Please see Styx thread on the Registered Shipmates consultation for the main discussion forums - your views are important, continues until April 4th.

Headlines of Utter Weirdness

13468948

Comments

  • On the Weather Channel website under Top Stories:

    Assessing the many dangers posed by Wesley

    Yeah, some of those sermons were hell and brimstone, weren't they? And forget about the hymns and one's tonsils -- oh, those descants!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I've never imagined our own dear @Wesley J to be the least bit dangerous ... :smiley:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Well, my punning may sometimes feel like hell and brimstone to the unsuspecting bystander. It is the winner of their descant-ent.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    <groan> :mrgreen:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Wesley J wrote: »
    It is the winner of their descant-ent.
    I have reviewed all the events of my life, and I can state with certainty that I have done nothing to deserve this.

  • Wesley J wrote: »
    It is the winner of their descant-ent.
    Mr. Shakespeare is rolling in his gave.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2019
    The Grauniad has:
    Novichok poisonings: No children or ducks harmed, say health officials

    A bit of a random choice of spared animals, methinks...!
  • On this morning's TV news:

    Water contaminated in Paradise

    But that's OK. They only drink milk and honey, don't they?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I'm rather hoping there'll be New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. :mrgreen:
  • Or at least a decent Merlot!
  • If there's no Moscato or Gewürztraminer I won't stay.
  • A proper Sylvaner from Alsace would be nice, or a good Tokai Aszu.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Piglet wrote: »
    I'm rather hoping there'll be New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. :mrgreen:

    I'll bring a few dozen just for you. :blush:
  • What about Customs ...?
  • I have a feeling St. Peter enjoys a wee dram every now and then and will pass us in with a sly wink at the declaration form.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    What about Customs ...?
    It is Heaven we're talking about - not the other place! :smiley:
  • Might Heaven not have its own superior vintages?
  • 'family's terror during 'unnerving' mop attack on car'

    next it will be the duster
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Did someone say Duster?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    That's very ... pink ...
  • Be very thankful. Currently we have this on our local news website: "Live updates as Cardiff road closed after reports of a man attacking a car with a hammer".
  • Whose bright idea was it to give hammers to cars?
  • From the "Ipswich Star": Ed Sheeran takes on new role as a koala bear.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    ... Ed Sheeran takes on new role as a koala bear.
    I'm going to file that under "I don't know what the writer's been smoking, but I want some". :smiley:
  • From the BBC website: "Top civil servant demands leak co-operation". (It's about Huawei but sounds like synchronised plumbing!)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    The Washington Post has this headline:
    How to nail the ultimate homemade pizza, from crust to toppings

    Which strikes me as a bit strange, so shortly after Good Friday and all that...
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited April 2019
    A friend of mine has just seen this notice at Cardiff Queen Street station: "Due to Judgement Day this station will be closing at 5pm". Does Jesus know?

    Anyway, how do they know the day and time so precisely?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2019
    And is Jesus coming by train, like a sort of heavenly Kim Jong-un? :open_mouth:
  • No, as the Severn Tunnel is closed for engineering works.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited April 2019
    A friend of mine has just seen this notice at Cardiff Queen Street station: "Due to Judgement Day this station will be closing at 5pm".
    Wasn't that supposed to be last Tuesday?
  • Not if you are a Rugby fan.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I was thinking of predictions of the Rapture, which didn't come to pass. I'm afraid I'm not well enough up on rugby to know what you mean. :blush:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    The Washington Post has:
    This man went to court to prove his ‘cellphone’ was a hash brown. He won.

    Intriguing! In fact, a policeman thought he had seen the man using his mobile phone while driving, when in fact he was eating a hash brown. - The case was overthrown in court!
  • Eating while driving has got to be as stupid as texting while driving. Any time I've tried eating in the car, the food ends up all over my shirt.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I'm inclined to agree, Miss Amanda - I have trouble enough eating in the car as a passenger ... :mrgreen:
  • Putting on mascara, polishing one's nails, or shaving are in the same category of "as stupid as texting while driving." I am SO glad I rarely have a need to drive during rush hour.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Eating while driving has got to be as stupid as texting while driving. Any time I've tried eating in the car, the food ends up all over my shirt.

    I generally avoid eating in the car, even while parked. But I'll admit to snagging a hash brown and stuffing my face with it while driving. :blush:
  • Leorning CnihtLeorning Cniht Shipmate
    edited April 2019
    Lyda wrote: »
    I generally avoid eating in the car, even while parked. But I'll admit to snagging a hash brown and stuffing my face with it while driving. :blush:

    We've had this discussion before, and you'll get a set of contributions from busy urban areas utterly horrified at the idea that you might do anything except drive whilst driving, and some from less urban areas who are saying things like "I drive 500 miles to get breakfast - of course I eat on the way".

    Eating (assuming you choose something sensible to eat) is not nearly as bad as texting whilst driving. I find myself eating a sandwich or something whilst driving from time to time. As long as you plan your strategy for taking a mouthful in advance, and take care with the time that you choose to take a bite, it's not too bad.

    As a point of comparison, I have, on a "closed course", attempted to send a text whilst driving. That's completely crazy. There's just no comparison between the two at all. I have to look at my phone for far too long at a time to text whilst driving.

    I've never worn mascara at all, but given the difficulty that I have applying it to other people, I can't imagine doing it whilst actually driving would be anything other than a disaster.
  • I confess to doing the hashbrown thing myself today. But those things are specifically shaped and packaged (in paper) in such a way that you can snarf them without for a moment taking your eyes off the road.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From the BBC:
    'Diagnosed with dementia at 30, I joined a choir.'
    Cause? Effect?
  • Perhaps not as weird as some, but the previous poster might appreciate Pete Doherty hospitalised following hedgehog injury.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2019
    Brilliant find, Shubenacadie. The sub-header in the article is promising, too:
    Songwriter praises NHS after being wounded while walking dogs
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2019
    The article just keeps on giving. Further down, it says:
    [...] In November 2018, Doherty’s dogs were accused of killing a pet cat in Margate, where he lives.

    Doherty recently spoke to the Guardian about the drug addiction that has dogged him [...]
  • Songwriter praises NHS after being wounded while walking dogs
    I know what it means to you Brits, but over here NHS is the National Honor Society, a high school organization that honors bright students. Surely it will accept the songwriter in question as an honorary member regardless of his IQ.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I hope the hedgehog was all right.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Piglet wrote: »
    I hope the hedgehog was all right.
    I too! The article was woefully silent about the health of the true innocent (and likely adorable) victim of the story!!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    And another paradox: being stung by certain prickly, needly things in his arm should not come as a great surprise to the young man, seeing his reputation!
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    This headline is cheating as it's intended to be a double entendre, but from today's Guardian Blind Date series,
    "He asked if I wanted “a little prick”’ "
    The man who said this was diabetic.
  • Today had a BBC beauty:

    “David Attenborough WLTM trance producer”
Sign In or Register to comment.