Limerick

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  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    There was a Young Lady from Dudley
    Whose street was remarkably puddly
    Into the puddles fell poodles
    And folk eating noodles
    But the Council was quite rudely muddly.
    In a Dudley street, full of potholes
  • In a Dudley street, full of potholes
    Created by numerous moles
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    In a Dudley street, full of potholes
    Created by numerous moles
    We must watch our steps
    Or we might break our necks
    And that isn't good for our souls.


    One night, as I gazed on the moon

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    One night, as I gazed on the moon
    It morphed into some sorta prune


  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    One night, as I gazed on the moon
    It morphed into some sorta prune


    It was so rich in fibre
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    One night, as I gazed on the moon
    It morphed into some sorta prune
    It was so rich in fibre
    It flooded the Tiber

  • One night, as I gazed on the moon
    It morphed into some sorta prune
    It was so rich in fibre
    It flooded the Tiber
    And turned all the water quite broon...
    There was an Old Man with an Axe
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    :lol:

    There was an Old Man with an Axe
    Who said, "What my life really lacks

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There was an Old Man with an Axe
    Who said, "What my life really lacks
    Is plenty of heads
    Like my brother Ned's
    That I can cheerfully put in these sacks".


    A comic on stage telling jokes
    To a po-faced phalanx of folks
    Tried upping his chance
    By dropping his pants
    But at that the folks soaked him with yolks.


    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone


  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone
    When it came to the wine
    His aim was sublime

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone
    But the wine fell from high
    And the wafers were dry
    To the Northern Cone he's now on loan.
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone
    With the drone droning on
    All the faithful were gone
    Sad Communion now he had alone.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    (Sorry, missed that, but this one's really quite promising, with so many options!)

    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone
    When it came to the wine
    His aim was sublime
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who delivered Communion by drone
    When it came to the wine
    His aim was sublime
    But the bread went right out of the zone.

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
    Who declared the Malvinas his own
    The Argentine mob
    Yelled "Who is this yob?"
    And skinned him right down to the bone.




  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Enough of all this southern stuff ... :mrgreen:

    There once was a bloke from the North
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a bloke from the North
    Descended from Henry IV
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There once was a bloke from the North
    Descended from Henry IV
    His home was in Kirkwall
  • There once was a bloke from the North
    Descended from Henry IV
    His home was in Kirkwall
    His car was a Merc, y'all!
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a bloke from the North
    Descended from Henry IV
    His home was in Kirkwall
    His car was a Merc, y'all!
    And he sat there all day playing Gorf

    Early 80s arcade game



  • There was a young lady from Ryde
    Who swam in the sea at high tide
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There was a young lady from Ryde
    Who swam in the sea at high tide
    But the Isle of Wight Ferry
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a young lady from Ryde
    Who swam in the sea at high tide
    But the Isle of Wight Ferry
    And her pert derriere-ee
    Were fated by God to collide.

  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Spike wrote: »
    There was a young lady from Ryde
    Who swam in the sea at high tide
    But the Isle of Wight Ferry

    Alas, the sight was not merry
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    [@GeeD's last entry rhymes like a fourth line, but scans like a fifth line. I'll take the liberty of a re-arrangement.]

    There was a young lady from Ryde
    Who swam in the sea at high tide
    But the sight was not merry
    For the Isle of Wight Ferry
    Sprayed barnacles over her hide.



  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Thanks - and I like your last line
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There was a young lady from Shanklin
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a young lady from Shanklin
    Who fell down and fractured her ankle in
    Seventeen places

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was a young lady from Shanklin
    Who fell down and fractured her ankle in
    Seventeen places
    And now for the races
    She's bottom of all in the rankin'.




  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    ^ Nice.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a girl from the Borders
    Who signed up for Anglican orders
    With her habit all quilted
    She promptly un-kilted
    And was hauled off to jail by her warders.
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host


    When out for the night on a date
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    When out for the night on a date
    I noticed a fly on my plate

  • When out for the night on a date
    I noticed a fly on my plate
    To the waiter I said
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    When out for the night on a date
    I noticed a fly on my plate
    To the waiter I said
    (as I squashed it, stone dead)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    When out for the night on a date
    I noticed a fly on my plate
    To the waiter I said
    (as I squashed it, stone dead)
    "With some port, this would really be great."

  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was once a small tortoise called Ron
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was once a small tortoise called Ron
    Who had some quite horrible spawn


  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was once a small tortoise called Ron
    Who had some quite horrible spawn
    They decked out their shells
    With deafening bells





  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was once a small tortoise called Ron
    Who had some quite horrible spawn
    They decked out their shells
    With deafening bells
    And foxtrotted over my lawn.

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host


    We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
    And our lawn looks like we're making hay
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
    And our lawn looks like we're making hay
    The weeds and the thistles

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
    And our lawn looks like we're making hay
    The weeds and the thistles
    Are writing epistles


  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
    And our lawn looks like we're making hay
    The weeds and the thistles
    Are writing epistles
    To banish the mammals away.



  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    The Girl Guides who sell me my cookies
    Have a side hustle going as bookies
    They sold me some snacks
    And then hauled out an ax
    To settle my debt(they're no rookies).

  • There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
    Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
    Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
    They said, "Best talk proper
    Or you'll come a cropper

  • There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
    Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
    They said, "Best talk proper,
    Or you'll come a cropper,
    And wish you had never been born".
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    A woman from Mornington Crescent
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