For me, something about middle age that I wasn't expecting is that people seem to properly expect you to have it all together. They have no patience with or time for your struggles, at least the kind of struggles I have, which are related to neurodivergence and can make me seem naive or childish or stupid. I am more easily interpreted as deliberately rude and someone to be resisted, rather than someone young and awkward. I have always looked quite young for my age, partly from EDS, partly from being skinny. I am no longer skinny, and now the skin under my chin sags and my neck skin is crepey. I look middle aged now.
When people perceive you as young, they are more helpful, more forgiving, more understanding and encouraging (not all people, of course, but some people - there were always a few people like that when I looked young). If they see you as young, the naivety they perceive is more likely to be endearing, or annoying at the worst, but if they see you as old, they don't believe it, they think you're lying, being deliberately difficult, and they have no patience with you. I have always found it hard to navigate the world, but it is harder now. And I am just so tired. I have always had chronic fatigue, but I mean emotionally too, like tired of the world, of all the things that are expected, of trying to navigate working out how to be, how to structure one's life, how to survive, how to best look after oneself, physically and mentally - it's very tiring, and hard to organise.
To be fair, I'm probably wearing rose-tinted glasses a bit. There are also good things about being middle aged. I no longer get sexual comments from men. I dress more androgynous too - I feel freer to do this. I also no longer have people telling me I'm selfish for not wanting kids, that one day I will change my mind, etc. People don't make personal comments like that so much. They know I'm too old to have kids now, because of menopause. Oh, and people who've had menopause are very happy to talk about it with me - that's one struggle they do relate to and have patience with.
There's a lot to be said for being a Mad Old Bat. I am of course sexually invisible, I can start random conversations with total strangers, I can play the Age card when it suits me (plus the Deaf card). I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose by being exactly as I chose. Albeit while I still have a reasonable collection of marbles. It may be less sustainable when I haven't.
A sign of my advancing years .....
When I went to collect my monthly prescription at the pharmacy last week, the lady behind the counter greeted me with "Hello, Lovely."
At my advanced age it put a smile on my face that lasted for several hours.
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When people perceive you as young, they are more helpful, more forgiving, more understanding and encouraging (not all people, of course, but some people - there were always a few people like that when I looked young). If they see you as young, the naivety they perceive is more likely to be endearing, or annoying at the worst, but if they see you as old, they don't believe it, they think you're lying, being deliberately difficult, and they have no patience with you. I have always found it hard to navigate the world, but it is harder now. And I am just so tired. I have always had chronic fatigue, but I mean emotionally too, like tired of the world, of all the things that are expected, of trying to navigate working out how to be, how to structure one's life, how to survive, how to best look after oneself, physically and mentally - it's very tiring, and hard to organise.
To be fair, I'm probably wearing rose-tinted glasses a bit. There are also good things about being middle aged. I no longer get sexual comments from men. I dress more androgynous too - I feel freer to do this. I also no longer have people telling me I'm selfish for not wanting kids, that one day I will change my mind, etc. People don't make personal comments like that so much. They know I'm too old to have kids now, because of menopause. Oh, and people who've had menopause are very happy to talk about it with me - that's one struggle they do relate to and have patience with.
When I went to collect my monthly prescription at the pharmacy last week, the lady behind the counter greeted me with "Hello, Lovely."
At my advanced age it put a smile on my face that lasted for several hours.