I think one thing that kept us on the "straight and narrow" was the knowledge that all the adults in the neighborhood, and most of the city, knew each other and if there was ever a problem my parents often knew about it before I got home. That is also something my kids wish Mrs Gramps and I did not know everything we did know. We were good friends with the chief of police.
Also we knew there were certain safe homes in the neighborhood. If we were ever hurt or even threatened, we could go for help. Of course, that worked when at least one adult was home. It is harder to have such homes around now with both adults of the household are working.
True. As a child if I got hurt I simply went to the house with the nearest mother, even if my own mother was just one block over. We all did.
@Gramps49 there are a lot of problems with isolated children suffering more due to social media bans - particularly in Australia where there are more children who are geographically isolated from other children. However, many marginalised children rely on social media for friendship and support from their peers.
Where I live, many schools are banning smartphones on campus (a "dumbphone" for contacting parents etc is permitted) - to me this is different to a wholesale social media ban for young people, and I'm OK with it. I think a social media ban is just using the "abstinence only" approach which doesn't work. Children need education on how to handle the internet, and as an extension of that they need education on porn.
To me a big problem is the shift from using the internet on a home computer to having the internet on a phone and being app-based - Gens Z and Alpha are actually less IT-literate than Millennials, because Millennials grew up using the family computer and having to know how to use programs.
Yes. There was in fact child abuse in my family, though it came from the adults, not the kids, thank God. The thing is, if we set aside the abuse, I don't really see what my mother could have done otherwise with me, given no money, an afternoon to evening job, three kids to raise, and my father a severe alcoholic who contributed only bills. The child abuse is inexcusable; the simple need to leave the eldest in charge is sometimes inevitable in poor families, like some of our refugees. It could be otherwise if we had better social services--after school programs that didn't charge an arm and a leg, And so forth. But often those simply don't exist.
Agreed, I've been hearing some stories from my family that are rather scary, but I can also look at the context and find room for understanding.
It's a struggle. Sometimes I think the best I can do is try to heal myself and protect my kids so their childhood is at least a certain measure of reasonable.
I think one thing that kept us on the "straight and narrow" was the knowledge that all the adults in the neighborhood, and most of the city, knew each other and if there was ever a problem my parents often knew about it before I got home. That is also something my kids wish Mrs Gramps and I did not know everything we did know. We were good friends with the chief of police.
Also we knew there were certain safe homes in the neighborhood. If we were ever hurt or even threatened, we could go for help. Of course, that worked when at least one adult was home. It is harder to have such homes around now with both adults of the household are working.
True. As a child if I got hurt I simply went to the house with the nearest mother, even if my own mother was just one block over. We all did.
My parents weren't that bad, and I still remember gravitating to my friend's house simply because I wanted to be somewhere else when I was feuding with mine. And it was definitely a blessing.
The loss of the "house spouse" is a loss indeed, a lot of these tangible social networks is something I could feel happening in my childhood, and I think it's worse now.
Yes. There was in fact child abuse in my family, though it came from the adults, not the kids, thank God. The thing is, if we set aside the abuse, I don't really see what my mother could have done otherwise with me, given no money, an afternoon to evening job, three kids to raise, and my father a severe alcoholic who contributed only bills. The child abuse is inexcusable; the simple need to leave the eldest in charge is sometimes inevitable in poor families, like some of our refugees. It could be otherwise if we had better social services--after school programs that didn't charge an arm and a leg, And so forth. But often those simply don't exist.
Agreed, I've been hearing some stories from my family that are rather scary, but I can also look at the context and find room for understanding.
It's a struggle. Sometimes I think the best I can do is try to heal myself and protect my kids so their childhood is at least a certain measure of reasonable.
All three of us managed to put a stop to the abuse with our own kids, which is a major win. If that's all you can do, take the win and be happy.
Thank you for pointing out the problems of completely banning smartphones from children/young teenagers @Pomona. I myself have really no position on the movement one way or the other. I do know my grandchildren started using social media around age 13. Seems like it takes them about a year to adjust to the medium, but neither they nor their parents report any serious problems. I agree with you, though, three of the grandchildren were young teenagers at the time COVID hit. They really depended on their phones and their computers to stay in touch with their friends.
