Today I Consign To Hell -the All Saints version

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  • Oh, go on - you know you want to.
  • I write while on hold on the phone with the bank waiting for a human to tell me what they are doing about the fraudulent charges on our account that I reported a week ago. I offer them assisted passage to hell not for the 40 minute wait (so far) but for the mind-destroying computerised 'music' that repeats the same figure about every 30 seconds, presumably with the intention of making the aggrieved customer give up and go away. I am weakening... hungry... thirsty...
  • Hold on, Brother! Offer it all up to Jesus!
  • I made it through! Another ten minutes, and a human came on to tell me that it would all be sorted by 22nd December (this year).
  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    I spent two and a half hours with the choir librarian erasing pencil markings from copies collected straight after the concert, just a drop in the ocean.
    ICTAS hell the two people who have used coloured inks.
  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    Just remembered some people had punched holes in the borrowed copies to fit their ring binders. Official choir folders have other ways of holding music in place. Why are people so disrespectful of other people’s property?
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    In the last year, I was out of work for several months following a stress-induced illness.
    I was taxed at full rate for the months I worked and then had a period of no income. I calculated I'm owed a 4 figure sum back in overpaid tax. Was very excited to finally get a letter from HMRC.
    They reckon I underpaid by ~£45.
  • Hmm ... I've found that they're usually very good when you talk or write to them.

    Have you checked that the tax year in which you received low income is the same tax year in which they reckon you didn't pay enough?
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    Sometimes they are too good! I am £120 short on NI contributions for 2020, and I'd like to pay it, I've been on the phone with my credit card in hand trying to pay it, but each time the person says "£120 seems too much. I think that's a miscalculation. Leave it with us and we'll recalculate." I think I've made four attempts to make up the shortfall so far? I don't want to be a year short on contributions and not get my full state pension.
  • TICTH a certain electronics shop. Mrs Rogue visited the store and found a very helpful person with lots of knowledge who helped her choose our next fridge freezer. They delivered it on Tuesday last week and we also paid some extra for them to remove the old one and to reverse the door on the new one. For some reason the delivery people did the reversal in the garden and then it started to rain. It's all right, they said, the fridge wasn't connected to the mains so no harm will have been done.

    Harm was done and the thing didn't work properly.
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    TICTH Royal Mail's "guaranteed next day delivery" service for which I paid quite a lot of money on Tuesday to ensure my son and his husband's Christmas parcel arrived with them on Wednesday.

    It did not.

    Instead they had a "sorry we missed you" card through their door today. The tracking on the website says they tried to deliver the parcel today "but there didn't seem to be anyone in." Well no. There wasn't. That's because they were in yesterday when the parcel was supposed to arrive.
  • It’s crazy. We posted a 2nd class parcel on Monday and it reached Dundee on Tuesday. So what is the point of all the more expensive options?
  • SarasaSarasa All Saints Host
    Hope your son and husband can get their parcel. Getting things delivered at this time of year is a total pain.
    I hope the shop comes and sorts out the fridge freezer before Christmas @The Rogue .
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    I was supposed to get a delivery today, but I've had an e-mail saying they will "attempt to redeliver" tomorrow. "Re-deliver" implies to me that they tried to deliver today (although they haven't said that) but I was at home and there's been no card through the door.
  • Yes, that happened to me yesterday. My Amazon account said a delivery was attempted at 4.53pm and I would need to collect it but no card was left and no-one heard the door. The parcel was posted through my door today. I reckon the postie lied to Amazon about the attempted delivery as it was supposed to be a 24 hour delivery.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    My parcel arrived this morning. The postman explained that it had been in the van yesterday but they ran out of time to deliver it. So today is a "redelivery" because it's the second time it's been "out for delivery" not that I somehow missed it yesterday.
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited December 19
    That seems similar to my scenario.
  • That chimes in with what our local postie told me last week, about the amount of work, and the pressure, they're having to deal with.
  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    They don’t seem to employ student posties any more.
    I had a delivery of flowers yesterday in the 15 minutes I was out. They were left behind the bins. Letter box flowers, looking very wilted. I am watching them expand today.
  • Sarasa wrote: »
    I hope the shop comes and sorts out the fridge freezer before Christmas @The Rogue .

