Hellmark Greeting Cards

Gill H

This came out of a surreal discussion between @Hugal and myself. I wondered whether to post it in the 'Roses are red...' thread but I think it could be different enough.

Your task is to compose a suitable sentiment for a greetings card or small gift - the sort of thing that appears on cross stitched samplers or little plaques in the kitchen. But... as if you were the author of one of those 'hellfire and brimstone' tracts.

So for example:

Hope your birthday's really swell!
What a shame you're going to Hell!

A present for a grandma
Who loves to knit and stitch
I think you'd better burn her
She's probably a witch

Here's wishing you a wedding day
That's full of joy and hope
Unfortunately you're both damned
Because you like the Pope!

Over to you, Shipmates.

ChastMastr

The pen hath writ, the pages turn
What a shame you're gonna burn!
Happy birthday!

Bishops Finger

Here's wishing you a happy divorce,
Even though you break God's laws!

Hedgehog

Another year around the sun, you see.
Just remember: you're not immune to entropy.
Happy Birthday!

Schroedingers Cat

The Good Lord has blessed you
with all your wealth
And family too
all in good health
You are all going to burn
despite all your stealth.....
The sin of Empathy
On February the Twelfth

RockyRoger

At sixty, you can still draw breath?
Bring on old age, incontinence and death!

Bishops Finger

RockyRoger wrote: »

At sixty, you can still draw breath?
Bring on old age, incontinence and death!

Miffy

Congratulations on your pension
But oh - we just forgot to mention
The envelope marked HMRC,
A taxing business you’ll agree.

Miffy

Miffy wrote: »

Congratulations on your pension
But oh - we just forgot to mention
The envelope marked HMRC,
A taxing business you’ll agree.

Alternative last line: A hellish business you’ll agree!