In Cambridge I once hired a punt
But to pole from the back or the front?
The aft seemed least daft
For this singular craft
If you stand on the till, you're a ...
There was an Young Lady of France
Who wanted to learn how to dance
So she asked Michael Flatley
Who answered quite chattily
Forget that you have any hands.
(Yes, yes, I know - you have to pronounce France and dance in a way which might not be 100% acceptable in polite Southern English society).
There was an Old Man in a Pew
There was an Old Man in a Pew
Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
Like the meals that I’ve ate
Few remain in my pate
But I know that they’ve done me good too.
Which of these takes priority?
Edited: First time stamp first makes sense. In addition, we occasionally get different endings and outcomes which is quite stimulating. I hope you agree. - Wesley J, Circus Host
There was an old man from Dumfries
Whose coat was infested with Fleas
The itching was bad
It was driving him mad
But much less so than lice, he agrees.
There was a Young Person from Pompey
Who lived in a Yellow-gum humpy.
She plied her trade
on the esplanade
And got plenty of rumpy-pumpy.
____________________________
If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
But it's really some underdressed actors
Just whisper to Boris:
"I know where the door is
I'll save you from having to sack us..."
(Not the best rhyme, but topical...- nice one @stetson )
There was an Old Man of Caithness
On a general note, many posters on this thread are proving to be far better at the Limerick genre than How-Pleasant-To-Know-Mr-Lear! I think he only ever wrote one or two where the fifth line wasn't much the same as the first.
Ahem. I do apologise. End of lecture - please carry on...
George Orwell wrote an essay on nonsense verse, in which he tried to justify Lear's use of repetitive lines on literary grounds. Personally, I found the defense rather unconvincing.
There was an Old Man of Caithness
Whose body weight no-one could guess
And that was because
His ubiquitous fuzz
Caused illusions in which they saw less
A Yellow Gum is Eucalyptus leucoxylon, a eucalypt native to the western half of Victoria and an equivalent area of Sth Australia. A humpy is a small shelter built by the First People from bark and branches.
Meanwhile, we're still here, see further down - any takers? Can't think of anything suitably pleasant for it right now. Hm.
A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
Had no car, so decided to cab it
A Yellow Gum is Eucalyptus leucoxylon, a eucalypt native to the western half of Victoria and an equivalent area of Sth Australia. A humpy is a small shelter built by the First People from bark and branches.
Thank you! Not at all what I at first imagined, obviously...
In Cambridge I once hired a punt
Which had to be paid for up front
While punting on old River Cam
I took with me a large joint of Ham
Which I garnished with Mustard
And plenty of Custard
Now, am I replete? Yes, I am!
There was an Old Person of China
There was an Old Person of China
Who married a woman named Dinah
He gave her his heart
Which she needed, in part,
'Cuz she suffered from chronic angina
There was an Old Man of the South,
Whose tongue was too large for his mouth,
He confethed he wath puthled,
When his wordth came out muthled
Obstructing both withdom and naoth.
Comments
But to pole from the back or the front?
The aft seemed least daft
For this singular craft
But to pole from the back or the front?
The aft seemed least daft
For this singular craft
If you stand on the till, you're a ...
Decided it should be the best
He used fine material
Now eats his cereal
Sat in his new chair in his vest
Who wanted to learn how to dance
Who wanted to learn how to dance
So she asked Michael Flatley
Who wanted to learn how to dance
So she asked Michael Flatley
Who answered quite chattily
Forget that you have any hands.
(Yes, yes, I know - you have to pronounce France and dance in a way which might not be 100% acceptable in polite Southern English society).
There was an Old Man in a Pew
Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
Like the meals that I’ve ate
Few remain in my pate
But I know that they’ve done me good too.
Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
They're mostly so dull
Which of these takes priority?
Edited: First time stamp first makes sense. In addition, we occasionally get different endings and outcomes which is quite stimulating. I hope you agree. - Wesley J, Circus Host
Many a worshipper's will good to do.
There was an old man from Dumfries
There was an old man from Dumfries
Whose coat was infested with Fleas
Whose coat was infested with Fleas
The itching was bad
It was driving him mad
Whose coat was infested with Fleas
The itching was bad
It was driving him mad
But much less so than lice, he agrees.
(colloquial name for Portsmouth, UK)
Who lived in a Yellow-gum humpy.
I'm assuming it's a sort of motor-caravan?
Who lived in a Yellow-gum humpy.
She plied her trade
on the esplanade
And got plenty of rumpy-pumpy.
____________________________
If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
But it's really some underdressed actors
But it's really some underdressed actors
Just whisper to Boris:
"I know where the door is"
But it's really some underdressed actors
Just whisper to Boris:
"I know where the door is
I'll save you from having to sack us..."
(Not the best rhyme, but topical...- nice one @stetson )
There was an Old Man of Caithness
All I was able to come up with was "factors" and "detractors", both of which sounded too formal.
On a general note, many posters on this thread are proving to be far better at the Limerick genre than How-Pleasant-To-Know-Mr-Lear! I think he only ever wrote one or two where the fifth line wasn't much the same as the first.
Ahem. I do apologise. End of lecture - please carry on...
There was an Old Man of Caithness
Whose body weight no-one could guess
Whose body weight no-one could guess
And that was because
His ubiquitous fuzz
Whose body weight no-one could guess
And that was because
His ubiquitous fuzz
Caused illusions in which they saw less
Who went for a very long walk
Who went for a very long walk
But in his boot sole
Appeared a big hole
Who went for a very long walk
But in his boot sole
Appeared a big hole
Which he had to fill in with some caulk
A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
Had no car, so decided to cab it
A Yellow Gum is Eucalyptus leucoxylon, a eucalypt native to the western half of Victoria and an equivalent area of Sth Australia. A humpy is a small shelter built by the First People from bark and branches.
It's so lucky I missed this starting line...
Meanwhile, we're still here, see further down - any takers? Can't think of anything suitably pleasant for it right now. Hm.
A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
Had no car, so decided to cab it
Had no car, so decided to cab it
The fare was so high
That it made them all cry
(An awfully distressing habit)
Thank you! Not at all what I at first imagined, obviously...
In Cambridge I once hired a punt
Which had to be paid for up front
Which had to be paid for up front
The Punt was a man
Called Steve, who in grand
Speech was fun. That's what I want!
I took with me a large joint of Ham
Which I garnished with Mustard
And plenty of Custard
Now, am I replete? Yes, I am!
There was an Old Person of China
Who married a woman named Dinah
He gave her his heart
Which she needed, in part,
'Cuz she suffered from chronic angina
There was a Young Man of the West
Who wore a most horrible Vest
Who wore a most horrible Vest
So the girls from out east
Said: "My God! But at least
It covers his gangling chest."
There was an Old Man of the South
Whose tongue was too large for his mouth,
He confethed he wath puthled,
When his wordth came out muthled
Obstructing both withdom and naoth.
_______________________
An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
Each looks like a stick
Which is not very thick