@Nenya, much of what you say resonates with my own journey and the slow process of finding out what 'worked' for me or seemed to make a difference. I think it was a 19th-century spiritual director called Dom Chapman who said, "Pray as you can, not as you can't," and discovering routines or quiet times and how to meditate or pray (an impossible business at times) has been largely intuitive. Having wiser companions and sounding boards, listeners and friends, has helped.
Most of the older spiritual traditions are monastic and that is tricky in itself although I tend to think a little monasticism isn't a bad response to our hectic, consumerist society. Making time both to pray and to reflect on prayer can be hard, our lives are often like (over-)crowded houses or a cascade of distractions and crises that throw us off balance.
I often think about the beginning of Ignatius of Loyala's contemplative life. He was a soldier recovering from a cannonball injury to his leg and unable to be active. He noticed that he had two different kinds of daydreams, a despised and trivialised activity then as now. If he daydreamed about winning battles, gaining glory and the passions of romantic chivalry, the dreams would leave him feeling empty and sad. If he daydreamed about the life of Christ and imagined himself giving up everything to follow Christ, he would be filled with reverence and on fire to get closer to God. The patterns of consolation and desolation and his new self-awareness is for me where we see a medieval mind take a great leap towards modern consciousness and the divided self, the oscillation between craving and aversion, and detachment along with discernment, the one-pointedness of focus and finding what is more important, choosing the greater good. In reality, my own 'journey' has been more of a circle or digressive set of reverses: perhaps God gives us what we need but don't want, rather than what we consciously want and feel we should need!
A lot of this resonates with me too, despite some reservations about some aspects of Ignatian practice.
I 'get' what he was trying to do, though. If I can put it that way.
I'm certainly not ascetic but living on my own now since my wife died and the Gamaliettes left home, I do think that a degree of 'domestic monasticism' is probably a helpful way to approach things - as well as unavoidable reality to some extent. If that isn't an oxymoron.
I may develop this theme at some point. It's work in progress.
I seem to have drawn inspiration from a wide range of traditions over the years, which seemed to meet my needs at the time... and parts of which re-emerge from time to time.
Currently, I have been drawing on yoga techniques alongside Taize prayer/worship, supported by liturgical frameworks put together by an Anglican priest friend, with elements from many different traditions.
As a footnote, I have been known to describe myself as a recovering bigot and a sacramentally-leaning progressive evangelical with charismatic tendencies.
@Gallovidian I suspect most of us have found eclectic combinations of faith practices and bodywork techniques the best way to move forward.
One discipline we haven't talked about in this thread has been the influence of reading theology, studying Koine Greek or doing serious Bible studies. I was fortunate (privileged) enough to do post-grad studies that opened the door to new perspectives, translations and questions. Last night a few of us met to plan out a short course we will be facilitating as an introduction to queer theology for our GenZ youth. I am thinking about going back to the work of Bernadette Brooten, the first theologian I read 30+ years ago on this topic. The question most often asked here from youngsters is, "Why was slavery considered normal and acceptable in the society of the gospel when same-sex love was stigmatised and suppressed?" Most of those attending will come, like myself, from backgrounds of slavery, the lineage of the Dutch East Indies forced-labour practices and those abducted from the Indian Ocean islands throughout the 19th century. All the surrounding farms and homesteads, pastures and vineyards were built and maintained by slaves and everywhere you go, there are slave bell towers as historical artefacts, graveyards for slaves renamed in exile, the remembered stories told by great-grandparents of being sold to tyrannical farmers or having their children sold and sent away to other provinces. The last slave sold to a farmer in the 1930s died in 1978 on a farm right above the village.
We'll also be looking at the household of Martha, Mary and Lazarus as non-patriarchal and 'different', a home where Jesus enjoyed hospitality and taught, where he returned to raise the bachelor brother Lazarus from the dead. There's so much well-researched and thoughtful queer literature available now on the Internet. Because so many families here are suffering with AIDS, multi-drug resistant tuberculosis and Long Covid, we are also looking at the differently-abled body, illness and health, the identity of the eunuch as defying stereotyped binaries and expressing gender-fluid ambiguity in search of a new freedom in Christ.
The theologies in our mainstream churches (majority Black) aren't conservative as such since there is emphasis on Black liberation theologies, but they are often out-of-date and unimaginative.
I spent far too long in a hyper-evangelical environment where serious Bible Study/theology was considered the work of the devil!
When I left that church - following a major implosion caused by the pastor's sexual misconduct - I resolved to study the Bible for myself, and began reading extensively, then enrolled on an MA course in Biblical Studies. Unfortunately, personal circumstances meant I was unable to complete the course, but the 3 units I did complete were very enlightening - particularly the Ethics element, where I did a dissertation on attitudes to homosexuality.
This goes some way to explaining why I call myself a Recovering Bigot - I have been some 25 years in recovery, and it's been a good few years since I last condemned anyone to Hell for their different interpretation of Scripture!
I seem to have drawn inspiration from a wide range of traditions over the years, which seemed to meet my needs at the time... and parts of which re-emerge from time to time.
