Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    I had to read this three times before I got it:

    Surviving Beatles Auction Rare Demo Cassette.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 2020
    From BBC website: "Coronavirus in Wales: 'Don't have blanket ban for older people'."

    Oh I don't know - surely they could use duvets?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Many older people prefer blankets ... ;)
  • A tangent, but reminds me of a funny story. We can all use a laugh.

    Several years ago at choir practice one bitter cold winter night back in New York, the furnace was not on in church and it was bitter cold inside. We were rehearsing the Tallis "If Ye Love Me". When we got to the line "I will give you another comforter", a spry old gent in choir said, "I could sure use another comforter."
  • Love it. On the BBC website: "Woman in court on suitcase murder charge".
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    Love it. On the BBC website: "Woman in court on suitcase murder charge".

    Is she in court on a suitcase? Does she need to sit/stand on it because she's short?

    Or.... Did she murder a suitcase?

    Inquiring minds want to know.
  • I could murder a glass of wine just about now...
  • I thought the latter. Sadly she is actually accused of murdering someone and putting the remains into not one but two suitcases, found in a quarry on Tuesday.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Crikey! :fearful:
  • Crikey indeed! In other news, again BBC: "'Concrete plans' for European football to finish". That'll be hard on their joints ...
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    Crikey indeed! In other news, again BBC: "'Concrete plans' for European football to finish". That'll be hard on their joints ...

    I didn't realize concrete was able to plan anything. I figured it was an inert, inorganic substance. One can learn so much from headlines.
  • This must be the new "smart concrete" then ...
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    I didn't realize concrete was able to plan anything. I figured it was an inert, inorganic substance. One can learn so much from headlines.

    Well, I can think of a not-to-be-named Head of Government who has cement where normal people have brains.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Well, reportedly, a lot of undeserving big businesses HAVE gotten them.
  • Again BBC: "Virus track-and-trace a 'mammoth task' for Wales".

    Must be bringing them out of cold storage, then. Will they be able to understand the technology?
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    I didn't realize concrete was able to plan anything. I figured it was an inert, inorganic substance. One can learn so much from headlines.

    Well, I can think of a not-to-be-named Head of Government who has cement where normal people have brains.

    Only one?
  • Not quite a headline: but on the BBC News I've just heard that a loss of taste is to be regarded as a symptom of Coronavirus. But who will police this? The National Trust?> The Royal Society of Arts? Will Gompertz? Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen? I think we should be told.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Perhaps anyone whose house has fake stone cladding ("Wallytex", as David used to call it) ought to be tested as a matter of course.
    "'Concrete plans' for European football to finish". That'll be hard on their joints ...
    Maybe it'll stop them taking a dive ... :mrgreen:
  • a loss of taste is to be regarded as a symptom of Coronavirus

    Then the majority of society is infected, it would seem.
    Milton! thou shouldst be living at this hour:
    England hath need of thee: she is a fen
    Of stagnant waters: altar, sword, and pen
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Independent:
    Student charged breaks into Museum and taking selfies with dinosaurs

    One of a new breed of eStudents, fully electrified?
  • President Trump speaks to the press at the White House on Firday. (Eric Thayer/For the Washington Post)
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    From the Independent:
    Student charged breaks into Museum and taking selfies with dinosaurs
    Most people would find it easier to take a selfie with their camera.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Wesley J wrote: »
    From the Independent:
    Student charged breaks into Museum and taking selfies with dinosaurs
    Most people would find it easier to take a selfie with their camera.

    Aaaah! I hadn't thought of that! Good one! :smiley:
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    US Government Plans to Use Drones to Fire Vaccine-Laced M&Ms Near Endangered Ferrets

    That's a headline that just keeps getting more and more weird (and therefore delightful) with each word.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Best use for M & Ms if you ask me ... :mrgreen:
  • What? The candy of the gods? Bite your tongue!
  • LandlubberLandlubber Shipmate
    Consecutive threads in Recent Discussions, not a headline (is there somewhere it really belongs?):
    - You can’t pray away a virus
    - The Prayers of the Faithful 2020
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited May 2020
    Here's the Recent Posts thread, which covers amusing consecutives.

