Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Indy100 website:
    These brands support of Black Lives Matter is backfiring
    I'd say with Francis Ford Coppola: 'Apostrophe Now!'

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Good grief, there's more!
    It turns out space didn't really alter this astronauts DNA
    Grrrrr..!
  • Forget where I saw this . . . I think on the CNN crawl:

    Protesters demand reform outside of library

    Yeah, those library grounds are cesspools of corruption.
  • They probably are in UKland, with so many public toilets closed at the moment.
  • Here too. It isn't easy to find an obscure alleyway in which to take a piddle. :open_mouth:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Too much information, gentlemen! :flushed:
  • On the BBC website:
    Poland invades Czeck Republic by accident.
    .

    "Oh sorry mate, I didn't mean to invade your country. I will send these 10K soliders back home immediately. Tanks? Nah, can't see any tanks mate. Oh THOSE tanks - yeah, right, well I will get rid of them too. Sorry - won't happen again."
  • I can't find it now, but I'm sure there was a headline in the "i" newspaper a couple of days which said, "Iceland back in British hands". I never knew we had it in the first place, but that's business for you ....
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Perhaps someone needed ice for their GIN?
    ;)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I can't find it now, but I'm sure there was a headline in the "i" newspaper a couple of days which said, "Iceland back in British hands". I never knew we had it in the first place, but that's business for you ....

    And there I thought the Cod War was just about fishing limits ... :confused:
  • Piglet wrote: »
    I can't find it now, but I'm sure there was a headline in the "i" newspaper a couple of days which said, "Iceland back in British hands". I never knew we had it in the first place, but that's business for you ....

    And there I thought the Cod War was just about fishing limits ... :confused:

    I thought it was about the piece of cod that passes all understanding.


  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited June 2020
    I do seem to have started something fishy here. It probably wasn't my plaice to have done so, but please don't get crabby with me.

    (PS For non-Brits who may have not understood the original headline, Iceland is a supermarket chain specialising in frozen foods).
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Aaaah! That takes the craziness down a notch.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Ahhhhhh.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    Piglet wrote: »
    I can't find it now, but I'm sure there was a headline in the "i" newspaper a couple of days which said, "Iceland back in British hands". I never knew we had it in the first place, but that's business for you ....

    And there I thought the Cod War was just about fishing limits ... :confused:

    I thought it was about the piece of cod that passes all understanding.

    Good grief! ITTWACW!

    And now to something completely different: please give us your utterly weird headlines, ladies and germs! They are precioussss. Thank you very much! :)
  • The headline Robins launch Hereford Development Centre makes you wonder if Hitchcock picked the right species.
  • Does Hereford need developing? Or is it about cattle?

    Clever birds, those robins.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    Why you should plant some pants in your garden in France

    (UK meaning of pants = underpants for our North American cousins)
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Yes. That's definitely weird. First of all, it looks like a misprint but turns out not to be. Then, when you read it, why specifically France?
  • Gives new meaning to the old schoolyard jingle:
    Oh, they don't wear pants
    On the other side of France,
    But they do wear grass
    To protect their a**.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Enoch wrote: »
    Yes. That's definitely weird. First of all, it looks like a misprint but turns out not to be. Then, when you read it, why specifically France?

    Because that's where the soil survey thingie was happening?
  • It's not specifically French - it's a story I've seen in the UK too - from 2017:
    Farmers urged to bury their underpants to improve quality of their beef
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    It's not specifically French - it's a story I've seen in the UK too - from 2017:
    Farmers urged to bury their underpants to improve quality of their beef
    To the weirdness that adds a charming double entendre.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Although it has since been changed to something less giggleworthy, the Philadelphia Inquirer website this morning had:
    Philly eyes staggering students and staff when reopening schools
  • Brings to mind the "fight song" (based on the Notre Dame fight song) we used to sing at school -- and, I am told, is widely sung elsewhere:

    Cheer, cheer for [name of school] High.
    You bring the whiskey, I'll bring the rye.
    Send the freshmen out for gin
    And don't let a sober sophomore in.
    Juniors never stagger, seniors never fall.
    They sober up on wood alcohol
    While the loyal faculty lie
    Drunk on the barroom floor.
  • I know that song, Auntie Amanda :) This one was always sung on school trips despite the chaperones saying NO:
    • Hundred bottles of beer on the wall, hundred bottles of beer;
    • If one of those bottles would happen to fall, 99 bottles of beer on
    • the wall. And so on.
  • Yes indeed. A classic. Along with:

    Late last night, when we were all in bed,
    [name] and [name] were necking in the shed.
    When he kissed her, she turned around and said:
    "There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight!"
  • There were ten in the bed
    and the little one said,
    "Roll over! Roll over!"
    So they all rolled over and one fell out
    There were nine in the bed
    and the little one said...