Currently, I have been drawing on yoga techniques alongside Taize prayer/worship, supported by liturgical frameworks put together by an Anglican priest friend, with elements from many different traditions.
As a footnote, I have been known to describe myself as a recovering bigot and a sacramentally-leaning progressive evangelical with charismatic tendencies.
Probably quite a few Shipmates in that category.
On the 'bigotry' thing ... I'm pretty sure that plays out in different ways with all of us whether we are radical, liberal, conservative, traditionalist, reactionary or all points in between. I'm not sure any of us can be entirely free of it but it's something we all have to watch and work on.
Comments
Most of the older spiritual traditions are monastic and that is tricky in itself although I tend to think a little monasticism isn't a bad response to our hectic, consumerist society. Making time both to pray and to reflect on prayer can be hard, our lives are often like (over-)crowded houses or a cascade of distractions and crises that throw us off balance.
I often think about the beginning of Ignatius of Loyala's contemplative life. He was a soldier recovering from a cannonball injury to his leg and unable to be active. He noticed that he had two different kinds of daydreams, a despised and trivialised activity then as now. If he daydreamed about winning battles, gaining glory and the passions of romantic chivalry, the dreams would leave him feeling empty and sad. If he daydreamed about the life of Christ and imagined himself giving up everything to follow Christ, he would be filled with reverence and on fire to get closer to God. The patterns of consolation and desolation and his new self-awareness is for me where we see a medieval mind take a great leap towards modern consciousness and the divided self, the oscillation between craving and aversion, and detachment along with discernment, the one-pointedness of focus and finding what is more important, choosing the greater good. In reality, my own 'journey' has been more of a circle or digressive set of reverses: perhaps God gives us what we need but don't want, rather than what we consciously want and feel we should need!
I 'get' what he was trying to do, though. If I can put it that way.
I'm certainly not ascetic but living on my own now since my wife died and the Gamaliettes left home, I do think that a degree of 'domestic monasticism' is probably a helpful way to approach things - as well as unavoidable reality to some extent. If that isn't an oxymoron.
I may develop this theme at some point. It's work in progress.
Currently, I have been drawing on yoga techniques alongside Taize prayer/worship, supported by liturgical frameworks put together by an Anglican priest friend, with elements from many different traditions.
As a footnote, I have been known to describe myself as a recovering bigot and a sacramentally-leaning progressive evangelical with charismatic tendencies.
One discipline we haven't talked about in this thread has been the influence of reading theology, studying Koine Greek or doing serious Bible studies. I was fortunate (privileged) enough to do post-grad studies that opened the door to new perspectives, translations and questions. Last night a few of us met to plan out a short course we will be facilitating as an introduction to queer theology for our GenZ youth. I am thinking about going back to the work of Bernadette Brooten, the first theologian I read 30+ years ago on this topic. The question most often asked here from youngsters is, "Why was slavery considered normal and acceptable in the society of the gospel when same-sex love was stigmatised and suppressed?" Most of those attending will come, like myself, from backgrounds of slavery, the lineage of the Dutch East Indies forced-labour practices and those abducted from the Indian Ocean islands throughout the 19th century. All the surrounding farms and homesteads, pastures and vineyards were built and maintained by slaves and everywhere you go, there are slave bell towers as historical artefacts, graveyards for slaves renamed in exile, the remembered stories told by great-grandparents of being sold to tyrannical farmers or having their children sold and sent away to other provinces. The last slave sold to a farmer in the 1930s died in 1978 on a farm right above the village.
We'll also be looking at the household of Martha, Mary and Lazarus as non-patriarchal and 'different', a home where Jesus enjoyed hospitality and taught, where he returned to raise the bachelor brother Lazarus from the dead. There's so much well-researched and thoughtful queer literature available now on the Internet. Because so many families here are suffering with AIDS, multi-drug resistant tuberculosis and Long Covid, we are also looking at the differently-abled body, illness and health, the identity of the eunuch as defying stereotyped binaries and expressing gender-fluid ambiguity in search of a new freedom in Christ.
The theologies in our mainstream churches (majority Black) aren't conservative as such since there is emphasis on Black liberation theologies, but they are often out-of-date and unimaginative.
When I left that church - following a major implosion caused by the pastor's sexual misconduct - I resolved to study the Bible for myself, and began reading extensively, then enrolled on an MA course in Biblical Studies. Unfortunately, personal circumstances meant I was unable to complete the course, but the 3 units I did complete were very enlightening - particularly the Ethics element, where I did a dissertation on attitudes to homosexuality.
This goes some way to explaining why I call myself a Recovering Bigot - I have been some 25 years in recovery, and it's been a good few years since I last condemned anyone to Hell for their different interpretation of Scripture!
Probably quite a few Shipmates in that category.
On the 'bigotry' thing ... I'm pretty sure that plays out in different ways with all of us whether we are radical, liberal, conservative, traditionalist, reactionary or all points in between. I'm not sure any of us can be entirely free of it but it's something we all have to watch and work on.