J, Circus Host)
Sorry about that. And I like the learnéd friends, well done!
There once was, away with the fairies,
A young man who worked in the dairies
Cow's milk laced with gin
Goat cheese with weed in
He got sacked and now works in libraries.
In the town, now a city, Dunfermline
Sat the Lord Mayor, all dressed up in ermine
But the weight of his chain
Sucked air from his brain
Which impressed all the rabble and vermin.
Comments
Said "Here, I don't get many dates
For all of the hotties
Are souls without bodies
And I end up like Billy No-Mates
There once was a lady from Wrexham
Who asked a young stud "Can ya flex 'em?"
Who asked a young stud "Can ya flex 'em?"
He said, ‘Yes, I can
‘Because I’m man.’
She said, ‘Don’t like men so I hex ‘em!’
Let's see what we can do with this unfinished one from earlier:
St. Peter, while manning the gates,
Had a beer and a chat with his mates
Had a beer and a chat with his mates
Their eyes were averted
From the poor unconverted
Who slipped past, improving their fates
Heh. Brilliant.
There was a Young Demon in Hell
Whose job was to ring the tea bell
Whose job was to ring the tea bell
But it went badly wrong
When the bell lost it’s dong
Whose job was to ring the tea bell
But it went badly wrong
When the bell lost its dong
And he had to resort to a spell.
A jolly young woman from Fife
Took to juggling with more than one knife
Took to juggling with more than one knife
When left with no fingers
Took to juggling with more than one knife
When left with no fingers
The lady now lingers
Less jolly and all full of strife.
Who lived in fat swampy morass
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Saying "Each one who dies...
Who lived in fat swampy morass
He ate many fat flies
Saying "Each one who dies...
Is helping me increase my mass.”
There once was in the eye of the beholder
A beautiful plank that got bolder
Then the Lord came along
And the eye was among
The parabels in Matt's scripture folder.
The Pharisees' smile was quite wry
The Pharisees' smile was quite wry
As a treat for the pigs
Mixed his eyes with some figs
Throwing them into the sty.
Are there more of you, or have I met all
Are there more of you, or have I met all
For my oven fits two
Are there more of you, or have I met all
For my oven fits two
Which will probably do
Or I'll have to plug in my new kettle.
There was an Old Man with a Drum
Who banged it all night in a slum
Yelling "God makes you pure!"
But got hit with manure
Who banged it all night in a slum
Yelling "God makes you pure!"
But got hit with manure
Tossed out by his wife and his mom.
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
So he wipes off the feces
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
So he wipes off the faeces
And chucks all the pieces
Is one less for my sister Alice.
(Hostly note: Can I kindly remind our learnéd friends of the helpful hostly note here, in particular of the fabulous feat of refreshing the page before posting? This is important for the functioning especially of this 'ere thread. Many thanks indeed! Wesley J, Circus Host)
When a drummer gets hit by manure
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
So he wipes off the faeces
And chucks all the pieces
His beat becomes somewhat unsure
So he wipes off the faeces
And chucks all the pieces
Of The Dung Beatles away, that's for sure.
Sorry about that. And I like the learnéd friends, well done!
How jealous I am of my mates!
Who dwell in celestial states
And admission is up to the Fates
There once was, away with the fairies,
A young man who worked in the dairies
A young man who worked in the dairies
Cow's milk laced with gin
Goat cheese with weed in
He got sacked and now works in libraries.
Sat the Lord Mayor, all dressed up in ermine
Sat the Lord Mayor, all dressed up in ermine
But the weight of his chain
Sat the Lord Mayor, all dressed up in ermine
But the weight of his chain
Sucked air from his brain
Sat the Lord Mayor, all dressed up in ermine
But the weight of his chain
Sucked air from his brain
Which impressed all the rabble and vermin.