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Heaven: Ship's Eurovision Song Contest

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Comments

  • ClimacusClimacus Shipmate
    edited June 2018
    Georgia wake up from their wine-induced stupor...

    Oh! So many points. Thank you countries of this great European continent. And hangers-on.

    They immediately slump and return to their sleep, unsure if this is 2018 or 2019.
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    The Danish jury feel they can be magnanimous. Hygge and all that. Besides they’re still trying to trying to remove mixed fruit salad stains out of their clothing. They suggest that Angela Ripoff be called in to allocate the missing douze points between the remaining competitors.
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    amongst?
  • welshdragonwelshdragon Shipmate Posts: 15
    the Spanish presenter appears looking a bit hungover and gives 12 points to la France and a special commendation to the Ship of Fools entry
  • HugalHugal Shipmate
    The green room camera cuts to France. General cheering and waving of outer garments
  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    (Cut to Angela, skulking in a corner shouting into a mobile phone)

    I don't care where. Just get me off this Ship! You have no idea. Goat poo! I ask you. Katie Boyle never had to wade through goat poo. And if I never see an alpenhorn again ...

    Oh, welcome back ladies and gentlemen. And so we come to the climax of the evening, which is of course to announce the winner of this evening's wonderful contest.

    For some reason the electricity powering the scoreboard appears to have failed. I think the goats have been chewing the cables again. So I will just have to read you the results.

    And I see that Belarus have 26 points!

    (Much cheering from Belarus.)

    Oh, no, I should have said. I am reading the results in reverse order. Yes that's right, you haven't won. Well, never mind, Belarus, there's always next year.

    Anyway, next we have la belle France avec trente points. Oui, trente. 30 points. No, please sit down. Assayez-vous s'il vous plait. Or at least put some clothes on. Merci France!

    Next - our fragrant friends from the USA. Could someone send them a telegram and tell them they have 34 points please? Thank you. Well done USA, or as you might say, shucks!

    (Stony silence)

    Just a little joke. Evidently.

    And so we come to the runner up, who walks away with the pride of knowing they've done well, and the relief of not having to host this farrago ... er, this wonderful extravaganza. Congratulations Georgia, you have 36 points!

    (The Danish contingent are already opening a giant barrel of lager)

    Which means that the winner ... (dramatic pause)

    with 54 points (even longer pause)

    is ... (shouts of 'get on with it!' from the crowd)

    DENMARK!

    Congratulations Denmark!

    Hello? Denmark? Could you come to the stage please, we do so want to hear your lovely song again.

    Yes, you can bring your lager with you.

    And so we'll see you next year in ... er ... Oslo! (Whispers from backstage.) What? Well, I don't know the difference. Norway, Denmark, who cares? (Forced smile) Copenhagen, of course! Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen, home of Danny Kaye.

    Ah, I see the Danes are ready to perform again. (Winces) Ouch! Watch where you're putting that alpenhorn.

    (Exits pursued by a goat.)

  • ClimacusClimacus Shipmate
    As Georgia was announced 2nd their forced smiles faltered a bit to reveal a tinge of disappointment. But they recovered quickly and smiled and clapped, while still holding their wine, to the worthy Danish winners.

    Back at Georgian Central Television, the execs breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have to stump up for next year's extravaganza. More money for wine and cultural visits.
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    A pause...then Helmuth Alpenhorn himself steps forward.

    Ladies and gentlemen. Speaking on behalf of my *ahem* I mean on behalf of the Danish contestants, I would like to thank you all for your generosity and goodwill in the promotion of European cultural values, animal, especially bovine welfare and (peers shortsightedly at his notes), in the battle against the promulgation of sexist and patriarchal behaviour in err...in whatever it is Hels Bels was talking about back then. She uses a lot of long words and I find it best to agree with whatever the hell it is she says nowadays.

    You will be thankful... I mean sorry to learn that the lovely Hels will be unable to reprise her winning song for you tonight. After the shock of recent events, she has been forced to retire to a spa in the Black Forest to recover. Ah, the call of the alpenhorn is never far away!

    But we still have our lovely lovely Hyggemen and their new friend, Dr Magnus, who I’m sure will be only too happy to join you in a rousing chorus of A Little Hygge! Take it away, boys! And don’t forget those alpenhorns!
  • HugalHugal Shipmate
    Thanks everyone. Great contest.
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