Limerick

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  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    An elderly drunk from Carmarthen
    Exclaimed O! look! my poor legs are thin
    They look just like sticks
    Which are not very thick
    But I'll try hard to walk a bit farther in...
    There was an Old Man from the North
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Man from the North
    Who decided to swim in the Forth
    Those in Aberfoyle
    Treated him as royal
    Thought he was the man who played Worf


  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    A little old lady from Leeds
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A little old lady from Leeds
    Was a leader in selling old beads
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A little old lady from Leeds
    Was a leader in selling old beads
    She sold them by hundreds
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A little old lady from Leeds
    Was a leader in selling old beads
    She sold them by hundreds
    Starred purples and sunned reds


  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A little old lady from Leeds
    Was a leader in selling old beads
    She sold them by hundreds
    Starred purples and sunned reds
    And blacks that were dark as her deeds




  • There was an Old Man in a Queue*

    (*you may take that as meaning a line of people, or a pigtail!)
  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Queue
    who found himself needing the loo
  • There was an Old Man in a Queue
    who found himself needing the loo
    The need was so strong
    And the queue was so long
    There was only one thing he could do...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    Once, a man in a queue, quite relieved
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Once, a man in a queue, quite relieved
    A relief so simply achieved.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Once, a man in a queue, quite relieved
    A relief so simply achieved.
    He'd brought an elsan
    which he'd got from his Gran
    But this story has not been believed

  • There was a Young Girl at the Zoo
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was a Young Girl at the Zoo
    Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was a Young Girl at the Zoo
    Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
    The cows' deep confusion
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    edited May 2022
    There was a Young Girl at the Zoo
    Who taught a giraffe to say ‘Moo!’
    The cows' deep confusion
    The giraffe found amusing
    But not when the bull shared it too

  • There was an Old Man in a Pub
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was an Old Man in a Pub
    Who was very impressed with the grub
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Pub
    Who was very impressed with the grub
    He ate and he ate
    Until, far too late,
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Pub
    Who was very impressed with the grub
    He ate and he ate
    Until, far too late,
    They threw him right out of the club.


    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor


  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
    Who kitted him out
    in funeral clout
    So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.

    When he looked in the mirror he said
    Things that should be not repeated


  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
    Who kitted him out
    in funeral clout
    So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.

    When he looked in the mirror he said
    Things that should be not repeated
    Words that were blue
    An expletive or two

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
    Who kitted him out
    in funeral clout
    So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.

    When he looked in the mirror he said
    Things that should be not repeated
    Words that were blue
    An expletive or two
    Or, three, four, or a hundred.

    The tailor replied with a frown
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
    Who kitted him out
    in funeral clout
    So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.

    When he looked in the mirror he said
    Things that should be not repeated
    Words that were blue
    An expletive or two
    Or, three, four, or a hundred.

    The tailor replied with a frown
    "I'm the best haberdasher in town."

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    There once was a salty-mouthed sailor
    Who in Saltash went to his tailor,
    Who kitted him out
    in funeral clout
    So he looked like Vlad the Impaler.

    When he looked in the mirror he said
    Things that should be not repeated
    Words that were blue
    An expletive or two
    Or, three, four, or a hundred.

    The tailor replied with a frown
    "I'm the best haberdasher in town.
    If you're cross, cross the Tamar!
    Devon's tailors are lamer
    And Plymouth's threadbare - you'll want to drown."
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There once was a lady from Bristol
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a lady from Bristol
    Who walked into work a pistol

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    There once was a lady from Bristol
    Who walked into work a pistol
    Even if the pistol was loaded
    And the lady was goaded
    into shooting, she'd probably have missed all.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Once, a decent Bristolian lady
  • Once, a decent Bristolian lady
    Took part in activities shady
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Once, a decent Bristolian lady
    Took part in activities shady
    Around about four
    A knock came on her door
    By a cop who looked like Paul O'Grady

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    This business with Madison Cawthorn
    Is something that's straight out of Hawthorne.
    He's branded with "A"
    For his Ass on display
    Though his negligee seems rather moth-worn.

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    I haven't a clue who you mean
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    I haven't a clue who you mean

    Madison Cawthorn. The Republican congressman who accused his GOP colleagues of being into drugs and orgies a few weeks back, and since then has been subjected to a series of revelations, complete with visual evidence, about his own decidedly non-conservative private life.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2022
    I once had no clue what it meant
    The laws of physics did seem bent:
    This 'it rains cats and dogs'
    In my brain caused sev'ral fogs.
    Which itself to a Limerick lent.
  • I haven't a clue who you mean
    But to find out I'm anxious and keen
    Your helpful reply
    Has caused me to fly
    To a state of mind quite serene.
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There once was an old dog called Spike
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There once was an old dog called Spike
    Proficient at riding a bike

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There once was an old dog called Spike
    Proficient at riding a bike
    When a tyre deflated
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There once was an old dog called Spike
    Proficient at riding a bike
    When a tyre deflated

    The cats were elated
    To see him above them in flight.

  • There was an Old Person from Bali
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was an Old Person from Bali
    Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
  • There was an Old Person from Bali
    Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
    And a nice tete-a-tete
    At his own garden gate
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was an Old Person from Bali
    Who loved to have a good ‘parlez’
    And a nice tete-a-tete
    At his own garden gate
    With the erstwhile ruler of Mali

  • There was an Old Man with a Dog
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was an Old Man with a Dog
    Who went for a walk in the fog
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Man with a Dog
    Who went for a walk in the fog
    The dog found his way home
    A house with a dome
    But the man, still lost, needed the bog

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A pengiun, departing for France
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