There was a Young Lady from Dudley
Whose street was remarkably puddly
Into the puddles fell poodles
And folk eating noodles
But the Council was quite rudely muddly.
In a Dudley street, full of potholes
In a Dudley street, full of potholes
Created by numerous moles
We must watch our steps
Or we might break our necks
And that isn't good for our souls.
One night, as I gazed on the moon
One night, as I gazed on the moon
It morphed into some sorta prune
It was so rich in fibre
It flooded the Tiber
And turned all the water quite broon...
There was an Old Man with an Axe
There was an Old Man with an Axe
Who said, "What my life really lacks
Is plenty of heads
Like my brother Ned's
That I can cheerfully put in these sacks".
A comic on stage telling jokes
To a po-faced phalanx of folks
Tried upping his chance
By dropping his pants
But at that the folks soaked him with yolks.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
But the wine fell from high
And the wafers were dry
To the Northern Cone he's now on loan.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
With the drone droning on
All the faithful were gone
Sad Communion now he had alone.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
When it came to the wine
His aim was sublime
But the bread went right out of the zone.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who declared the Malvinas his own
The Argentine mob
Yelled "Who is this yob?"
And skinned him right down to the bone.
There once was a bloke from the North
Descended from Henry IV
His home was in Kirkwall
His car was a Merc, y'all!
And he sat there all day playing Gorf
[@GeeD's last entry rhymes like a fourth line, but scans like a fifth line. I'll take the liberty of a re-arrangement.]
There was a young lady from Ryde
Who swam in the sea at high tide
But the sight was not merry
For the Isle of Wight Ferry
Sprayed barnacles over her hide.
There was a young lady from Shanklin
Who fell down and fractured her ankle in
Seventeen places
And now for the races
She's bottom of all in the rankin'.
There once was a girl from the Borders
Who signed up for Anglican orders
With her habit all quilted
She promptly un-kilted
And was hauled off to jail by her warders.
When out for the night on a date
I noticed a fly on my plate
To the waiter I said
(as I squashed it, stone dead)
"With some port, this would really be great."
There was once a small tortoise called Ron
Who had some quite horrible spawn
They decked out their shells
With deafening bells
And foxtrotted over my lawn.
We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
And our lawn looks like we're making hay
The weeds and the thistles
Are writing epistles
To banish the mammals away.
The Girl Guides who sell me my cookies
Have a side hustle going as bookies
They sold me some snacks
And then hauled out an ax
To settle my debt(they're no rookies).
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
They said, "Best talk proper,
Or you'll come a cropper,
And wish you had never been born".
Comments
Whose street was remarkably puddly
Into the puddles fell poodles
And folk eating noodles
But the Council was quite rudely muddly.
In a Dudley street, full of potholes
Created by numerous moles
Created by numerous moles
We must watch our steps
Or we might break our necks
And that isn't good for our souls.
One night, as I gazed on the moon
It morphed into some sorta prune
It was so rich in fibre
It morphed into some sorta prune
It was so rich in fibre
It flooded the Tiber
It morphed into some sorta prune
It was so rich in fibre
It flooded the Tiber
And turned all the water quite broon...
There was an Old Man with an Axe
There was an Old Man with an Axe
Who said, "What my life really lacks
Who said, "What my life really lacks
Is plenty of heads
Like my brother Ned's
That I can cheerfully put in these sacks".
A comic on stage telling jokes
To a po-faced phalanx of folks
Tried upping his chance
By dropping his pants
But at that the folks soaked him with yolks.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
Who delivered Communion by drone
When it came to the wine
His aim was sublime
Who delivered Communion by drone
But the wine fell from high
And the wafers were dry
To the Northern Cone he's now on loan.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
With the drone droning on
All the faithful were gone
Sad Communion now he had alone.
There's a Bishop of the Southern Cone
Who delivered Communion by drone
When it came to the wine
His aim was sublime
Who delivered Communion by drone
When it came to the wine
His aim was sublime
But the bread went right out of the zone.
Who declared the Malvinas his own
The Argentine mob
Yelled "Who is this yob?"
And skinned him right down to the bone.
There once was a bloke from the North
Descended from Henry IV
Descended from Henry IV
His home was in Kirkwall
Descended from Henry IV
His home was in Kirkwall
His car was a Merc, y'all!
Descended from Henry IV
His home was in Kirkwall
His car was a Merc, y'all!
And he sat there all day playing Gorf
Who swam in the sea at high tide
Who swam in the sea at high tide
But the Isle of Wight Ferry
Who swam in the sea at high tide
But the Isle of Wight Ferry
And her pert derriere-ee
Were fated by God to collide.
Alas, the sight was not merry
There was a young lady from Ryde
Who swam in the sea at high tide
But the sight was not merry
For the Isle of Wight Ferry
Sprayed barnacles over her hide.
Who fell down and fractured her ankle in
Seventeen places
Who fell down and fractured her ankle in
Seventeen places
And now for the races
She's bottom of all in the rankin'.
Who signed up for Anglican orders
With her habit all quilted
She promptly un-kilted
And was hauled off to jail by her warders.
When out for the night on a date
I noticed a fly on my plate
I noticed a fly on my plate
To the waiter I said
I noticed a fly on my plate
To the waiter I said
(as I squashed it, stone dead)
I noticed a fly on my plate
To the waiter I said
(as I squashed it, stone dead)
"With some port, this would really be great."
Who had some quite horrible spawn
Who had some quite horrible spawn
They decked out their shells
With deafening bells
Who had some quite horrible spawn
They decked out their shells
With deafening bells
And foxtrotted over my lawn.
We're doing that thing, "No Mow May"
And our lawn looks like we're making hay
And our lawn looks like we're making hay
The weeds and the thistles
And our lawn looks like we're making hay
The weeds and the thistles
Are writing epistles
And our lawn looks like we're making hay
The weeds and the thistles
Are writing epistles
To banish the mammals away.
Have a side hustle going as bookies
They sold me some snacks
And then hauled out an ax
To settle my debt(they're no rookies).
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn
Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
They said, "Best talk proper
Or you'll come a cropper
Who couldn’t say ‘gone’ but said ‘gorn’
They said, "Best talk proper,
Or you'll come a cropper,
And wish you had never been born".