There was an Old Person whose Feet
Were nearly as long as the street
When he went to buy shoes
It made the late news
'Cuz his clogs were the size of a fleet.
There was once a waggy tailed hound
Who really, they say, got around
But what made him twitch
Was a son-of-a-bitch.
So was that quite ethically sound?
Sweet Molly from Dublin's fair city
There once was a young pheasant plucker
All dressed-up in his best bib and tucker.
It's so tempting, this ditty,
To rhyme, such a pity.
I'm not going to be such a sucker.
There was an old man from Tabrit,
There was an old man from Tabrit
Who fell off the lavatory seat
He yelled as he slid:
"Gracious! I never did!"
And then clambered back up on his feet.
While strolling around Oxford Circus
One day, a fire brigade's ladder
Was climbed to the top by an adder
It wouldn’t come down
And scared everyone in town
Which just made the townspeople madder
Said Glinda to Dorothy and Toto
Said Glinda to Dorothy and Toto
"Let's hop in the Wizard's DeSoto"
It didn't go well
And he'd forgotten the spell
So they came back in an ordinary auto.
In a cabin in far Innisfree
There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung upside down in a doorway
Three bounders in spats
With a fetish for bats
Just begged her in vain for a four-way.
A vampire, eyeing a neck
Said to himself “what the heck
In this neck of the wood
Where's the neck that I could
Put my fangs in? This one's hi tec!"
A technologically challenged vampire
A technologically challenged vampire
Was fond of the herb known as samphire
With a black pudding or two
From a place that he knew
A successful meal made on a campfire.
There was an Old Person of Rheims
Who was horribly troubled by dreams
Of badgers and squirrels
And truculent girls
Who tortured him via their screams.
A man heading up to the gallows
A man heading up to the gallows
(the day was the Eve of All Hallows)
Was dressed as a pumpkin
As his joke 'bout the plump King
Fell flat. So his life reached new fall-lows.
(NB. There may be more appropriate lines to finish this one off?)
I think the last line works fine, as long "fallow" can be used as a plural countable noun. I'm honestly not sure about that. I do think the archaic nature of the word really fits well.
As we watch Eurovision we smile
Eating crisps, drinking drinks all the while
Remembering ABBA
Who, abracadabra!,
Like magic won 'gainst songs rather vile.
Those Waterloo singers from Sweden
Those Waterloo singers from Sweden
Were to be found in the Garden of Eden
Their lyrics were corny
And the thickets were thorny
Voulez-vous for some naughty fruit eatin'?
Comments
Were nearly as long as the street
When he went to buy shoes
It made the late news
'Cuz his clogs were the size of a fleet.
Who liked everything to be tidy
Who liked everything to be tidy
All correctly placed
And symmetrically faced
Who liked everything to be tidy
All correctly placed
And symmetrically faced
In time for inspection on Friday.
Who really, they say, got around
Who really, they say, got around
But what made him twitch
Was a son-of-a-bitch.
So was that quite ethically sound?
Sweet Molly from Dublin's fair city
As one of its girls oh-so-pretty
Sold cockles and mussels
As one of its girls oh-so-pretty
Sold cockles and mussels
As one of her hustles
While singing a sweet little ditty
All dressed-up in his best bib and tucker
All dressed-up in his best bib and tucker.
It's so tempting, this ditty,
To rhyme, such a pity.
I'm not going to be such a sucker.
There was an old man from Tabrit,
Who fell off the lavatory seat
Who fell off the lavatory seat
He yelled as he slid:
Who fell off the lavatory seat
He yelled as he slid:
"Gracious! I never did!"
And then clambered back up on his feet.
While strolling around Oxford Circus
On a day's leave from work-us
On a day's leave from work-us
We had a great day
But come time to pay
It's always the price that will irk us.
Was climbed to the top by an adder
It wouldn’t come down
And scared everyone in town
Was climbed to the top by an adder
It wouldn’t come down
And scared everyone in town
Which just made the townspeople madder
Said Glinda to Dorothy and Toto
"Let's hop in the Wizard's DeSoto"
"Let's hop in the Wizard's DeSoto"
It didn't go well
And he'd forgotten the spell
So they came back in an ordinary auto.
In a cabin in far Innisfree
A man was enjoying his tea
A man was enjoying his tea
Though the cha in Shanghai
Is priced rather high
For a Scot, it is not, an' is free
Who hung upside down in a doorway
Who hung upside down in a doorway
Three bounders in spats
With a fetish for bats
Just begged her in vain for a four-way.
Said to himself “what the heck”
Said to himself “what the heck
In this neck of the wood
Where's the neck that I could
Put my fangs in? This one's hi tec!"
A technologically challenged vampire
A technologically challenged vampire
Was fond of the herb known as samphire
A technologically challenged vampire
Was fond of the herb known as samphire
With a black pudding or two
From a place that he knew
A successful meal made on a campfire.
There was an Old Person of Rheims
Who was horribly troubled by dreams
Who was horribly troubled by dreams
Of badgers and squirrels
And truculent girls
Who was horribly troubled by dreams
Of badgers and squirrels
And truculent girls
Who tortured him via their screams.
A man heading up to the gallows
A man heading up to the gallows
(the day was the Eve of All Hallows)
(the day was the Eve of All Hallows)
Was dressed as a pumpkin
(the day was the Eve of All Hallows)
Was dressed as a pumpkin
As his joke 'bout the plump King
Fell flat. So his life reached new fall-lows.
(NB. There may be more appropriate lines to finish this one off?)
Eating crisps, drinking drinks all the while
Eating crisps, drinking drinks all the while
Remembering ABBA
Eating crisps, drinking drinks all the while
Remembering ABBA
Who, abracadabra!,
Like magic won 'gainst songs rather vile.
Those Waterloo singers from Sweden
Were to be found in the Garden of Eden
Were to be found in the Garden of Eden
Their lyrics were corny
Were to be found in the Garden of Eden
Their lyrics were corny
And the thickets were thorny
Were to be found in the Garden of Eden
Their lyrics were corny
And the thickets were thorny
Voulez-vous for some naughty fruit eatin'?