An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
They look just like sticks
Which are not very thick
But I'll try hard to walk a bit farther in...
There was an Old Man from the North
A little old lady from Leeds
Was a leader in selling old beads
She sold them by hundreds
Starred purples and sunned reds
And blacks that were dark as her deeds
There was an Old Man in a Queue
who found himself needing the loo
The need was so strong
And the queue was so long
There was only one thing he could do...
Once, a man in a queue, quite relieved
A relief so simply achieved.
He'd brought an elsan
which he'd got from his Gran
But this story has not been believed
There was a Young Girl at the Zoo
Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
The cows' deep confusion
The giraffe found amusing
But not when the bull shared it too
There was an Old Man in a Pub
Who was very impressed with the grub
He ate and he ate
Until, far too late,
They threw him right out of the club.
There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Words that were blue
An expletive or two
Or, three, four, or a hundred.
The tailor replied with a frown
"I'm the best haberdasher in town.
If you're cross, cross the Tamar!
Devon's tailors are lamer
And Plymouth's threadbare - you'll want to drown."
There once was a lady from Bristol
Who walked into work a pistol
Even if the pistol was loaded
And the lady was goaded
into shooting, she'd probably have missed all.
This business with Madison Cawthorn
Is something that's straight out of Hawthorne.
He's branded with "A"
For his Ass on display
Though his negligee seems rather moth-worn.
Madison Cawthorn. The Republican congressman who accused his GOP colleagues of being into drugs and orgies a few weeks back, and since then has been subjected to a series of revelations, complete with visual evidence, about his own decidedly non-conservative private life.
I once had no clue what it meant
The laws of physics did seem bent:
This 'it rains cats and dogs'
In my brain caused sev'ral fogs.
Which itself to a Limerick lent.
Comments
Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
They look just like sticks
Which are not very thick
But I'll try hard to walk a bit farther in...
There was an Old Man from the North
Who decided to swim in the Forth
Those in Aberfoyle
Treated him as royal
Thought he was the man who played Worf
Was a leader in selling old beads
Was a leader in selling old beads
She sold them by hundreds
Was a leader in selling old beads
She sold them by hundreds
Starred purples and sunned reds
Was a leader in selling old beads
She sold them by hundreds
Starred purples and sunned reds
And blacks that were dark as her deeds
There was an Old Man in a Queue*
(*you may take that as meaning a line of people, or a pigtail!)
who found himself needing the loo
who found himself needing the loo
The need was so strong
And the queue was so long
There was only one thing he could do...
A relief so simply achieved.
A relief so simply achieved.
He'd brought an elsan
which he'd got from his Gran
But this story has not been believed
Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
The cows' deep confusion
Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
The cows' deep confusion
The giraffe found amusing
But not when the bull shared it too
There was an Old Man in a Pub
Who was very impressed with the grub
Who was very impressed with the grub
He ate and he ate
Until, far too late,
Who was very impressed with the grub
He ate and he ate
Until, far too late,
They threw him right out of the club.
There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
Who in Saltash went to his tailor
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Words that were blue
An expletive or two
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Words that were blue
An expletive or two
Or, three, four, or a hundred.
The tailor replied with a frown
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Words that were blue
An expletive or two
Or, three, four, or a hundred.
The tailor replied with a frown
"I'm the best haberdasher in town."
Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
Who kitted him out
in funeral clout
So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.
When he looked in the mirror he said
Things that should be not repeated
Words that were blue
An expletive or two
Or, three, four, or a hundred.
The tailor replied with a frown
"I'm the best haberdasher in town.
If you're cross, cross the Tamar!
Devon's tailors are lamer
And Plymouth's threadbare - you'll want to drown."
Who walked into work a pistol
Who walked into work a pistol
Even if the pistol was loaded
And the lady was goaded
into shooting, she'd probably have missed all.
Took part in activities shady
Took part in activities shady
Around about four
A knock came on her door
By a cop who looked like Paul O'Grady
Is something that's straight out of Hawthorne.
He's branded with "A"
For his Ass on display
Though his negligee seems rather moth-worn.
The laws of physics did seem bent:
This 'it rains cats and dogs'
In my brain caused sev'ral fogs.
Which itself to a Limerick lent.
But to find out I'm anxious and keen
Your helpful reply
Has caused me to fly
To a state of mind quite serene.
Proficient at riding a bike
Proficient at riding a bike
When a tyre deflated
Proficient at riding a bike
When a tyre deflated
The cats were elated
To see him above them in flight.
There was an Old Person from Bali
Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
And a nice tete-a-tete
At his own garden gate
Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
And a nice tete-a-tete
At his own garden gate
With the erstwhile ruler of Mali
There was an Old Man with a Dog
Who went for a walk in the fog
Who went for a walk in the fog
The dog found his way home
A house with a dome
But the man, still lost, needed the bog