Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Vulgaristas indeed!

    Now, this piece just in, from the Washington Post:
    Why North Korean nukes are still on the table

    And I thought I had safely dumped them in the bin after breakfast! Better check twice!
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Better check twice!

    Gonna find out who's naughty or nice . . . even if the current occupant of the White House can't tell the difference.
  • You should talk nicely to rescuers, even if you're a parrot. Parrot trapped on roof for three days tells rescuers to ‘f**k off!’
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A live parrot sketch! :smiley:
  • The fireman rescuing the parrot was called Swallow, which added to the amusement.
  • Had the parrot exclaimed, "I never swallow!" we'd be reading about it in a publication of a different sort.
  • The oddly perverse delightfulness might be continued with RCMP lay kidnapping charges against naked suspects. Naked kidnappers have a car crash in snowy weather.

  • On tonight's TV news:

    Jewelry stolen from house for sale

    I never thought I'd live to see the local news fence ill-gotten goods.
  • The podcast Deadline Detroit posts a headline on facebook with multiple stories from that episode listed in sentence form (and made more comical by the lack of an Oxford comma). Today's is:
    Trying Vegan Coney Dogs, Ford is Spending Big Bucks in Corktown and Previewing Digital Summit Detroit
  • Not quite a headline, but the subject of a "news" "roundup" email I get but don't remember signing up for:
    41 years in a BA* cabin.

    41 years! He kept knocking, shouting, screaming for someone to let him out - no one heard him though! Now he has emerged back into civilization (reads the news and locks himself back in the cabin...).

    *British Airways
  • Sometimes the headline is enough, i don't need to know any more

    Love Island puts off female firefighters
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Superb WaPo 'Opinion' headline currently, for an article written by Jennifer Rubin:
    Trump is less lucid than normal

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Superb WaPo 'Opinion' headline currently, for an article written by Jennifer Rubin:
    Trump is less lucid than normal
    How I wish the Ship provided a 'Like' button.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    It's a disturbing indication of the times we live in this headline from a serious UK national newspaper yesterdays no longer counts as weird.
    How many of Trump's close advisers have been convicted – and who are they?
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Superb WaPo 'Opinion' headline currently, for an article written by Jennifer Rubin:
    Trump is less lucid than normal

    Delightfully ambiguous: is Trump "less lucid than he normally is" or "less lucid than we expect normal people to be"?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited August 2018
    I read that as 'He is even less lucid than he normally is, and that's already not much.' - A formidable headline, I agree! :smiley:

    It's like a line from the Emperor's New Clothes. Somebody had to say it!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited September 2018
    From the Washington Post:
    John McCain is buried in private ceremony at U.S. Naval Academy

    They could at least have put him in a tomb. A ceremony seems no final resting place.
  • I have a feeling he'll turn over in his grave often enough between now and November regardless of where he's buried.
  • On this morning's TV news:

    Body left at cemetery
  • On this morning's TV news:

    Body left at cemetery

    It's much cheaper when you cut out the middle man!
  • BBC website has this classic:

    Manchester traffic 'worst outside London'

    Wow! a 200 mile tailback, is this a record?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From Metro.co.uk:
    Driver ‘caught red-handed watching porn behind the wheel’

    I'm not sure I want to know what 'red-handed' means here!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    The Washington Post again, where life (or death?) imitates art:
    Novelist who wrote about ‘How to Murder Your Husband’ charged with murdering her husband
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    From Metro.co.uk:
    Driver ‘caught red-handed watching porn behind the wheel’

    I'm not sure I want to know what 'red-handed' means here!

    Clearly someone employed to repaint postboxes and old-fashioned phone-boxes, who'd had a recent malfunction with the paint can and brush.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Again, this isn't a headline from a newspaper, but from a promotional e-mail I received from a ladies' clothing chain:
    Buy one bottom and get another at 50% off!
    I assume they're talking about trousers, but if they could only take 50% off my bottom ... :mrgreen:
  • But who would buy your bottom?

    [Miss Amanda will get her wrap.]
  • Perhaps it involves a production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream."
  • Piglet wrote: »
    I assume they're talking about trousers, but if they could only take 50% off my bottom ... :mrgreen:

    Would you prefer they take the left 50%, or the right 50%?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    This conversation really has reached quite a bottom.
  • Even Mr Frampton could only have offered 33⅓%.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ever wish you hadn't started something? :mrgreen:
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited September 2018
    I did read, some years ago, of a branch of Woolworths which had emblazoned across its window "Buy one, get one" - because the window wasn't wide enough to fit in the word "free".

    Of course it was in Aberdeen ...

    There is also the alleged case of the bridal shop offering wedding dresses: "But one, get a second half-price". I suppose that might have more relevance nowadays, with Equal Marriage.
  • "Hurricane Florence: Where is being hit?"

    My dear BBC asks this. I only had had two swallows of java when I sought info about the Himmicane this morning.
    Is "Where" a place? Is Florence a Being? Think I'll go back to bed.


  • As Gertrude Stein might have asked: "Is there a where there?"
  • On this morning's ever reliable TV news crawl:

    Man shoots driver at intersection, runs off, is still on the loo

    Well, that explains why he was in such a hurry.
  • From today's Times:
    Archbishop Welby tells parishes to turn their church into a temple of fun
    Funny, I thought the building was there to shelter us as we gave thanks to our maker and creator, pray for guidance in our lives, and do penance for us misdeeds.

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Without signing up I can’t read the whole report, but from what I can read the headline looks more like a sub-editor’s work than the archbishop’s. The address is also reported in the Telegraph.


  • Trump visits; death toll rises to 37

    The Philadelphia Inquirer puts an interesting spin on the story of Hurricane Florence...
  • Again on this morning's TV news crawl:

    Grad waives sign for job

    No need for a contract. Just show up.
  • You need the visual to go with this:

    sales technique
  • I'm forbidden to access that. :disappointed:
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Superb WaPo 'Opinion' headline currently, for an article written by Jennifer Rubin:
    Trump is less lucid than normal
    I read it as Trump was less lucid than Trump was normal!

  • You need the visual to go with this:

    sales technique

    This linked to an ad for Gmail.
    :grey_question: :grey_question: :grey_question:


  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    You need the visual to go with this:

    sales technique
    I can’t see that without signing in to Google
  • Why don't we just turn over the reins of government to Google? They already rule the world.
  • Aaargh, sorry folks. My bad. Perhaps a kind host can delete the post.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited September 2018
    Fairly straightforward, royally weird (which is to be expected, one might say), from The Guardian:
    Meghan Markle can shut her own car door – so why can't Prince Charles iron his own shoelaces?
    Guardian link here.

    I have put further reflections to this on the SoF Q & A thread for slightly more serious discussion!
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    I originally read the above as being about Prince *George*, and wondered why a little boy would be expected to do that...and who in the world thinks it necessary to iron shoelaces?
  • Not a headline, but the opening line of a commercial:

    Constipation is everywhere. You just have to know where to look.

    Well, if we're going to make a game of hide and seek out of it, I think I know where I'd start.
  • It reminds me of the classic commercial for a medication to treat constipation which proudly proclaimed "Your first dose will be your last!" Very ominous! My father always chortled when that came on!
  • From the Isle of Wight Echo: "Toilet Block Fire in Lake" (Lake is a place, by the way!)
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