Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    This isn't a headline, but it made me laugh sufficiently that I had to share it here.

    It's from the job description for a secretarial post (my bold):
    Data input and uploading contracts/fiancé documents ...
    Accurate tying skills

    I think they mean finance and typing ... :mrgreen:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    If there is a fiancé, then presumably they are about to "tie" the knot, so it all fits!
  • Just the phrase "Accurate tying skills" is worth a laugh. Obviously they are in desperate need of someone to fill that position. (Perhaps the previous person left to marry their fiancé.)
    :lol:
  • Tying fiancés sounds kinky. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
  • Perhaps it's for a shoe-shop?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited March 2020
    All very valid possibilities!

    @mousethief - whatever floats your boat ... :mrgreen:
  • But the question is, did you apply @Piglet?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    No - while I suspect they could use my proofreading skills, I'm in an odd sort of situation at the moment. My hearing is on the blink (as it were); I saw a doctor last week and the drops she gave me have made it (I hope temporarily) worse. I've to go back next week - I hope there's something they can do.

    I wouldn't make a very good impression at an interview: even 16 years of living in Canada probably couldn't justify the number of times I'd say "sorry?".
  • ROTLF!! We all know the impact of traffic on hedgehogs, sadly.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Poor hedgehogs. :cry:
  • Between being squished by traffic and eaten by badgers, hedgehogs are in a bad place.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I am VERY uncomfortable with this discussion!!!!!!
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Hedgehog wrote: »
    I am VERY uncomfortable with this discussion!!!!!!

    The old Ship had a shipmate Echidna, not sure if she/he made the change.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    How do you think I feel when we're talking about bacon*?

    Or David Cameron, for that matter ... :flushed:

    * actually I'm rather partial to bacon; I try not to think about its origins!
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited March 2020
    This isn't funny as it's describing a potentially lethal lungworm. However the word order is bizarre; "Lethal parasite that can kill dogs found in Cardiff". This erroneously implies that dogs which have never been lost, or which have been lost in other places, are safe.
  • Here's one for Piglet from today's "i": "Bacon triptych may fetch £45m". Back, middle and streaky, one presumes.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Nice one, BT! :mrgreen:
  • And this (from the BBC): "Bacon saved after pedometer-eating pig's poo starts farm fire".
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I saw that one, and wondered how long it would be before someone put it here.

    Fortunately , no piggies were harmed ... 🐖
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    From the Dundee Telegraph
    Busker Fast Eddie in Racist Rant at Takeaway

    The weird bit is the implication that Fast Eddie was able to form a coherent, albeit racist, rant. Usually he makes Foul Ole Ron seem lucid.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    .
    From the Dundee Telegraph
    Busker Fast Eddie in Racist Rant at Takeaway

    The weird bit is the implication that Fast Eddie was able to form a coherent, albeit racist, rant. Usually he makes Foul Ole Ron seem lucid.

    That wasn't really a fast - after all, it's Lent -, was it, if he went to a takeaway; it was clearly more of a feast! And if he can't fast, he should bear in mind that he shouldn't bear that name!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    'Virus-fighting' scientist gets magnets stuck in nose.
    The headline is accurate, but still weird.
  • The New York Times yesterday headlined an unappealing question:
    Is It Time for Americans to Embrace the Bidet?
    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/01/style/toilet-paper-shortage-bidet-coronavirus-wipes.html
  • Seen on BBC today: "UK prime minister reaches out to opposition leaders" - but I thought he was supposed to be social distancing? (Actually it's a good bit of news, he's written to all the leaders to see how they can better work together).
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    I see that as the prelude to his taking some pretty outrageous action, followed by comments - I tried to get the other parties onside, but they refused to take steps to protect the national interest - or something like that.
  • I just wonder if this has happened because Corbyn's gone and BJ feels he can get on better with Starmer?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    That would make sense, BT.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Boris Johnson admitted to hospital

    One of the few things he's ever admitted.
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Boris Johnson admitted to hospital

    One of the few things he's ever admitted.

    :lol:

    (The laughter for WesleyJ's pun, not for Boris's hospitalization.)
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Piglet--

    If it would make you more comfortable, there are other kinds of bacon: turkey, and I think some vegetarian/vegan options.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    No worries, GK - despite my fondness for piggies, I love bacon. :blush:
  • Golden Key wrote: »
    Piglet--

    If it would make you more comfortable, there are other kinds of bacon: turkey, and I think some vegetarian/vegan options.
    Somehow I think the word bacon in those contexts should be surrounded by quotation marks.

  • Golden Key wrote: »
    Piglet--

    If it would make you more comfortable, there are other kinds of bacon: turkey, and I think some vegetarian/vegan options.
    Somehow I think the word bacon in those contexts should be surrounded by quotation marks.

    How do you feel about almond milk?
  • I can't think about nut milk without sniggering.
  • I can't think about nut milk without sniggering.

    You are not volunteering to milk some nuts then?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From the USA Today website:
    Will coronavirus mean the end of foreign language teachers?
    As it turns out, it is not that foreign language teachers are particularly susceptible. It is just that some bored kids have turned to a Rosetta Stone app to learn a foreign language. I gather it has been offered free to students.

    Now exactly how "some more-than-usually-bored kids, without the regular distractions to entertain them during a virus" translates into "the end of foreign language teachers" you will have to ask the headline writer at USA Today.

    Although I did like a bit contained in the article:
    “The boy has three green bikes and an egg,” the 12-year-old announced to her family in French at the start of her third week using the mobile app from Rosetta Stone, the language-learning software giant.
    It rather reminds me of a routine from the Jack Benny radio show when the band leader, Phil Harris, was trying to learn French, but he only knew a few words so that the only sentence he could say in French translated to: "the woman ate the window."
  • Learning language from software is crap. You can go a certain distance, but you really need live speakers of the language to interact with.
  • I've said it before elsewhere but I'll say it again here for review purposes (how school-like!). I sent the Spanish Rosetta Stone set back when I learned that "My toilet is not in the kitchen."
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    It would be against building regulations if it were! :mrgreen:
  • Now there is a Civilised Person who knows how to use the subjunctive!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    You're too kind! :smiley:
  • I can't think about nut milk without sniggering.

    You are not volunteering to milk some nuts then?

    Am I hell! Those things are so low, they'd be murder on my poor back!
  • Depends on how tall the "tree" is. :grey_question:
  • On the BBC website: "Federer wants men's and women's tennis bodies to merge". Hmm ... Can't see the NHS stepping up to that challenge any time soon.
  • And, from "Wales Online": "Woman taken to hospital after police and firefighters descend on street". Those parachutists - really need to look where they're dropping.
  • That would give anyone a nervous breakdown.
  • On the BBC website: "Federer wants men's and women's tennis bodies to merge". Hmm ... Can't see the NHS stepping up to that challenge any time soon.

    There are a few female tennis bodies that I wouldn't mind trying to merge with....
  • On the BBC website: "Federer wants men's and women's tennis bodies to merge". Hmm ... Can't see the NHS stepping up to that challenge any time soon.

    There are a few female tennis bodies that I wouldn't mind trying to merge with....

    "I'll stop the world and merge with you." ?
  • On the headline crawl of MSNBC, of all places, this morning:

    Advocates pushing for relief loans to undeserved [sic] businesses

    I'll make no comment except to say that MSNBC's proofreaders are either sleeping on the job or not yet out of bed as they work sheltered-in-place from home.
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