I think one thing that kept us on the "straight and narrow" was the knowledge that all the adults in the neighborhood, and most of the city, knew each other and if there was ever a problem my parents often knew about it before I got home. That is also something my kids wish Mrs Gramps and I did not know everything we did know. We were good friends with the chief of police.
Also we knew there were certain safe homes in the neighborhood. If we were ever hurt or even threatened, we could go for help. Of course, that worked when at least one adult was home. It is harder to have such homes around now with both adults of the household are working.
True. As a child if I got hurt I simply went to the house with the nearest mother, even if my own mother was just one block over. We all did.
My parents weren't that bad, and I still remember gravitating to my friend's house simply because I wanted to be somewhere else when I was feuding with mine. And it was definitely a blessing.
There was a lot of that when I was a kid! I was usually somewhere else other than home which was a pretty tense place most of the time, and that's a pattern I have been stuck with. I am (I really hope) a malleable / easy / pleasant guest - but a rather uncomfortable host. My kids seem to have been OK with inviting their friends here (also a sometimes tense place), but I usually made myself scarce which was probably best for everyone!
My parents weren't that bad, and I still remember gravitating to my friend's house simply because I wanted to be somewhere else when I was feuding with mine. And it was definitely a blessing.
There was a lot of that when I was a kid! I was usually somewhere else other than home which was a pretty tense place most of the time, and that's a pattern I have been stuck with. I am (I really hope) a malleable / easy / pleasant guest - but a rather uncomfortable host. My kids seem to have been OK with inviting their friends here (also a sometimes tense place), but I usually made myself scarce which was probably best for everyone!
Everyone needs a third space. I really can't tell, I was too tone deaf as a kid to notice I was kind of an emotional beggar. As an adult I'm trying to correct the habit. It's a little embarrassing, but I do appreciate the friends I've made and they seem to think I'm OK in spite of my sub-par self image. You make your own family where you can.
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True. As a child if I got hurt I simply went to the house with the nearest mother, even if my own mother was just one block over. We all did.
Where I live, many schools are banning smartphones on campus (a "dumbphone" for contacting parents etc is permitted) - to me this is different to a wholesale social media ban for young people, and I'm OK with it. I think a social media ban is just using the "abstinence only" approach which doesn't work. Children need education on how to handle the internet, and as an extension of that they need education on porn.
To me a big problem is the shift from using the internet on a home computer to having the internet on a phone and being app-based - Gens Z and Alpha are actually less IT-literate than Millennials, because Millennials grew up using the family computer and having to know how to use programs.
Agreed, I've been hearing some stories from my family that are rather scary, but I can also look at the context and find room for understanding.
It's a struggle. Sometimes I think the best I can do is try to heal myself and protect my kids so their childhood is at least a certain measure of reasonable.
My parents weren't that bad, and I still remember gravitating to my friend's house simply because I wanted to be somewhere else when I was feuding with mine. And it was definitely a blessing.
The loss of the "house spouse" is a loss indeed, a lot of these tangible social networks is something I could feel happening in my childhood, and I think it's worse now.
All three of us managed to put a stop to the abuse with our own kids, which is a major win. If that's all you can do, take the win and be happy.
There was a lot of that when I was a kid! I was usually somewhere else other than home which was a pretty tense place most of the time, and that's a pattern I have been stuck with. I am (I really hope) a malleable / easy / pleasant guest - but a rather uncomfortable host. My kids seem to have been OK with inviting their friends here (also a sometimes tense place), but I usually made myself scarce which was probably best for everyone!
Everyone needs a third space. I really can't tell, I was too tone deaf as a kid to notice I was kind of an emotional beggar. As an adult I'm trying to correct the habit. It's a little embarrassing, but I do appreciate the friends I've made and they seem to think I'm OK in spite of my sub-par self image. You make your own family where you can.