    We bought one from someone else which arrived in perfect condition about a week before the earliest that the bad people said they could send an engineer round to see if the knackered fridge-freezer could be repaired even though we said we don't want it repaired. It was nigh-on impossible to discover a way of complaining but a lot of perseverance on the part of Mrs Rogue resulted in someone calling her while we were on the A14 in the car and the monstrosity has now gone. We are awaiting the full refund. The complaints person said he would authorise an additional £5.00 for our trouble.

    Do they have fridge-freezers in hell?
  • They'd struggle - you'd need a heavily tropicalised version!
  • Puzzler wrote: »
    They don’t seem to employ student posties any more.
    I had a delivery of flowers yesterday in the 15 minutes I was out. They were left behind the bins. Letter box flowers, looking very wilted. I am watching them expand today.

    Hardly a surprise - you'll be back at uni by the time the recruitment system has got its arse in gear!
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    I am most annoyed at the lack of public transport between Christmas and New Year. My plan was to travel from sister A to sister B by train. A direct journey of 2 hours. Now that will be impossible. I will have to head from sister A to home (a journey which should take 1 hour, but will now take 9), stay home overnight and then do a much curtailed trip to sister B the following day.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    The Rogue wrote: »
    [...] Do they have fridge-freezers in hell?
    Undoubtedly. And none of them work.

  • Wesley J wrote: »
    The Rogue wrote: »
    [...] Do they have fridge-freezers in hell?
    Undoubtedly. And none of them work.

    Perfect!
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    In Dante's Inferno, the deepest circle of hell is freezing cold. Those who have been especially wicked are frozen into Satan's beard, as I recall.
  • The worst are getting gnawed on--the traitors, which include Judas but I can't remember the other two. I suppose they're kind of satanic popsicles.
  • DafydDafyd Hell Host
    Brutus and Cassius IIRC, the leaders of the plot to murder Caesar. I think you have to share Dante's beliefs about Empire and good secular governance.
  • Thank you!
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    Sarasa wrote: »
    Hope your son and husband can get their parcel. Getting things delivered at this time of year is a total pain.
    It arrived with them today; thank you.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    TICTH saying "passed" when you mean "died" .

    Passed what - wind? Kidney stones? Their driving test?

    🙄
  • Similarly, the phrase "have gone" as in "When I've gone," meaning "when I'm dead." Not "When I'm gone" with the verb "am", that one's been around a million years.

    The two phrases used to have separate meanings. Now I'm hearing both of them used to mean death--and that results in some uncomfortable startling moments, as people finish their sentences and it's not at all what you thought it would be.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    Couldn't agree more, @Piglet.
  • Couldn't agree more, @Piglet.
    Me too!

  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited December 23
    So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side

    Is, I imagine, the origin.
  • But is it? At one time people "passed away". I first encountered "passed" as a feature of Caribbean English.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited December 23
    Firenze wrote: »
    So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side

    Is, I imagine, the origin.

    I'd be surprised - I've never heard that phrase.

    Nah, it's simple euphemism. I've never understood it myself; the fact of death is the problem and the cause of grief, not the word. But who am I to dictate if it is different for others?
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    The real problem is that grieving friends’ and relatives’ preferences for directness vs euphemism - and which euphemism - is varied and hard to predict. Others will tend to assume people are more likely to be distressed by directness than euphemism (even if they are annoyed by euphemism.)
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    The real problem is that grieving friends’ and relatives’ preferences for directness vs euphemism - and which euphemism - is varied and hard to predict. Others will tend to assume people are more likely to be distressed by directness than euphemism (even if they are annoyed by euphemism.)

    That does tend to be the assumption. I don't think there's a way out of it - it's one of the boggy morasses of social interaction. Hey, to me the whole field of social interaction is a wet peat bog so it's just a particularly soggy bit.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Firenze wrote: »
    So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side

    Is, I imagine, the origin.

    I'd be surprised - I've never heard that phrase.

    You've not read The Pilgrim's Progress (Parts 1&2)? I first encountered it on the class bookshelf at about P6. I was so taken with it, that I was reading it under the desk. Mind you, that was a children's version without paragraphs beginning 'Thou must abhor his turning you out of the way, firstly...' and what Dickens described as hiccuping texts.

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Firenze wrote: »
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Firenze wrote: »
    So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side

    Is, I imagine, the origin.

