There was an Old Man with a Bull
Who sheared it to try to get wool
The Bull was quite cross
And so gave him a toss
Which left the man's underpants full.
A shepherd surveying his flock
Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock
And watch as they drown
Then move into town
And wear jackets instead of a smock.
There once was a dowager duchess
Who let out a guttural Dutch hiss
When told that her daughter
Was a hospital porter
Who spent a million each year, or not much less
There was an Old Abbot of Mons
Who fancied himself as The Fonz
But, sadly, his friends
All came to sad ends
But he still jumps the sharks in the ponds.
A singer on Britain's Got Talent
Sang a song that was moving and gallant
But his dancing was such
That he didn't score much
In fact he became quite unbalanced...
There once was a government boffin
Charged with designing a minister's coffin
They took him to court
For he made it too short
But they still chose to dump the old toff in.
There was a once an infant called Fred
Who refused to get up out of bed
He slept until three
Then got up for tea
And then back to bed, rather well fed.
Comments
There was an Old Man with a Cow
Who couldn’t seem to find out how
To pull an udder
Without a shudder
Who couldn’t seem to find out how
To pull at an udder
Without a shudder.
The Cow kicked, at which he cried ‘Ow!’
There was an Old Man with a Bull
Who sheared it to try to get wool
Who sheared it to try to get wool
The Bull was quite cross
And so gave him a toss
Who sheared it to try to get wool
The Bull was quite cross
And so gave him a toss
Which left the man's underpants full.
Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock"
Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock
And watch as they drown
Then move into town...
Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock
And watch as they drown
Then move into town
And wear jackets instead of a smock.
Our internet had a funny five minutes so I couldn't go back to add the missing speech marks or provide the necessary
Who let out a guttural Dutch hiss
Who spent a million each year, or not much less
Who let out a guttural Dutch hiss
When told that her daughter
Was a hospital porter
Who spent a million each year, or not much less
Neatly done @BroJames!
There was an Old Abbot of Mons
Who fancied himself as The Fonz
Who fancied himself as The Fonz
But, sadly, his friends
All came to sad ends
Who fancied himself as The Fonz
But, sadly, his friends
All came to sad ends
But he still jumps the sharks in the ponds.
Found an elephant turd in his stew
Said the waiter “don’t shout
And don’t wave it about
Or the others will all want one too”
A reality-show on TV
Is truly appalling to see
Is truly appalling to see
The lies and the lust
Turn our morals to rust
Is truly appalling to see
The lies and the lust
Turn our morals to rust
But compared to my parish, it's twee.
Sang a song that was moving and gallant
Sang a song that was moving and gallant
But his dancing was such
Sang a song that was moving and gallant
But his dancing was such
That he didn't score much
Sang a song that was moving and gallant
But his dancing was such
That he didn't score much
In fact he became quite unbalanced...
Who wanted to move north to Beccles
*this is the village in Kent, not the town formerly in Lancashire and now in Salford
There was a young lady from Eccles* (see above - the one in Kent)
Who wanted to move north to Beccles
She made it to Bungay
Who wanted to move north to Beccles
She made it to Bungay
One very hot Sunday
And ended up covered in freckles.
Charged with designing a minister's coffin.
Charged with designing a minister's coffin
They took him to court
For he made it too short
Charged with designing a minister's coffin
They took him to court
For he made it too short
But they still chose to dump the old toff in.
There was an Old Man who was dead
And whose coffin was made out of lead
And whose coffin was made out of lead
So the termites and worms
And various germs
Munched on his neighbour instead.
Would all like to see me cremated
Would all like to see me cremated
Lest they have their wish
I’ll be feeding the fish
Drowned, not incinerated.
Who refused to get up out of bed
Who refused to get up out of bed
He slept until three
Then got up for tea
Who refused to get up out of bed
He slept until three
Then got up for tea
And then back to bed, rather well fed.
There once was an infant called Fred
Who refused to get up out of bed
He slept until three
Then got up for tea
And then back to bed, rather well fed.
A Lady of old Samarkand
There once was a snarly young teen
A Lady of old Samarkand
Once met a snarly young teen and
Once met a snarly young teen and
They got on so well
They said, "What the hell"