Spam, glorious spam
"Hello, I must say you're beautiful* which made me I stumbled at your profile, couple with the fact your posts are interesting to view so I had to write on your timeline but I mean no disrespect I try adding you up it didn't went through so if you don't mind I would appreciate you sending me a friend request and let keep in touch thank you"
i really admire a man who doesn't bother with punctuation or grammar he knows how to live just gets on with it and his command of english has impressed me hugely innit
if it aint went through wen he tried adding me up on Facebook (my account is private) I wonder if I should give him another chance. He might be wealthy. I've often been told that there's something wrong with my bank account and credit cards - not to mention my computer - so that could come in handy.
* Glad to see he also appreciates medieval paintings.
Any interesting spam, scam or whatevers recently? Anyone inherited a few fortunes, or are you under threat of arrest from various agencies? Share your excitement with the world.
i really admire a man who doesn't bother with punctuation or grammar he knows how to live just gets on with it and his command of english has impressed me hugely innit
if it aint went through wen he tried adding me up on Facebook (my account is private) I wonder if I should give him another chance. He might be wealthy. I've often been told that there's something wrong with my bank account and credit cards - not to mention my computer - so that could come in handy.
* Glad to see he also appreciates medieval paintings.
Any interesting spam, scam or whatevers recently? Anyone inherited a few fortunes, or are you under threat of arrest from various agencies? Share your excitement with the world.
Comments
😺 🐟
I think if anyone told me I was liable to be arrested for some gross misdemeanour, I'd be quite proud, and would invite them to come and take me off to Rwanda (or wherever) straightaway...
What they don't know (and I didn't until recently) is that I have a double life. I regularly get emails in Russian addressing me as Sergei Vladimirovich and telling me there is something wrong with my credit card or bank account, and that I need to buy gold bullion at a bargain price.
Spam (with a capital S) featured prominently, with an explanation of how it was made and a demonstration of how to cook Spam fritters. (Angel Delight, Boil-in-the-bag rice and Crispy Pancakes were also highlighted).
At least those won't try to steal your bank details!
My SiL tends to be the target of medical men from the mid-west. And indeed the photo one shared was indeed of a doctor - to wit, Michael Moseley (who, she is pretty confident, is not practising orthopaedics in Ohio).
Awwww, now I'm jealous. I thought I was the only one they admired!
I assume they are rather chilly with no shirts on, and are hoping this non-hot, middle-aged, straight Christian woman might knit them a cosy jumper.
Why would any man see a black and white photo of a woman in an old-fashioned nursing outfit, alongside a photo of a WWI war memorial with her name on it with a biography that ends with something like "contracted typhus and died in Serbia in 1917" and think "ooohhhh, potential sexual partner"?
It's the old-fashioned nursing outfit. Gets them every time.
Mind you, I suppose he could be getting in touch to thank me for recognising that 'Baby Grand' is an underappreciated gem of a song. But he'll have to find some other way if so.
You too? No harm to our American chums, but I'm not likely to respond to a friend request from a bloke with the Stars and Stripes in his profile picture. They're nearly always widowed too; is there an algorithm thingy that looks for other widows?
Sorry Chuck/Hank/whoever, you're never going to replace David, so you might as well get over it.
No. No, they really don't.
"Plus the mosque, temple, gurdwara and ashram. Gotta spread your bets."
These are not their real photos. The real person could be any age, nationality or gender.
They are catfishing.
It continued:
We’re dedicated to making our customer experience the best it can be. We would appreciate your feedback on your recent experience with us which will only take a couple of minutes.
A couple of minutes to give feedback? That's approx 1 min longer than my "recent experience" lasted!
Then it said:
Based on your recent experience of using the Cash Machine, how likely are you to recommend the XXX Bank to a friend or family member?
What sort of conversations do they think I have with my friends and family?
"Had a good day?"
"YES! I used the cash machine at XXX Bank and it was simply thrilling! If you're looking for a fun activity in central Aberdeen, I recommend you use the XXX Bank cash machine too!"
"Any suggestions for a day out in central Aberdeen?"
"Well, there's Union Terrace Gardens, the Art Gallery, Provost Skene's House, oh, and there's the Cash Machine at XXX Bank!"
North East Quine, nonplussed
Still...
"Any plans for next Saturday?"
"Yep, checking out the cash machines in [city]. Someone on the Cashpoint Spotters Forum says they only rate 2/5 at best, so it should make for an interesting visit."
It was like every other online shopping experience* - I placed my order, put in my details and left the site.
* OK, occasionally it was a pain in the arse, but that was usually if the website concerned used Evri, who are a bit rubbish, unless you're able to wait in your house for several days until they deign to deliver your parcel.
You feel like screaming, I've bought the bloody thing, now go away!!!*
* or words to that effect ...
Oh yes, indeedy!
I still remember that the last time I bought a new car, I was plagued with e-mails offering to sell me a new car for about 8 months. How many did they think I needed?
Growing up, we often had Spam Sandwiches.
My wife, though, grew up in New Jersey. She has never had Spam.
Curiously, only the Hornel executives know how it became known as Spam. Some think it comes from Shoulder Pork And Ham.
I still suffer flashbacks. Vile things. Taste of pink.
I wouldn't have. Mashed potatoes make me gag.
Yet another spam email this morning, informing me that *Your McAafee Account Has Been Suspennded*...
If you can't get the speeling right, I'm hardly likely to beleeve you - and, in enny case, I kno when it expires.
In other news today I had an ad in my Gmail account - not an email but an ad - from a site called Shag(dot)co(dot)uk. I guess at least they are upfront about it..
Anything fried in salty batter is tasty, no?
The ad in your Gmail account is clearly for strong Tobacco, as used by Sherlock Holmes...
The common cormorant or shag
Lays its eggs inside a paper bag...
Ever had a deep-fried Mars Bar?