Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Is that a war report or the score in a football match? :mrgreen:
  • Cricket!
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    Cricket!

    No wonder it made no sense.
    :wink:

  • Root strikes to leave Afghanistan four down - BBC.

    No carrot nor turnip should be allowed to attack an Afghan Barbershop Quartet.

  • For those who may not know (or care), Joe Root is an English cricketer.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ah - enlightenment! :smiley:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2019
    Were I an avid fan of the Gryllidae family, I'd undoubtedly root [US English meaning] for Joe! :)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Piglet wrote: »
    Ah - enlightenment! :smiley:
    Indeed! And before having seen your post on this 'ere 'Headlines' thread! Great minds! :D
  • ZacchaeusZacchaeus Shipmate
    Thug who fired submachine gun towards cops caught dealing cocaine

    -Cops dealing cocaine - really - or is it a case of missing punctuation
  • Misplaced modifier, my 10th grade English teacher used to call it.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Zacchaeus wrote: »
    Thug who fired submachine gun towards cops caught dealing cocaine [...]
    Or a truly multitasking thug - fires gun and deals drugs at the same time.

  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Zacchaeus wrote: »
    Thug who fired submachine gun towards cops caught dealing cocaine [...]
    Or a truly multitasking thug - fires gun and deals drugs at the same time.

    I think that's called "shooting-up."

    And, from the National Weather Service a few minutes ago, a warning of bad storms approaching -

    * At 256 PM EDT, a severe thunderstorm was located over Scotland,
    moving northeast at 40 mph.
    Must be a hell-of-a-storm, with tornado tendencies. Scotland isn't terribly far away; the one in southern Pennsylvania, that is, where I'm located. The other Scotland is a much farther drive.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A thunderstorm with wanderlust?

    There are several places in New Brunswick that share their names with places in England, and when we were driving here for the first time, on seeing a sign saying "Sheffield", we said "that must have been quite a wrong turning ..."
  • Not a headline, but a TV ad for the following product:

    Wooden dog leash holder

    Why would a wooden dog need a leash, let alone a holder for it?
  • ZacchaeusZacchaeus Shipmate
    'When an alligator breaks into your house at night'

    This sounds weird but it's actually true!! - BBC news website reports that an elderly lady in Florida found an 11ft alligator in her kitchen...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited June 2019
    One (well, me...) wonders if she used a wooden dog leash holder to defend herself!

    BTW - The video on the BBC site says: 'In 2018, 8000 alligators were removed from Florida homes'!!
  • She could have yelled "Sic 'em!" at the wooden dog until she was blue in the face, but it wouldn't have done her any good. Even if it were a live dog, it probably would have been wooden with fear at the sight of an 11' alligator. They do eat dogs, you know.

    Of course, she could have bopped the alligator over the bean with that wooden dog of hers -- provided she got the leash off the holder in time.
  • ZacchaeusZacchaeus Shipmate
    Again from the BBC

    Fracas at Noss Mayo bell-ringing competition over parking.

    It's no good if you can't park you bells... or maybe they didn't have their wooden dog leash holder handy
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Some people even park their knives where they shouldn't! - Just now on the Independent's front page:
    Teeanger charged with murder after Liverpool city centre stabbing

    Stab back in anger?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    How do you even stab a city centre in the first place? I mean stone, metal, concrete...not a whole lot of use stabbing that.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited June 2019
    Quite. - And Teeanger (sic)? Equals 'Infuriated from Teesside'? A person? Or is it a golf-themed crime? But can they incriminate an emotion?
  • It's presumably when someone nips out of the clubhouse behind you but just overtakes you on the way to the first tee. I man, that's simply Not Cricket! (You can see I don't play the game).
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Guardian:
    Dogs mirror stress levels of owners, researchers find
    Actually, I first read this as something like: 'Dog mirrors stress (out) lots of owners'. - Rearview mirrors for dogs? Why not! :)
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited June 2019
    After all, if you're a dog being taken to the dog beautician, or even just to be clipped, you need to be able to see what your significant humans are inflicting upon you.