    (when there's only one left, the little one said, "Good night!")
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Various:

    --We always started with "99 bottles of beer", not 100, and that was also the name of the song. Sometimes, people substitute some other item else for bottles of beer.

    --I only knew the violent version of the kids' song of "Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory Of The Burning Of The School". Had mixed feelings about it.

    --And then there was the jump-rope rhyme:

    Cinderella,
    Dressed in yella {(yellow)},
    Went downstairs to
    Meet her fella {(yellow)}.

    How many kisses did she get?
    1...2...3...4... {Counting as far as you can while jumping rope.}


  • “Woman whose boat capsized and was clinging to a tree was rescued...”
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Poor boat. Didn't know they can cling to trees--unless a hurricane swishes them around. Perhaps there should be boating competitions for boats *alone*?
  • Tallahassee man hoping to be reunited with dog after being accidentally sold
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Who was sold - the dog or the man? Has slavery come back, while we were looking the other way? :flushed:
  • From the Washington Post: "Phoenix gets OK to move to Australia."

    I thought that sounded great and was all set to start packing. It turns out to be about a soccer team.

  • I'd be happy to lose that piece of misery.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    The place or the football team?
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    edited June 2020
    Piglet wrote: »
    The place or the football team?
    O me? (I was the one ready to pack up and go -- especially with Trump arriving later today.)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I don't think I'd blame you!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    From Newswire on the interweb:
    Spanish penis candle mogul accused of causing death by ritualistic toad venom.

    The mind doth verily boggle.
  • Piglet wrote: »
    From Newswire on the interweb:
    Spanish penis candle mogul accused of causing death by ritualistic toad venom.

    The mind doth verily boggle.

    Dang, you got here before me! I'll just say what I said when I saw it on Facebook: "Well there's another thing it's not safe to do in 2020!"
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Apart from how, what the story is, how the users were killed, what's also intriguing is which words are nouns and which adjectives. Is this a mogul who specialises in candles, penises or only objects that fit all three? And is it the mogul who is Spanish or the penises or the candles?

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Good point: I think the writer could do with replenishing his supply of commas.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    The 'Rolling Stone' has more on the story, aiming to clarify, but also introduces this in the report:
    [...] penis-shaped candle entrepreneur [...]
  • Not a headline, but the first line of a piece on the BBC news website: "Blanket restrictions on non-essential overseas travel will be relaxed in the UK from 6 July, ministers have said."

    Restrictions on those dratted Continental Quilts remain in place as part of the Brexit transition, of course.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Baptist Trainfan--

    Well, you could always get Amish quilts from America (Amish Country Lanes).
    :)

    Traditional Amish quilts use only solid-color fabric and a certain color palette. On the linked page, I particularly like the "Star In Commons Wall Hanging", "Classic Amish Colors Lone Star Wall Hanging", and "Amish Shadows Wall Hanging".

  • Not a headline, but the first line of a piece on the BBC news website: "Blanket restrictions on non-essential overseas travel will be relaxed in the UK from 6 July, ministers have said."
    Linus van Pelt will be pleased.
  • Ah, but the US might well be in the Red Zone.
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    The 'Rolling Stone' has more on the story, aiming to clarify, but also introduces this in the report:
    [...] penis-shaped candle entrepreneur [...]

    ROFL
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Ah, but the US might well be in the Red Zone.

    ???
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Golden Key wrote: »
    Ah, but the US might well be in the Red Zone.

    ???
    @Golden Key, we've been told there will be three levels of country, dependent on how present Covid currently is in them, and whether it appears to be spreading or shrinking.

    It's mainly about locals who want to go on holiday somewhere else and then come home again. It's driven by moans from the holiday industry.

    Green = OK, you can come in without having to quarantine yourself.
    Yellow = Not sure - and not sure what the position will be on arrivals from there.
    Red = We'd really rather you didn't come here, and if you do, you've got to quarantine for 14 days from arrival, isolate yourself, tell us where, and be subject to potential spot checks to make sure you are doing.

    Several neighbouring European countries will count as green, but Sweden is red. On that basis, the US should certainly still be red at the moment.


    What none of our politicians will admit to as it will upset their more moronic voters, is that despite our politicians reducing lockdown measures etc and trying to make reassuring noises to us, any sensible other country that operated the same system would still put the UK in red.


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