Limerick

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  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    A wasp, whilst building it’s nest
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt
    But to pole from the back or the front?
    The aft seemed least daft
    For this singular craft
  • In Cambridge I once hired a punt
    But to pole from the back or the front?
    The aft seemed least daft
    For this singular craft
    If you stand on the till, you're a ...
  • jrwjrw Shipmate

    Raptor Eye wrote: »
    A wasp, whilst building it’s nest

    Decided it should be the best
    He used fine material
    Now eats his cereal
    Sat in his new chair in his vest
  • There was an Young Lady of France
    Who wanted to learn how to dance
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There was an Young Lady of France
    Who wanted to learn how to dance
    So she asked Michael Flatley
  • There was an Young Lady of France
    Who wanted to learn how to dance
    So she asked Michael Flatley
    Who answered quite chattily
    Forget that you have any hands.

    (Yes, yes, I know - you have to pronounce France and dance in a way which might not be 100% acceptable in polite Southern English society).
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
    Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
    Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
    Like the meals that I’ve ate
    Few remain in my pate
    But I know that they’ve done me good too.

  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
    Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
    They're mostly so dull
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was an old man from Dumfries
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    kingsfold wrote: »
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
    Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
    They're mostly so dull
    BroJames wrote: »
    There was an old man from Dumfries

    Which of these takes priority?
    :grimace:

    Edited:
    First time stamp first makes sense. In addition, we occasionally get different endings and outcomes which is quite stimulating. I hope you agree. - Wesley J, Circus Host :)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    kingsfold wrote: »
    There was an Old Man in a Pew
    Who said "Sermons? I've heard quite a few."
    They're mostly so dull
    That I fear they may cull
    Many a worshipper's will good to do.
    There was an old man from Dumfries
  • :wink:

    There was an old man from Dumfries
    Whose coat was infested with Fleas

  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was an old man from Dumfries
    Whose coat was infested with Fleas
    The itching was bad
    It was driving him mad
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There was an old man from Dumfries
    Whose coat was infested with Fleas
    The itching was bad
    It was driving him mad
    But much less so than lice, he agrees.
  • There was a Young Person from Pompey*

    (colloquial name for Portsmouth, UK)
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    There was a Young Person from Pompey
    Who lived in a Yellow-gum humpy.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Please - what is a Yellow-gum humpy?
    :confused:

    I'm assuming it's a sort of motor-caravan?
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was a Young Person from Pompey
    Who lived in a Yellow-gum humpy.
    She plied her trade
    on the esplanade
    And got plenty of rumpy-pumpy.
    ____________________________

    If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
    But it's really some underdressed actors

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
    But it's really some underdressed actors
    Just whisper to Boris:
    "I know where the door is"

  • If on your 'phone you find pictures of tractors
    But it's really some underdressed actors
    Just whisper to Boris:
    "I know where the door is
    I'll save you from having to sack us..."

    (Not the best rhyme, but topical...- nice one @stetson )
    There was an Old Man of Caithness
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    @Bishops Finger

    Not a perfect rhyme, but it scanned exactly, which is equally as important as rhyming, if not moreso.

    All I was able to come up with was "factors" and "detractors", both of which sounded too formal.
  • Hehe - yes, agreed!
    :wink:

    On a general note, many posters on this thread are proving to be far better at the Limerick genre than How-Pleasant-To-Know-Mr-Lear! I think he only ever wrote one or two where the fifth line wasn't much the same as the first.

    Ahem. I do apologise. End of lecture - please carry on...
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Tangent continued...

    George Orwell wrote an essay on nonsense verse, in which he tried to justify Lear's use of repetitive lines on literary grounds. Personally, I found the defense rather unconvincing.
  • Hmm. Quite.

  • Moving on...(tangents can be tempting paths away from that of true righteousness peotry)...


    There was an Old Man of Caithness
    Whose body weight no-one could guess

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Man of Caithness
    Whose body weight no-one could guess
    And that was because
    His ubiquitous fuzz



  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Man of Caithness
    Whose body weight no-one could guess
    And that was because
    His ubiquitous fuzz
    Caused illusions in which they saw less

  • There was an Old Man of Dundalk
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was an old man of Dundalk
    Who went for a very long walk
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was an old man of Dundalk
    Who went for a very long walk
    But in his boot sole
    Appeared a big hole
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There was an old man of Dundalk
    Who went for a very long walk
    But in his boot sole
    Appeared a big hole
    Which he had to fill in with some caulk


    A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
    Had no car, so decided to cab it

  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Please - what is a Yellow-gum humpy?
    :confused:

    I'm assuming it's a sort of motor-caravan?

    A Yellow Gum is Eucalyptus leucoxylon, a eucalypt native to the western half of Victoria and an equivalent area of Sth Australia. A humpy is a small shelter built by the First People from bark and branches.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Spike wrote: »
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt

    It's so lucky I missed this starting line...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Spike wrote: »
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt

    It's so lucky I missed this starting line...
    I know the feeling! :blush:

    Meanwhile, we're still here, see further down - any takers? Can't think of anything suitably pleasant for it right now. Hm.
    A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
    Had no car, so decided to cab it
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A donkey, a pig and a rabbit
    Had no car, so decided to cab it
    The fare was so high
    That it made them all cry
    (An awfully distressing habit)
    Gee D wrote: »
    Please - what is a Yellow-gum humpy?
    :confused:

    I'm assuming it's a sort of motor-caravan?

    A Yellow Gum is Eucalyptus leucoxylon, a eucalypt native to the western half of Victoria and an equivalent area of Sth Australia. A humpy is a small shelter built by the First People from bark and branches.

    Thank you! Not at all what I at first imagined, obviously...
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt
    Which had to be paid for up front
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    In Cambridge I once hired a punt
    Which had to be paid for up front
    The Punt was a man
    Called Steve, who in grand
    Speech was fun. That's what I want!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    While punting on old River Cam
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    While punting on old River Cam
    I took with me a large joint of Ham
    Which I garnished with Mustard
    And plenty of Custard
    Now, am I replete? Yes, I am!
    There was an Old Person of China
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of China
    Who married a woman named Dinah
    He gave her his heart
    Which she needed, in part,
    'Cuz she suffered from chronic angina
  • :lol:

    There was a Young Man of the West
    Who wore a most horrible Vest
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a Young Man of the West
    Who wore a most horrible Vest
    So the girls from out east
    Said: "My God! But at least
    It covers his gangling chest."


  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022

    There was an Old Man of the South
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There was an Old Man of the South,
    Whose tongue was too large for his mouth,
    He confethed he wath puthled,
    When his wordth came out muthled
    Obstructing both withdom and naoth.

    _______________________

    An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
  • An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
    Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
    Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
    Each looks like a stick
    Which is not very thick

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