    I'd be surprised - I've never heard that phrase.

    You've not read The Pilgrim's Progress (Parts 1&2)? I first encountered it on the class bookshelf at about P6. I was so taken with it, that I was reading it under the desk. Mind you, that was a children's version without paragraphs beginning 'Thou must abhor his turning you out of the way, firstly...' and what Dickens described as hiccuping texts.

    Read it, didn't memorise the text though.

    I grew up in Bedford. By the time we're 11 we're sick of everything Bunyan related.
  • EigonEigon Shipmate
    I met a chap at the local market once who told me he'd lost his parents.
    "Oh, I'm so sorry," I began.
    "Oh, no, they're not dead! They're around in the market somewhere!"
  • March HareMarch Hare Shipmate Posts: 28
    Eigon wrote: »
    I met a chap at the local market once who told me he'd lost his parents.
    "Oh, I'm so sorry," I began.
    "Oh, no, they're not dead! They're around in the market somewhere!"

    Love it!

    Was it 'My Word' (panel game on UK TV) which ended each week with Denis Norden and Frank Muir having to devise a back-story for popular sayings? I do recall one of them ended '... so he passed Dover, and the strumpets sounded for him on the other side.'

    More seriously, I always refer plainly to death when taking funeral services and have always felt that was appreciated.
  • March Hare wrote: »
    Eigon wrote: »
    I met a chap at the local market once who told me he'd lost his parents.
    "Oh, I'm so sorry," I began.
    "Oh, no, they're not dead! They're around in the market somewhere!"

    Love it!

    Was it 'My Word' (panel game on UK TV) which ended each week with Denis Norden and Frank Muir having to devise a back-story for popular sayings? I do recall one of them ended '... so he passed Dover, and the strumpets sounded for him on the other side.'

    More seriously, I always refer plainly to death when taking funeral services and have always felt that was appreciated.

    Amused and agree - though I also rather like John Le Mesurier's "conked out".
  • March Hare wrote: »
    [
    Was it 'My Word' (panel game on UK TV) which ended each week with Denis Norden and Frank Muir having to devise a back-story for popular sayings? I do recall one of them ended '... so he passed Dover, and the strumpets sounded for him on the other side.'
    Yes, those were briliant!
    More seriously, I always refer plainly to death when taking funeral services and have always felt that was appreciated.
    Agreed. Some "very Christian" funerals are so full of resurrection hope that they are unrealistic.

  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    March Hare wrote: »
    Eigon wrote: »
    I met a chap at the local market once who told me he'd lost his parents.
    "Oh, I'm so sorry," I began.
    "Oh, no, they're not dead! They're around in the market somewhere!"

    Love it!

    Was it 'My Word' (panel game on UK TV) which ended each week with Denis Norden and Frank Muir having to devise a back-story for popular sayings? I do recall one of them ended '... so he passed Dover, and the strumpets sounded for him on the other side.'

    More seriously, I always refer plainly to death when taking funeral services and have always felt that was appreciated.

    I remember that one - a Victorian entrepreneur looking for shameless French hussies prepared to unbutton to their bombazine undies in public. 'And so he passed Dover, and all the strumpets undid for him on the other side'.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    Death notices in our local paper take the form "Suddenly / peacefully at X on the (date) Jeannie McShoogle, aged 95. There's no verb! I know that you can deduce from context what Jeannie McShoogle did suddenly or peacefully on that date, but that's not the point.

    I have told my children that if my death announcement doesn't have a verb, I am coming back to haunt them. They have promised me a verb, but not which verb. I think "kicked the bucket" is the current favourite.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited December 24
    That's a verbal phrase ... (I think).

    I think words in death announcements are often cut to a minimum to save money.
  • That's a verbal phrase ... (I think).

    I think words in death announcements are often cut to a minimum to save money.

    Yes. The context is usually clear, but the verbless phrase does look a little odd.
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    edited December 24
    That's a verbal phrase ... (I think).

    I think words in death announcements are often cut to a minimum to save money.

    Reminds me of a joke I heard years ago. An elderly gentleman died, and his widow being very frugal put an announcement in the local paper that simply said “Smith dead”. The editor of the paper called her and pointed out that the minimum payment was for five words, so she could extend the announcement if she wanted to at no extra cost. The final announcement read “Smith dead. Volvo for sale”
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