    Especially if you're a poodle.
  • Would a dogs' mirror help them see their dogs' breakfasts?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited June 2019
    :D

    More from The Guardian, the source that keeps giving:
    Scientists split as genetics lab scales down animal tests
  • This might interest a certain Shipmate:

    Spot yourself at new Piglet, Junior Hog mud obstacle course (from the "Ipswich Star").
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    If it is a mud obstacle course, it would be tough not to get a few spots on you.
  • From the Malvern Gazette jobs search ads:
    Supply Chain Trainer, full time

    Now, I know that you cannot push a chain, nor a rope, but evidently a break-through has been made in this area, and there is plenty of work available. I bet you can demand a high salary for training chains.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited June 2019
    No, no - a Supply Chain is one which takes the place of a regular chain when it's sick, obviously they need to be trained for the role. Flexibility is key!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    This might interest a certain Shipmate:

    Spot yourself at new Piglet, Junior Hog mud obstacle course (from the "Ipswich Star").
    😨🐖🐷

    Would that be a Gloucester Old Spot piglet, by any chance?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited June 2019
    Once again, the Grauniad has it:
    Football Arsenal academy coach banned for language to U-9s referee
    Language, eh? - Too much of a change from all that footy gesticulating? Your typical player can either play, or use language, but clearly not both at the same time?

    (Actually, the article appears to be about 'abusive' language ...!)

  • TheOrganistTheOrganist Shipmate
    edited June 2019
    Of great moment to locals there is the headline End of the road for Hereford bypass.

    And I'd like to think this is a typo but you never know.
  • I'd like to think this is a typo but you never know.

    Sorry, you lost me on that one.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I'd like to think this is a typo but you never know.

    Sorry, you lost me on that one.

    "Permission grated..." To be honest, usually permissions get shredded, but I 'spose grating would work.
  • Only if they're written on hard cheese.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A bit cheesy is this headline, once more from the Grauniad, which raises the question: Was this a self-driving phone, or one of the more conventional ride-on ones?
    Cyclist who knocked over woman on phone must pay up to £100,000
  • From the BBC website: Rogue slug blamed for Japanese railway chaos. Apparently it got into an electrical cabinet and shorted out the signals.
  • Call Miss Amanda a hopelessly old-fashioned prude, but there was a time when this would have not made the headlines.
  • From BBC website: "Rafters accidentally plunge over waterfall". Presumably the roofing tiles sank to the bottom.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Good one! :D
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From BBC website: "Rafters accidentally plunge over waterfall". Presumably the roofing tiles sank to the bottom.
    :flushed: I saw that headline but did not bother to read the article: I just assumed it meant building rafters!! Color me embarrassed.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    According to one search engine, other news outlets were having a field day: :)
    'No, no, no!' Plunge over Pennsylvania waterfall spills six rafters ... (The Sacramento Bee)
    or
    Pennsylvania rafters rescued after being tossed over waterfall ... (Fox News)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Washington Post:
    Head of Planned Parenthood forced out after eight months

    That's a heck of a long birth, that is!
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    From the Washington Post:
    Head of Planned Parenthood forced out after eight months

    That's a heck of a long birth, that is!

    Or a somewhat abbreviated pregnancy.
  • Or else the delivery is going to take a very long time ...
  • Not exactly a headline - but at the supermarket checkout today I was offered a voucher for "Half-price gourmet flavoured yoghurt". I declined, but perhaps I should have accepted: I've often wondered what gourmets taste like.
  • edited July 2019
    Rather fatty, I should think.

    Reminds me of a sign posted in a deli window some time ago: FRESHLY GROUNDED COFFEE

    None of those pesky static discharges in my joe, thank you very much.
  • I thought it had been sassy?
  • That too. No car, smartphone or computer for you for two weeks!
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