Good parenting in 2024

[Deleted User]

I was reading the following article about the recent riots in England. I thought this was quite interesting. The DPP is the public prosecutor.

The DPP told the PA news agency: "We had an instance where a family marched their 14-year-old to the police station, having seen on social media that that individual had been involved in the disorder.

"And actually, we took the decision that the wrath that had been visited on that child by his parents was more effective than anything the criminal justice system could deliver."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj04qynvln5o

I was wondering what exactly the parents had done to scare the shit out of a 14 year old tearaway and whether this really was an example of good parenting. Presumably the adults were reacting to the reality that they had spectacularly missed supervising their own kid to the extent that they saw him on TV rioting.

What do you think?

Doublethink

I think it is worth noting they are contrasting that with situations where the parents basically considered the rioting a day out.

A week or so ago there was reporting on a case where the mother had gone on holiday to Ibiza when their son was due to be sentenced, the judge was furious they weren’t there to support their son, postponed the sentencing till her return and then fined her.

BroJames

I can imagine several scenarios where ‘young tearaway’ would be a harsh description, where parents might quite easily and reasonably not know what he was doing, and where the telling off, and his response, was not because they did something to ‘scare the shit out of’ him.

[Deleted User]

BroJames wrote: »

I can imagine several scenarios where ‘young tearaway’ would be a harsh description, where parents might quite easily and reasonably not know what he was doing, and where the telling off, and his response, was not because they did something to ‘scare the shit out of’ him.

Well the word used was wrath. Not mine, the DPP.

Also calling someone who was involved in racist riots a tearaway was quite mild, the scarequotes were totally unnecessary.

He was a rioting little shit who, at very least, supported verbally those involved in racist criminal intent.

Zoe

Pulling the 'I'm a children's social worker' card - I don't think any childcare professionals (i.e. me and colleagues) would expect a typical 14-year-old in 21st century Britain to be supervised all the time. It's normal for a teenager of that age to be able to go out for a couple of hours without direct adult supervision. He might have told his parents he was meeting up with friends, or similar. Part of good parenting of a teenager involves allowing them to develop some independence (but still being there to mop up / read the riot act* if it goes wrong).

(* pun not planned, but noted and still left in ...)

Leorning Cniht

KoF wrote: »

Presumably the adults were reacting to the reality that they had spectacularly missed supervising their own kid to the extent that they saw him on TV rioting.

What do you think?

I think you're full of shit.

Most 14 year olds are entirely capable of being unsupervised for many hours at a time. When I was 14, I would walk or cycle in to town to shop, or to meet friends. I was also spending weekends away in the company of young adult friends pursuing some of my exceptionally geeky pastimes, but that bit's a bit less usual.

These riots were in the school summer holidays. Parents going to work and leaving their teen kids on their own is normal. Most teen kids in this situation don't go out and riot.

I don't know to what extent this kid is a "racist-supporting little shit", and to what extent he made some unwise choices and got carried along for the ride. But I think your suggestion that parents should have continuous eyes on their teenagers is absurd.

[Deleted User]

Leorning Cniht wrote: »

KoF wrote: »

Presumably the adults were reacting to the reality that they had spectacularly missed supervising their own kid to the extent that they saw him on TV rioting.

What do you think?

I think you're full of shit.

Most 14 year olds are entirely capable of being unsupervised for many hours at a time. When I was 14, I would walk or cycle in to town to shop, or to meet friends. I was also spending weekends away in the company of young adult friends pursuing some of my exceptionally geeky pastimes, but that bit's a bit less usual.

These riots were in the school summer holidays. Parents going to work and leaving their teen kids on their own is normal. Most teen kids in this situation don't go out and riot.

I don't know to what extent this kid is a "racist-supporting little shit", and to what extent he made some unwise choices and got carried along for the ride. But I think your suggestion that parents should have continuous eyes on their teenagers is absurd.

First of all, your scare-quotes of "racist-supporting little shit" are not actually what I wrote. So maybe next time quote accurately those of my words that you disagree with. If they're not my words kindly don't use quotes to suggest they are.

Second of all, I didn't say or think that parents should have continuous eyes on their 14 year old. There's a big bulging difference between constant supervision and the supervision that is necessary to know when your teenager might be involved in a racist riot.

Third of all, you are underplaying the reality that the DPP has suggested that this kid would have been prosecuted if his parents hadn't been this angry. So no, it wasn't just that this kid was seen at the edge of a mob doing nothing. And no it wasn't just some unwise choices.

