Limerick

stetson

There was an Old Man of The Hague
Who suffered from cold sores and plague
So his quarantine nurse

Bishops Finger

There was an Old Man of The Hague
Who suffered from cold sores and plague
So his quarantine nurse
Arranged for a hearse

Wesley J

There was an Old Man of The Hague
Who suffered from cold sores and plague
So his quarantine nurse
Arranged for a hearse
Which soon soared, but his plague was quite vague.

---

Bishops Finger

There was an Old Man from the Pole

stetson

There was an Old Man from the Pole
Who wanted to get off the dole
So he asked Santa's clerk
For some permanent work

Bishops Finger

There was an Old Man from the Pole
Who wanted to get off the dole
So he asked Santa's clerk
For some permanent work
But was told to push off and eat Coal.

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stetson

Deleted. My entry used the word "south", which has a very limited number of rhymes, which have likely already been used on this thread.

stetson

At the pole with the birds who don't fly
Explorers are known to cry:

stetson

At the pole with the birds who don't fly
Explorers are known to cry:
"Why can't there be owls
Or colourful fowls...

jrw

At the pole with the birds who don't fly
Explorers are known to cry:
"They told me chocolate biscuits
Fill this place, but not shaped disc. It's
Clear we came here on a lie".

---

Raptor Eye

At the pole with the birds who don't fly
Explorers are known to cry:
"Why can't there be owls
Or colourful fowls
Like peacocks or budgies, why oh why?

Raptor Eye

There once was a knitter called Pam

Piglet

There once was a knitter called Pam
Whose wool got all covered in jam

stetson

There once was a knitter called Pam
Whose wool got all covered in jam
Which sweetened her needles

Bishops Finger

There once was a knitter called Pam
Whose wool got all covered in jam
Which sweetened her needles
But vexed all the Beadles

stetson

There once was a knitter called Pam
Whose wool got all covered in jam
Which sweetened her needles
But vexed all the Beadles
Who liked their gowns knitted with spam

---

stetson

There once was a wicked old druid

stetson

There once was a wicked old druid
Who cooked up a magical fluid

Nenya

There once was a wicked old druid
Who cooked up a magical fluid
But the hubble and bubble
Was far too much trouble

kingsfold

There once was a wicked old druid
Who cooked up a magical fluid
But the hubble and bubble
Was far too much trouble
So he gave up and ran off to Clywd.


___

No confidence in Boris. all cry

Bishops Finger

No confidence in Boris, all cry
Begone, wretched Toddler, goodbye

la vie en rouge

No confidence in Boris, all cry
Begone, wretched Toddler, goodbye
First of all, brush your hair

Bishops Finger

No confidence in Boris, all cry
Begone, wretched Toddler, goodbye
First of all, brush your hair
- that is, if you dare -
A window is waiting on high.

---

Raptor Eye

A haughty young thing from Westminster

Bishops Finger

A haughty young thing from Westminster
Was formerly known as a spinster
She married a bloke
We'd all like to choke

stetson

A haughty young thing from Westminster
Was formerly known as a spinster
She married a bloke
We'd all like to choke
For motives that seem rather sinister.

---

stetson

There once was a man who sold fudge
Who got taken in front of a judge

Bishops Finger

There once was a man who sold fudge
Who got taken in front of a judge
When asked why he dunnit

Bishops Finger

There once was a man who sold fudge
Who got taken in front of a judge
When asked why he dunnit
He said *By the punnet
It's much better value than sludge*

(Sorry about that - what a load of cack I do write...)

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There was a Young Lady of Hants

KarlLB

There was a Young Lady of Hants
Who had many very strange pants

Leorning Cniht

There was a Young Lady of Hants
Who had many very strange pants
And odd coughs and some splutters

Bishops Finger

There was a Young Lady of Hants
Who had many very strange pants
And odd coughs and some splutters
And peculiar mutters
Brought on by an invasion of ants

---

Bishops Finger

There was an Old Person of Berks*

(*abbreviation for the English county of Berkshire, and pronounced Barks)

BroJames

There was an Old Person of Berks
Who gave work to indigent clerks

Bishops Finger

There was an Old Person of Berks
Who gave work to indigent clerks
They wrote with quill Pens
In foul-smelling Dens
Refusing to help poor Aardvarks.

---

stetson

A woman who answered a poll

Nenya

A woman who answered a poll
Thought it exceedingly droll

Spike

A woman who answered a poll
Thought it exceedingly droll
To be asked what she thought

Bishops Finger

A woman who answered a poll
Thought it exceedingly droll
To be asked what she thought
When the answer was *nought*

stetson

A woman who answered a poll
Thought it exceedingly droll
To be asked what she thought
When the answer was *nought*
And the topic the state of her soul.

Nenya

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There once was a keen chimney sweeper

stetson

There once was a keen chimney sweeper
Who always went deeper and deeper

jrw

There once was a keen chimney sweeper
Who always went deeper and deeper
He went down and down
Met a man with a frown
He was in the house of The Grim Reaper.

---

stetson

There once was a scatterbrained nanny

Wesley J

There once was a scatterbrained nanny
Whose actions were strange and uncanny

stetson

There once was a scatterbrained nanny
Whose actions were strange and uncanny
She sang to her wards
Of magical swords

Leorning Cniht

There once was a scatterbrained nanny
Whose actions were strange and uncanny
She sang to her wards
Of magical swords
And the wolf who had eaten their granny

stetson

There once was a scatterbrained nanny
Whose actions were strange and uncanny
She sang to her wards
Of magical swords
And ghosts in a faraway cranny.

Spike

There was an old woman from Chard

Gee D

There was an old woman from Chard
Who grew spinach in her large backyard.