In the end, I think the best thing is to focus on yourself and be yourself, single. It's where you are. You can't properly offer someone love without first being grounded in your own love.
That seems important; I have read stuff like that before, quite often, but I don't really understand what it means. (It also might be relevant enough to this thread to continue the discussion here?).
I can think of quite a few important-to-me things which, before their emotional truth (as opposed to rational understanding? I'm groping a bit here) somehow 'clicked' for me, mystified or even irritated me as jargon - but which now feel more like efficient technical vocab (a sense borrowed from working life) for otherwise hard-to-describe experience or knowledge. Quite a bit of my faith now feels like that.
I think this might be one of those things too, but I don't really know how to get started on it. I'm attached to what I think is a healthy self-scepticism - I'm in no doubt what I need to be saved from, which feels OK mainly because I also feel the reality of that ongoing salvation (now - it wasn't always like that, see above). Being 'grounded in my own love' sounds like something almost smug running counter to that, but I suspect I'm confused here. I do know that spikey defensive people make poor partners, because I/we have a lot of personal history there. So what is the grounding in ones own love which isn't smug?
I'm inclined to read / interpret not so much as a kind of smug 'sef-love' in a narcissistic kind of way - as I don't think @Bullfrog intended it that way - but more in terms of self-acceptance and acceptance of our lot.
As in, 'I'm single. That's where I'm at. Let's make the most of being that way. Then, if circumstances change I'd be in a better position to face that as I'm not down and desperate or despairing over what might have been.'
Something like that.
Which isn't to say that it's easy in some kind of woo-woo self-help positive thinking kind of way.
Rather it's an acceptance of where we are and who we are and God's grace towards us in whatever condition of life we find ourselves.
Not easy to say if we have an accident and are in traction or have a debilitating health condition or have lost loved ones or ...
I think it does sound smug to start with, if you're used to what you are calling a healthy self-scepticism. Having been there myself, the important thing is to look at that scepticism and interrogate it. Is it healthy, or is it stopping you from valuing things about yourself? Do you put the task of valuing you entirely in others' hands? I did. For me, the vital step is to accept myself as God's greatest gift to me. Not to everyone else, but to me. Having done that, everything else can follow.
Perhaps that needs a little amplification. I'm not, I don't think, talking about regarding yourself as the greatest possible expression of God's creative nature. I'm talking about seeing what you have been given, and treating it as valuable in itself, and loveable in itself. We are all different, and this is neither a mistake nor a coincidence.
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Thank you ❤️ I am doing better now. ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Prayers.
@Bullfrog - you mentioned @Gwai in your post so I don't know whether it was addressed to them or my post about the break-up.
Either way I found it helpful.
Aw, thanks. Gwai is my spouse, I was tagging them as a reference point. So I was addressing that to you and I'm glad that's helpful.
That seems important; I have read stuff like that before, quite often, but I don't really understand what it means. (It also might be relevant enough to this thread to continue the discussion here?).
I can think of quite a few important-to-me things which, before their emotional truth (as opposed to rational understanding? I'm groping a bit here) somehow 'clicked' for me, mystified or even irritated me as jargon - but which now feel more like efficient technical vocab (a sense borrowed from working life) for otherwise hard-to-describe experience or knowledge. Quite a bit of my faith now feels like that.
I think this might be one of those things too, but I don't really know how to get started on it. I'm attached to what I think is a healthy self-scepticism - I'm in no doubt what I need to be saved from, which feels OK mainly because I also feel the reality of that ongoing salvation (now - it wasn't always like that, see above). Being 'grounded in my own love' sounds like something almost smug running counter to that, but I suspect I'm confused here. I do know that spikey defensive people make poor partners, because I/we have a lot of personal history there. So what is the grounding in ones own love which isn't smug?
As in, 'I'm single. That's where I'm at. Let's make the most of being that way. Then, if circumstances change I'd be in a better position to face that as I'm not down and desperate or despairing over what might have been.'
Something like that.
Which isn't to say that it's easy in some kind of woo-woo self-help positive thinking kind of way.
Rather it's an acceptance of where we are and who we are and God's grace towards us in whatever condition of life we find ourselves.
Not easy to say if we have an accident and are in traction or have a debilitating health condition or have lost loved ones or ...
Perhaps that needs a little amplification. I'm not, I don't think, talking about regarding yourself as the greatest possible expression of God's creative nature. I'm talking about seeing what you have been given, and treating it as valuable in itself, and loveable in itself. We are all different, and this is neither a mistake nor a coincidence.