Finally, for all those reasons I think it is you that are full of shit.

la vie en rouge

Hostly beret on

@KoF @Leorning Cniht the above are personal attacks. Desist or take it to hell please.

Hostly beret off

la vie en rouge, Purgatory host

Zoe

KoF wrote: »

Second of all, I didn't say or think that parents should have continuous eyes on their 14 year old. There's a big bulging difference between constant supervision and the supervision that is necessary to know when your teenager might be involved in a racist riot.

Eh?

Teenager: Mum, dad, I'm going into town for a bit with [Friend], I'll be back about 5-ish.
Parents: Ok.

How is the above inappropriate supervision for a typical modern teen? And how are the parents meant to know if (1) teen is failing to disclose a plan to join a riot, or (2) on meeting with friend or getting into town, teen is swept up in the idea of joining in with a riot (utilising typical teen poor decision-making, tendency to succumb to peer pressure, etc)?

Leorning Cniht

(Sorry, @KoF and @la vie en rouge, for getting unnecessarily personal.)

KoF wrote: »

Third of all, you are underplaying the reality that the DPP has suggested that this kid would have been prosecuted if his parents hadn't been this angry. So no, it wasn't just that this kid was seen at the edge of a mob doing nothing. And no it wasn't just some unwise choices.

So one of the features of being 14 is that it's easy to get carried away in the moment. Mobs are seductive things. When you're surrounded by a group of people doing something, it's easy to get carried away and do something that you wouldn't normally do - particularly as regards thowing things, smashing windows, and similar actions. So I find it quite possible that a teenager could end up doing something worthy of prosecution merely as the result of a series of unwise choices.

With regard to "knowing whether or not your teenager might be at a racist riot", we are not told what the parents knew or were told. But I'd suggest that a 14 year old planning to go to his mate Johnny's house to play video games, or hanging out with his mates in the early evening, is well within the sort of activities that typical 14 year olds have the freedom to do. I'm assuming the child in question didn't leave the house saying "I'm off to throw rocks at a mosque. Don't wait up."

Ruth

What's a "tearaway" in this context? Hellion? Delinquent?

BroJames

Hellion, maybe, though it’s not a word I’m familiar with. Oxford Dictionary resources online offer “hooligan” and “a person who behaves in a wild or reckless manner”.

Alan29

When I was a high school teacher in inner city Liverpool threatening to phone parents was like water off a ducks back. But the threat to phone Nan (grandma) would have them quaking in their boots.

Caissa

I just ran across this news article on lighthouse parenting. Never heard the term before today.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/lighthouse-parenting-1.7332097

Gramps49

By my Adlerian training, the parents marching their 14-year-old to the police station is exactly what they should do. When my one son was 14, he got into a couple of things he should not have done. Both times, I allowed him to experience the consequences of his actions. In one case, he was supposed to do some community service. I did help him line that up.

Good show.

Telford

KoF wrote: »

I was reading the following article about the recent riots in England. I thought this was quite interesting. The DPP is the public prosecutor.

The DPP told the PA news agency: "We had an instance where a family marched their 14-year-old to the police station, having seen on social media that that individual had been involved in the disorder.

"And actually, we took the decision that the wrath that had been visited on that child by his parents was more effective than anything the criminal justice system could deliver."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj04qynvln5o

I was wondering what exactly the parents had done to scare the shit out of a 14 year old tearaway and whether this really was an example of good parenting. Presumably the adults were reacting to the reality that they had spectacularly missed supervising their own kid to the extent that they saw him on TV rioting.

What do you think?

I think it was a good example of good parenting.

carex

At age 30 I suddenly found myself with (step-) children aged 14 and 9. To deal with the situation, I decided that the role of a parent was to see that their children survived the process of growing to adulthood. Too little care, and they might not survive. Too much care, and they won’t grow up.

We now use that approach with the next generation: we’re happy to treat them as adults, rather than children, as long as are willing to act that way. They love it.

Taking a 14-year-old down to the police station to face the consequences of his actions seems like a perfectly appropriate parental role. What worries me about the story is what came before that, the detail that we don’t know about how the parents treated the boy. That may have crossed the line.

Caissa

This CBC article speaks a bit of how "good parenting" is requiring a large outlay of resources to assist children in recovering from the academic and social losses while schools were closed during the pandemic.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/five-years-after-covid19-impact-students-1.7488943