    Piglet, Circus host
  • LandlubberLandlubber Shipmate
    Thank you, Piglet. My search technique let me down.
  • W HyattW Hyatt Shipmate
    From the NY Times: Hungary Outlaws Changing Gender on Documents After Birth

    Why would outlaws in Hungary bother changing gender on documents after birth? Or is that why they're outlaws?
  • They'd find it hard to change gender on those documents before birth.
  • Documents have gender? Who knew?
  • From the BBC report on the Government daily briefing): "A member of the public, Kim from County Durham, asks when public toilets will be back up and running. Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden says the government is looking into it". 😀
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    If they're backed up, they're not running.
  • Hadn't thought of that!!!
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    It was only a passing comment.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A slightly confusing headline from the Independent:
    Louisville officer suspended over fatal shooting mocked protesters
  • The opening sentence of a letter sent to all students by the president of a local college:
    My name is <<redacted>> and I proudly serve as the College president to serve as your president.

    Rivals the line from The Godfather: "I am honored to be invited to your daughter's wedding on the day of your daughter's wedding."
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    An example from a semi-official document describing how military personnel had an ambassadorial role on behalf of both their country and the military force in which they served;
    "These are men who are proud to service their country."
    One would hope not in quite the same way as bull services a cow.

  • Enoch wrote: »
    An example from a semi-official document describing how military personnel had an ambassadorial role on behalf of both their country and the military force in which they served;
    "These are men who are proud to service their country."
    One would hope not in quite the same way as bull services a cow.

    Wouldn't be so sure. Over sexed and over here.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Enoch wrote: »
    An example from a semi-official document describing how military personnel had an ambassadorial role on behalf of both their country and the military force in which they served;
    "These are men who are proud to service their country."
    One would hope not in quite the same way as bull services a cow.

    Wouldn't be so sure. Over sexed and over here.
    That's very prescient @Schroedingers Cat. You've, sort of, got the right context and I was trying not to divulge it. Have you seen the same document?

    It was at least 35 years ago, and was issued to people in the US armed services posted to bases in the UK, and I'd imagine the same in West Germany, who might need to rent houses, buy cars etc off base.


  • ChoristerChorister Shipmate
    Telegraph today wins prize for the most bizarre:

    Spanish porn star held by police after man dies at his house from inhaling poisonous toad fumes

    Makes 'Freddie Starr ate my hamster' look perfectly normal.
  • Apparently the inhaling of toad venom fumes "was a habitual activity" at this man's house. Beats Ecstasy or LSD I suppose ...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I saw an article yesterday about newly-discovered papers written by Isaac Newton recommending the consumption of toad vomit and powdered toad as a cure for the plague.

    Perhaps he should have stuck to mathematics and the downward trajectory of apples.
  • ZacchaeusZacchaeus Shipmate
    Chorister wrote: »
    Telegraph today wins prize for the most bizarre:

    Spanish porn star held by police after man dies at his house from inhaling poisonous toad fumes

    Makes 'Freddie Starr ate my hamster' look perfectly normal.

    You beat me to it I was just coming to post this

    "Porn star Nacho Vidal held in Spain after man dies in toad-venom ritual"
  • ChoristerChorister Shipmate
    Piglet wrote: »
    I saw an article yesterday about newly-discovered papers written by Isaac Newton recommending the consumption of toad vomit and powdered toad as a cure for the plague.

    My God, don't tell Donald Trump!!!

  • Piglet wrote: »
    Isaac Newton recommending the consumption of toad vomit and powdered toad as a cure for the plague.
    At least he didn't recommend laundry bleach and fish tank scouring powder.
  • Chorister wrote: »
    Piglet wrote: »
    I saw an article yesterday about newly-discovered papers written by Isaac Newton recommending the consumption of toad vomit and powdered toad as a cure for the plague.

    My God, don't tell Donald Trump!!!

    Why not? Maybe he'll try it, like he supposedly tried hydroxychloroquine.

    (It's not very nice for the toads, however.)
  • Chorister wrote: »
    Piglet wrote: »
    I saw an article yesterday about newly-discovered papers written by Isaac Newton recommending the consumption of toad vomit and powdered toad as a cure for the plague.

    My God, don't tell Donald Trump!!!

    Or do.
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