Limerick

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  • There was an Old Man with a Cow
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was an Old Man with a Cow
    Who couldn’t seem to find out how
    To pull an udder
    Without a shudder


  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was an Old Man with a Cow
    Who couldn’t seem to find out how
    To pull at an udder
    Without a shudder.
    The Cow kicked, at which he cried ‘Ow!’

  • There was an Old Man with a Bull
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Man with a Bull
    Who sheared it to try to get wool

  • There was an Old Man with a Bull
    Who sheared it to try to get wool
    The Bull was quite cross
    And so gave him a toss
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Man with a Bull
    Who sheared it to try to get wool
    The Bull was quite cross
    And so gave him a toss
    Which left the man's underpants full.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A shepherd surveying his flock
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A shepherd surveying his flock
    Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock"

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A shepherd surveying his flock
    Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock
    And watch as they drown
    Then move into town...

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    A shepherd surveying his flock
    Said: "I'll herd 'em all down to the dock
    And watch as they drown
    Then move into town
    And wear jackets instead of a smock.

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    @Nenya

    Good one. Subtle, but fits the narrative.
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There once was a dowager duchess
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    @stetson - thank you. :smile:

    Our internet had a funny five minutes so I couldn't go back to add the missing speech marks or provide the necessary

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There once was a dowager duchess
    Who let out a guttural Dutch hiss

  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There once was a dowager duchess
    Who spent a million each year, or not much less
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There once was a dowager duchess
    Who let out a guttural Dutch hiss
    When told that her daughter
    Was a hospital porter
    Who spent a million each year, or not much less
  • :wink:

    Neatly done @BroJames!
    There was an Old Abbot of Mons
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was an Old Abbot of Mons
    Who fancied himself as The Fonz
  • There was an Old Abbot of Mons
    Who fancied himself as The Fonz
    But, sadly, his friends
    All came to sad ends
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Abbot of Mons
    Who fancied himself as The Fonz
    But, sadly, his friends
    All came to sad ends
    But he still jumps the sharks in the ponds.



  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    A diner in old Timbuctoo
    Found an elephant turd in his stew
    Said the waiter “don’t shout
    And don’t wave it about
    Or the others will all want one too”
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate

    A reality-show on TV
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    A reality-show on TV
    Is truly appalling to see
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A reality-show on TV
    Is truly appalling to see
    The lies and the lust
    Turn our morals to rust

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A reality-show on TV
    Is truly appalling to see
    The lies and the lust
    Turn our morals to rust
    But compared to my parish, it's twee.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A singer on Britain's Got Talent
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    A singer on Britain's Got Talent
    Sang a song that was moving and gallant

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    A singer on Britain's Got Talent
    Sang a song that was moving and gallant
    But his dancing was such
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    A singer on Britain's Got Talent
    Sang a song that was moving and gallant
    But his dancing was such
    That he didn't score much

  • A singer on Britain's Got Talent
    Sang a song that was moving and gallant
    But his dancing was such
    That he didn't score much
    In fact he became quite unbalanced...
  • There was a young lady from Eccles*
    Who wanted to move north to Beccles

    *this is the village in Kent, not the town formerly in Lancashire and now in Salford
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate

    There was a young lady from Eccles* (see above - the one in Kent)
    Who wanted to move north to Beccles
    She made it to Bungay
  • There was a young lady from Eccles
    Who wanted to move north to Beccles
    She made it to Bungay
    One very hot Sunday
    And ended up covered in freckles.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a government boffin
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    There once was a government boffin
    Charged with designing a minister's coffin.
  • There once was a government boffin
    Charged with designing a minister's coffin
    They took him to court
    For he made it too short
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a government boffin
    Charged with designing a minister's coffin
    They took him to court
    For he made it too short
    But they still chose to dump the old toff in.


  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022

    There was an Old Man who was dead
    And whose coffin was made out of lead
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Man who was dead
    And whose coffin was made out of lead
    So the termites and worms
    And various germs
    Munched on his neighbour instead.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    The numerous women I've dated
    Would all like to see me cremated
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    The numerous women I've dated
    Would all like to see me cremated
    Lest they have their wish
    I’ll be feeding the fish
    Drowned, not incinerated.
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was a once an infant called Fred
    Who refused to get up out of bed
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was a once an infant called Fred
    Who refused to get up out of bed
    He slept until three
    Then got up for tea
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There was a once an infant called Fred
    Who refused to get up out of bed
    He slept until three
    Then got up for tea
    And then back to bed, rather well fed.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    [Taking the liberty of correcting the typo that got replicated with each pasting of the opening line]

    There once was an infant called Fred
    Who refused to get up out of bed
    He slept until three
    Then got up for tea
    And then back to bed, rather well fed.


  • That's better!
    :wink:
    A Lady of old Samarkand
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022


    There once was a snarly young teen
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    We could try this:

    A Lady of old Samarkand
    Once met a snarly young teen and
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    A Lady of old Samarkand
    Once met a snarly young teen and
    They got on so well
    They said, "What the hell"
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